Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Nchifukwa Ninji Kalikonse Kamene Ndimachita Sikamakhala Kabwino?

“Ndinakuwona kukhala kovuta kwambiri kukondweretsa atate wanga pamene ndinayamba kuwagwirira ntchito. Ndinali ndi zaka 15 zokha, ndipo ntchitoyo inali yovuta kwambiri; nditalakwa, iwo ankandisuliza.”—Randy.

“Amayi anali ngati ateketefi—nthaŵi zonse akumafunafuna mbali zimene ndinalephera. Ndisanamalize ntchito yanga panyumba, ankapenda ntchito yangayo, kufunafuna zolakwa.”—Craig.

“Nthaŵi zonse makolo anga anali kundidzudzula pa kanthu kena. Anati ndinali wosakhoza kulinganiza bwino zinthu. Kusukulu, panyumba, mumpingo—sanali kupuma kundidzudzula.”—James.

KODI nthaŵi zina kumawoneka ngati kuti kalikonse kamene mumachita sikamakhala kabwino mokwanira kukondweretsa makolo anu? Kodi mumaganiza kuti zochita zanu zonse zimafufuzidwa, kuti nthaŵi zonse mumayang’aniridwa, kupendedwa mosalekeza, koma osapambana konse pakupendedwako? Ngati ndichoncho, mungaganize kuti ndinu wosayanjidwa ndi makolo anu.

Sindinu nokha amene muli mumkhalidwe umenewu. Dr. Joyce L. Vedral akunena kuti: “Malinga nkunena kwa achichepere ochuluka, makolo amavuta. . . . Amangolongolola za chirichonse kaya chikhale kusunga chipinda chanu chiri chaudongo kapena kutaya zinyalala, kugwiritsira ntchito chipinda chosambira kapena kavalidwe kanu, mabwenzi amene mumasankha kapena magiredi akusukulu ndi homuweki.” Pamene zimenezi mwachiwonekere zingakukwiitseni nthaŵi zina, siziri kwenikweni zoipa. Nkwachibadwa ndithu kwa makolo kulanga ndi kuwongolera ana awo; ndiko njira ina imene amasonyezera chikondi chawo pa iwo. Monga momwe Baibulo limanenera, atate amadzudzula “mwana amene akondwera naye.”—Miyambo 3:12.

Tsono ngati simunalandirepo mawu owongolera kuchokera kwa makolo anu, kodi simungadabwe kuti mwina sakuderani nkhaŵa? (Miyambo 13:24; yerekezerani ndi Ahebri 12:8.) Inutu, muyenera kuyamikira kuti muli ndi makolo amene amadera nanu nkhaŵa kwambiri kwakuti nkukulungamitsani! Ndiiko komwe, ndinu wachichepere ndi wachidziŵitso chochepa; nthaŵi zina chidzudzulocho chingakhale choyenerera. Popanda chitsogozo, mukhoza kulakidwa mosavuta ndi “zilakolako za unyamata.”—2 Timoteo 2:22.

Lingalirani ena a mavuto amene zilakolako zotero zingachititse kwa achichepere. Wolemba nkhani Clayton Barbeau akuti: “Dzikoli nlowopsa kwa achichepere: paola lirilonse, wachichepere amafa m’ngozi ya galimoto yochititsidwa ndi kumwa moŵa; chiŵerengero choyerekezeredwa cha achichepere zikwi khumi ndi ziŵiri amadzipha chaka chirichonse; atsikana miliyoni imodzi pachaka amatenga pathupi; lerolino achichepere mamiliyoni atatu ali zidakwa; matenda opatsirana mwakugonana ngofala.” (How to Raise Parents) Nchifukwa chake makolo anu ali otsimikizira kukupatsani uphungu mosalekeza! Monga momwe Baibulo limanenera, ‘wanzeru amva, nawonjezera kuphunzira . . . Opusa anyoza nzeru ndi mwambo.’—Miyambo 1:5, 7; yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 10:17.

Chifukwa Chake Kumapweteka

Chikhalirechobe, “chilango chirichonse pakuchitika, sichimveka chokondweretsa, komatu choŵaŵa.” (Ahebri 12:11) Zimenezi zimakhaladi choncho pamene muli wachichepere. Ndiiko komwe, umunthu wanu sunakhwimebe; mukali kukula ndi kuphunzira za amene inuyo muli. Chotero kusuliza—ngakhale pamene kwalingaliridwa mosamalitsa ndi kuchitidwa mokoma mtima—kungachititse kuipidwa. Bukhu lakuti How to Survive Your Adolescent’s Adolescence limanena kuti achichepere “amayambukiridwa moipa ndi kusuliza.” Monga momwe wachichepere wina akunenera, “kusuliza kumandipweteka.”

Koma pamene kuchokera kwa makolo anu, kupwetekako kungakhale kwakukuludi. M’bukhu lake lakuti Helping Your Teenager Deal With Stress, Dr. Bettie Youngs akutikumbutsa kuti kupyolera mwa “kuvomerezedwa kapena kukanidwa ndi ena” wachichepere “amakulitsa lingaliro la kuyenera kwake ndi kufunika kwake monga munthu.” Komabe, makolo ndiwo angachite zochuluka koposa kuthandiza wachichepere kuumba lingaliro limeneli la mmene amadziwonera. Chotero pamene makolo anu akupatsani uphungu kapena kudandaula za mmene mumachitira kanthu kena, kungakhale kolefula kwambiri, kopweteka.

Ngakhale ziri choncho, kodi muyenera kuganiza kuti kalikonse kamene mumachita sikamakhala kabwino? Kapena kuti ndinu wosakhoza mpang’ono pomwe chifukwa chabe chakuti makolo anu akutchulirani zolakwa zanu zingapo? Ndithudi, anthu onse ngopereŵera kwambiri pa ungwiro. (Aroma 3:23) Ndipo kuphophonya ndiko mbali ya kuphunzira. (Yerekezerani ndi Yobu 6:24.) Vuto nlakuti, makolo anu angakhale ndi zonena zochepa pamene muchita bwino kanthu kena—ndipo anganene zambiri pamene mulakwa! Zimenezi zimapweteka, koma sizimatanthauza konse kuti ndinu wosakhoza mpang’ono pomwe. Phunzirani kulandira kusuliza koyenera, popanda kukuchepsa kapena kukwiya nako.—Yerekezerani ndi Ahebri 12:5.

Kusuliza Kosayenera

Bwanji ngati kusulizako kuli kosayenera? Makolo ena amakhazikitsira ana awo miyezo yonkitsa. Angakwiitse ana awo mwakuwavutitsa mosalekeza pa tinthu tating’ono. Ndipo makolo amene ali ndi chifukwa chabwino chodandaulira angachite kusulizako mwaukali ndi monyoza. Dr. Bettie Youngs akunenanso kuti “kutukwana, kudzudzula, kunyodola, kuchititsa manyazi, kuimba mlandu, ndi kuwopseza” kochitidwa ndi makolo ndiko “njira zosakaza za kulankhulana, . . . zimene zimawononga kudzidalira kwa mwana ndi kudzimva kukhala woyenera.”

Pamene mwamuna wolungama Yobu anaputidwa mwa kusuliza kosayenera kosalekeza, iye anadandaula kuti: “Mudzasautsa moyo wanga kufikira liti, ndi kundityolatyola nawo mawu?” (Yobu 19:2) Mofananamo, kuchititsidwa manyazi mosalekeza ndi makolo kapena kuyesedwa ndi miyezo yonkitsa kungakwiitse wachichepere, kumchititsa ‘kutaya mtima.’ (Akolose 3:21) Bukhu lakuti Coping With Teenage Depression, lolembedwa ndi Kathleen McCoy, limanenanso kuti “kulephera kukwaniritsa ziyembekezo zapamwamba za makolo kungachititse kutayikiridwa ndi kudziwona kukhala kanthu ndi kuchititsa tondovi mwa achichepere.”

Ndithudi, kusuliza kovulaza kotero kaŵirikaŵiri kumayambitsa mchitidwe wosalekeza wowopsa: Makolo anu amakupezerani zifukwa. Inu mumalabadira mwa kudziwona kukhala wopanda pake. Popeza kuti mumadziwona kukhala wopanda pake, simumagwira bwino ntchito pamene makolo anu akupemphani kuchita kanthu kena. Chotulukapo? Kusulizidwa kowonjezereka!

Chifukwa cha Kusulizako

Kodi ndimotani mmene mungaletsere mchitidwe wosalekeza wosakazawu? Choyamba, yesani kumvetsetsa chifukwa chake makolo anu amalingalira motero. Kodi kulongolola kwawo kapena kusuliza kosalekeza kulidi kwacholinga choipa? Ndithudi ayi. Dr. Joyce L. Vedral akufunsa kuti: “Kodi nchifukwa ninji amalongolola? Amalongolola chifukwa chakuti palibe aliyense amene amamvetsera, kapena mwinamwake palibe aliyense amene amavomereza kuti akutero. Atawona kuti akunyalanyazidwa kwambiri, amalongololanso kwambiri.” Pamenepa, kodi mumaperekadi umboni kwa makolo anu wakuti mumalabadira madandaulo awo? Kapena kodi mumakana kumvetsera mawu awo? Ngati ndichoncho, musadabwe ngati kupezera zifukwako kukhala kwakaŵirikaŵiri—ndi kwakukulu! Komabe, kodi mwinamwake kungathe ngati mungolabadira mawu a Miyambo 19:20? Vesi limeneli limati: “Tamvera uphungu nulandire mwambo, kuti ukhale wanzeru pa chimaliziro chako.”

Nthaŵi zina kholo limakhala losuliza mopambanitsa, osati chifukwa cha kulephera kwanu kwakutikwakuti kulikonse, koma chifukwa chakuti liri mumkhalidwe woipa basi. Kodi amayi wanu anali otanganidwa kwambiri kuntchito? Pamenepo, mosiyana ndi nthaŵi zonse, angakhale okhoterera kwambiri kulankhula nanu mwaukali chifukwa chipinda chanu sichaudongo. Kodi atate wanu ali okwiya ndi ogwiritsidwa mwala chifukwa cha kupereŵera kwa ndalama za banja? Pamenepo, mosadziŵa angalankhule mosalingalira bwino “ngati kupyoza kwa lupanga.” (Miyambo 12:18) Kunena zowona, kutereku nkosayenera. Koma “timakhumudwa tonse pa zinthu zambiri. Munthu akapanda kukhumudwa pa mawu, iye ndiye munthu wangwiro.” (Yakobo 3:2) Choncho pamene Amayi ndi Atate awoneka kukhala opsinjika kapena okwiya, chinthu chanzeru kuchita ndicho kudzisungira mosamala ndi kupeŵa kudzutsa kusuliza kulikonse.

Monga anthu opanda ungwiro, makolo angavutikenso chifukwa chakudzimva kukhala osakhoza. Kulephera kwanu kungawachititse kumva ngati nawonso alephera! Dr. Vedral akufotokoza kuti: “Mungabweretse fomu ya lipoti loipa kunyumba, ndipo atate wanu anganene kuti, ‘Ndicho chiyani chimenechi, ndiwe chitsiru iwe eti? Iwe ndiwe mwana wopusa.’ Ndithudi atate wanu samaganizadi kuti ndinu wopusa. Zimene akunenedi nzakuti, ‘Nzachisoni kuti sindikuchita ntchito yanga yakukusonkhezera kuphunzira.’”

Mantha otero angasonkhezerenso makolo kukhazikitsa miyezo yonkitsa. Wachichepere wina wotchedwa Jason anadandaula kuti: “Kalikonse kamene ndimachita sikamakhala kokwanira. Ngati ndakokola mayani pabwalo, Atate amafuna kudziŵa chifukwa chake sindinayeretse m’garaji nditamaliza kukokolako. Ngati ndapeza ‘giredi yopereŵera pa A’ kusukulu, makolo anga amafuna kudziŵa chifukwa chake sindinapeze ‘A’ nandiuza kuti ndalephera.” Koma phungu wa sukulu analankhula ndi makolo a Jason natulukira zotsatirazi: “Ziyembekezo zawo zonkitsa pa mwana wawo zinasonyeza malingaliro awo a kupereŵera ndi kugwiritsidwa mwala kwawo ndi ntchito imene anasankha ndi mkhalidwe wa zandalama.”—Coping With Teenage Depression.

Mulimonse mmene mkhalidwe wanu ungakhalire panyumba, mwinamwake mungamvetsetse bwino chifukwa chake makolo anu amakhoterera kukhala osuliza nthaŵi zina. Koma kodi njira zina zochitira ndi kupezera zifukwa kwa makolo nzotani? Kodi pali njira zopindulira ndi kusuliza kwawo? Mafunso ameneŵa adzapendedwa m’nkhani yotsatira.

[Chithunzi patsamba 13]

Pamene kholo lidandaula ndi mmene mumachitira zinthu, kungakhale kopweteka