Kuchubeka Nekuphila Ngemuva Kwekudivosa

Labanye bantfu badivosa ngobe banelitsemba lekutsi kuphila kwabo kutawuba ncono, kantsi labanye bafuna kuchubeka bashadile kodvwa abakwati kwenta bantfu labashade nabo kutsi bangabashiyi. Kepha cishe bonkhe labadivosako batfola kutsi kuphila kuba matima kakhulu kunaloko lebebakulindzele. Ecinisweni, nangabe usandza kudivosa, utawutfola kutsi lesi simo lesicindzetela kakhulu kunato tonkhe longase ubhekane nato ekuphileni. Ngako-ke kungakusita kucabanga ngaletinye teluleko letisebentako letiseBhayibhelini, letingakusita kutsi uhlangabetane ngemphumelelo netinsayeya tekudivosa.

INSAYEYA 1: IMIVA LEBUHLUNGU.

Kucindzeteleka lokubangelwa tinkinga temali, kukhulisa bantfwana, nekuba nesitunge kungakucedza emandla, futsi leyo miva ingase ingapheli ngekushesha. Judith Wallerstein labengudokotela wekusebenta kwengcondvo ngesikhatsi asaphila, watfola kutsi labanye ngemuva kwekutsi sebadivose iminyaka leminyenti solo bativa bentelwe phansi futsi kudlalwe ngabo, bakholelwa nekutsi “ekuphileni kuvela tintfo letivisana buhlungu, letijabhisanako, naletikushiya uwedvwa.”

LONGAKWENTA

• Khala ngenca yaloko lokukulahlekele. Kungenteka umkhumbule umuntfu lobewushade naye losamtsandza. Ngisho nobe umshado wenu bewunetinkinga, ungase ukhale ngobe awuzange uyitfole injabulo lebewuyilindzele kuwo. (Taga 5:18) Ungesabi kubekela eceleni “sikhatsi sekukhala.”—Umshumayeli 3:1, 4.

• Ungatehlukanisi nalabanye. Ngisho nobe usidzinga sikhatsi sekuba wedvwa kute ukhale, akukafaneli utehlukanise nalabanye sikhatsi lesidze. (Taga 18:1) Khuluma emavi lakhutsatako nawucoca nebangani bakho, ngobe nawusolo ukhonona ngemuntfu lobewushade naye, bangase bacale kukubalekela, ngisho nobe loko lokukhulumako kuliciniso. Nakufanele wente tincumo letibalulekile ngekushesha ngemuva kwekudivosa, cela lusito lolucatjangelwe kahle kumuntfu lometsembako.

• Nakekela imphilo yakho. Kucindzeteleka lokubangelwa kudivosa kuvame kuletsa tinkinga temphilo, njengekuphakama kwemfutfo wengati nekuphatfwa yinhloko lengapheli. Dlani kahle, uvivinye umtimba, uphindze ulale ngalokwenele.—Efesu 5:29.

• Susa tintfo letikwenta utfukutselele loyo lobewushade naye nobe longasatidzingi, kodvwa utigcine kahle timphepha letibalulekile. Nangabe tintfo letifana netitfombe temshado tikuvusela buhlungu, tifake ebhokisini utibekele bantfwana bakho.

• Lwani nemicabango lemibi. Olga, lowadivosa indvodza yakhe leyaphinga, utsi: “Bengisolo ngitibuta: ‘Yini lomuntfu labenayo mine lebengite yona?’” Ngekuhamba kwesikhatsi Olga wabona kutsi kusolo acabanga imicabango lemibi kungamenta abe ‘nemoya lodzabukile.’—Taga 18:14.

  Bantfu labanyenti batfola kutsi kubhala phansi loko labakucabangako kuyabasita kutsi balungise baphindze balawule indlela labacabanga ngayo. Nangabe nawe wenta loko, yetama kucabanga tintfo letinsha naletakhako esikhundleni semicabango lemibi lolwisana nayo. (Efesu 4:23) Cabanga ngaletibonelo letimbili:

  Umcabango lomdzala: Ngimi lowente kutsi umuntfu lengishade naye angetsembeki kimi.

  Umcabango lomusha: Emaphutsa ami abengasiso saba sekutsi adlale ngami.

  Umcabango lomdzala: Ngicitse kuphila kwami konkhe nemuntfu longangifaneli.

  Umcabango lomusha: Ngitawujabula kakhulu nangingachubeka nekuphila kwami, kunekutsi ngibuke emuva.

• Ungawanaki emavi lakuvisa buhlungu. Bangani netihlobo letihlose lokuhle bangasho tintfo letikuvisa buhlungu nobe letingemanga, njengekutsi: ‘Vele abengakufaneli,’ nobe kutsi: ‘Nkulunkulu uyakutondza kudivosa.’b LiBhayibheli likusho kufanele kutsi: “Ungawanaki onkhe emavi lakhulunywa bantfu.” (Umshumayeli 7:21) Martina, lesekuphele iminyaka lemibili adivosile utsi: “Kunekunaka emavi langivisa buhlungu, ngetama kubuka tintfo ngendlela Nkulunkulu latibuka ngayo. Imicabango yakhe iphakeme kuneyetfu.”—Isaya 55:8, 9.

• Thantaza kuNkulunkulu. Jehova ukhutsata tikhonti takhe kutsi ‘tilahlele kuye konkhe kukhatsateka,’ ikakhulukati naticindzeteleke kakhulu.—1 Phetro 5:7.

INSAYEYA 2: BUHLOBO BAKHO NEMUNTFU LOBEWUSHADE NAYE.

Juliana, labesaneminyaka lengu-11 ashadile, utsi: “Ngayincenga indvodza yami kutsi ingangishiyi. Kodvwa yatsi naseyihambile, ngayitfukutselela kakhulu, yona nalomfati lebeseyihlala naye.” Labanyenti labadivosako kuphela iminyaka babatfukutselele kakhulu bantfu lebebashade nabo. Nangetulu kwaloko, bayaphoceleleka kutsi bakhulume nabo ikakhulukati nabanebantfwana.

LONGAKWENTA

• Londvolota buhlobo lobuhle naloyo lobewushade naye. Naka tintfo letibalulekile futsi ungakhulumi kakhulu. Labanyenti batfole kutsi lendlela yenta kube nekuthula.—Roma 12:18.

• Ungakhulumi emagama labuhlungu. Nangabe uva shengatsi uyahlaselwa, leseluleko seliBhayibheli lesihlakaniphile singasebenta kulesimo: “Umuntfu lofundze kuhlakanipha uyalubamba lulwimi lwakhe.” (Taga 17:27) Nawehluleka kushintja indlela lenikhulumisana ngayo lengakhi, ungase utsi: “Ngisafuna kucabanga ngaloko lokushoko, sitawubuye sikhulume.”

• Hlukanisa tintfo takho kutemuntfu lobewushade naye ngalokusemandleni akho, letifaka ekhatsi emarekhodi etemtsetfo, etimali newetekwelashwa.

INSAYEYA 3: SITA BANTFWANA BAKHO BETAYELANE NALESIMO.

Maria ukhumbula loko lokwenteka ngemuva nje kwekudivosa kwakhe: “Indvodzakati yami lencane beyihlale ikhala futsi yaphindze yacala kutichamela ebusuku. Nanobe indvodzakati yami lendzala beyetama kufihla indlela letiva ngayo, bengibona kutsi kukhona lobekungahambi kahle kuyo.” Lokubuhlungu kutsi ungase utive ute sikhatsi nobe emandla ekusita bantfwana bakho lapho bakudzinga kakhulu.

LONGAKWENTA

• Khutsata bantfwana bakho kutsi bakhulume nawe ngendlela labativa ngayo, ngisho nobe loko kungabenta basho ‘emavi lashubile.’—Jobe 6:2, 3.

• Gcinani tindzima tenu letifanele. Ngisho nobe kungenteka kutsi ufisa kusekelwa emivelweni futsi nebantfwana bakho batimisele kukusita, akusikuhle futsi kungabalimata kubacela kutsi bakusite ngetinkinga takho njengemuntfu lomdzala. (1 Khorinte 13:11) Kubalekele kutfulula sifuba sakho kubo, nekubenta balamuli benu nobe kutsi kube ngibo labendlulisa imilayeto emkhatsini wakho nalobewushade naye.

• Gcina kuphila kwebantfwana bakho kusendleleni lefanele. Kuchubeka nihlala endzaweni lebenihlala kuyo nekulondvolota luhlelo lwenu kungasita, kodvwa lokubaluleke kakhulu kugcina buhlobo benu naNkulunkulu bubuhle, njengekufundza liBhayibheli nekuba nekukhonta kwemndeni.—Dutheronomi 6:6-9.

Ungachubeka nekuphila kwakho ngemuva kwekudivosa. Melissa, labesaneminyaka lengu-16 ashadile, utsi: “Ngesikhatsi ngidivosa, ngacabanga ngatsi: ‘Bengingafuni kutsi kuphila kwami kube ngalendlela.’” Nanobe kunjalo, ukutfolile kwenetiseka nangetulu kwetimo lakuto. Utsi: “Kwatsi lapho ngiyekela kwetama kushintja lebesekuvele kwentekile, ngativa ngincono kakhulu.”