Amacebo Anganceda Abathandanayo

1-2. Abanye bathi kwakunjani ngesikhathi bethandana?

IJAHA lentombi bangakholisa kakhulu ngesikhathi bethandana. Nxa lawe kulomuntu othandana laye, akuthandabuzwa ukuthi ufuna lisikholise isikhathi leso. Abanengi bayasikholisa sibili. Omunye udade okuthiwa nguTsion,a ohlala e-Ethiopia uthi: “Esinye isikhathi esasimnandi kakhulu empilweni yami kwakuyisikhathi mina lomkami sisathandana. Sasike sixoxe ngezinto eziqakathekileyo njalo kwezinye izikhathi sasizichazekela. Ngathokoza kakhulu nginanzelela ukuthi ngasengithole umuntu ongithandayo, lami engimthandayo.”

² Omunye umfowethu ohlala eNetherlands okuthiwa ngu-Alessio yena uthi: “Kwakumnandi ukufunda umkami ngesikhathi sisathandana lanxa sasike sibe lezikhathi ezinzima.” Esihlokweni lesi sizaxoxa ngobunzima obungaba khona nxa abantu bethandana kanye lezimiso eziseBhayibhilini ezingabanceda ukuthi baphumelele. Sizabona lokuthi abanye ebandleni bangabancedisa njani abathandanayo.

INHLOSO YOKUTHANDANA

3. Iyini inhloso yokuthandana? (IZaga 20:25)

³ Lanxa abantu abathandanayo besiba lezikhathi ezimnandi, akumelanga bakhohlwe ukuthi ukuthandana kwabo kumele kubancede babone ukuthi kungavuma yini ukuthi batshade. Nxa abantu betshada bayafunga phambi kukaJehova ukuthi bazaqhubeka behloniphana futhi bethandana isikhathi sonke besaphila. Kumele siqale sicabangisise singakenzi loba yisiphi isifungo. (Bala iZaga 20:25.) Ngakho umuntu ofuna ukwenza isifungo somtshado laye kumele acabangisise engakasenzi. Ngesikhathi ijaha lentombi bethandana bayathola ithuba lokuthi bazane ngcono futhi lokhu kuyabanceda ukuthi benze isinqumo esihle. Bangakhetha ukuthi batshade kumbe ukuthi batshiyane. Nxa intombi lejaha bangayalana akutsho ukuthi benze into embi. Ukuthandana kwabo kuyabe kuyifezile inhloso yakho ngoba kubancedile ukuthi benze isinqumo esihle.

4. Kungani kuqakathekile ukwazi inhloso yokuthandana?

⁴ Kungani kuqakathekile ukwazi inhloso yokuthandana? Nxa abantu abangatshadanga beyizwisisa inhloso yokuthandana abasoze bathandane lomuntu abangafisi ukutshada laye. Lanxa kunjalo abangatshadanga ayisibo bodwa okumele bayizwisise inhloso yokuthandana kwabantu. Sonke kumele siyizwisise. Phela abanye bacabanga ukuthi nxa abantu bangathandana sekumele batshade loba sekutheni. Kuwaphatha njani amaKhristu angatshadanga lokhu? Omunye udade ongatshadanga ohlala e-United States okuthiwa nguMelissa uthi: “Nxa umfowethu lodadewethu bethandana, abanye oFakazi bayabe sebekhangelele ukuthi batshade. Lokhu kubathwalisa nzima sibili. Kwenza ukuthi abanye abathandanayo baqhubeke bethandana lanxa bebona ukuthi badonsa nzima. Kanti njalo abanye bacina bebona kungcono ukuthi bangathandani lomuntu.”

FUNDANANI LAZANE

5-6. Yiziphi izinto abantu abathandanayo okumele bazazi ngesikhathi besathandana? (U-1 Phetro 3:4)

⁵ Nxa kulomuntu othandana laye, kuyini okuzakunceda ubone ukuthi ungatshada laye kumbe hatshi? Yikumfunda umazi kuhle. Kumele ukuthi kukhona owawusukwazi ngaye lingakaqalisi ukuthandana, kodwa khathesi usulethuba lokwazi ‘umuntu ofihlakeleyo wenhliziyo.’ (Bala u-1 Phetro 3:4.) Ngesikhathi lisathandana funda okunengi ngokuthi umuntu othandana laye umthanda kangakanani uJehova, ukuthi ulobuntu obunjani lokuthi ucabanga njani. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi kumele ube ususenelisa ukuphendula imibuzo le: ‘Nxa ngingatshada laye sizenelisa ukuhlalisana kuhle yini?’ (Zaga. 31:​26, 27, 30; Efe. 5:33; 1 Thim. 5:8) ‘Kuyakhanya yini ukuthi ngiyamthanda lokuthi ngilendaba lokuthi uzwa njani? Ngiyakubona yini ukuthi laye uyangithanda lokuthi ulendaba lendlela engizizwa ngayo? Ngingenelisa yini ukubekezelela amaphutha awenzayo? Laye uyenelisa yini ukungibekezelela?’b (Rom. 3:23) Njengoba liqhubeka lisazana, khumbula ukuthi ukuthanda izinto ezifananayo ayisikho okuqakathekileyo, okuqakathekileyo yikuthi lenzani nxa lilemibono etshiyeneyo ezintweni ezithile.

⁶ Kuyini okunye okumele ukwazi ngomuntu othandana laye? Ungakangeni ngenhliziyo kungaba kuhle ukuthi lixoxe ngezinye izinto eziqakathekileyo, njengokuthi kuyini umuntu othandana laye afuna ukukwenza empilweni. Lingaxoxa yini ngezinye izinto ezingabe ziyimfihlo, ngokwesibonelo imikhuhlane elingabe lilayo, izindaba zezimali kanye lezinto ezimbi ezingabe zenzakala kini ezingabe zilihlupha kwezinye izikhathi? Ye lingaxoxa kodwa ayisizo zonke izinto okumele kuxoxwe ngazo lisaqalisa nje ukuthandana. (Khangela uJohane 16:12.) Nxa ubona angathi awukakulungeli ukukhuluma ngezinye izinto ezimayelana lawe, mtshele umuntu othandana laye. Kodwa ngokuhamba kwesikhathi kuzamele umtshele izinto lezo ukuze enze isinqumo esazi. Ngakho hlala ukwazi ukuthi ngesinye isikhathi kuzamele ukhulume konke okumayelana lawe.

7. Abathandanayo bangenzani ukuze bazane kuhle? (Khangela lebhokisi elithi “Nxa Uthandana Lomuntu Ohlala Khatshana.”) (Khangela lemifanekiso.)

⁷ Lingenzani ukuze lazane kuhle nxa lithandana? Kumele litshelane konke lingafihlelani lutho, libuzane imibuzo njalo lilalelane nxa omunye ekhuluma. (Zaga. 20:5; Jak. 1:19) Yikho yenzani izinto ezingalivulela amathuba okuthi lixoxe, njengokudla ndawonye, ukuzihambahambela endaweni ezilabantu kanye lokutshumayela ndawonye. Okunye okungalinceda ukuthi lazane kuhle yikuzinika isikhathi sokuba labemuli labangane. Lingahlela ukwenza ezinye izinto ezingalinceda libone ukuthi munye ngamunye wenu wenzani nxa esezimeni ezitshiyeneyo futhi elabantu abatshiyeneyo. U-Aschwin ohlala eNetherlands uyasitshela ukuthi bona babesenzani ngesikhathi besathandana lo-Alicia. Uthi: “Sasidinga izinto esasingazenza ezazizasinceda ukuthi sifundane. Sasisenza izinto ezinjengokupheka ndawonye kumbe ukwenza eminye imisebenzi ndawonye. Ngesikhathi sisenza imisebenzi le sasibona ubuntu obuhle bomunye lomunye kanye lalapho esasisilela khona.”

8. Ukutaditsha ndawonye kungabanceda njani abathandanayo?

⁸ Okunye okungalinceda ukuthi lazane yikuthi litaditshe ndawonye. Nxa lingatshada kuzamele lizinike isikhathi sokuba lokukhonza kwemuli ukuze uNkulunkulu alincedise emtshadweni wenu. (Umtshu. 4:12) Yikho lakhathesi lisathandana lingahlela ukuba lesikhathi sokutaditsha ndawonye. Kodwa lokhu akutsho ukuthi abantu abathandanayo bayabe sebeyimuli lokuthi umzalwane uyabe eseyinhloko kadadewethu. Ukuzinika isikhathi sokutaditsha ndawonye kuzakunceda ubone ukuthi umuntu othandana laye umthanda kangakanani uNkulunkulu. UMax lomkakhe uLaysa abahlala e-United States bakubona ukuthi lokhu kuyanceda. UMax uthi: “Sisaqalisa ukuthandana sahle sataditsha amabhuku ethu alendaba ezikhuluma ngokuthandana, lomtshado kanye lemuli. Amabhuku la asinceda ukuthi sixoxe ngezinto ezinengi eziqakathekileyo okwakungaba nzima ukuthi sixoxe ngazo.”

OKUNYE ELINGACABANGA NGAKHO

9. Ngobani abathandanayo abangabatshela ukuthi sebethandana njalo kungani?

⁹ Ngobani elingabatshela ukuthi liyathandana? Liyazikhethela elifuna ukubatshela. Nxa lisanda kuqalisa ukuthandana lingakhetha ukutshela abalutshwana nje kuphela. (Zaga. 17:27) Ngokwesibonelo, lingatshela abanye abemuli, abangane abaqinileyo ekukhonzeni kumbe abadala bebandla. Lokho kungalinceda ukuthi abantu bangalibuzabuzi imibuzo eminengi futhi bangangeneli ekuthandaneni kwenu. Kodwa nxa lingakugcina kuyimfihlo lingatsheli muntu, lingacina libonana endaweni ezicatshileyo lisesaba ukuthi abantu bangabakwazi ukuthi liyathandana. Lokho kungaba yingozi sibili. Yikho kungaba kuhle ukuthi litshele abanye elibona angathi bangalincedisa.—Zaga. 15:22.

10. Kuyini abathandanayo abangakwenza ukuze bahlale bemsulwa? (IZaga 22:3)

¹⁰ Kuyini elingakwenza ukuze lihlale limsulwa ngesikhathi lithandana? Nxa liqhubeka lithandana, imizwa yenu iyabe ilokhu ikhula. Manje kuyini okungalinceda ukuthi lihlale limsulwa? (1 Khor. 6:18) Lingaxoxi ngezemacansini, lingabi lodwa endaweni engelabantu futhi nxa linatha lingadlulisi amalawulo. (Efe. 5:3) Izinto lezi zingavusa imizwa yenu futhi zenze kube nzima ukuthi lihlale limsulwa. Kungalinceda ukuthi lihlale lixoxa ngokuthi lingazivikela njani ukuze lingacini seliziphatha kubi. (Bala iZaga 22:3.) Nanzelela ukuthi kuyini okwanceda uDawit lo-Almaz abahlala e-Ethiopia. Bathi: “Sasikwejisela endaweni ezilabantu abanengi njalo kwezinye izikhathi sasihamba labangane bethu. Sasingaqali ukuba sodwa emoteni kumbe endlini. Lokho kwasinceda ukuthi singalingeki ukuthi siziphathe kubi.”

11. Kuyini abantu abathandanayo okumele bacabange ngakho nxa bekhetha indlela abazatshengisana ngayo uthando?

¹¹ Kuqondile yini ukuthi abantu abathandanayo batshengisane uthando? Nxa isikhathi silokhu sihamba lingakhetha ukuthi yiziphi izenzo zokutshengisana uthando elingazenza. Kodwa kumele lenze izinto ezizalitshiya limsulwa. Phela nxa lingenza izinto lifuqwa yimizwa kungaba nzima ukuthi lenze isinqumo esihle. (Ingoma. 1:2; 2:6) Kulula ukuthi nxa abantu betshengisana uthando behluleke ukuzibamba bacine sebeziphatha kubi. (Zaga. 6:27) Ngakho nxa liqalisa ukuthandana, xoxani ngezimiso zeBhayibhili ezingalinceda libone lokho elingakwenza lalokho okungamelanga likwenze.c (1 Thes. 4:​3-7) Nanku okunye elingazibuza khona: ‘Endaweni esihlala kuyo abantu bazathini nxa bengasibona sitshengisana uthando? Izenzo lezi zingasivusela imizwa yini?’

12. Kuyini okumele abathandanayo bacabange ngakho nxa kuyikuthi kulezinto abangavumelani kuzo?

¹² Lingenzani nxa lingaba lenhlupho kumbe kube lokunye elingavumelani ngakho? Nxa kuyikuthi kulezinto eliyabe lingavumelani ngazo ngezinye izikhathi, kutsho ukuthi sekumele liyalane yini? Hatshi. Phela akulabantu abathandanayo abavumelana kukho konke. Abantu abathokozayo ezimulini zabo ngabasebenza nzima ukuthi balungisise lapho abayabe bengavumelani khona. Ngakho indlela elilungisa ngayo inhlupho khathesi ingatshengisa ukuthi lizahlalisana kuhle yini nxa selitshadile. Lingazibuza imibuzo le: ‘Siyenelisa yini ukuxoxa kuhle ngendaba ethile singazange sivuke ngolaka? Siyaphangisa yini ukuvuma amaphutha ethu besesizama ukulungisisa? Siyaphangisa yini ukuxolisa, lokuthethelela, lokwamukela imibono yomunye?’ (Efe. 4:​31, 32) Nxa kuyikuthi lihlala lixabana kungenzakala ukuthi lizahlala lixabana selitshadile. Yikho nxa ungananzelela ukuthi wena lomuntu othandana laye alifanelani, kungaba ngcono ukuthi lehlukane futhi lokho kuzalinceda lobabili.d

13. Kuyini okunganceda abathandanayo babone ukuthi bangathandana okwesikhathi esinganani?

¹³ Abantu kumele bathandane okwesikhathi esingakanani? Ukwenza izinqumo ujahile kungaba lempumela ebuhlungu. (Zaga. 21:5) Okunganceda yikuthi abantu bathandane okwesikhathi eseneleyo baze bazane kuhle. Kodwa akumelanga liqhubeke lithandana okwesikhathi eside kungelasidingo. IBhayibhili lithi: “Nxa okukhangelelwe ngumuntu kuphuza, inhliziyo iyagula.” (Zaga. 13:12) Kanti njalo nxa lingathandana okwesikhathi eside kuba nzima ukuthi lizibambe. (1 Khor. 7:9) Yikho ungacabangi kakhulu ngesikhathi eselisiqede lithandana kodwa cabanga ngokuthi kuyini okunye okusamele ukufunde ngomuntu othandana laye ukuze wenze isinqumo esihle.

ABANYE BANGABASEKELA NJANI ABATHANDANAYO?

14. Yiziphi izindlela abanye abangasekela ngazo abantu abathandanayo? (Khangela lomfanekiso.)

¹⁴ Nxa kulabantu abathandanayo esibaziyo singabancedisa njani? Singabanxusa ukuthi bazokudla lathi, sibanxuse lasekukhonzeni kwethu kwemuli kumbe ukuthi siyezilibazisa labo. (Rom. 12:13) Lokhu kungabanceda ukuthi bazane ngcono. Kungaba kuhle ukuthi sibancedise nxa befuna umuntu ongabaphelekezela, kumbe befuna ukuhanjiswa endaweni ethile loba befuna indawo abangahlala kuyo baxoxe. (Gal. 6:10) U-Alicia lo-Aschwin bayasitshela lokho abakuthandayo ngendlela abancediswa ngayo. U-Alicia uthi: “Sasithaba nxa abazalwane besitshela ukuthi singabuya ezindlini zabo nxa sifuna isikhathi sokuba ndawonye.” Nxa abantu abathandanayo bangakucela ukuthi ubaphelekezele, kubone njengendlela yokubasekela. Lanxa kungamelanga ubatshiye bebodwa, nanzelela lapho abadinga khona isikhathi sokuthi bakhulume ungekho eduze.—Flp. 2:4.

15. Kuyini okunye abanye abangakwenza ukuze basekele abantu abathandanayo? (IZaga 12:18)

¹⁵ Singasekela abantu abathandanayo ngalokho esikukhulumayo langalokho esikhetha ukungakukhulumi. Kwezinye izikhathi kuyabe kumele sizibambe. (Bala iZaga 12:18.) Ngokwesibonelo, singabe sifuna ukutshela abantu ukuthi omunye umzalwane lodadewethu sebethandana, kodwa kungenzeka ukuthi bafuna ukuzikhulumela. Akumelanga sinyeye abantu abathandanayo kumbe sibasole ngezinto ezingaqondananga lathi abayabe bezenza. (Zaga. 20:19; Rom. 14:10; 1 Thes. 4:11) Kanti njalo bangabe bengafuni ukuthi abantu bahlale bebabuza ukuthi bazatshada nini futhi bebatshela lokuthi sekumele batshade. Udadewethu okuthiwa ngu-Elise lomkakhe bathi, “Kwakusithelela inhloni ukuthi abanye basibuze ngenhlelo zethu zomtshado thina singakakhulumi langazo.”

16. Kumele senzeni nxa abathandanayo bangayalana?

¹⁶ Nxa abantu abathandanayo bangatshiyana, akumelanga sizame ukudingisisa ukuthi kuhambe njani kumbe siqalise ukusola omunye wabo. (1 Phet. 4:15) Omunye udadewethu okuthiwa nguLea uthi: “Ngezwa ukuthi abanye basebekhuluma izinto ezitshiyeneyo mayelana lokuthi kungani mina lomunye umzalwane sayalana. Lokho kwangizwisa ubuhlungu kakhulu.” Njengoba kuke kwakhulunywa, ukuyalana kwabantu akutsho ukuthi baphambanisile. Izikhathi ezinengi kuyabe kutshengisa ukuthi ukuthandana kwabo kuyifezile inhloso yakho ngoba kuyabe kubancede benza isinqumo esihle. Lanxa kunjalo isinqumo leso singabe senze ukuthi bazwe ubuhlungu lokuthi bazizwe sebelesizungu. Ngakho kuhle ukuthi sidinge indlela zokubasekela.—Zaga. 17:17.

17. Kuyini okumele abantu abathandanayo baqhubeke bekwenza?

¹⁷ Njengoba sibonile, abantu abathandanayo bangasikholisa kakhulu isikhathi leso kodwa akutsho ukuthi abasoze babe lobunzima. UJessica uthi: “Kwakungumsebenzi sibili ngesikhathi sithandana kodwa kuyangithabisa ukuthi sasisebenzisa kuhle isikhathi sethu lamandla ethu ukuze sazane ngcono.” Nxa kulomuntu othandana laye yenza konke okusemandleni akho ukuthi uqhubeke usiba mazi ngcono. Nxa ungenza njalo lizaphumelela futhi ukuthandana kwenu kuzalinceda lobabili ukuthi lenze isinqumo esihle.