Ukuba Ngumakhulu Notatomkhulu—Izinto Ezivuyisayo Nocelomngeni
“Ndiyathanda ukuba ngutatomkhulu! Kumnandi ukuba nabazukulwana ngaphandle kokuziva ubophelelekile ngabo. Uziva unempembelelo kubomi babo kodwa ekugqibeleni asinguwe owenza isigqibo. Ngabazali babo abenjenjalo.”—UGene, utatomkhulu.
YINTONI le ingaka inokubangela ihlombe elinjalo ngokuba ngutatomkhulu okanye umakhulu? Abaphengululi bathi ngokuqhelekileyo izinto abazali abafuna abantwana bazenze zinokubangela uxinezeleko olukhulu. Ekubeni ngokuqhelekileyo ootatomkhulu noomakhulu bengafuni zinto ezingako kubo, baba nolwalamano olungabangeli luxinezeleko lungako nabazukulwana. Njengokuba uGqr. Arthur Kornhaber esitsho, kulula ukuba babathande abazukulwana “kuba nje ingabazukulwana babo.” Umakhulu ogama linguEsther uthi: “Kubantwana bam, imihla ngemihla ndandichaphazeleka ngokweemvakalelo kuko konke abakwenzayo. Njengomakhulu, kumnandi nje ukubathanda abazukulwana.”
Kwakhona kukho ubulumko nobuchule obandayo xa ubani ekhula. (Yobhi 12:12) Ootatomkhulu noomakhulu, abangasekho lula nabanamava, baneminyaka yamava yokukhulisa abantwana. Kuba befunde kwiimpazamo zabo, basenokuba nobuchule obungakumbi bokuqhubana nabantwana kunokuba kwakunjalo xa babeselula.
Ngoko uGqr. Kornhaber ugqiba ngelithi: “Umanyano olufanelekileyo nolothando phakathi kootatomkhulu noomakhulu nabazukulwana lubalulekile kwimpilo-ntle yeemvakalelo nolonwabo kwizizukulwana zontathu. Olu lwalamano lilungelo lemvelo labantwana, . . . lilifa abalinikwe ngabantu abadala eliyingenelo kuye wonke ubani entsatsheni.” Ulindixesha iFamily Relations ngokufanayo uthi: “Ootatomkhulu noomakhulu abafak’ isandla nabayiqondayo indima yootatomkhulu noomakhulu bavuya ngakumbi baze bazive bechwayitile.”
Indima Yootatomkhulu Noomakhulu
Zininzi iindima ezibalulekileyo ootatomkhulu noomakhulu abanokuzifeza. UGene uthi: “Basenokubaxhasa abantwana babo abatshatileyo. Ndicinga ukuba ngokwenjenjalo, banganciphisa ezinye iimeko ezinzima abazifumanisa bekuzo aba bazali baselula.” Ootatomkhulu noomakhulu nabo basenokwenza lukhulu ukuxhasa abazukulwana. Ngokufuthi ngootatomkhulu noomakhulu ababalisa amabali ukuze umntwana azi ngembali yentsapho. Ootatomkhulu noomakhulu ngokufuthi baba nendima ebalulekileyo ekudluliseleni unqulo lwentsapho.
Kwiintsapho ezininzi, ootatomkhulu noomakhulu baba ngabacebisi abanokuthenjwa. UJane okhankanywe kwinqaku elandulela eli, uthi: “Mhlawumbi zikho izinto abazukulwana abanokuzithetha nawe abangakhululekanga ukuzithetha nabazali babo.” Ngokuqhelekileyo abazali bayayamkela inkxaso eyongezelelekileyo enjalo. Ngokutsho kolunye uhlolisiso, “bangaphezu kwama-80 ekhulwini abakwishumi elivisayo ababathembayo ootatomkhulu noomakhulu babo. . . . Umlinganiselo omkhulu wabazukulwana asele bekhulile ugcina ulwalamano olusondeleyo nootatomkhulu noomakhulu ngamaxesha onke.”
Utatomkhulu okanye umakhulu onothando usenokubaluleka ngakumbi kumntwana ongakhuliswanga kakuhle ekhaya. USelma Wassermann ubhala esithi: “Umakhulu wayengoyena mntu ubaluleke kakhulu ndisengumntwana omncinane. Ngumakhulu owangenelelayo waza wandikhulisa. Wayenobuntu ngendlela engathethekiyo, yaye xa ndinaye ndandisazi ukuba ndikhuselekile. . . . Ndazifunda kumakhulu ezona zinto zibalulekileyo ngesiqu sam—ukuba ndandithandwa yaye ngoko ndiyathandeka.”—The Long Distance Grandmother.
Iingxaki Zentsapho
Noko ke, ukuba ngutatomkhulu okanye umakhulu akuthethi ukuba akukho zingxaki ziza kuvela. Ngokomzekelo, omnye umzali ukhumbula ephikisana kabukhali nomama wakhe ngendlela yokubhodlisa usana. “Oko kwabangela umsantsa phakathi kwethu ngexesha elalinzima gqitha kum.” Kuyaqondakala ukuba, abazali abaselula bafuna abazali babo bayamkele indlela ababakhulisa ngayo abantwana babo. Ngoko amacebiso avela kubazali abaneenjongo ezintle angavakala ngathi kukuhlaba amadlala.
Kwincwadi yakhe ethi Between Parents and Grandparents, uGqr. Kornhaber uthetha ngabazali ababini abanengxaki efanayo. Omnye umzali uthi: “Ndifikelwa ndingalindelanga yonk’ imihla ngabazali bam, yaye bayacaphuka xa ndingekho ekhaya xa befika. . . . Abandicingeli—iimvakalelo zam nobomi bam bangasese.” Omnye ukhalaza ngelithi: “Abazali bam bafuna ukuyenza umntwana wabo intombazana yam. Ngalo lonke ixesha basoloko becinga ngoSusie. . . . Sicinga ngokufuduka.”
Maxa wambi ootatomkhulu noomakhulu babekw’ ityala lokufekethisa abazukulwana ngokubafumba ngezipho. Kakade ke, isisa kutatomkhulu nomakhulu yinto nje eqhelekileyo njengokuphefumla, kodwa abanye babonakala bekubaxa oku. Noko ke, maxa wambi abazali basenokukhalaza ngenxa yomona. (IMizekeliso 14:30) UMildred uvuma ngelithi: “Abazali bam babengqongqo yaye bendiphatha kakubi. Banesisa kubantwana bam yaye [bayayekelela]. Ndinomona kuba indlela abandiphatha ngayo mna ayikatshintshi nakancinane.” Enoba iyintoni na intshukumisa okanye isizathu, kusenokubangela iingxaki ukuba utatomkhulu okanye umakhulu akakuhloneli oko kufunwa ngumzali xa kufikelelwa kumbandela wokupha.
Ngaloo ndlela kungakuhle ukuba ootatomkhulu noomakhulu basebenzise ubulumko xa bebonisa isisa. IBhayibhile ibonisa ukuba kwanento elungileyo xa ibaxiwe inokuba mbi. (IMizekeliso 25:27) Ukuba akuqinisekanga ngohlobo lwezipho ezifanelekileyo, thetha nabazali. Ngale ndlela uya ‘kukwazi ukunikela ngezipho ezilungileyo.’—Luka 11:13.
Uthando Nentlonelo—Undoqo!
Okubuhlungu kukuba, abanye ootatomkhulu noomakhulu bakhalaza ngelithi akuboniswa mbulelo ngomsebenzi wabo njengabanyamekeli nabagcini babantwana. Abanye bavakalelwa kukuba abanikwa mathuba aneleyo okubabona abazukulwana babo. Ukanti abathile bathi abantwana babo abadala baye bazinxwema bengakhange bachaze isizathu soko. Iingxaki ezinjalo ukuba buhlungu ngokufuthi zisenokuthintelwa ukuba amalungu entsapho abonakalisa uthando nentlonelo omnye komnye. IBhayibhile ithi: “Uthando luzeka kade umsindo yaye lunobubele. Uthando alunakhwele, . . . alufuni ezalo izilangazelelo, alucaphuki. . . . Luthwala izinto zonke, lukholelwa izinto zonke, luthemba izinto zonke, lunyamezela izinto zonke.”—1 Korinte 13:4, 5, 7.
Mhlawumbi ungumzali oselula yaye uMakhulu unikela icebiso okanye uthetha into ethile eneenjongo ezintle kodwa ecaphukisayo. Ngaba ngokwenene unesizathu ‘sokucaphuka’? Ngapha koko, iBhayibhile ibonisa ukuba yindima yabafazi abakhulu abangamaKristu ukufundisa “abafazana . . . ukuba bawathande amadoda abo, babathande abantwana babo, babe ngabaphilileyo engqondweni, babe nyulu, babe ngabasebenzi ekhaya.” (Tito 2:3-5) Yaye ngaba nina bazali nootatomkhulu noomakhulu anifuni okufanayo—okona kulungileyo kubantwana benu? Ekubeni uthando ‘lungafuni ezalo izilangazelelo,’ mhlawumbi kuya kuba kuhle ukugxininisa kwiimfuno zomntwana—kungekhona kwiimvakalelo zakho. Ukwenjenjalo kusenokukunceda ukuphephe “ukuvusa imbambano” ngezinto ezingenamsebenzi.—Galati 5:26, umbhalo osemazantsi weNW.
Kuyavunywa ukuba, usenokoyika ukuba ukubonakaliswa kwesisa ngokugqithiseleyo kuya kumfekethisa umntwana wakho. Kodwa ngokuqhelekileyo utatomkhulu okanye umakhulu akanazintshukumisa zingendawo xa enesisa. Inkoliso yeengcali zokunyanyekelwa kwabantwana iyavumelana ukuba indlela wena omqeqesha nomluleka ngayo umntwana wakho iya kuba negalelo elikhulu kunokungenelela kukatatomkhulu okanye umakhulu wakhe ngamaxesha athile. Omnye ugqirha ucebisa ngelithi: “Kuyanceda ukuba lirharha.”
Ukuba unesizathu esivakalayo sokuxhalaba ngombandela wokunyamekela umntwana, musa ukuluphelisa uqhagamshelwano phakathi kwabantwana bakho nomzali wakho okanye nabantu abasebukhweni. IBhayibhile ithi: “Iingcinga ziyatshitsha ngokungabikho kokucweya.” (IMizekeliso 15:22) “Ngexesha elililo,” yiba nengxubusho enzulu uze utyhile oko kukuxhalabisayo. (IMizekeliso 15:23) Ngamaxesha amaninzi, kusenokubakho izicombululo.
Ngaba ungutatomkhulu okanye umakhulu? Ngoko kubalulekile ukubonisa intlonelo ngabazali bomzukulwana wakho. Kakade ke, uya kuziva unyanzelekile ukuba uthethe xa uvakalelwa kukuba umzukulwana wakho usengozini. Kodwa nangona kuyinto eqhelekileyo ukuba umthande uze umxabise umzukulwana wakho, abazali—kungekhona ootatomkhulu noomakhulu—banembopheleleko yokukhulisa abantwana babo. (Efese 6:4) IBhayibhile iyalela abazukulwana bakho ukuba babahlonele baze babathobele abazali babo. (Efese 6:1, 2; Hebhere 12:9) Ngoko zama ukukuphepha ukubaxinxa abazali babo ngamacebiso angakhange acelwe okanye ukulijongela phantsi igunya labazali.—Thelekisa eyoku-1 kwabaseTesalonika 4:11.
Liyinyaniso elokuba, ukungakhathali, ukuval’ umlomo wakho—mhlawumbi ulindele ukuba kuhl’ ehlayo—uze uyeke abantwana bakho benze umsebenzi wabo njengabazali akusoloko kulula. Kodwa njengokuba uGene esitsho, “ngaphandle kokuba bafuna icebiso, ufanele uhambisane noko bavakalelwa kukokona kulungele abantwana babo.” UJane uthi: “Ndiyakuphepha ukuthi, ‘Le yindlela ekufanelwe kwenziwe ngayo!’ Kukho iindlela ezahlukahlukeneyo zokwenza izinto, yaye ukuba unamathela ngokungqongqo kuluvo lwakho, kusenokubangela iingxaki.”
Oko Ootatomkhulu Noomakhulu Banokukwenza
IBhayibhile ithi ukuba nabazukulwana kuyintsikelelo evela kuThixo. (INdumiso 128:3-6) Ngokuba nomdla kubazukulwana bakho, unokuba nempembelelo engamandla kubomi babo, ubanceda ukuba bakhulise imilinganiselo yobuthixo. (Thelekisa iDuteronomi 32:7.) Ngamaxesha okubhalwa kweBhayibhile ibhinqa elinguLoyisi laba nendima enkulu ekuncedeni umzukulwana walo, uTimoti, ukuba akhule abe yindoda ebalaseleyo ehlonela uThixo. (2 Timoti 1:5) Ngokufanayo, unokufumana ulonwabo njengoko abazukulwana bakho besabela kuqeqesho lobuthixo.
Kwakhona usenokubonakalisa uthando olufunekayo. Liyinyaniso elokuba, usenokuba uluhlobo lomntu ongalubonakalisiyo uthando. Noko ke, uthando lobuthixo lusenokuboniswa ngokuba nomdla onyanisekileyo nowokungazingci kubazukulwana bakho. Umbhali uSelma Wassermann uthi: “Ukubonakalisa umdla koko umntwana akuxelela kona . . . ngokuqinisekileyo kuya kubonisa ukuba unenkathalo. Ukuba ngumphulaphuli olungileyo, ongaphazamisiyo, ongathand’ ukugxeka—konke oku kubonisa intlonelo, uthando, uxabiso.” Kumzukulwana, ingqalelo enjalo yothando isenokuba sesinye sezona zipho ezinokudluliswa ngutatomkhulu okanye umakhulu.
Ingxubusho yethu okwangoku iye yagxininisa kwindima yokuba ngutatomkhulu nomakhulu. Noko ke, ootatomkhulu noomakhulu abaninzi namhlanje bathwele umthwalo onzima ngakumbi.
[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 24]
“Ndazifunda kumakhulu ezona zinto zibalulekileyo ngesiqu sam—ukuba ndandithandwa yaye ngoko ndiyathandeka”
[Ibhokisi ekwiphepha 24]
Amacebiso Kutatomkhulu Nomakhulu Abahlala Kude
• Cela abazali ukuba bakuthumelele iividiyo okanye imifanekiso yabazukulwana.
• Thumela “iileta” zeekhasethi ezirekhodiweyo kubazukulwana bakho. Ukwenzela abantwana abancinane, zirekhode ufunda amabali eBhayibhile okanye ucula iingoma zokulalisa usana.
• Bathumelele iiposikhadi neeleta abazukulwana. Ukuba kunokwenzeka, qhagamshelana nabo ngokuthe rhoqo.
• Ukuba uyakwazi ukwenjenjalo, qhagamshelana nabazukulwana bakho ngokubatsalela umnxeba. Xa uthetha nabantwana abancinane, qala incoko ngokubuza imibuzo elula, njengethi, “Ubutye ntoni ekuseni?”
• Ukuba kunokwenzeka, batyelele ngokufutshane ngokuthe rhoqo.
• Yenza amalungiselelo nabazali ukuze abazukulwana bakutyelele ekhayeni lakho. Ceba izinto ezonwabisayo, njengokuya kwimizi yogcino-zilwanyana, iimyuziyam neepaki.
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 23]
Ootatomkhulu noomakhulu abaninzi banceda ukunyamekela abazukulwana babo
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 25]
Kunokubakho iingxaki ngeendlela zokukhulisa abantwana
[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 25]
Ngokufuthi ootatomkhulu noomakhulu banendima ekudluliseleni imbali yentsapho