Ezothando—Ingxenye 3: Kumele Siyalane Yini?

Mhlawumbe usulesikhathi uthandana lomunye umuntu kodwa kukhona osukusola. Uyazibuza ukuthi liqhubeke ngokuthandana yini kumbe litshiyane. Isihloko lesi sizakunceda ukuthi ukhethe kuhle.

Okusesihlokweni lesi

• Nxa kukhona okusolayo

• Ukwenza isinqumo

• Nxa ungakhetha ukuthi liyalane

Nxa kukhona okusolayo

Ngemva kokuthandana okwesikhathi esithile, ijaha lentombi bangananzelela ukuthi kulezinto abangahambelani kuzo. Ngokwesibonelo:

• Omunye uthanda ukukwejisa ezihlalele ikanti omunye uthanda ukubhodabhoda ebuka indalo.

• Omunye uthanda ukuxoxa kodwa omunye uthule.

• Omunye ujayele ukuqamba amanga kodwa omunye uhlala ekhuluma iqiniso.

Esimeni sokuqala sinanzelele ukuthi abantu laba bathanda ukwenza izinto ezitshiyeneyo, kwesesibili sibona ukuthi balobuntu obutshiyeneyo, ikanti kwesesithathu sibona lokho abakuqakathekisayo empilweni.

Ongacabanga ngakho: Phakathi kokuthathu lokhu yikuphi obona angani kungaba nzima ukuthi ukubekezelele nxa lingakhetha ukutshada? Yikuphi obona angani lingenelisa ukukubekezelela?

Lanxa indoda lomkayo bengathanda ukwenza izinto ezitshiyeneyo kumbe belobuntu obutshiyeneyo, iqiniso yikuthi bangathokoza emulini yabo. Phela ukuhambelana akutsho ukuthi lizahlala lisenza izinto ezifananayo. Kwezinye izikhathi indoda kumbe umkayo angacina ethanda izinto ezithandwa ngomunye wakhe futhi imuli yonke nje ingancedakala ngobuntu bomunye.a

Kodwa kuyanceda kakhulu ukuthi utshade lomuntu oqakathekisa izinto lawe oziqakathekisayo ikakhulu ezindabeni zokukhonza lezokuziphatha. Nxa lokho elikuqakathekisayo kungafanani kuyabe kungcono ukuthi lehlukane.

Ngokwesibonelo, ake sithi lokho elikukholwayo kutshiyene. Ibhuku elithi Fighting for Your Marriage lithi: “Ukuchwayisisa kutshengisa ukuthi izikhathi ezinengi indoda lomkayo abangangeni inkolo efananayo bacina bedivosile.”

Isimiso esiseBhayibhilini: “Lingazami ukusebenza ndawonye labangakholwayo ngoba akusoze kuphume lutho.”—2 KwabaseKhorinte 6:14, Good News Translation.

Ukwenza isinqumo

IBhayibhili lithi labo abatshadayo “bazakuba lobuhlungu losizi.” (1 KwabaseKhorinte 7:28, The New English Bible) Yikho ungamangali nxa lokhu kusenzakala khathesi lisathandana.

Ukungazwanani okuncane akutsho ukuthi sekumele liyalane. Umbuzo okumele uzibuze wona ngothi, ‘Ngiyenelisa ukulungisa ukungazwanani ngendlela elokuthula yini?’ Nxa lisenelisa ukulungisa ukungazwanani khathesi lizenelisa ukwenza njalo nxa lingatshada.

Isimiso esiseBhayibhilini: “Wobani lomusa komunye lomunye, lizwelane njalo lithethelelane ngenhliziyo yonke.”—Kwabase-Efesu 4:32.

Kodwa ukuhlala lixabana kungabe kutshengisa ukuthi alifanelani. Kungcono ukukunanzelela lokhu lisathandana lingakatshadi!

Okuqakathekileyo: Nxa kuyikuthi kukhona okusolayo ngomuntu othandana laye kumbe ubona angani awukakulungeli ukutshada, ungagoqi izandla!

Isimiso esiseBhayibhilini: “Umuntu ohlakaniphileyo uyayibona ingozi acatshe, kodwa ongelalwazi uqhubeka eqonda kuyo abesethwala nzima.”—IZaga 22:3.

Nxa ungakhetha ukuthi liyalane

Ukwalana lomuntu obuthandana laye kubuhlungu sibili. Kodwa nxa kuyikuthi omunye wenu kumbe lobabili lilento eliyisolayo kungcono liyalane.

Ungakwenza njani lokhu? Kungaba ngcono ukuthi likhulume likhangelene, kulokuthi umbhalele imeseji, i-email kumbe ukuthi umfonele. Lokhu lingakwenza ngokukhetha isikhathi lendawo efaneleyo ukuze lixoxe ngendaba le eqakathekileyo.

Isimiso esiseBhayibhilini: “Khulumani iqiniso komunye lomunye.”—UZakhariya 8:16.

Ukwalana lomuntu obuthandana laye kutsho ukuthi uyisehluleki yini? Hatshi. Khumbula ukuthi isikhathi sokuthandana sikunika ithuba lokubona ukuthi lingatshada yini loba hatshi. Lanxa lingayalana kukhona okuthile oyabe ukufundile okuzakunceda empilweni.

Zibuze: ‘Ngesikhathi ngithandana lomuntu lo, kuyini engikufundileyo ngami? Okwenzakeleyo kungitshengisile yini lapho okumele ngithuthukise khona? Kuyini okumele ngikwenze nxa ngingakhetha ukuthandana lomunye umuntu ngesikhathi esizayo?’