Chenjerani ndi Kudzitama

LEROLINO anthu ambiri amaona kudzitama kukhala mkhalidwe wabwino. Kudzitamandira nyonga za munthuwe, maluso, ndi zipambano kwakhala mkhalidwe wamakono. Ena amakhulupirira kuti kudzitama nkofunika kuti munthu apeze chipambano. Ena amalingalira kuti kumakulitsa ulemu wa munthu. Magazini a Time akuti: “Ganizo la kudekha, ngakhale kuti silinafe, layamba kuoneka kukhala lachikale.” Mlembi Jody Gaylin akunena kuti: “Mwatsoka lanji, kudzitama kodzionetsera . . . kwakhala mkhalidwe watsopano. Kulankhulana ndi bwenzi kapena wodziŵana naye kwakhala ndi mbali yatsopano: kuwomba lipenga.”

Anthu opereka chitsanzo aika muyezo. Mwina munamvapo mawu a katswiri wankhonya wakale akuti: “Sizinachitike mwangozi kuti panthaŵi ino m’mbiri ndine munthu wamkulu koposa m’dziko.” Ndemanga ya chiŵalo china cha gulu loimba lotchedwa Beatles njodziŵikanso bwino lomwe yakuti: “Tsopano ndife otchuka kwambiri kuposa Yesu Kristu.” Pamene kuli kwakuti ena anaona ndemanga zoterozo kukhala zonenedwa popanda chifukwa chenicheni, ena anaona ozinenawo kukhala opereka chitsanzo cha kudzikweza koyenera kutsanziridwa.

Kufalikira kwa mzimu wodzitama kumadzutsa funso lakuti: Kodi nkwabwino kudzitamandira pa mphatso za munthuwe ndi maluso? Indedi, kuli kwachibadwa kunyadira zipambano za munthuwe ndipo ngakhale kuuzako mabwenzi okondedwa kapena achibale. Koma bwanji ponena za awo amene amatsatira mawu akuti, “Ngati wakhala nacho, chinyadire”? Ndiponso, bwanji ponena za awo amene, ngakhale kuti samadzitama poyera, mwamachenjera amatsimikizira kuchititsa ena kudziŵa za kukhoza kwawo ndi zipambano zawo? Kodi kudzilengeza koteroko nkwabwino, ndi kofunikadi, monga momwe ena amanenera?

Chiyambukiro Chake pa Maunansi

Talingalirani za mmene kudzitama kwa ena kumakuyambukirirani. Mwachitsanzo, kodi mukumva bwanji pa ndemanga zotsatirazi?

“Mabuku omwe sindinalembe ali abwino kuposa mabuku omwe anthu ena awalemba.”​—Mlembi wina wotchuka.

“Ndikadakhalapo pa kulenga, ndikadapereka malingaliro othandiza opangira dongosolo labwinopo la m’chilengedwe chonse.”​—Mfumu ya m’nyengo zamakedzana zapakati.

“Sikungakhale Mulungu chifukwa chakuti, akanakhalako, sindikanakhulupirira kuti sindinali Iye.”​—Wafilosofi wa m’zaka za zana la 19.

Kodi mwakopeka ndi anthu ameneŵa chifukwa cha ndemanga zawozo? Kodi muganiza kuti mukanakonda kuyanjana nawo? Mwachionekere simukanatero. Kaŵirikaŵiri, kudzitama​—kwenikweni kapena ngakhale kwanjerengo​—kumachititsa ena kumangika thupi, kukwiya, kapena kuchita nsanje. Ndicho chiyambukiro chimene chinakhala pa wamasalmo Asafu, yemwe anaulula kuti: “Ndinachitira nsanje odzitamandira.” (Salmo 73:3) Ndithudi, palibe aliyense wa ife amene angafune kukhala wokhumudwitsa mabwenzi ndi anansi athu! Akorinto Woyamba 13:4 amanena kuti: “Chikondi . . . sichidziŵa kudzitamanda.” Chikondi chaumulungu ndi kulingalira mmene ena angamverere zidzatisonkhezera kupeŵa kuonetsera maluso athu ndi mphatso zathu.

Pamene munthu adziletsa nalankhula modekha, amachititsa awo amene ali naye kukhala omasuka ndi kumva bwino. Limeneli lili luso la mtengo wapatali. Mwinamwake nduna ya boma ya ku Britain Bwana Chesterfield inalingalira zimenezi pamene inalangiza mwana wake wamwamuna kuti: “Khala wanzeru kuposa anthu ena ngati ungakhoze; koma usawauze zimenezo.”

Anthu sali ndi mphatso zofanana. Chimene chingakhale chofeŵa kwa munthu wina chingakhale chosatheka kwa wina wake. Chikondi chimasonkhezera munthu kuchita mwachifundo ndi ena osakhala ndi mphatso m’mbali zimene iye ali ndi maluso. Mwachionekere, munthu winayo ali ndi mphatso m’mbali zina. Mtumwi Paulo anatiuza kuti: “Pakuti ndi chisomo chapatsidwa kwa ine, ndiuza munthu aliyense wa inu, kuti asadziyese koposa kumene ayenera kudziyesa; koma aganize modziletsa yekha, monga Mulungu anagawira kwa munthu ali yense muyeso wa chikhulupiriro.”​—Aroma 12:3.

Kudzitama Kumachokera m’Kusoŵa Mphamvu

Pamene kuli kwakuti ena angawope anthu odzitama, akumadziona kukhala ochepa kwa iwo, ena amawaona mosiyana. Amaona kuti anthu odzitukumula ali osalimba. Mlembi Frank Trippett akufotokoza chifukwa chake munthu amene awomba lipenga lake, mosayembekezereka, angakhale akudzigwetsa yekha m’maganizo a ena: “Aliyense amadziŵa mumtima mwake kuti kudzitama kaŵirikaŵiri kumasonyeza kusoŵa mphamvu kodzetsa chisoni kobisika.” Popeza kuti ambiri amaona bwino lomwe chimene chili kuseri kwa kudzitama, kodi sikwanzeru kupeŵa kudzikweza kosaphula kanthu?

“Komatu Nzoona!”

Umu ndi mmene ena amayesera kulungamitsa kudzitamanda kwawo. Iwo amalingalira kuti pokhala kuti alidi ndi mphatso m’zinthu zina, kunamizira kuti alibe kukakhala chinyengo.

Koma kodi kudzitama kwawoko kuli koona? Kudzipima kwa munthu mwini kumazikidwa pa kulingalira kwaumwini. Zimene timaona monga kukhoza kwapadera mwa ife eni zingaoneke kukhala zinthu wamba kwa ena. Kufunitsitsa kwa munthu kuonetsera kukhoza kwake kungatanthauze kuti iye sali wolimba nkomwe​—wosakhoza kudziŵika popanda kudzilengeza. Baibulo limasonyeza chikhoterero cha munthu cha kudzinyenga yekha pamene limalangiza kuti: “Iye wakuyesa kuti ali chiriri, ayang’anire kuti angagwe.”​—1 Akorinto 10:12.

Ngakhale ngati munthu ali ndi luso lapadera m’mbali inayake, kodi zimenezi zimalungamitsa kudzitama? Iyayi, chifukwa chakuti kudzitama kumapereka ulemerero kwa anthu, pamene kuli kwakuti maluso alionse amene tili nawo amachokera kwa Mulungu. Iye ndiye ayenera kulandira ulemerero. Kodi tingalandirirenji thamo pa chinthu chimene tinabadwa nacho? (1 Akorinto 4:7) Ndiponso, monga momwe tiliri ndi zokhoza, tilinso ndi zofooka. Kodi kuona mtima kumafuna kuti tivumbule zolakwa ndi zolephera zathu? Odzitama oŵerengeka amaoneka kukhala akuganiza motero. Kungakhale kuti Mfumu Herode Agrippa I analidi ndi mphatso ya kulankhula. Komabe kusadekha kwake kunadzetsa imfa yoipa kwambiri. Chochitika choipa chimenecho chimasonyeza mmene chinyengo chiliri chonyansa kwa Mulungu, monga momwe kulirinso kwa anthu ambiri.​—Machitidwe 12:21-23.

Maluso ndi zokhoza kaŵirikaŵiri zimadziŵika popanda kudzilengeza kosafunikira. Pamene ena azindikira ndi kuyamikira mikhalidwe kapena zipambano za munthu, zimapereka chithunzi chabwino cha woyamikiridwayo. Miyambo 27:2 imanena mwanzeru kuti: “Wina akutame, si mkamwa mwako ayi; mlendo, si milomo ya iwe wekha.”

Kodi Kuli Kofunikira Kaamba ka Chipambano?

Ena amalingalira kuti kudzikweza kodalirika nkofunika kaamba ka chipambano m’chitaganya chamakono cha mpikisano. Amada nkhaŵa kuti ngati salankhula ndi kulengeza zokhoza zawo, sadzazindikiridwa, ngakhale kuyamikiridwa. Ndemanga ya m’magazini a Vogue imasonyeza nkhaŵa yawo kuti: “Kale tinkaphunzitsidwa kuti kudekha kuli mkhalidwe wabwino, tsopano tikuphunzira kuti kukhala chete kungakhale kulephera.”

Kwa awo okhumba kupita patsogolo malinga ndi miyezo ya dzikoli, nkhaŵa yawo ingakhale ndi chifukwa chabwino. Koma mkhalidwe wa Mkristu uli wosiyana ndi zimenezo. Iye amadziŵa kuti Mulungu amasamala ndipo amasankha kugwiritsira ntchito maluso a awo odzichepetsa, osadzikuza. Chifukwa chake, Mkristu safunikira kutembenukira ku machenjera odzitukumula. Zoona, munthu wodzidalira mopambanitsa angakhale wotchuka kwakanthaŵi mwa kukhala woumiriza kapena wosonkhezera mwamachenjera. Komabe m’kupita kwa nthaŵi amavumbulidwa ndi kuchepetsedwa, ngakhale kunyazitsidwa. Zili monga momwe Yesu Kristu ananenera kuti: “Amene aliyense akadzikuza yekha adzachepetsedwa; koma amene adzichepetsa mwini yekha adzakulitsidwa.”​—Mateyu 23:12; Miyambo 8:13; Luka 9:48.

Maubwino a Kudekha

Ralph Waldo Emerson analemba kuti: “Munthu aliyense amene ndikumana naye ali wondiposa m’njira inayake. M’njira imeneyo, ndimaphunzira za iye.” Ndemanga yake ili yogwirizana ndi chilangizo chouziridwa mwaumulungu cha mtumwi Paulo chakuti Akristu samachita ‘kanthu monga mwa chotetana, kapena monga mwa ulemerero wopanda pake, komatu ndi kudzichepetsa mtima, yense ayese anzake omposa iye mwini.’ (Afilipi 2:3) Lingaliro lodekha limeneli limaika munthu pamalo abwino akuti aphunzire kwa ena.

Motero samalani kuti kukhoza kwanu kusatanthauze kulephera kwanu. Musachoke pa maluso anu ndi zipambano zanu mwa kudzitama. Wonjezerani kudekha pa mikhalidwe yanu yabwino. Izi nzimene zimakulitsadi ulemu wa munthu kwa ena. Zimathandiza munthu kukhala ndi maunansi abwinopo ndi anthu anzake ndi kudzetsa chiyanjo cha Yehova Mulungu.​—Mika 6:8; 2 Akorinto 10:18.