Nyumba Yachimwemwe Imene Anthu Aŵiri Ali Ogwirizana

NGATI munafuna kumanga nyumba yolimba, yachisungiko, yabwino, kodi mukanagwiritsira ntchito zinthu zotani? Mitengo? Njerwa? Miyala? Nazi zimene buku la Baibulo la Miyambo limalangiza: “Nzeru imangitsa nyumba; luntha liikhazikitsa. Kudziŵa kudzaza zipinda zake ndi chuma chonse chofunika cha mtengo wake.” (Miyambo 24:3, 4) Inde, pamafunika nzeru, luntha, ndi chidziŵitso kuti timange nyumba yachimwemwe.

Kodi ndani amene amamanga nyumbayo? “Mkazi yense wanzeru amanga banja lake; koma wopusa alipasula ndi manja ake.” (Miyambo 14:1) Zimenezi zili chonchonso kwa mwamuna wanzeru amene amaona kuti ndi manja ake akhoza kupangitsa ukwati wake kukhala wolimba ndi wachimwemwe kapena wofooka ndi wovuta. Kodi nzinthu zotani zimene zimapangitsa kusiyanako? Nkokondweretsa chotani nanga kuti malingaliro ena a alangizi amakono ngogwirizana kwambiri ndi nzeru yogwira ntchito panthaŵi iliyonse ya Mawu a Mulungu, yolembedwa zaka zikwi zambiri zapitazo.

Kumvetsera: “Kwenikweni kumvetsera ndiko chimodzi cha zinthu zofunika kopambana zimene mungapereke kwa munthu wina ndipo nkofunika koposa m’kumanga ndi kusunga unansi wapafupi,” likutero buku lina la ukwati. “Khutu la anzeru lifunitsa kudziŵa,” imatero Miyambo. (Miyambo 18:15) Popeza kuti makutu otseguka ali osaoneka monga maso kapena pakamwa potseguka, kodi mungasonyeze motani wa muukwati mnzanu kuti mukumvetsera mowona mtima? Njira ina ndiyo mwa kulabadira, kapena kumvetsera kosamala.—Onani bokosi patsamba 27.

Kumasuka ndi kuyandikana: “Mwambo wathu umatsutsa kumasuka,” likutero buku lakuti One to One—Understanding Personal Relationships. “Timaphunzitsidwa kusamala za munthu mwini kuyambira pausinkhu waung’ono—kukhala achinsinsi ponena za ndalama, njira zochitira zinthu, zolinga za mtima, . . . kanthu kalikonse kaumwini. Phunziro limeneli silimatha, ngakhale pamene ‘tikondana ndi munthu wina.’ Pokhapokha ngati kumenyera nkhondo kaamba ka kumasuka kopitirizabe kuchitika, kuyandikana sikungakhalepo.” “Zolingalira zizimidwa popanda upo,” imatero Miyambo, “koma omwe anauzidwa uphungu ali ndi nzeru.”—Miyambo 13:10; 15:22.

Kukhulupirika ndi chidaliro: Mwamuna ndi mkazi amawinda pamaso pa Mulungu kukhala okhulupirika. Pamene okwatirana adalira kuti aliyense ali ndi thayo la kusamalira mnzake, chikondi chawo chimakhala chopanda chikayikiro, kunyada, mzimu wampikisano, kutanganitsidwa ndi zimene munthu akulingalira kukhala zomuyenerera.

Kugaŵana: Unansi umakula ndi zokumana nazo zowoneredwa pamodzi. Pamene nthaŵi ipita anthu okwatiranawo angathe kupanga mbiri yogwirizana kwambiri imene aliyese amaŵerengera. Kulingalira zodula chomangira cha ubwenzi chimenecho ndiko kanthu kapatali ndi maganizo awo. “Lilipo bwenzi lipambana ndi mbale kuumirira.”—Miyambo 18:24.

Kukoma mtima ndi kufeŵa: Machitidwe okoma mtima amachepetsa mikangano ya m’moyo ndi kuthetsa kunyada. Njira za kukoma mtima, ngati zikhomerezeka, zimakhalapobe ngakhale ngati pakhala kukwiya mkati mwa kusagwirizana, motero kukumachepetsa chivulazo. Mkhalidwe wa kufeŵa umadzetsa mkhalidwe wachikondi mmene chikondi chimakula. Ngakhale kuti chifatso chingakhale chovuta makamaka kwa mwamuna kuchisonyeza, Baibulo limati: “Chotikondetsa munthu ndicho kukoma mtima kwake.” (Miyambo 19:22) Ponena za mkazi wabwino, “chilangizo cha chifundo chili palilime lake.”—Miyambo 31:26.

Kudzichepetsa: Mankhwala othetsera vuto la kunyada, kudzichepetsa kumasonkhezera kukhala wokonzekera kupepesa ndi kuthokoza kaŵirikaŵiri. Bwanji nanga ngati mulidi wosalakwa pachokhumudwitsa chonenedwacho? Bwanji osangonena mwaulemu kuti, “Pepani kuti mwakwiya kwambiri”? Sonyezani nkhaŵa pamalingaliro a mnzanuyo, ndiyeno lingalirani pamodzi mmene mungawongolerere cholakwacho. “Kuli ulemu kwa mwamuna kupeŵa ndewu.”—Miyambo 20:3.

Ulemu: “Liwu lofunika m’kuzindikira kusiyana maganizo kwa wina ndi mnzake ndi kukuthetsera pamodzi ndilo ulemu. Chinthu chimene chili chofunika kwa wina sichingakhale chofunika mofananamo kwa mnzake. Komabe, wa muukwati aliyense nthaŵi zonse akhoza kulemekeza malingaliro a wina.” (Keeping Your Family Together When the World Is Falling Apart) “Kudzikuza kupikisanitsa; koma omwe anauzidwa uphungu ali ndi nzeru.”—Miyambo 13:10.

Nthabwala: Mkhalidwe wovuta kwambiri ungazimiririke mwa kusekera pamodzi. Kumalimbitsa chomangira cha chikondi ndi kuchepetsa mkangano umene kaŵirikaŵiri umawononga kuganiza kwabwino. “Mtima wokondwa usekeretsa nkhope.”—Miyambo 15:13.

Kupatsa: Funafunani mwakhama zinthu zimene mungayamikire kwa mnzanu ndi kuthokoza ndi mtima wonse. Zinthu zokhumbika zimenezi zingachititse mtima kulabadira mokulirapo koposa taye wa silika kapena tsadzi la maluŵa. Zowonadi, mungathe kugulabe kapena kuchita zinthu zabwino kwa wina ndi mnzake. Koma “mphatso zazikulu koposa zimene mungapereke,” likutero buku lakuti Lifeskills for Adult Children, “sizingaikidwe m’bokosi. Ndizo kusonyeza chikondi kwanu ndi chiyamikiro, chilimbikitso chanu, ndi chithandizo chanu.” “Mau oyenera apanthaŵi yake akunga zipatso zagolidi m’nsengwa zasiliva.”—Miyambo 25:11.

Ngati mikhalidwe imeneyi ingayerekezeredwe ndi njerwa zomangira unansi waukwati, pamenepo kulankhulana ndiko simenti yozigwirizanitsa pamodzi zolimba. Chotero, kodi nchiyani chimene okwatirana angachite pamene mikangano ibuka? “Mmalo mwa kuona malingaliro a mnzanu osiyanawo monga magwero a mkangano, . . . aoneni monga magwero a chidziŵitso. . . . Zochitika za moyo watsiku ndi tsiku zimakhala magwero a chuma cha chidziŵitso,” likutero buku lakuti Getting the Love You Want.

Pamenepo, onani nthaŵi iliyonse ya mkangano, osati monga kuputana kuti mumenyane, koma monga mpata wamtengo wapatali wa kupeza chidziŵitso mwa munthu ameneyu amene mumakonda. Landirani pamodzi chitokoso cha kuthetsa kusiyana kumeneko ndi kufika pakugwirizana bwino lomwe, motero mukumalimbitsa zomangira, kukulitsa chikondi chimene chimapangitsa aŵirinu kukhala ogwirizana.

Yehova Mulungu amaona kukongola kwakukulu m’kugwirizana kwa zinthu ndipo motero anakuika m’chilengedwe chake—m’kayendedwe ka okosijeni imene imatulutsidwa ndi kuloŵetsedwa m’zomera ndi nyama, kuzungulira kwa makamu akuthambo, maunansi a kukhalira limodzi kwa tizilombo ndi maluŵa. Choteronso, mumgwirizano waukwati, mungakhale kayendedwe ka zinthu kokondeka kamene mwamuna, m’mawu ndi machitidwe, amatsimikiziritsa mkazi wake za chikondi chake ndi chidaliro, mkazi wachikondi akumatsatira kutsogolera kwake mokhutira. Motero, aŵiriwo amakhaladi amodzi, akumadzetsa chisangalalo kwa wina ndi mnzake ndi kwa Woyambitsa ukwati, Yehova Mulungu.

[Bokosi patsamba 27]

“Yang’anirani Mamvedwe Anu.”—Luka 8:18

Kumvetsera kosamala ndiko njira yotsimikizira kuti wolankhula ndi womvetsera akumvetsetsanadi. Nthaŵi zina kumatchedwa kulabadira, popeza kuti womvetsera amayesayesa kusonyeza mawu amene akumva ndi tanthauzo limene akuzindikira. Izi ndizo njira zofunika:

1. Tcherani khutu mosamalitsa; mvetserani uthenga wofunika.

2. Mvetserani malingaliro amene akugogomezeredwa ndi mawu.

3. Bwerezani kunena kwa wolankhulayo zimene mukumva. Musaweruze, kusuliza, kapena kukangana naye. Ingochititsani munthuyo kudziŵa kuti mwamva moyenera uthengawo. Vomerezani malingalirowo.

4. Mwinamwake wolankhulayo adzavomereza kapena kuwongolera zimene mukunena ndipo mwinamwake angafotokoze nkhaniyo mowonjezereka.

5. Ngati kamvedwe kanu kali kosalondola, yesaninso.

Kumvetsera kosamala nkogwira ntchito makamaka pochepetsa kupweteka kwa chisulizo. Vomerezani chenicheni chakuti kaŵirikaŵiri chisulizo chimazikidwa pachowonadi china. Chingaperekedwe m’njira yopweteka, koma mmalo mwa kukankhira vutolo modzichinjira pawosulizayo, bwanji osamvetsera mosamala kuti muthetse mkhalidwewo? Vomerezani kuti mukuzindikira malingaliro alionsewo okhumudwitsa amene mukuimbidwa nawo mlandu, ndi kuona mmene nkhaniyo ingawongoleredwere.

[Bokosi patsamba 28]

“Ngati Wina Ali Nacho Chifukwa.”—Akolose 3:13

Pamene muli ndi chifukwa, kodi mungachinene motani popanda kuyambitsa mkangano? Choyamba, yamikirani mnzanu wa muukwati chifukwa cha kukhala ndi cholinga chabwino. Mwina mungalingalire kuti anali wosalingalira, wosasamala, waphuma, wopanda nzeru—koma kwenikweni mwina sanalingalire za kukhumudwitsa. Nenani mofatsa malingaliro anu popanda kuimba mlandu: “Pamene munachita izi, ndinalingalira kuti . . . ” Pamenepa sipangakhale choputira mkangano. Uku nkungonena kokha mmene mukulingalirira ndipo simukuimba mlandu mnzanu wa muukwati. Popeza kuti munthuyo angakhale alibe konse cholinga cha kukukhumudwitsani, iye angalabadire molandula kapena kudzilungamitsa. Komabe, kambitsiranani za vutolo, ndipo khalani wokonzekera kuperekera lingaliro la chothetsera chake.

[Chithunzi patsamba 26]

Kwenikweni kumvetsera ndiko chimodzi cha zinthu zofunika kopambana zimene mungapereke kwa munthu wina