Agyanom—Nea Enti a Wɔn Ho Ayɛ Na

“Menkae da a Maame ne Paapa koe anaa da a wɔhamee. Nea minim ara ne sɛ na Paapa wɔ hɔ, na afei—mpofirim ara!—ofii fie da koro pɛ. Ɛde besi nnɛ minnim baabi a paapa wɔ. Minim sɛ mennwene ne ho.”—Bruce.

“Wɔ sukuu mu no, na me nkutoo ne abofra a minni awofo baanu, a minni fie te mu nso . . . Metee nka bere nyinaa sɛ meyɛ soronko. Metee nka bere nyinaa sɛ matom wɔ m’atipɛnfo mu.”—Patricia.

MMUSUA a agyanom nnim ho nsɛnnennen no fii ase wɔ mfiridwuma mu nkɔso mmere no mu. Bere a mfiridwuma fii ase na mmarima fii fie kɔyɛɛ adwuma no, ɛmaa agyanom nkɛntɛnso a wɔwɔ wɔ mmusua mu no fii ase brɛɛ ase; abayɛn ho asɛyɛde no fã kɛse no ara bɛdaa ɛnanom so.a Nanso, agyanom pii kɔɔ so ne wɔn mmusua trae. Nanso, wɔ 1960 mfe no mu no, aware dodow a na egu wɔ United States no fii ase kɔɔ soro kɛse. Nneɛma a na anka wɔde siw awaregu ano te sɛ nyamesom, sikasɛm, ne abusua ntam nkitahodi, fii ase sɛ ɛresɛe. Esiane sɛ ebinom a na wɔkyerɛ sɛ wɔyɛ animdefo de afotu mae sɛ awaregu mpira mmofra na mmom ɛyɛ papa ma awarefo no nti, ɛmaa nnipa a wɔdɔɔso yiye gyaee aware. Nhoma a wɔato din Divided Families—What Happens to Children When Parents Part a Frank F. Furstenberg kumaa ne Andrew J. Cherlin kyerɛwee no ka sɛ: “Nnipa dodow a [wogu aware] wɔ Belgium, France, ne Switzerland no abu abɔ ho abien [fi 1960 mfe no mu], na Canada, England, ne Netherlands nso, wɔn dodow no abu abɔ ho abiɛsa.”

Ɛwom sɛ wɔ awaregu akyi no, mmofra taa ka wɔn maame nkyɛn de, nanso ɛyɛ a na agyanom a wɔagyae aware no pii pɛ sɛ wɔne wɔn mma kɔ so nya abusuabɔ. Nhyehyɛe a agye din biako ne sɛ wɔbɛma awofo baanu no ahwɛ mmofra no. Nanso agyanom a wɔagyae aware no mu pii ntaa nkɔhwɛ wɔn mma. Nhwehwɛmu bi daa no adi sɛ mmofra a wɔn awofo agyae aware no mu 6 biara mu 1 pɛ na wohu wɔn agya anim dapɛn biara. Mmofra no mu bɛyɛ fã nhu wɔn papa anim afe mũ nyinaa!

Nea Enti a Awofo Baanu no Ntumi Mmom Nhwɛ Mmofra No

Sɛ awofo a wɔagyae aware no betumi abom ahwɛ mmofra no a, ɛsɛ sɛ wɔyɛ biako na wonya wɔn mu ahotoso—su a wɔntaa nhu nnɛ. Nhwehwɛmufo Furstenberg ne Cherlin ka eyi ho asɛm sɛ: “Ade titiriw nti a agyanom a wɔagyae aware nkɔhwɛ wɔn mma ne sɛ wɔmpɛ sɛ wɔne wɔn yerenom a wɔagyae wɔn no nya twaka biara. Saa ara nso na mmea pii mpɛ sɛ wɔne wɔn kununom a wɔagyae wɔn no benya twaka.”

Nokwarem no, agyanom a wɔagyae aware pii kɔhwɛ wɔn mma da biara. Nanso esiane sɛ mmofra no da biara da asetra ho asɛm nna wɔn so bio nti, sɛ agyanom bi ne wɔn mma wɔ hɔ a, ɛyɛ a na ɛyɛ den ma wɔn sɛ wɔbɛyɛ wɔn ade sɛ agyanom ankasa. Agoru nkutoo na agyanom pii tumi ne wɔn mma di, na wɔde wɔn bere nyinaa gye wɔn mma ani anaasɛ wɔde totɔ nneɛma ma wɔn. Ari a wadi mfe dunan ka nea ɛkɔ so bere a wakɔsra ne papa dapɛn awiei ho asɛm sɛ: “Yenni nhyehyɛe pɔtee biara, ‘Minni bere a sɛ mipue a ɛsɛ sɛ meba fie.’ Mitumi yɛ nea mepɛ. Obiara nhyɛ me so. Na da biara me papa totɔ nneɛma ma me.”—How It Feels When Parents Divorce, a Jill Krementz kyerɛwee.

Ɛsɛ sɛ agya a ɔwɔ dɔ ‘hu sɛnea ɔde akyɛde pa bɛma ne mma.’ (Mateo 7:11) Nanso yentumi mfa akyɛde nsi akwankyerɛ ne nteɛso a ɛho hia ananmu. (Mmebusɛm 3:12; 13:1) Sɛ obi sesa asɛyɛde a ɔwɔ sɛ ɔwofo na ɔbɛyɛ ne ba ani so sɛ obi a ɔne no di agoru anaa ɔhɔho a, abusuabɔ a ɛda agya ne ɔba ntam no bɛsɛe. Nhwehwɛmu bi a wɔyɛe de asɛm no baa awiei sɛ: “Awaregyae betumi asɛe agya ne ɔba ntam abusuabɔ no koraa.”—Journal of Marriage and the Family, May 1994.

Mmarima binom po wɔn mma—esiane wɔn mma asetra so tumi a wonni bio ho yaw ne abufuw—anaa te a wɔte nka sɛ wobu wɔn animtiaa nti, na wɔmmoa wɔn sika fam koraa.b (1 Timoteo 5:8) Abarimaa bi a onnya nnii mfe aduonu de yaw ka sɛ: “Minhu biribiara a m’ani gye ho wɔ m’agya ho. Hwee mfa ne ho, ɔmmoa yɛn wɔ biribiara mu, na misusuw sɛ ɛyɛ mmusu.”

Awofo a Wonni Ahokafo

Nnipa pii a wɔwowo a wonnya ahokafo no na ama mmofra a wonni agyanom adɔɔso kɛse no. Fatherless America nhoma no ka sɛ: “Mmofra a wɔwo wɔn nnɛ wɔ [United States] no mu abiɛsa mu biako na wɔn awofo nyɛ awarefo.” Wɔ nkokoaa bɛyɛ 500,000 a wɔn a wɔadi fi mfe 15 kosi 19 na wɔwo wɔn afe biara no fam no, wɔn mu ɔha mu 78 na wɔn awofo nyɛ awarefo. Nanso, mprewa-nyinsɛn yɛ wiase nyinaa haw. Na nhyehyɛe a wɔayɛ de kyerɛkyerɛ nnuru a wɔde bɔ awo ho ban mu anaa akɔnnɔ nhyɛso ho asɛm no ntumi nsakraa nna ho akɔnnɔ a wɔn a wonnya nnii mfe aduonu wɔ no.

Teenage Fathers nhoma a Bryan E. Robinson kyerɛwee no kyerɛkyerɛ mu sɛ: “Sɛnea na mpena nyinsɛn yɛ aniwu ne animguase wɔ 1960 mfe no mu no nte saa nnɛ, esiane sɛ ɛnnɛ ɔmanfo mmu ɔbarima ne ɔbea nna ne mpena nyinsɛn asɛm biara bio. . . . Afei nso wɔnam aguade ho dawurubɔ, nnwom, sini ahorow, ne television so dwumadi so ma mmerante ne mmabaa te nna ho nsɛm pii da biara. Nea America nsɛm ho amanneɛbɔfo ka kyerɛ mmerante ne mmabaa ara ne sɛ nna yɛ ɔdɔ a wɔda no adi kyerɛ wɔn ho wɔn ho, na ɛkanyan anigye, a wɔmma wonhu nea efi nna a obi de ne ho hyem wɔ kwan bɔne so mu ba no.”

Ɛte sɛ nea mmerante ne mmabaa ani gye nna mu ɔbrasɛe ho nanso wonsusuw nea efi mu ba no ho. Hyɛ nea ebinom ka kyerɛɛ nhoma kyerɛwfo Robinson no nsow: “‘Na ne ho nsɛ obi a [obetumi anyinsɛn]’; ‘Dapɛn biara na yehyiam biako pɛ’; anaa ‘Na minsusuw sɛ wubetumi anyinsɛn bere a edi kan a yehyiae no.’” Nokwarem no, mmerante binom nso nim yiye sɛ nyinsɛn betumi afi nna mu aba. Young Unwed Fathers nhoma no ka sɛ: “Wɔ mmerante a [wɔwɔ nkurow akɛse mu] fam no, da a ɔne ɔbea bi bɛda ma wobu wɔn kɛse; mmea dodow a obi tumi ne wɔn da no na ɛkyerɛ ne mmɔdenbɔ. Mmabaa pii de wɔn ho ma kwa sɛnea ɛbɛyɛ a aberante bi ani begye wɔn ho.” Wɔ nkurow akɛse bi mu no, wotumi di mmerante a wonni mma ho fɛw mpo sɛ wɔn a wɔne “ɔbea nnae da”!

Sɛ wususuw nhwehwɛmu bi a wɔyɛe wɔ 1993 mu fa sukuufo a wɔawowo wɔ California ho no ho a, ɛma asɛm no yɛ asefem. Ɛdaa adi sɛ ɛnyɛ mmarima a wonnya nnii mfe aduonu na wɔne mmabaa yi mu abiɛsa mu abien nyinsɛnee, na mmom mmarima a wɔadi boro mfe 20! Nokwarem no, nhwehwɛmu bi kyerɛ sɛ wɔne mmabaa a wonni ahokafo yi pii dae bere a na wonnyinii ma enti mmara mma kwan—anaasɛ wɔn awofo na ɛtoo wɔn mmonnaa mpo. Nna mu basabasa a wɔkɔ so yɛ nkurɔfo yi ma yehu sɛnea nnɛ mma yi bra asɛe afa.—2 Timoteo 3:13.

Nea Enti a Mmerante Nkumaa Nnye Nyinsɛn

Mmerante nkumaa a wɔwo no ntaa nhwɛ wɔn mma no daa. Aberante bi a ne mpena nyinsɛnee kae sɛ: “Meka kyerɛɛ no pen sɛ ‘Fa wo kwan ma memfa me kwan.’” Nanso, sɛnea asɛm bi a ɛwɔ Family Life Educator mu da no adi no, “agyanom nkumaa pii nya ɔpɛ a emu yɛ den sɛ wɔne wɔn mma no benya abusuabɔ.” Sɛnea nhwehwɛmu bi a wɔyɛɛ wɔ agyanom a wonni ahokafo ho kyerɛ no, na wɔn mu ɔha mu 70 na wɔkɔsra wɔn mma pɛnkoro dapɛn biara. Asɛm no bɔ kɔkɔ sɛ “nanso, bere a mmofra no renyin no, nsrahwɛ no so tew.”

Agya bi a wadi mfe 17 kaa nea enti a ɛte saa no ho asɛm tiawa sɛ: “Sɛ na minim ɔhaw a eyi de bɛba a, anka mammɔ me ho mpem.” Mmerante ne mmabaa kakraa bi na wɔn ho akokwaw anaasɛ wɔwɔ osuahu a wobetumi adi awofoyɛ ho asɛyɛde ho dwuma. Saa ara nso na wɔn mu pii nni nhomasua anaa adwumayɛ ho nimdeɛ a ebetumi ama wɔahwɛ wɔn ho. Sɛ anka mmerante yi mu pii begyina tebea a ɛyɛ aniwu yi ano no, nea wɔyɛ ara ne sɛ wɔbɛpo wɔn mma no. Agya kumaa bi ka sɛ: “Minni anigye wɔ m’asetram.” Ɔfoforo nso de yaw ka sɛ: “Ɛyɛ den sɛ mɛhwɛ me ho; na menne sɛ mɛhwɛ [me ba] nso.”

Bobe a Ɛka No

Wɔ Bible mmere mu no na Yudafo no bu bɛ bi sɛ: “Awofo na wodii bobe a ɛka no, nanso mma na wɔn se femee.” (Hesekiel 18:2, Today’s English Version) Onyankopɔn ka kyerɛɛ Yudafo no sɛ ɛnsɛ sɛ wɔyɛ mfomso a wɔyɛe bere bi a atwam no bio. (Hesekiel 18:3) Nanso, ɛkame ayɛ sɛ “bobe a ɛka” a awofo adi no ho adesoa da wɔn mma a wɔyɛ ɔpepem pii a wɔwɔ hɔ nnɛ no so—mmofrasɛm a wɔn awofo dii, anibiannaso a wɔyɛe, ne aware mu haw ahorow, no ho asodi abɛda wɔn so. Nhwehwɛmu a wɔayɛ da no adi pefee sɛ mmofra a wonni agya no haw kɛse wɔ nipadua ne adwene mu. (Hwɛ adaka a ɛwɔ kratafa 7 no.) Nea ɛyɛ awerɛhow koraa ne sɛ mpɛn pii no nkyirimma no nso hu amane wɔ mmusua a agyanom nnim no ho—yawdi ne amanehunu a etumi tra hɔ daa.

So anidaso biara nni hɔ mma mmusua a agyanom nnim no? Dabida. Nokwarem no, anigyesɛm ne sɛ, ɔhaw a mmusua a agyanom nnim de ba no betumi afi hɔ. Yɛn asɛm a edi hɔ no bɛkyerɛ sɛnea eyi betumi ayɛ yiye.

[Ase hɔ nsɛm]

[Adaka/Mfonini wɔ kratafa 7]

ƆHAW HOROW A MMOFRA A WONNI AGYANOM HYIA

Mmofra a wonni agyanom no hyia ɔhaw ahorow pii. Ɛwom sɛ asɛm a edi hɔ yi a ebinom besusuw ho no betumi ahaw wɔn de, nanso anyɛ yiye koraa no, ɔhaw no a wobehu no ne ɔkwan a edi kan a wobetumi afa so asiw ano anaasɛ wɔbɛma ano abrɛ ase. Kae nso sɛ, nhwehwɛmu a wɔyɛ no fa nnipakuw bi ho, na ɛnyɛ ankorankoro. Mmofra pii na ­wɔtete wɔn wɔ afie a agyanom nnim mu nanso, wonhyia ɔhaw ahorow yi mu biara. Sɛnea yɛn asɛm a etwa to no bɛkyerɛ no, mmɔden a awofo bɛbɔ na wɔde Bible nnyinasosɛm adi dwuma no betumi asiw ɔhaw no ano. Afei, susuw ɔhaw ahorow a ­abofra a onni agya betumi ahyia no bi ho.

◼ Mmonnaato a Anya Nkɔanim

Nhwehwɛmu a wɔayɛ da no adi pefee sɛ ɛyɛ mmofra a wonni agyanom na wɔto wɔn mmonnaa kɛse. Nhwehwɛmu bi a wɔyɛe daa no adi sɛ, wɔ mmofra 52,000 a wɔtoo wɔn mmonnaa mu no, “ɔha mu 72 na na wofi mmusua a ɔwofo biako pɛ na ɛwom anaasɛ nea wɔn ankasa awofo baanu no nyinaa nnim mu.” Fatheless America nhoma no ka no pefee sɛ: “Nea ama mmofra a wɔto wɔn mmonnaa abu so wɔ yɛn man yi mu no fi mmofra pii a wonni agyanom, ne agyanom pii a wɔne wɔn mmanoma te, mpenatwe, ne nneɛma foforo a ɛmfata anaa ɔbarima biara kɛkɛ a obi ne no tra.”

◼ Ɔbarima ne Ɔbea Nna a Nkurɔfo De Wɔn Ho Hyem Ntɛm

Esiane sɛ awofo ntaa nhwɛ mmofra yiye wɔ abusua a ɔwofo biako pɛ na ɛwɔ mu mu nti, ɛma mmofra a wɔwɔ hɔ no taa de wɔn ho hyɛ ɔbrasɛe mu. Ade biako nso ne ntetee pa a awofo mfa mma no. U.S. Asoɛe a Ɛhwɛ Akwahosan So no ka sɛ: “Mmabaa a wonni agyanom a wonyinsɛn no boro wɔn a wɔwɔ agyanom a wonyinsɛn so abien ne fa.”

◼ Ohia

Nhwehwɛmu bi a wɔyɛe wɔ abibifo mmabaa ho wɔ South Africa no daa no adi sɛ ohia ne ade titiriw nti a awofo pii nni ahokafo no. Wɔn a wɔyɛɛ nhwehwɛmu no ka sɛ: “Wɔ nhwehwɛmu a wɔyɛe no mu bɛyɛ ɔha mu 50 mu no, ɛdaa adi sɛ mmabaa no ntumi nkɔ sukuu bio.” Ɛnanom a wonni kununom no mu pii de wɔn ho kɔhyɛ tuutuu si ne nnubɔne tɔn mu. Ebetumi aba sɛ saa ara na ɛte wɔ Atɔe fam aman no so. Wɔ United States no, na “mmofra a wɔwɔ mmusua a awofo baanu wom mu no ɔha mu 10 na wodi hia [wɔ 1995 mu], na mmusua a na ɛnanom nkutoo na wɔwɔ mu no, ɔha mu 50 na na wodi hia.”​—America’s Children: Key National Indicators of Well-Being 1997.

◼ Asaworamtow

Esiane sɛ awofo a wonni ahokafo no binom na ɛsɛ sɛ wɔhwɛ wɔn ho nti, asɛyɛde a ɛda wɔn so no tumi bunkam wɔn so ma wontumi nnya bere pii mma wɔn mma. Ɔbea bi a na ne kunu agyae no ka sɛ: “Na meyɛ adwuma awia san kɔ sukuu anadwo​—na mebrɛ me ho dodo. Mibuu m’ani guu mmofra no so.”

◼ Adwenemhaw

Nea ɛne asɛm a animdefo ka sɛ wɔ awaregyae akyi no ɛnkyɛ na yaw a mmofra di no afi hɔ no bɔ abira no, nhwehwɛmufo te sɛ Ɔbenfo Judith Wallerstein, abehu sɛ awaregyae ma mmofra di yaw kyɛ. “Mmarima ne mmea nkumaa a wɔadi mfe dunkron kosi aduonu akron no mu nkyem abiɛsa na wonnya biribiara nyɛ wɔ wɔn awofo awaregyae akyi mfe du mu. Wonni atirimpɔw biara wɔ asetram .  . . na wonni anidaso biara nso.” (Second Chance, a Ɔbenfo Judith Wallerstein ne Sandra Blakeslee kyerɛwee) Wohui sɛ mmofra a wɔn awofo agyae aware no mu pii nni wɔn mu ahotoso biara, wɔwɔ adwenemhaw, wommu ade, na wɔn bo taa fuw.

The Single-Parent Family nhoma no ka sɛ: “Nhwehwɛmu pii kyerɛ sɛ mmerante a wɔtete wɔn a agyanom nhwɛso biara nka ho no nni wɔn mu ahotoso, wommu wɔn ho, na bere a wɔanyinyin no, wontumi ne afoforo nnya abusuabɔ pa. Ɔhaw a mmabaa betumi ahyia esiane sɛ wɔannya agyanom nhwɛso biara no ntaa nna adi ntɛm kosi wɔn mpanyin afe so anaa akyiri yi ansa, na nea ɛka eyi ho ne sɛ ɛyɛ den ma wɔn sɛ wɔne mmarima benya abusuabɔ pa.”