Kutheni Kunzima Kangaka Ukufumana Uthando Lokwenene
Angangoboya benja amacebiso ngabantu abathandanayo. Iingcali nabacebisi ngothando bazizinxada-nxada becebisa abantu. Inkqubo zencoko zikamabonwakude zidla ngokuthetha ngalo mba.
KWI-INTERNET kukho amajelo amaninzi athembisa ngokutyhila imfihlelo yokufumana uthando. Usenokuxelelwa ukuba uya kufumana “iimfihlo ezibangel’ umdla” yaye uya kufunda “ngabantu abavunyiweyo ekudibaniseni amaqabane” “izazi ngolwalamano lwabantu” kunye “neengcali ngothando,” singasathethi ke ngoogqirha bengqondo, nabo bafunda ngeengqondo zabantu kunye nabavumisi ngeenkwenkwezi.
Abantu abaninzi bathenga iincwadi namaphephancwadi othando athembisa imiphumo engaphaya kwengqondo. Ngokomzekelo, enye incwadi ithembisa ukukubonisa “indlela onokuthandwa ngayo nguye nabani na.” Enye ichaza indlela onokufumana ngayo “iqabane elingayiwayo kwisithuba nje senyanga enye.” Ngaba kuwe inyanga kukuza kukaNxele? Enye incwadi isithela thsuphe isithi “kwimizuzu engama-90 okanye ngaphantsi,” unokufumana umntu oya kukuthanda ngonaphakade.
La macebiso akafumaneki simahla. Ibe abantu abaninzi bahlawula ngokuphindwe kabini. Bahlawula imali ukuze bafumane elo cebiso. Kuthi xa inkal’ ixing’ etyeni, bahlawule nangeemvakalelo zabo xa njengokuba kulindelekile, izinto zingabahambeli kakuhle.
Phofu, kukho incwadi eluncedo ongenakuze usilele xa uyisebenzisa. Ngaphezu koko, ithetha ngokucacileyo ngalo mbandela ngaphandle kokuthembisa izulu nomhlaba. Nakuba yabhalwa kude kudala, icebiso layo aliphelelwa lixesha. UMbhali wayo uhamba yedwa kubulumko nothando. Kusenokwenzeka ukuba unawo owakho umbhalo wesi sipho sikhethekileyo—iBhayibhile. Kungakhathaliseki iimeko esikuzo okanye iimvelaphi zethu, iBhayibhile isifundisa oko simele sikwazi ngothando. Ibe akuhlawuli nemdak’ ipeni ngecebiso layo.
Ngaba iBhayibhile inokwenza ukuba sibe nolwalamano oluhle naye wonk’ umntu? Akunjalo. Abanye abantu basenokungasicaceli, kungakhathaliseki enoba sinobubele kangakanani kubo. Uthando lokwenene alununuswa. (INgoma yazo IiNgoma 8:4) Noko ke, ngokusebenzisa ukhokelo lweBhayibhile, siya kuthandwa ngabanye, kwanokuba oku kufuna umgudu nexesha. Le nkalo yothando siza kuthetha ngayo kwinqaku elilandelayo, kodwa kuqala makhe sikhangele isizathu sokuba kunzima ukufumana uthando lokwenene.
Uthando “Luya Kuphola”
Kwisiprofeto sakhe esibalaseleyo ‘esingokupheliswa kwenkqubo yezinto’ uYesu wathetha ngeemeko neempawu zomhla wethu. Wathi ihlabathi laliya kuba nolwaphulo-mthetho kunye neemfazwe—nto ezo ezichasene nothando! Walek’ umsundulu waza wathi ‘abaninzi baya kungcatshana bathiyane’ yaye “luya kuphola uthando lwabaninzi.” (Mateyu 24:3-12) Ngaba ungalikhanyela elokuba uthando luphelile ehlabathi, nkqu nakwiintsapho?
Esalek’ umsundulu kumazwi kaYesu, umpostile uPawulos wanikela ngokweenkcukacha indlela abantu ababeya kuphila ngayo “ngemihla yokugqibela.” Wabhala wathi abantu baya kuba “ngabazithandayo, abathandi bemali, abazidlayo, abanekratshi, abanyelisi, abangathobeli bazali, abangenambulelo, abanganyanisekanga, abangenawo umsa wemvelo, abangayifuni kwaphela imvisiswano, abanyelisi, abangenakuzeyisa, iindlobongela, abangathandi kulunga, abangcatshi, abaneentloko ezilukhuni, abakhukhumele likratshi, abathandi beziyolo kunokuba bathande uThixo.” (2 Timoti 3:1-4) Kumazwe amaninzi le mikhwa iqhelekile kubantu abaninzi.
Khawuzibuze: Ngaba utsaleleka lula kubantu abanekratshi, abangenambulelo, abanganyanisekanga, abanyelisi nabangcatshi? Ngaba ufuna abahlobo abazithandayo, abathanda imali okanye iziyolo? Kaloku, abantu abazingcayo bavumela ukubawa neminqweno yabo ikhonye kwindlela abaqhubana ngayo nabanye, umdla abanawo kwabanye uqhutywa kukuzingca. Nasi isiluleko sobulumko seZibhalo: “Zikhwebule kwabanjalo.”—2 Timoti 3:5.
Kwakhona, phawula ukuba, abantu abaphila kwimihla yokugqibela kuthiwa ‘abanawo umsa wemvelo,’ okanye njengoko ezinye iinguqulelo zisitsho “baphelelwe ngumsa wemvelo kwiintsapho zabo.” Okulusizi kukuba, inani labantwana abakhulela kumakhaya anjalo lintinga umhla nezolo. Oko abantwana bakufundayo ngothando, kuvela kumajelo eendaba. Ngaba le mithombo ichaza kanye oko uthando lukuko ngokwenene, uthando oluya kuvelisa ulwalamano oluhle nabanye?
Ngaba Olu Luthando Lokwenene Okanye Liphupha Nje?
Ukusa kumkhamo othile, uninzi lwethu luphenjelelwa lula ngamajelo eendaba. Omnye umphengululi wabhala wathi: “Ukususela oko sasisengabantwana, iintsomi zazinjengomgca wempuku, zithetha ngesini, uthando, nokuthandana.” Lo mphengululi wathi: “Amanye amajelo eendaba abalaselisa isini, uthando nendlela abantu abamele bathandane ngayo de inyanzele ulindelo olungekho ngqiqweni noluhlala luhleli kwabanye. Asenza sizive singanelisekanga ngamaqabane esinawo naziziqu zethu.”
Ewe, kunqabile ngeencwadi, iifilimu kunye neengoma ukuba zibonise uthando lokwenene. Ngaphezu koko, injongo yazo ephambili kukonwabisa abantu kunokubafundisa. Yiloo nto kanye eyenza ukuba ababhali bacuntsule nakwiintsomi, olu thando lwenza ingeniso kubo. Okulusizi kukuba, kulula ukubhidanisa ikomityi phakathi kothando lokwenene nolwasentsomini. Ngenxa yoko, abantu basoloko bephoxeka xa abo bathandana nabo bengafani nabalinganiswa bamabali othando. Ngoko ke, sinokuwubona njani umahluko phakathi kothando lokwenene nolwentsomi, phakathi kothando olukhuthazwa ngamajelo eendaba nothando lokwenene? Makhe sithelekise.
Uthando Lwasezincwadini Nothando Lokwenene
Nokuba ziincwadi, iifilimu okanye imidlalo yeqonga, imidlalo isenokwahluka kweminye, kodwa umongo kunye nesiseko sale midlalo zahluka kancinane. Iphephancwadi iWriter lithi: “Amabali othando aqhubeka elandela umgca wempuku. Sikho isizathu soko. Amabali ahamba ngoluhlobo: Umfana udibana nentombi, umfana ulahlekelwa yintombi, umfana uphinde ayifumane intombi. La mabali aye alingwa yaye kubonakala ephumelela, kuba abafundi bawo baquqa bebuyelela, kungakhathaliseki ukuba umdlalo ngowaliphi na ixesha kwimbali yabantu.” Makhe siwahlolisise la mabali.
Umfana udibana nentombi: Inkosana eyinzwana idibana nebhinqa elimanz’ andonga baze bathandane. Umbhali wamabali othando uthi xa ecebisa abo bafuna ukuba ngababhali bala mabali: “Kufuneka abafundi babone ukuba beqala nje ukubonana [aba babini] baya kwahlulwa kukufa.”
Ukuthiwa swii luthando beqala ukubonana kudlulisela ingcamango yokuba uthando yimvakalelo nje eyongamelayo xa udibana naloo mntu ukufaneleyo—uthando lusuka nje lukhule, yaye alufuni wenze mgudu ungako okanye ufune ukumazi ngakumbi lo mntu. Noko ke, uthando lokwenene lungaphezulu nje kwemvakalelo. Linyaniso elokuba iimvakalelo zibandakanyekile, kodwa uthando lumanyano olunzulu lwabantu oluquka imilinganiselo yokuphila ibe luqhubeka lusomelela ukuba abantu balo baqhubeka belukhulisa.—Kolose 3:14.
Ngaphezu koko, akulali uze uvuke ube sel’ umazi omnye umntu. Kukuziqaba ngentshongw’ emehlweni ukucinga ukuba ufumene umntu okufaneleyo niqala nje ukubonana yaye oku ngokuqhelekileyo kukhokelela kwimpoxeko. Ukongezelela, ukuba ukhawuleza ufikelele kwisigqibo sokuba ufumene uthando lokwenene, kunokwenza ungaziboni iimpawu ezichasene noko. Ukukhetha iqabane kufuna okungaphezulu nje kwethuku, nokuphenjelelwa yintabatheko. Musa ukungxama. Eneneni, uhlolisiso olwenziweyo izihlandlo ezininzi luye lwabonisa ukuba ukukhetha iqabane elingelilo kunokwenza ubani angaqhubi kakuhle kumsebenzi wempangelo, agule ngengqondo nangokwasemzimbeni yaye usenokufa ngaphambi kwexesha.
Umfana ulahlekelwa yintombi: Igosa elingendawo lithimba le mbelukazi lize libaleke nayo. Inkosana iphuma iphulo eliyingozi ukuze ifune isithandwa sayo. Isithethi seRomance Writers of America sithi: “Esona siseko siphambili kumabali othando simele sibe ngabantu ababini abathe swii luthando yaye besiwa bevuka ukuze ulwalamano lwabo luphumelele.” Kwiincwadi ezininzi ulwalamano lwabantu abathandanayo luza kuphumelela—abafundi bayakwazi oko. Baqabela ngaphaya kwemiqobo ngokuqhelekileyo evela kwabanye abantu.
Kubomi bokwenene kukho iingxaki ezivela kwabanye abantu naphakathi kwabo bathandanayo bebodwa. Zisenokuquka imali, umsebenzi, izalamane kunye nabahlobo. Kuvela iingxaki xa omnye engazenzi izinto ebezilindelekile. Amakhwiniba abalinganiswa bamabali othando mancinane, nto leyo engafane yenzeke kubomi bokwenene. Kwakhona, uthando lokwenene alusenzi sizicombulule lula iinzima okanye ukwahluka ngezimvo, iimvelaphi, iminqweno kunye nobuntu ngaphandle kokusebenza nzima. Kunoko, uthando luquka ukusebenzisana, ukuthobeka, ubulali, umonde ukuzeyisa—mpawu ezo ekungelula ukuzibonakalisa ngokwemvelo.—1 Korinte 13:4-7.
Umfana ufumana intombi: Inkosana ihlangula le nzwakazi ize igxothe igosa elingendawo. Bayatshata baze baphile kamnandi emva koko. Umhleli weencwadi zothando ucebisa ngelithi kwabo bafuna ukuba ngababhali: “Uyafuneka umqukumbelo wokuba baphile kamnandi emva koko ngonaphakade. . . . Umfundi kufuneka oneliseke yinto yokuba aba babini bakunye kwakhona yaye bonwabile.” Kunqabile ngeencwadi zamabali othando ukuba zibalise ngabalinganiswa bazo ngemva kweminyaka betshatile. Kwelo xesha iingxabano kunye nodederhu lwezinye iingxaki neenzima zinokuluvavanya ulwalamano lwabo. Njengoko izicangca zoqhawulo-mtshato zibonisa, ekuhambeni kwexesha imitshato emininzi isilela kalusizi kolu vavanyo.
Ewe, uthando lwencwadi zothando lulula ngokwentelekiso, uthando lokwenene luyasetyenzelwa. Ukwazi umahluko phakathi kwezi ndlela zothando kunokukukhusela ekwenzeni izinto ngobuyatha nangokulindela izinto ezingekho ngqiqweni. Kuya kukwenza ungaziqamangeli ngezifungo nezithembiso oya kuzisola ngazo kamva. Inqaku elilandelayo liza kuthetha ngendlela onokuhlakulela ngazo uthando lokwenene nolokungazingci nendlela onokwenza uthandwe ngayo ngabanye.
[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 5]
Abantu abathanda kancinane bathandwa kancinane
[Amagama acatshulweyo akwiphepha 7]
Uthando lwamabali lulula, uthando lokwenene luyasetyenzelwa
[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 6]
Abadlali Abaphambili Bamabali Othando
EUnited States, iincwadi zamabali othando zenza ingeniso enokuba ngama-6,5 amawaka ezigidi zeerandi. Malunga nesiqingatha seencwadi ezithengiswa kwelo lizwe zezothando. Ngokutsho kwesicangca esipapashwe yiRomance Writers of America, eyona nto ingundoqo efunwa ngabafundi, abali-90 ekhulwini babo ingamabhinqa, ngabadlali abangamagorha, anezoso neenzwana ezikrelekrele. Ezona zinto zibalulekileyo kumagorhakazi ala mabali bubukrelekrele, ukukhalipha nobuhle.
[Imifanekiso ekwiphepha 6, 7]
Amajelo eendaba kunqabile ukuba abonise oko uthando lokwenene lukuko