Ilungelo Lokugcina Umntwana—Imbono Elungeleleneyo

NGOKUFUTHI, olona celomngeni luvela emva kokuba kuqhawulwe umtshato, ukungqavulana kuba ingulowo ufuna ukubonisa umsa nokukhulisa umntwana. Isaci sesiNgesi esithi, “Umntu akanakulwa eyedwa” asisoloko siyinyaniso. Umlo usenokuqhwaywa ngumzali omnye onguzwilakhe ofuna izinto zenziwe ngendlela athanda ngayo. Igqwetha lentsapho laseToronto, eKhanada lathi: “Into ekhokelayo kumthetho ophathelele intsapho ziimvakalelo yaye usoloko unobuzaza.”

Kunokuba bacinge ngeengenelo zomntwana, abanye abazali bawenza lo mbandela ube luzengezenge lwento ngokumisa ngezinto eziyimfitshimfitshi. Ngokomzekelo, abanye baye bazama ukunikela ubungqina bokuba ilungelo lokugcina umntwana limele lihluthwe komnye umzali ngenxa yokuba engomnye wamaNgqina kaYehova ibe uza kubangela umntwana ‘angaphili ngendlela eqhelekileyo.’

Lo ungeloNgqina usenokwenza imbambano ngokubhiyozela imihla yokuzalwa, iKrismesi, okanye iHalloween. Abanye baye bakhalaza ngelithi umntwana uza kuba likheswa okanye angakwazi ukuphila nabantu entlalweni xa egqibe kwelokuba angayikhahleli indwe. Okanye abanye basenokuthi umntwana uya kuphunguleka ingqondo xa ehamba nomzali wakhe ethetha nabanye ngeBhayibhile. Abanye abazali abangengomaNgqina baye bathi ubomi bomntwana buya kuba sengozini ngenxa yokuba umzali oliNgqina akayi kuvuma ukuba umntwana atofelwe igazi.

UmKristu unokujamelana njani nocelomngeni lwamabango anjalo aqhutywa ziimvakalelo? Ukulwa—“okufana nje nokucima umlilo ngeparafini”—akuyi kufeza nto. Ukuba lo mbandela usiwe kwijaji, mzali ngamnye uya kunikwa ithuba lakhe lokuthetha. Kubaluleke gqitha ukukhumbula eli cebiso leBhayibhile: “Umthwalo wakho wulahlele kuYehova; yena wokuzimasa; akayi kuliyekela ilungisa lishukunyiswe naphakade.” (INdumiso 55:22) Ngokucamngca ngoku nangokusebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile, abazali banokujamelana nayo nayiphi na into enokwenzeka ngoncedo lukaYehova.—IMizekeliso 15:28.

Ukuba Nengqiqo

Eyona nto ibaluleke kakhulu ziingenelo zomntwana. Ukuba umzali ufuna izinto ngesinyalimani, unokuphulukana nelungelo lokugcina umntwana lize lisikelwe umda ilungelo lakhe lokutyelela. Umzali olumkileyo uba seluxolweni, ekhumbula esi siluleko seBhayibhile: “Musani ukubuyisela ububi ngobubi nakubani na. . . . Yikhweleleni ingqumbo . . . Musa ukuzivumela woyiswe bububi, kodwa hlala uboyisa ububi ngokulungileyo.” (Roma 12:17-21) Enoba basenkundleni, bakwiofisi yegqwetha, okanye bakunye nomhloli welungelo lokugcina umntwana, abazali kufuneka ‘ukuba nengqiqo kwabo kwazeke kubantu bonke.’—Filipi 4:5.

Maxa wambi iqabane elingenalungelo lokugcina umntwana lisenokuzama ukukhohlisa abanye ngokuthetha izinto ezingadibaniyo nekungaqinisekwanga ngazo. Kububulumko ukulawula utyekelo lobuntu lokuba nomsindo ngenxa yoku kutyholwa. Impilo, unqulo nemfundo yimibandela ethanda ukusetyenziswa ngamaqabane angalifumananga ilungelo lokugcina umntwana ukuze enze amaqhinga xa kuxoxwa ngombandela wokufumana ilungelo lokugcina umntwana.—IMizekeliso 14:22.

Ukuba nengqiqo kuquka ukukwazi ukuqwalasela izibakala baze baxubushe ngesivumelwano esifanelekileyo. Abazali abafanele balibale ukuba kwanasemva kokuba kuqhawulwe umtshato, umntwana usenabazali ababini. Abazali baqhawule umtshato kodwa abaluqhawulanga ulwalamano lwabo nomntwana. Ngoko ke, ngaphandle kwaxa kukho iimeko ezimandundu, mzali ngamnye ufanele abe nenkululeko yokwenza izinto njengomzali xa ekunye nomntwana. Ngamnye kubo ufanele afumane ilungelo lokungayifihli indlela avakalelwa ngayo ngezinto nemilinganiselo yakhe aze umntwana wakhe athabathe inxaxheba kwizinto engokwasemthethweni ezenziwa ngumzali, unqulo okanye ezinye.

Makhe siqwalasele ezinye izigqibo zenkundla kule mbambano: (1) ukunikwa kwabazali bobabini ilungelo lokugcina umntwana, (2) ukunikwa komzali omnye ilungelo lokugcina umntwana, (3) nokusikelwa umda kwelungelo lokutyelela umntwana. Yintoni umahluko phakathi kokunikwa kwabazali bobabini ilungelo lokugcina umntwana nokunikwa komzali omnye? Unokwenza ntoni xa ungalifumani ilungelo lokugcina umntwana? Kuthekani ukuba omnye umzali ususiwe kubudlelane?

Ukunikwa Kwabazali Bobabini Ilungelo Lokugcina Umntwana

Ezinye iijaji zivakalelwa kukuba kufanelekile ukuba umntwana ahlale enxibelelana nabazali bobabini. Iindlela eziqiqa ngayo isekelwe kuhlolisiso oluye lwenziwa olubonisa ukuba abantwana banokusinda kuxinezeleko nasekukhathazekeni emva koqhawulo-mtshato ukuba abazali bobabini banelungelo lokubagcina. Kunokuziva elahliwe ngomnye umzali, umntwana uya kuziva ethandwa ngabazali bobabini yaye enonxibelelwano nabo bobabini. Igqwetha elijongene nomthetho wentsapho lithi: “Ukuba nelungelo kwabazali bobabini lokugcina umntwana kuyindlela yokugcina abazali bobabini bexakeke nguye.”

Noko ke, uGqr. Judith Wallerstein, umalathisi oyintloko weCenter for the Family in Transition eCorte Madera, eKhalifoniya, ulumkisa ngelithi ukuze ukuba nelungelo lokugcina umntwana kwabazali bobabini kube yingenelo, kufuneka abazali bobabini basebenzisane, nomntwana kufuneka abe bhetyebhetye aze akwazi ukuphila nabantu abahlukeneyo. Ezi mpawu zibalulekile kuba xa bobabini abazali benelungelo lokugcina umntwana banelungelo elingokwasemthethweni lokwenza izigqibo kwimibandela ebalulekileyo ebandakanya impilo, imfundo, ingqeqesho yonqulo neyokuzonwabisa komntwana wabo. Kodwa oku kuphumelela kuphela xa bobabini abazali besebenzisa ukuqonda ekuqwalaseleni eyona nto iya kuba yingenelo emntwaneni kunokuqwalasela eyona nto iya kuba yingenelo kubo.

Ukunikwa Komzali Omnye Ilungelo Lokugcina Umntwana

Inkundla isenokunikezela ngelungelo lokugcina umntwana kumzali embona enokukwazi kakuhle ukunyamekela iimfuno zomntwana. Ijaji isenokugqiba kwelokuba umzali onikwe ilungelo lokugcina umntwana ibe nguye kuphela owenza izigqibo ngokuphathelele imibandela ebalulekileyo ephathelele impilontle yomntwana. Ngokufuthi, inkundla ifikelela kwisigqibo esinjalo emva kokuba iphulaphule oko kufunyaniswe ngabacebisi—ngokuqhelekileyo iba zizazi ngengqondo, oogqirha bengqondo, okanye oonontlalontle.

Abo bacebisa ukuba ilungelo lokugcina umntwana linikwe umzali abe mnye bavakalelwa kukuba eli lungiselelo lenza umntwana azinze ngakumbi. Iijaji ezininzi ezichophela lo mbandela zikhetha eli lungiselelo lokugcinwa komntwana, xa abazali bengakwazi okanye kungenkankulu ukuba banxibelelane ngokunempumelelo. Kambe ke, umzali ongalifumananga ilungelo lokugcina umntwana akahlukaniswanga kwaphela nomntwana wakhe. Ngokuqhelekileyo loo mzali ungenalungelo lokugcina umntwana unikwa ilungelo lokumtyelela, ibe bobabini abazali banokuqhubeka benika umntwana ukhokelo, uthando nomsa awufunayo.

Ilungelo Lokutyelela Umntwana

Akukho ngqiqweni ngabazali ukuba bajonge ilungelo lokugcina umntwana njengombandela “wokuphumelela” kwakunye “nokungaphumeleli.” Abazali “baphumelele” xa bebona abantwana babo bekhula baze babe ngabantu abakhulu abaqolileyo, abafanelekileyo nabahlonelwayo. Ukuphumelela ekukhuliseni umntwana akunanto yakwenza nelungelo olinikwa ngumthetho lokumgcina. Ngokuthobela imigaqo ebekwe yinkundla kwimibandela ephathelele ilungelo lokugcina umntwana, enoba isenokubonakala ngokungathi ayikho sikweni, umKristu “uthobela amagunya awongamileyo.” (Roma 13:1) Kwakhona kubalulekile ukukhumbula ukuba eli asiloxesha lokurhwebesha umsa okanye ukunyaniseka kwabantwana bakho ngokuthoba omnye umzali uzama ukutyumza ulwalamano analo nabo.

Kukho imizekelo eseBhayibhileni yabazali aboyika uThixo abathi, ngenxa yezizathu ezahlukeneyo, bahlulwa ebantwaneni babo. Ngokomzekelo, uAmram noYokebhede, abazali bakaMoses, benza eyona nto yayiyingenelo emntwaneni wabo ngokumbeka kumkhombe omncinane owawudada phezu kwamanzi “engcotyeni, elunxwemeni lomlambo [“umNayile,” NW].” Xa olu sana lwathatyathwa yintombi kaFaro, bahlala bekholose ngoYehova. Aba bazali balumkileyo nabathembekileyo bathiwa jize ngelungelo lobubele “lokumtyelela” abalisebenzisa ngokuphumelelayo ekuqeqesheleni le nkwenkwe kwiindlela zikaYehova. UMoses wakhula waba ngumkhonzi ongumzekelo omhle woThixo oyinyaniso.—Eksodus 2:1-10; 6:20.

Noko ke, kuthekani ukuba omnye umzali ususiwe kubudlelane? Ngaba umzali ongumKristu unokuvula ithuba lokuba umntwana atyelelwe? Inkqubo yokususa kubudlelane bebandla itshintsha kuphela ulwalamano olungokomoya phakathi komntu othile nebandla lamaKristu. Enyanisweni, iqhawula amaqhina okomoya. Kodwa ulwalamano lomzali nomntwana lusala luqinile. Umzali onikwe ilungelo lokugcina umntwana ufanele alihlonele ilungelo lokutyelela lomzali osusiweyo kubudlelane. Noko ke, ukuba umzali ongalinikwanga ilungelo lokugcina umntwana usenokuba yingozi ngokwenene kwimpilontle engokwasemzimbeni nengokweemvakalelo yomntwana, ngoko inkundla (kungekhona umzali onelungelo lokugcina umntwana) inokwenza ilungiselelo lokuba kubekho umntu wesithathu xa etyelela lo mntwana.

Akuwedwa

Ukuqhawula umtshato neengxwabangxwaba ezithile eziphathelele ilungelo lokugcina umntwana ziyakrekretha ngokweemvakalelo. Umanyano oluqale kakuhle luvuthulukile kwakunye namaphupha, ucwangciso nezinto ebezilindelwe sesi sibini. Ngokomzekelo, ukungathembeki okanye ukuphathwa kakubi ngokugqithiseleyo kunokuqhubela umfazi onyanisekileyo ekubeni afune ukuba yena nomntwana wakhe bakhuselwe ngumthetho. Sekunjalo usenokuziva enetyala okanye elityutyusi njengoko esafunisela ukuba konakele phi okanye esacinga ngendlela ebinokuconjululwa ngayo ngokuphumelelayo le ngxaki. Izibini ezininzi zikhathazwa yindlela abantwana abaza kusabela ngayo xa intsapho iqhekeka. Ukusebenzisa inkundla ukuze afumane ilungelo lokugcina umntwana kubangela amahlandinyuka angapheleli nje ekuvavanyeni ingqibelelo kabani njengomzali okhathalayo kodwa avavanya nokholo lwakhe nokukholosa kwakhe ngoYehova.—Thelekisa INdumiso 34:15, 18, 19, 22.

Xa iqabane elimsulwa likhetha ukuthabatha amanyathelo ngenxa yokuphathwa kakubi komntwana okanye ngenxa yokuphathwa kakubi ngokugabadeleyo lelinye iqabane okanye kuba lifuna ukukhusela impilo yalo kwingozi yezifo ezidluliselwa ngeentlobano zesini elisenokuzifumana kwiqabane elingathembekanga, akukho mfuneko yokuba iqabane elimsulwa lizive linetyala okanye lizive lilahliwe nguYehova. (INdumiso 37:28) Iqabane elingathembekanga okanye elinempatho-mbi lilo eliqhawule isivumelwano esingcwele somtshato laza ‘langinizela’ iqabane lalo.—Malaki 2:14.

Qhubeka ‘unesazela esilungileyo’ phambi kwabantu noYehova ngokusebenzisa imigaqo yeBhayibhile, uliphathe ngokunyaniseka iqabane lakho elingenalo ilungelo lokugcina umntwana uze ube bhetyebhetye kwizivumelwano zakho eziphathelele ilungelo lokugcina umntwana. “Kulunge ngakumbi ukubandezeleka ngenxa yokuba nisenza okulungileyo, ukuba ukuthanda kukaThixo kunqwenela oko, kunangenxa yokuba nisenza ububi.”—1 Petros 3:16, 17.

Abantwana bona bafuna ukuqinisekiswa ukuba ukuqhekeka kwentsapho akulotyala labo. Maxa wambi izinto azenzeki ngendlela ebezicetywe ngayo. Kodwa ukusetyenziswa kwemigaqo yeBhayibhile kunokuyithomalalisa imiphumo yoqhawulo-mtshato ibe kwenza abazali nabantwana bancokole ngokukhululekileyo nangokusengqiqweni. Ngokomzekelo, oku kunokwenziwa ngokuvumela abantwana babe nenxaxheba ngokuzeleyo ekucebeni ubomi bentsapho emva kokuba kuqhawulwe umtshato. Ngokuba nomonde nobubele nangokuba nomdla kwindlela abantwana abavakalelwa ngayo nangokuphulaphula oko bakuthethayo, uya kubanceda gqitha benze uhlengahlengiso ukuze bangenelwe kucwangciso olutsha nezinye iindlela zokuphila.

Abanye Banokunceda

Asikuphela kwabazali abanokunceda umntwana wentsapho eqhawule umtshato. Amalungu entsapho, abafundisi-ntsapho nabahlobo banokunikela inkxaso engakumbi baze babomeleze abantwana babazali abaqhawule umtshato. Ngokukodwa, ootatomkhulu noomakhulu banokufak’ isandla gqitha ekuzinzeni nakwiimvakalelo zabantwana.

Ootatomkhulu noomakhulu abangamaKristu basenokunika abantwana ulwalathiso lokomoya neminye imisebenzi efanelekileyo, kodwa bafanele bazihlonele izigqibo zabazali ngokuphathelele imfundo yonqulo, kuba ngabazali, kungekhona ootatomkhulu noomakhulu, abanegunya elingokwasemthethweni lokwenza ezi zigqibo.—Efese 6:2-4.

Xa bexhaswa ngolo hlobo, abantwana abanabazali abaqhawule umtshato banokukwazi ukuhlangabezana nokuqhawula kwabazali babo umtshato. Ibe banokuqhubeka bekhangele phambili kwiintsikelelo zehlabathi elitsha likaThixo, apho zonke iintsapho ziya kube zikhululekile ‘ekukhotyokisweni kukonakala zize zibe nenkululeko ezukileyo yabantwana bakaThixo.’—Roma 8:21; 2 Petros 3:13.

[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 29]

Ukulungisa Ukungaqondani

“Ulwimi lwezilumko lulungisa ukwazi,” ibe umzali ongumKristu unethuba elihle lokulungisa ukungaqondani okanye ubuqholo bengcuka. (IMizekeliso 15:2) Ngokomzekelo, ngokuphathelele ukunyanyekelwa kwempilo yabantwana bawo, “amaNgqina kaYehova ayalwamkela unyango lwezamayeza notyando,” kodwa xa enikwa ilungelo lokugcina umntwana, umzali oliNgqina unelungelo lokufumana onke amasuka-ndihlala ngalo naluphi unyango olunikwa umntwana wakhe.a—IThe Journal of the American Medical Association.

AmaNgqina kaYehova aluthabatha nzulu unqulo lwawo, olusekelwe kwiLizwi likaThixo, iBhayibhile. Oku kuwenza abe ngoobawo, oomama, abantwana, abahlobo, abamelwane nabemi abalunge ngakumbi. Abazali abangamaKristu banikela uqeqesho ngothando, besakha intlonelo ngegunya baze baxhobise abantwana babo ngemilinganiselo emihle yobomi.b—IMizekeliso 13:18.

Imfundo yehlabathi yinxalenye ebalulekileyo ekukhuliseni umntwana, ibe amaNgqina kaYehova afuna abantwana bawo bafumane eyona mfundo ilunge ngakumbi banokuyifumana.c—IMizekeliso 13:20.

[Imibhalo esemazantsi]

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 28]

Umzali onikwe ilungelo lokugcina umntwana ufanele aphulaphule ngenyameko xa umntwana emxelela ngokutyelela kwakhe umzali ongenalo ilungelo lokugcina umntwana