‘Ndakhahlelwa Phantsi, Kodwa Andizange Nditshatyalaliswe’

NGOKUBALISWA NGU-ULF HELGESSON

NgoJulayi 1983, oogqirha ababeqolozele kum badanduluka bathi: “Uvukile!” Babekhuphe ithumba elingangeesentimitha ezili-12 ubude kumnqonqo wam kutyando oluntsonkothileyo nolwathabatha iiyure ezili-15. Ndasala ndife umzimba ngokupheleleyo.

KWIINTSUKU ezimbalwa kamva, ndasiwa kwisibhedlele esiphantse sibe kumgama oziikhilomitha ezingama-60 ukusuka kwidolophu yasekhaya iHälsingborg, ekumzantsi weSweden. Apho ndaqalisa inkqubo yokunceda abantu baphucule iimeko zabo. Iphysiotherapist yathi kwakuya kuba lucelomngeni olugqithiseleyo, sekunjalo ndandinqwenela ukuqalisa. Ndandikunqwenela ngokwenene ukuhamba kwakhona. Ngokuzinikela ngenkuthalo kwinkqubo yokwenza umthambo kangangeeyure ezintlanu ngosuku, ndenza inkqubela ngokukhawuleza.

Kwinyanga kamva xa umveleli ohambahambayo wayekhonza ibandla lethu, yena ekunye nabanye abadala abangamaKristu bathabatha uhambo olude ukuze baqhube intlanganiso yabadala bebandla kwigumbi lam lasesibhedlele. Hayi indlela eyayichwayite ngayo intliziyo yam kukubona obu bungqina bothando lobuzalwana! Abongikazi abakwigumbi labaguli benzela lonke elo qela iti namaqebengwana emva kwaloo ntlanganiso.

Ekuqaleni oogqirha babemangalisiwe yinkqubela endandiyenza. Emva kweenyanga ezintathu ndandikwazi ukuhlala kwisitulo sam esiqhutywayo ndize ndime kangangemizuzwana embalwa. Ndandivuya kwaye ndizimisele ngokupheleleyo ukuba ndihambe kwakhona. Intsapho yam kunye namaKristu endikhonza nawo babendikhuthaza kakhulu xa betyelele. Ndandikwazi nokugoduka ngezihlandlo ezithile ezifutshane.

Ukubuyela Umva Ngokwenene

Noko ke, emva koko, andizange ndibe senza nkqubela ibhekele phaya. Kungabanga thuba lide iphysiotherapist yandixelela isigidimi esandenza buhlungu: “Akusayi kuphinda wenze enye inkqubela engaphezu kwale!” Ngoku usukelo lwalukukundomeleza ukuze ndizihambele ngesitulo esiqhutywayo. Ndandizibuza ngoko kwakuya kwenzeka kum. Wayeya kukwazi njani umfazi wam ukwenza yonke into? Wayenziwe utyando olukhulu kwaye wayelufuna uncedo lwam. Ngaba kwakuya kufuneka ndihlale ngokusisigxina kumakhaya okugcina abakhulileyo?

Ndadandatheka kakhulu. Ngokuthe ngcembe ndaba buthathaka, ndaphelelwa yinkalipho nangamandla. Kwaqengqeleka iintsuku, kwaye ndandingakwazi nokushukuma. Ndandingafanga umzimba nje kuphela kodwa ndaba ndindisholo ngokweemvakalelo nangokomoya. ‘Ndandikhahlelwe phantsi.’ Ndandisoloko ndizijonga njengowomeleleyo ngokomoya. Ndandinokholo olomeleleyo kuBukumkani bukaThixo. (Daniyeli 2:44; Mateyu 6:10) Ndandeyisekile sisithembiso seBhayibhile sokuba zonke izifo nobulwelwe ziya kuphiliswa kwihlabathi likaThixo elitsha lobulungisa kwanokuba lonke uluntu luya kubuyiselwa kubomi bemfezeko apho. (Isaya 25:8; 33:24; 2 Petros 3:13) Ngoku ndaziva ndingafanga ngokomzimba nje kuphela kodwa nangokomoya. Ndaziva ‘nditshatyalalisiwe.’—2 Korinte 4:9.

Ngaphambi kokuba ndihambele phambili, makhe ndinibalisele ngokufutshane ngemvelaphi yam.

Intsapho Eyonwabileyo

Ndazalwa ngowe-1934, kwaye bendisoloko ndisempilweni entle. Ebutsheni beminyaka yee-1950, ndadibana noIngrid, saza satshata ngowe-1958 kwaye sahlala kwidolophu yaseÖstersund, kumbindi weSweden. Kwenzeka inguqulelo ebomini bethu xa ngowe-1963 saqalisa ukufundisisa iBhayibhile namaNgqina kaYehova. Ngelo xesha sasinabantwana abathathu abaselula—uEwa, uBjörn noLena. Kungabanga thuba lide yonke intsapho yethu yayifunda kwaye yayikhula kakuhle elwazini lweenyaniso zeBhayibhile.

Kungabanga thuba lide emva kokuba siqalise ukufundisisa, safudukela eHälsingborg. Apho, mna nomfazi wam sazahlulela kuYehova saza sabhaptizwa ngowe-1964. Savuya gqitha xa umafungwashe wethu, uEwa, wathi wabhaptizwa ngowe-1968. Kwiminyaka esixhenxe kamva, ngowe-1975, uBjörn, noLena babhaptizwa, kwaye kunyaka olandelayo ndamiselwa njengomdala kwibandla lamaKristu.

Umsebenzi wam wempangelo wandenza ndakwazi ukulungiselela kakuhle iintswelo ezingokwezinto eziphathekayo zentsapho yam. Kwaye savuya ngakumbi xa uBjörn noLena bathabatha ubulungiseleli bexesha elizeleyo. Kungekudala uBjörn wamenywa ukuba aye kukhonza kwiofisi yesebe lamaNgqina kaYehova eArboga. Ubomi, ngokungathi kunjalo, babuyolisa kuthi. Kwandula ke, ebutsheni bowe-1980, ndaqalisa ukuva imiphumo engokwasemzimbeni yethumba elathi ekugqibeleni lakhutshwa kutyando oluntsonkothileyo ngowe-1983.

Ukoyisa Ukutyhafa Ngokomoya

Xa ndaxelelwa ukuba andisayi kuze ndihambe kwakhona, kwabonakala kungekho themba ebomini. Ndenza njani ukuze ndomelele ngokomoya kwakhona? Kwaba lula ngaphezu kokuba ndandicinga. Ndathabatha iBhayibhile yam ndaza ndaqalisa ukuyifunda. Okukhona ndandiyifunda kwaba kukhona ndandisiya ndisomelela. Ngaphezu kwako konke ndafikelela ekuyixabiseni iNtshumayelo kaYesu yaseNtabeni. Ndayifunda ngokuphindaphindiweyo ndaza ndacamngca ngayo.

Ndaphinda ndaba nembono eyonwabisayo ngobomi. Ngokufundisisa nangokucamngca, ndaqalisa ukubona amathuba kunemiqobo. Kwakhona ndazuza umnqweno endandinawo wokwabelana nabanye ngeenyaniso eziseBhayibhileni, kwaye ndawanelisa loo mnqweno ngokunikela ubungqina kubasebenzi basesibhedlele kunye nabanye endandidibana nabo. Intsapho yam yandixhasa ngokuzeleyo kwaye yafumana uqeqesho olungendlela eyayimele indinyamekele ngayo. Ekugqibeleni ndakwazi ukuphuma esibhedlele.

Ekugqibeleni ndagoduka. Enjani imini ukonwabisa kuthi sonke! Intsapho yam yenza ucwangciso olwaluquka ukunyanyekelwa kwam. Unyana wam, uBjörn, wagqiba kwelokuba ayeke kwiofisi yesebe lamaNgqina kaYehova, waza wabuyela ekhaya ukuze ancedise ekundinyamekeleni. Kwakundithuthuzela kakhulu ukuthandwa ndize ndikhathalelwe kangaka yintsapho yam.

Ukuhlangabezana Nokunye Ukubuyela Umva

Noko ke, ekuhambeni kwexesha, impilo yam yaba nkenenkene gqitha, yaye kwakunzima ukuba ndishukume. Ekugqibeleni, phezu kwayo nje imigudu yokuzinikela eyenziwa yintsapho yam, ayizange iphinde ikwazi ukundinyamekela ekhaya. Ngoko ndacinga ukuba kwakuya kuba kokulunge ngakumbi ukuya kwikhaya labangenakuzenzela nto. Kwakhona, oko kwathetha utshintsho kunye nenkqubo entsha. Kodwa andizange ndikuvumele oko ukuba kundibuyisele umva ngokomoya.

Andizange ndiyeke ukufunda iBhayibhile nokuphanda. Ndandisoloko ndiqwalasela endandimele ndikwenze, nendandingamele ndikwenze. Ndandicamngca ngeentsikelelo ezingokomoya ezinanditshwa ngawo onke amaNgqina kaYehova. Ndahlala ndisondele kuYehova ngomthandazo kwaye ndandisebenzisa naliphi ithuba ukuze ndishumayele kwabanye.

Ngoku ndichitha ubusuku bam kunye nenxalenye yeentsuku zam kwikhaya labangenakuzenzela nto. Iimvakwemini neengokuhlwa ndizichithela ekhaya okanye kwiintlanganiso zethu zamaKristu. Iziko lezentlalo-ntle lilungiselela rhoqo isithuthi sokundisa nokundibuyisa kwiintlanganiso sindigoduse size sindiphuthume ekhaya. Intsapho yam ezinikeleyo, abazalwana ebandleni, kwakunye nabo basebenza kwikhaya labangenakuzenzela nto bandinyamekela ngendlela emangalisayo.

Ukwenza Endinokukwenza

Andizigqali njengomlwelwe, kwaye andiphathwa ngolo hlobo yintsapho yam, kwanangabazalwana bam abangamaKristu. Ndinyanyekelwa ngothando, oko kundenza ndikwazi ukuqhubeka ndikhonza ngokunempumelelo njengomdala. Ndiqhuba iSifundo Sencwadi Sebandla veki nganye, kwakunye nesifundo seMboniselo sebandla seeveki zonke kwiHolo yoBukumkani. Andikwazi ukutyhila iBhayibhile ngokulula, ngoko kwabelwe uthile ondincedisayo ekutyhileni iBhayibhile kwiintlanganiso. Ndiqhuba iintlanganiso ndize ndinikele iintetho ndikwisitulo sam esiqhutywayo.

Ngaloo ndlela ndisakwazi ukwenza uninzi lwezinto ebendikuxabisa ukuzenza ngaphambili, kuquka ukwenza amatyelelo okwalusa. (1 Petros 5:2) Ndikwenza oku xa abazalwana noodade beze kucela uncedo okanye icebiso. Ndisebenzisa umnxeba, ndithabatha inyathelo lokuqala ngokutsalela abanye umnxeba. Umphumo uba kukukhuthazana. (Roma 1:11, 12) Kutshanje omnye umzalwana wathi: “Xa kanye ndiziva ndityhafile, utsala umnxeba ukuze undivuselele.” Kodwa nam ndiyakhuthazeka, kukwazi ukuba uYehova uyayisikelela imigudu yam.

Ngaphambi nasemva kweentlanganiso, ndiba nonxulumano olwakhayo nabantwana ebandleni. Ekubeni ndihlala kwisitulo sam esiqhutywayo, sincokola sijongelene kufuphi. Ndiyayixabisa indlela abanyaniseke nabangqale ngayo. Enye inkwenkwana yakha yathi kum: “Ungumlwelwe omhle ngokukhethekileyo!”

Ngokunikela ingqalelo koko ndinokukwenza kunokuzixhalabisa ngoko ndingenakukwazi ukukwenza, ndiye ndakunandipha ukukhonza uYehova. Ndiye ndaqonda ukuba iimvavanyo esityhubela kuzo ziyasiqeqesha kwaye ziyasomeleza.—1 Petros 5:10.

Ndiye ndaphawula ukuba, abantu abaninzi abasempilweni, bayasilela ukukuqonda ukuba sifanele sisoloko sikuthabatha nzulu ukunqula uBawo wethu wasezulwini. Ukuba asikwenzi oko, ucwangciso lwethu lokufundisisa, iintlanganiso, kunye nenkonzo yasentsimini zinokuba yinkonzo nje yokudlulisela usana kunina. Ndiwajonga la malungiselelo njengabalulekileyo ukuze ndisinde kwisiphelo seli hlabathi ukuya kwiParadisi esemhlabeni ethenjiswe nguThixo.—INdumiso 37:9-11, 29; 1 Yohane 2:17.

Sifanele siligcine liphilile ezintliziyweni zethu ithemba lobomi kwihlabathi elitsha likaThixo elizayo. (1 Tesalonika 5:8) Kwakhona ndiye ndafunda ukungayekeleli kumlo nxamnye naluphi na utyekelo lokudimazeka. Ndiye ndafunda ukumjonga uYehova njengoTata nentlangano yakhe njengoMama. Ndiye ndafikelela ekuqondeni ukuba xa sisenza umgudu, uYehova unokusebenzisa nabani na kuthi ukuba abe ngumkhonzi wakhe ophumelelayo.

Nangona maxa wambi ndiye ndavakalelwa kukuba, ‘ndiye ndakhahlelwa phantsi,’ ngokungathi kunjalo, ‘anditshatyalaliswanga.’ Andizange ndishiywe nguYehova kunye nentlangano yakhe, ndingazange ndishiywe nayintsapho yam kunye nabazalwana bam abangamaKristu. Ngoncedo lweBhayibhile nangokuyifunda, ndiye ndazuza kwakhona ukomelela ngokomoya. Ndinombulelo kuYehova uThixo, osinika “incamisa yamandla” xa sithembela ngaye.—2 Korinte 4:7.

Ngentembelo epheleleyo nangokukholosa ngokupheleleyo ngoYehova, ndikhangele phambili kwikamva ngolangazelelo. Ndinentembelo yokuba kungekudala uYehova uThixo uya kulizalisekisa idinga lakhe elingeparadisi ebuyiselweyo apha emhlabeni kunye nazo zonke iintsikelelo ezimangalisayo eya kuzizisa.—ISityhilelo 21:3, 4.