Muŋanda Munyina Lukamantano Kulekana Kwabazyali Mbokubajatikizya Bakubusi

BASYAAZIBWENE mumakani aalukwatano bakali kuyeeya kuti balizyi zyoonse. Bakali kulailila bazyali batamvwani kuti: ‘Mweelede kubikkila maano kulukkomano lwenu. Mutani kulibiliki kuti bana bayakupenga. Bayakuzyibila. Cilakonzya kubaubila kukkala abazyali bakalekana muciindi cakukkala abazyali batamvwani.’

Nokuba boobo, basikupa lulayo bamwi ibakali kwaamba kuti kulekana nenzila yiinda kubota yakumana mapenzi, lino balazumina kuti bakalubizya mukwaamba boobo. Lino baamba kuti: ‘Kulekana kuli mbuli nkondo. Kunyina uukonzya kuzwa kakunyina kulicisa, eeci cilabikkilizya abana.’

Caano Cakulekana

Caano cakulekana icijisi mutwe wakuti: ‘Kulekana Kwabazyali,’ cilakonzya kuba cisobano cisesya, bantu banji ncobakonzya kukkomanina kweebelela acipeku-peku. Banyina batolelezya abana, kumane baakukwatwa kumwaalumi wakafwidwa awalo uujisi bana. Nsondo ansondo, mukwasyi ooyu imuli bantu bateendelani ulajana mapenzi aakatazya kapati—eelyo penzi alimbi lilamanizyigwa munzila iisesya alimwi iiboneka kuba ngubauba mumaminiti aali buyo 30 ngocitondezyegwa cisobano eeci acipeku-peku.

Andiza cisobano cili boobu cibambilidwe kukkomanisya bantu beebelela cipeku-peku. Pele mubukkale bwini-bwini, ikulekana tacili cisobano pe. Muciindi caboobo, eeci ncintu cikatazya kapati. Mubbuku lyakwe lyakuti Emotional Infidelity, M. Gary Neuman wakalemba kuti: “Ikulekana kulabikkilizya akutolana kunkuta. Muzyali omwe utola mweenzyinyina kunkuta. Mbomwayeeyela buyo kulekana, mweelede kuzyiba kuti tamunoocijisi nguzu zyakulilelela mwana. Alimwi tamunoocijisi nguzu zyakubelesya mali eenu mbuli mbomuyanda, nokuba kusala nkomuyakukkala. Twaambo tulakonzya kubambwa kunkuta, pele zimwi ziindi tulakonzya kweendelezyegwa munzila njomwatali kuyanda. Kumamanino aazyintu, mubetesi uutauzyi mukwasyi wenu ulaba nguutimwaambile ziindi nzyomuni kubona mwaneenu alimwi amali ngomuni kuyobola. Cuusisya ncakuti, mubetesi ooyu tayeeyi mbomuyeeya nywebo.”

Muciindi cakumana penzi, kanji-kanji ikulekana kuleta buyo musyobo umbi wamapenzi. Mubwini, zyintu zyoonse zilacinca, kutalikila kumakani aajatikizya mbomuni kukkala kusikila kumakani aamali—alimwi zyintu zilangilwa kwiindila kubija. Kunze lyaboobo kuli buyumu-yumu mbobajana bana ikuti bazyali babo balekana.

Mbobajatikizyigwa Bakubusi

Kulekana kwabazyali kulakonzya kubanyonganya bana, kunyina makani naa bajisi myaka yakuzyalwa yongaye. Bamwi baamba kuti bakubusi tabapengi kapati kayi bakomena alimwi balaafwaafwi akuya kulikkalila. Nokuba boobo, basikuvwuntauzya bajana kuti oobo tabusyi mbozibede zyintu. Bajana kuti ntomunya twaambo ootu ntotupa kuti bakubusi kabanyongana kapati.a Amulange-lange twaambo tutobela:

◼ Nobayaabukomena, bakubusi balalibilika kapati ambweni kwiinda mbobakali kulibilika nobakacili baniini. Nokuba kuti bacita zyintu mbuli kuti balakonzya kulyeendelezya, muteenwi akuyeeya kuti eeci ncamasimpe—aciindi eeci, kwiinda lyoonse, bayandika bukwabilizi bujanika mumukwasyi uukkalikene.

◼ Aciindi ncimunya eeci bakubusi nobaiya kujana balongwe beni-beni, ikulekana kwabazyali kubayiisya kudooneka mbokugwasya kusyoma bamwi, kusyomeka alimwi akuyanda bamwi. Cilakonzya kupa kuti baakukomena kabatayandi kuba azilongwe ziyumu.

◼ Nokuba kuti bana boonse balakutondezya kutakomana kwabo kwiinda mukucita zyintu zimwi, bakubusi balo balakonzya kucita zyintu zikonzya kubanjizya muntenda, mbuli milimo yabugwebenga, bukolwi alimwi akubelesya misamu iikola.

Pele eeci tacaambi kuti bana bajisi bazyali bakalekana tabakonzyi kuba azilongwe ziyumu naa kuzwidilila mubuumi. Balakonzya kuzwidilila, ikapati kuti kabamvwana abazyali babo boonse bobile.b Nokuba boobo, tacili camaano kuyeeya kuti lyoonse ikulekana, kweelana ambobaamba bamwi, ‘kulabagwasya bana’ naa kuti kulakonzya kumana mapenzi aali akati kabanabukwetene. Alimwi buya bamwi bajana kuti bamana kulekana nobayandika kapati kubelekela antoomwe amuntu ngobakalekana limwi—ngobakali kwaamba kuti “ulabacima,”—mumakani aakatazya aajatikizya mali naa kulela bana. Muziindi zili boobu, ikulekana takumani mapenzi mumukwasyi; pele nkulonzya buyo mapenzi kuzwa kuŋanda aakwaatola kunkuta.

Nzila Yatatu

Ino mbuti kuti kamujisi mapenzi mulukwatano lwenu cakunga mwayeeya buyo kuti mulekane? Cibalo eeci catondezya twaambo tweelede kutupa kukkala ansi kuyeeya. Kulekana taili nzila yakumana mapenzi oonse aamulukwatano.

Pele mutakamvwi bumbi kaambo aaka: Kwaamba kuti kulekana taili nzila yakumana mapenzi oonse aamulukwatano tacaambi kuti mweelede kukkala buyo akulekelela mapenzi kuti azumanane. Kuli nzila yatatu—Ikuti kamujisi mapenzi mulukwatano lwenu, amubeleke canguzu kutegwa mwaamanizye. Mutafwambaani kwaamba kuti bukkale bwenu tabukonzyi kubota alimwi akuti mapenzi ngomujisi taakonzyi kumanizyigwa. Amulibuzye mibuzyo eeyi:

◼ ‘Ino mbube nzi mbondakabona mumuntu ooyu ibwakandipa kuti ndimuyande? Tee kayi ucibujisi bube oobu?’—Tusimpi 31:10, 29.

◼ ‘Sena inga ndabukulusya luyando ndondakajisi kumuntu ooyu katutanakwatana?’—Lwiimbo Lwa-Solomoni 2:2; 4:7.

◼ ‘Kunyina makani azyintu nzyacita ngotukwetene limwi, ino mbuti mbondikonzya kubelesya nzila zili mumagazini eeyi amapeeji 3 kusikila ku 9?’—Ba-Roma 12:18.

◼ ‘Sena inga ndamwaambila ngotukwetene limwi (mulomo mpande naa kwiinda mukulemba) mbuli mbondiyanda kuti tutalike kumvwana alimwi?’—Jobu 10:1.

◼ ‘Sena inga twaita mulongwe wesu uusimide kuti atugwasye kujana nzila yakumana mapenzi eesu?’—Tusimpi 27:17.

Ibbaibbele lyaamba kuti: “Muntu uucenjede ulayeeya kabotu kweenda kwakwe.” (Tusimpi 14:15) Injiisyo eeyi tiibeleki buyo kumuntu nayandaula wakukwata naa nayanda kukwatwa, pele ilabeleka aaciindi bantu nobasola kujana cakucita kujatikizya lukwatano lwabo iluzwide mapenzi. Kweelana ambokulembedwe apeeji 9 mumagazini eeyi, ncamasimpe kuti ayalo mikwasyi iizwidilila ilijisi mapenzi—pele lwiindano luyeeme anzila nzyoibelesya mukwaamana.

Mucikozyanyo: Amuyeeye kuti mwatalika musinzo mulamfwu amootokala. Tacizumbauzigwi buya kuti muyakujana buyumu-yumu munzila, andiza akaambo kamvwula mpati, kusyaankana kwamyootokala mumugwagwa (traffic jams) alimwi akuti basilikani bajala nzila (roadblocks). Cimwi ciindi mulakonzya kusweeka. Ino inga mwacita buti? Sena inga mwanyona akujokela naa inga mwajana nzila yakumana buyumu-yumu oobu akuzumanana musinzo wenu? Buzuba mbomwakakwatana, mwakatalika musinzo uulangilwa kumuletela buyumu-yumu nkaambo Bbaibbele lyaamba kuti “abo bakwatana bayoojana mapenzi aakunyama.” (1 Ba-Korinto 7:28) Kaambo takali kakuti naa muyakujana mapenzi, pele nkakuti naa muyakucita buti mwaakwaajana. Sena inga mwajana nzila yakumana penzi akuzumanana kukkala antoomwe? Nokuba kuti mulimvwa kuti mapenzi ngomujisi avwulisya, sena inga mwasola kulomba lugwasyo?—Jakobo 5:14.

Lukwatano Lwakatalisyigwa a Leza

Lukwatano mbubambe bwakatalisyigwa a Leza bwalo ibweelede kulemekwa. (Matalikilo 2:24) Ciindi mapenzi naalibonya mbuli kuti taakonzyi kumana, amuyeeye twaambo twabandikwa mucibalo eeci.

1. Amusole kubukulusya luyando ndomwakajisi.—Lwiimbo Lwa-Solomoni 8:6.

2. Amuyeeye nywebo ncomukonzya kucita kutegwa mukkale kabotu mulukwatano, mpoonya amucicite.—Jakobo 1:22.

3. Cakusalazya pele cabulemu amumwaambile ngomukwetene limwi—mulomo mpande naa kwiinda mukulemba—zyintu nzyomuyeeya kuti nzyezyeelede kucitwa kutegwa musumpule bukkale bwamulukwatano lwenu.—Jobu 7:11.

4. Amulombe lugwasyo. Mutayeeyi kuti tamweelede kulomba bantu kuti bamugwasye kumana mapenzi ngomujisi.

Bupanduluzi buyungizidwe

[Kabbokesi/Cifwanikiso icili apeeji 11]

‘LINO ZYINTU ZILEENDA KABOTU’

Ibuvwuntauzi bwatondezya kuti, ikuti naa muntu walekana amukaintu wakwe naa mulumi wakwe wakusaanguna akukwata mukaintu wabili naa kukwatwa kumusankwa umwi, lukwatano oolu talulangilwi kuzwidilila, alimwi eeci cilaindila ikuti wakwata naa kukwatwa kuli watatu. Mubbuku lyakwe liitwa kuti Emotional Infidelity, M. Gary Neuman wakaamba kaambo kamwi ncozili boobu zyintu. Wakalemba kuti: “Ikuti kamujisi mapenzi mulukwatano lwakusaanguna, tacaambi kuti tiimwakacizyiba kusala muntu ngomukwetene limwi. Kaambo kajatikizya ndinywe. Mwakayandana buya amuntu ooyu. Mwakali kubelekela antoomwe amuntu ooyu kutegwa zyintu zibe mbozibede lino.” Ino ncinzi ncaakaamba kumamanino? Wakati: “Cilainda kubota ikuti mwagwisya penzi akucaala amuntu ngomukwetene limwi muciindi cakuleka muntu ngomukwetene limwi mpoonya akucaala apenzi.”

[Kabbokesi kali apeeji 13]

IKUTI MWALEKANA

Ibbaibbele lilaamba kuti kuli twaambo tumwi tukatazya kapati itukonzya kupa banabukwetene kulekana.c Ikuti naa cacitika eeci kumukwasyi wenu, ino mbuti mbomukonzya kugwasya bana benu bakubusi kuti baliyumye?

Amumwaambile cicitika mwaneenu mukubusi. Ikuti kacikonzyeka, bazyali boonse bobile beelede kucita oobo. Antoomwe, mweelede kumwaambila kuti mwasala kulekana. Amumwaambile kuti tali nguwe wapa kuti mulekane alimwi akuti nyoonse nyobile muyakuzumanana kumuyanda.

Amuleke kulwana—Inkondo yamana. Bamazyali bamwi balazumanana kulwana nokuba kuti bakalekana ciindi. Baba mbuli mbwaakaamba syaazibwene umwi kuti, “kweelena amulawo balilekene, pele mumoyo bacikwetene aboobo balazumanana kuzwangana.” Eeci cipa kuti bakubusi batani kubi acoolwe cakuba abazyali babo akaambo kakuti Banyina Abausyi balibonya kuti bageme kuzwangana lyoonse, alimwi eeci cikulwaizya bana kuti kabacita acaali zyintu zikonzya kupa bazyali kuzwangana kutegwa bazyali babo babazumizye kucita zyintu nzyobayanda. Mucikozyanyo, mulombe ulakonzya kwaambila banyina kuti: “Bataata balandizumizya kusika aŋanda kufwumbwa ciindi ncondiyanda. Ino nywebo mundikasyila nzi?” Akaambo kakuyoowa kuti ulaleka kubayanda akuyanda buyo bausyi, banyina balamuzumizya.

Amumuleke mwaneenu kuti aambe mbwalimvwa. Bana benu bakubusi balakonzya kuyeeya kuti, ‘mbokunga bazyali bangu baleka kuyandana, nkokuti andime balakonzya kuleka kundiyanda’ naa kuti, ‘ikuti bazyali bangu bacita zyintu zitaluzi, ino ncinzi cikonzya kundilesya mebo?’ Kutegwa mumugwasye kuti aleke kulibilika alimwi akuti mululamike mbwayeeya kujatikizya twaambo ootu, amumuleke kuti aambe mbwalimvwa. Pele amucenjele kuti: Mutapi mwaneenu mukuli wakuti abe nguwe uumukulwaizya muciindi cakuti kamumukulwaizya ndinywe. Ooyu mwaneenu, kutali mweenzinyoko ngomukonzya kwaambila zyoonse.

Amumukulwaizye mwaneenu mukubusi kuti kamvwana amuzyali wakwe ngomwakalekana limwi. Muntu ngomwakalekana limwi tacili mulumi naa mukaintu wenu pe, pele ucili muzyali wamwaneenu. Tacili cibotu kwaamba zyintu zibi kujatikizya nguwe. Bbuku litegwa Teens in Turmoil—A Path to Change for Parents, Adolescents, and Their Families lyaamba kuti: Ikuti bazyali kababelesya bana kuba zilwanyo munkondo iijatikizya kulekana kwabo, beelede kuzyiba kuti bayakutebula ncobasyanga.”

Amulibikkile maano. Zimwi ziindi, mulakonzya kukatazyigwa kapati mumizeezo. Pele tamweelede kutyompwa. Amuzumanane kucita zyintu zikonzya kumugwasya. Ikuti kamuli Banakristo, amuzumanane kutola lubazu muzyintu zyakumuuya. Ikucita boobu kuyakumugwasya nywebo amwaneenu mukubusi kuti muzumanane kuzilanga kabotu zyintu.—Intembauzyo 18:2; Matayo 28:19, 20; Ba-Hebrayo 10:24, 25.

Bupanduluzi buyungizidwe

[Cifwanikiso icili apeeji 12]

Amubeleke canguzu kuzuzikizya cikonke ncomwakapanga buzuba mbomwakakwatana

[Cifwanikiso icili apeeji 13]

Ikuti kamwiinzyanya kulela mwana, amumukulwaizye kuti kabayanda bausyi naa banyina mbomwakalekana limwi