Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Cholakwa Nchiyani ndi Kulankhuzana?

‘SITIKUPALANA ubwenzi, timangolankhuzana basi.’ Ndimmene Denny wazaka zakubadwa 17 anafotokozera unansi wake ndi Tina.a Iwo anakumana pamsonkhano wachigawo wa Mboni za Yehova, ndipo chiyambire pamenepo akhala akulankhuzana nthaŵi zonse kwanthaŵi yaitali pafoni. Denny akuvomereza kuti iwo ali achichepere kwambiri osakhoza kulondola nkhani yaikulu yakutomerana. Koma sawona cholakwa chirichonse m’kulankhuzana kwawo.

Achichepere ambiri amene samaloledwa ndi makolo awo kupita koyenda amaloledwa kukulitsa ubwenzi ndi osiyana nawo ziŵalo mwakulankhuzana kaŵirikaŵiri ndi kuimbirana foni. Kodi kuli kusanguluka kosalakwika? Mwinamwake. Koma makolo ena akuchita mantha. “Pakuwonekera kukhala vuto lalikulu pankhaniyi kwa achichepere ‘okhala paunansi’ ndi achichepere anzawo,” linalemba motero kholo lina loda nkhaŵa. “Iwo sakupalana ubwenzi, koma amawonana monga tsamwali lachimuna ndi lachikazi.”

Achichepere ena amakulitsa maunansi a mnyamata ndi msungwana mwa kulemberana makalata. Makalata ameneŵa angakhaledi maneno osalakwa aubwenzi. Komabe, nthaŵi zambiri amadzakhala achikondi mowonjezereka. Unansi wachikondi ungakhaleponso pamene achichepere ayamba kulemberana ndi anthu odziŵika kukhala opereka chitzanzo choipa monga Akristu. Iwo anganene kuti kulemberana makalata kunayamba monga kuyesayesa kowona mtima kwa kulimbikitsa oterowo.

Kodi Nkulankhuzana Wamba Kapena Kupalana Ubwenzi?

Baibulo silimatsutsa kulankhuzana kapena kulemberana makalata ndi osiyana nawo ziŵalo. Akristu ayenera ‘kukhala ndi chikondi pa gulu lonse la abale,’ ndipo zimenezo zimaphatikizapo amuna ndi akazi achichepere. (1 Petro 2:17) Ndiponso Baibulo limauza anyamata kuchitira “akazi aang’ono ngati alongo, m’kuyera mtima konse.” (1 Timoteo 5:2) Pamene lamulo lamakhalidwe abwino limeneli litsatiridwa, anyamata ndi asungwana angakhale ndi maunansi oyera, abwino—inde, ubwenzi!

Komabe, achichepere Achikristu kaŵirikaŵiri amasangalala ndi ubwenzi woterowo m’timagulu. Choncho pamene achichepere aŵiri adzilekanitsa kwa ena kuti asamalirane mwapadera, unansiwo umayamba kukhala wachikondi, kutomerana. Kodi umenewo kwakukulukulu ngwofanana ndi kupalana ubwenzi? Mosakaikira achichepere ochuluka anganene kuti ayi. Komabe, sinthaŵi zonse pamene achichepere amakhala otsimikiza zimene achikulire amatanthauza ponena za kupalana ubwenzi.

Pamene gulu lina la achichepere linafunsidwa kumasulira kupalana ubwenzi, oposa theka anati kumatanthauza ‘kukacheza ndi wosiyana naye chiŵalo.’ Ena anakumasulira kukhala ‘kudziŵa bwinopo munthu wina.’ Kufufuza kwachisawawa pakati pa gulu la achichepere Achikristu kunatulutsa mayankho ofananawo. Mnyamata wina wazaka zakubadwa 13 anati: “Kupalana ubwenzi mpamene utengera msungwana ku akanema nukhala konko mpaka usiku kwambiri ndiyeno kumperekeza kunyumba.”

Dikishonale ina imamasulira liwu Lachingelezi la “kupalana ubwenzi” kukhala “kucheza kwa anthu aŵiri osiyana ziŵalo.” Kodi kumeneku sikungaphatikizepo kulankhuzana kwanthaŵi zonse ndi munthu wina? Ndipo bwanji za kulankhuzana kotero, kapena kucheza, pafoni? Mnyamata wina wotchedwa Ivan anati: “Ulidi mtundu wa kupalana ubwenzi, makamaka ngati mwalinganiziratu tsiku ndi nthaŵi yochitira munthuyo foni ndipo ngati makambitsiranowo angozikidwa pankhani zaumwini.”

Bukhu la The Family Handbook of Adolescence limati: “Kukumana kwa mnyamata ndi msungwana . . . kaŵirikaŵiri kumachitidwa kupyolera mwa timakalata, makalata, ndi foni. Iriyonse ya mitundu imeneyi yakulankhulana njamtengo wapatali [kwa achichepere] chifukwa imalola kukondana kwapatali.” Ngakhale ziri choncho, monga momwe zimakhalira ndi mtundu uliwonse wa kupalana ubwenzi, pangakhale kudziloŵetsa muunansi wamphamvu. Talingalirani mnyamata wotchedwa Jack. Atakopeka ndi msungwana wina monga mnzake wa muukwati wothekera, anathera nthaŵi yochuluka akulankhula naye pafoni. “Nkotheka kudziŵa makhalidwe a munthu wina pafoni,” anatero Jack. “Mungagaŵane malingaliro ndipo ngakhale zakumtima pafoni.” Jack ndi msungwana wake anakwatirana. Chifukwa chotalikirana, opalana ubwenzi ambiri apitiriza unansi wawo mwakuchitirana foni ndi kulemberana makalata!

Pamenepo, nkhani siyakuti kaya kapena mumanena kuti aŵiriwo akulankhuzana, kuwonana, kapena kupalana ubwenzi basi, koma mtundu wa unansi umene iwo akukulitsa. Ndipo pamene mnyamata ndi msungwana adzipatula, mothekera zingawoneke kukhala kuyamba kwa unansi wachikondi. Ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri zimaposa mmene zimawonekeramo. Monga momwe wolemba nkhani wachichepere Jane Rinzler anafotokozera m’bukhu lake la Teens Speak Out kuti: “Ngati anthu akondana . . . amayamba kuwonana. Mwinamwake adzayamba ndi kulankhuzana kwawo pafoni kamodzi, kapena nthaŵi zingapo.”

Maupandu a Kufulumira Kupalana Ubwenzi

Tsopano kungakhale bwino kwa anthu aŵiri kuyamba unansi wachikondi malinga ngati ali okonzekera kuloŵa muukwati. Koma ndiachichepere oŵerengeka okha opalana ubwenzi amene amalingalira kukwatirana. Malinga ndi bukhu la Adolescent Development, lolembedwa ndi Barbara ndi Philip Newman, kupalana ubwenzi kwa achichepere kaŵirikaŵiri kumangokhala “mtundu wa kusanguluka,” njira ‘yopezera kuzindikiridwa’ pakati pa achichepere ena, ndi njira “yophunzirira za osiyana nawo ziŵalo.”

Koma kwa Akristu, ukwati ngwopatulika, wolemekezeka. (Ahebri 13:4) Chifukwa chake kutomerana kwa mtundu uliwonse kuli nkhani yaikulu—osati mtundu wa maseŵera. Ndipo pamene wina ali wamng’ono kwambiri wosakhoza kukwatira, unansi wathithithi ndi wosiyana naye ziŵalo ungathere mosavuta m’kusweka mtima ndi chisoni. Baibulo limafotokoza zimenezo motere: “Kodi mwamuna angatenge moto pa chifuwa chake osatentha zovala zake?”—Miyambo 6:27.

Pamene Maria anali ndi zaka zakubadwa 13, anayamba kuyesa kupalana ubwenzi kwa pafoni. Kunali kosangulutsa mwakanthaŵi. Koma popeza kuti anali asanakule moyenerera ukwati, kupalana ubwenzi kotero kunamgwiritsa mwala ndi kumlefula. “Chiyembekezo chozengereza chidwalitsa mtima,” imatero Miyambo 13:12. Analimbananso ndi vuto la kubisa kwa makolo ake chinsinsi cha kupalana ubwenzi kwake. “Nthaŵi iriyonse pamene foni inalira, ndinada nkhaŵa kuti wina adzaiyankha—makamaka amayi. Zinali zamanyazi pamene iwo ankafunsa kuti, ‘Kodi ndinu yani?’ nabwezera foniyo pamalo ake chifukwa chosayankhidwa.”

Ngakhale kulemberana makalata kuli ndi maupandu ake. Mwachitsanzo, Charlene anakulitsa chikondi chachikulu pa wosakhulupirira. Anaulula kuti: “Ndinayamba kumlembera makalata, ndipo sitirinso mabwenzi wamba. Iye ndichidakwa, koma ndikuchita zomwe ndingathe kumthandiza. Kodi muganiza kuti pali chiyembekezo chirichonse cha kumpangitsa kuchepetsa kumwa kwake?” Komabe, zoyesayesa za Charlene za kuchita monga phungu wa chidakwa sizanzeru ndipo sizingathe kugwira ntchito. Iye mosavuta angaloŵe muukwati watsoka.b—2 Akorinto 6:14.

Dzichinjirizeni ndi Kulingalira

Uphungu wabwino waperekedwa pa Miyambo 2:10, 11 kuti: “Pakuti nzeru idzaloŵa m’mtima mwako, moyo wako udzakondwera ndi kudziŵa, kulingalira kudzakudikira, kuzindikira kudzakuchinjiriza.” Kaŵirikaŵiri achichepere amalola kutengeka maganizo kwawo kuwapangitsa zosankha zawo. Koma mwa kugwiritsira ntchito luso la kulingalira ndi kuzindikira, mungathe kuchita zambiri ‘kuchotsa zopweteka m’mtima mwanu, nulekanitsa zoipa ndi thupi lanu.’—Mlaliki 11:10.

Kuzindikira kumakuthandizani kudziŵa kuti muli ‘paunamwali,’ nthaŵi pamene zikhumbo zakugonana ndi malingaliro achikondi ziri zamphamvu. (1 Akorinto 7:36) Kuyanjana kwathithithi ndi wosiyana naye ziŵalo—kaya mwachindunji, pafoni, kapena ngakhale mwa kulemba kalata—kumangodzutsa nyere. Pamenepo nkupatuliranji munthu wina woperekako chisamaliro chapadera? Zowona, inu mungafune kudziŵa mmene mungachitire ndi osiyana nawo ziŵalo. Koma kaŵirikaŵiri mungatero mwakuyanjana ndi osiyana nawo ziŵalo m’timagulu. Ngakhale pamenepo, peŵani kumangokhala ndi mabwenzi angapo. “Futukukani” m’mayanjano anu. (2 Akorinto 6:13, NW) Kuteroko kudzachepetsa kuthekera kwa kukulitsa unansi wachikondi.

Kodi zimenezi zikutanthauza kuti simuyenera konse kulankhuzana ndi osiyana nawo ziŵalo pafoni kapena kuwalembera makalata? Ayi. Upandu uli pa kukulitsa chikondi cholimba pa munthu mmodzi yekha. Koma samalani kuti simukuvulaza munthu wina kapena kudzivulaza inu mwini. Ndipo ngati malingaliro achikondi ayamba kukula mosasamala kanthu za zolinga zabwino, mungafunikire kuthetsa ubwenziwo.

Kungakhalenso kothandiza kukambitsirana nkhaniyo ndi wachikulire wodalirika, monga ngati limodzi la makolo anu. (Miyambo 23:26) Poyamba mungazengereze kapena kuchita manyazi ndi kuvumbula malingaliro anu. Koma makolo anu angamvetsetse malingaliro anu bwinopo kuposa mmene mulingalirira.

Mwinamwake padzapita zaka zambiri musanakonzekere kukulitsa unansi wachikondi ndi wosiyana naye ziŵalo. Pakali pano, mwakukhala osamala ndi kusonyeza chikondwerero chopanda dyera mwa ena, mungakhale ndi maunansi abwino ndi osiyana nawo ziŵalo.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Zithunzi patsamba 18]

Kodi kulankhuzana pafoni kungawonedwe monga kupalana ubwenzi?