Kukhala Gogo—Kusangalatsa Kwake Ndiponso Mavuto Ake

“Ndimakonda kukhala gogo! Umasangalala kukhala ndi adzukulu ako popanda kukhala ndi udindo wakuwachitira zinthu. Umazindikira kuti umakhudza miyoyo yawo kwambiri komabe sindiwe wowalamulira. Koma makolo awo.”—Gogo Gene.

KODI chimachitika n’chiyani kwa gogo kuti akhale ndi chisangalalo choncho? Ochita kafukufuku anati njira imene makolo amalamulirira ana awo mwachibadwa imapangitsa kuti pakhale kusagwirizana kwenikweni. Popeza kuti agogo nthaŵi zonse salamulira adzukulu motero, iwo amagwirizana nawo kwambiri popanda madandaulo ayi. Monga momwe Arthur Kornhaber, M.D., ananenera, iwo amakhala ndi ufulu wokonda adzukulu awo “chifukwa chakuti ndi adzukulu awo basi.” Gogo wina wotchedwa Esther anati: “Pamene ndinali ndi ana anga, ndinkavutika maganizo kwambiri ndi chilichonse chimene akuchita. Koma monga gogo, ndimakhala waufulu kumangosangalala ndi kukonda adzukulu anga basi.”

Ndiye pamakhala kuwonjezeka kwa nzeru ndiponso kukhala wochita zinthu bwino, luso lomwe limabwera chifukwa cha kukula. (Yobu 12:12) Agogo si ana osadziŵa kuchita zinthu, amakhala atatha zaka zambiri akulera ana ndipo amakhala atadziŵa ntchitoyo. Popeza amakhala ataphunzira kuchokera pazimene analakwapo kale, iwo amadziŵa kusamalira ana kuposa mmene analiri pamene anali ang’ono.

Choncho Dr. Kornhaber anamaliza mwa kunena kuti: “Pamafunika kugwirizana kwambiri pakati pa agogo ndi adzukulu kuti mibadwo yonse itatuyo ikhale ndi moyo wathanzi ndi wachimwemwe. Ubwenzi umenewu ndi ufulu wobadwa nawo wa ana, . . . mphatso yomwe anailandira kuchokera kwa akuluakulu imene imapindulitsa aliyense m’banjamo.” Magazini yakuti Family Relations inanena mofananamo kuti: “Agogo amene amatengamo mbali ndiponso amazindikira bwino ntchito ya ugogo amapangitsa kuti pakhale chimwemwe ndi makhalidwe abwino.”

Ntchito ya Agogo

Agogo ali ndi ntchito zambiri zimene angachite. Gene anati, “Iwo akhoza kumathandiza ana awo amene anakwatiranawo. Ndiganiza kuti ngati atamatero akhoza kuthetsa ena mwa mavuto amene makolo aang’ono amakumana nawo.” Agogo akhozanso kuchita zambiri kuthandiza adzukulu awo. Kaŵirikaŵiri ndi agogo amene amauza adzukulu mbiri zimene zimapangitsa mwana kuzindikira zakale za banja lawo. Kaŵirikaŵiri, agogo ndiwonso amatsogolera kusankha chipembedzo chimene banjalo lilowe.

M’mabanja ambiri agogo amagwira ntchito monga alangizi okhulupirika. Jane amene tatchula m’nkhani yoyamba ija anati, “Mwina pali kanthu kena kamene adzukulu anu adzakuuzani kamene amalephera kuuza makolo awo.” Makolo amayamikira chithandizo chimenecho. Malinga ndi kufufuza kwina, “achinyamata oposa 80 peresenti amaona agogo awo monga woyenera kuwauza zinsinsi. . . . Adzukulu ambiri akakula amapitirizabe kumacheza nthaŵi zonse ndi agogo awo omwe ankagwirizana nawo kwambiri.”

Gogo wachikondi amakhala wofunika kwa mwana amene sakusamaliridwa bwino panyumba pawo. Selma Wassermann analemba kuti, “Agogo anga aakazi ndiwo anali munthu wofunika kwambiri kwa ine pamene ndinali wamng’ono. Ndi agogo anga amene ankandisamalira. Iwo nthaŵi zonse anali ofunitsitsa kundithandiza ndipo ankanditenga n’kundifungatira ndipo zikatero ndinkangoona kuti zonse zili bwino. . . . Ndinaphunzira kwa agogo anga akazi zinthu zofunika kwambiri zokhudza moyo wanga—kuti ankandikonda chotero ndinali wokondedwa.”—The Long Distance Grandmother.

Kusagwirizana pa Banja

Komabe sikuti kukhala gogo kulibe mavuto ake. Mwachitsanzo, kholo lina limakumbukira kuti anakangana kwambiri ndi amayi ake pankhani ya mmene angapangitsire mwana kugeya. “Zinapangitsa kuti pakhale kusagwirizana panthaŵi imene siinali yoyenera kwa ine.” N’zomveka kuti makolo achinyamata amafuna kuti makolo awo azivomereza njira imene iwo amalerera ana awo. Motero mfundo zomwe makolo okhala n’cholinga chabwino angapereke zikhoza kuoneka ngati kuti akudzudzula monyoza.

M’buku lake lakuti Between Parents and Grandparents, Dr. Kornhaber ananena za makolo ena aŵiri omwe anali ndi vuto lofanana. Kholo limodzi lalikazi linati: “Tsiku ndi tsiku makolo anga amandiyamba, ndipo amakwiya ngati pamene iwo abwera apeza ine palibe panyumba. . . . Salabadira za ine—salingalira kuti ndimafuna ufulu.” Wina anati: “Makolo anga amafuna kundilanda kamwana kanga kakakazi. Tsiku ndi tsiku amadya, kugona, ndi kumaganiza za Susie basi. . . . Tikulingalira zakuti tisamuke.”

Nthaŵi zinanso agogo amaimbidwa mlandu wopatsa adzukulu awo mphatso zambiri. N’zoona kuti mwachibadwa agogo amakhala opatsa kwa adzukulu awo komabe ena amaoneka kuti amaposa mulingo. Nthaŵi zinanso, makolo amadandaula chifukwa cha nsanje chabe. (Miyambo 14:30) Mildred anadandaula kuti, “Makolo anga ankandikhwimitsira malamulo ndipo anali ankhanza kwa ine. Koma ana anga amawapatsa mphatso kwambiri ndipo [amangowalekerera]. Ndimachita nsanje chifukwa sanasinthebe zomwe amandichitira.” Ngakhale patakhala zolinga zotani kaya zifukwa zotani, zingayambitse mavuto ngati agogo amanyalanyaza zimene makolo amafuna pankhani yakupereka mphatso.

Choncho agogo angachite bwino ngati achita mwanzeru popereka mphatso. Baibulo limasonyeza kuti zinthu zabwino zikachulukitsa zikhoza kukhala zoipa. (Miyambo 25:27) Ngati simukudziŵa kuti ndi mphatso ziti zingakhale zabwino, funsani makolo awo. Mwanjira imeneyi ‘mudzadziŵa kupatsa ana anu mphatso zabwino.’—Luka 11:13.

Chikondi ndi Ulemu—Ndiyo Njira Yake!

N’zachisoni kuti agogo ena amadandaula kuti ntchito imene amagwira yosamalira ndi kulera adzukulu anthu saiyamikira. Ena amati sapatsidwa mpata wokwana wokhala ndi adzukulu awo. Pomwe ena amati ana awo akuluakuluwo amangowanyalanyaza osawafotokozera chifukwa chake. Mavuto ameneŵa angathe kupewedwa ngati am’banjamo amasonyezana chikondi ndi ulemu. Baibulo limati: “Chikondi sichidukidwa . . . sichitsata za mwini yekha, sichipsa mtima, . . . chikwirira zinthu zonse, chikhulupirira zinthu zonse, chiyembekeza zinthu zonse, chipirira zinthu zonse.”—1 Akorinto 13:4, 5, 7.

Mwinamwake inu ndinu kholo ndipo agogo amakukhumudwitsani pofuna kukuthandizani maganizo ngakhale ali ndi zolinga zabwino. Kodi mukuona kuti ndi chifukwa chabwino “choti mukwiyire”? Baibulo limasonyeza kuti ndi udindo wa akazi achikristu okalamba ‘kulangiza akazi aang’ono akonde amuna awo, akonde ana awo, akhale odziletsa, odekha, ochita m’nyumba.’ (Tito 2:3-5) Tsono inu pamodzi ndi agogo kodi simufuna zimodzimodzizo—kufunira zabwino zonse ana anu? Popeza kuti chikondi “sichitsata za mwini yekha,” mwinamwake kungakhale bwino kulingalira kaye za zofunika kwa ana—osati chabe mmene inuyo mumafunira. Kuchita zimenezo kudzakuthandizani kuti pasamakhale ‘kutsutsa’ pakanthu kalikonse kakang’ono.—Agalatiya 5:26.

N’zoona kuti mungaone kuti ngati mwana wanu alandira mphatso zambiri zikhoza kumuwononga. Koma nthaŵi zonse si kuti agogo amakhala ndi zolinga zoipa pokhala opatsa. Akatswiri ambiri odziŵa zosamalira ana amati mmene inu mumaphunzitsira ndi kulanga mwana wanu ndiko kudzapangitse mwanayo kukhala ndi khalidwe lakutilakuti kusiyana ndi zomwe agogo amachita mwakamodzikamodzi. Dokotala wina analangiza kuti: “Zimathandiza ngati nthaŵi zonse mukhala ndi chisangalalo.”

Ngati muli ndi chifukwa choyenera chokhalira ndi nkhaŵa pa nkhani ya mmene mwana ayenera kuleredwera, osaletsa makolo anu kapena apongozi anu kuonana ndi anawo ayi. Baibulo limati: “Zolingalira zizimidwa popanda upo.” (Miyambo 15:22) Kambiranani ndipo ululani nkhaŵa zanu “pa nthaŵi yake.” (Miyambo 15:23) Kaŵirikaŵiri mavuto amatheka kuthetsedwa.

Kodi inu ndinu gogo? Muyenera kulemekeza zosankha za makolo a adzukulu anu. N’zoona kuti mwina mungaone ngati kuti ndi udindo wanu kulankhulapo pamene muona kuti pali vuto lina lokhudza mdzukulu wanu. Koma ngakhale kuti n’kwachibadwa kuti inu muzikonda ndi kusangala ndi adzukulu anu, makolo ndiwo ali ndi udindo wolera ana osati agogo. (Aefeso 6:4) Baibulo limalamula adzukulu anu kuti azimvera akuwabala. (Aefeso 6:1, 2; Ahebri 12:9) Choncho pewani kumatchingiriza makolowo kapena kupeputsa ulamuliro wa makolowo mwakumapereka uphungu umene sanakupempheni.—Yerekezerani ndi 1 Atesalonika 4:11.

Ndithudi, kungokhala osachitapo kanthu, kumangodikira—kuti kaya pachitika zotani—ndi kulekerera ana anu kumachita ntchito yawo monga makolo si chinthu chapafupi. Koma monga mmene Gene akunenera, “nthaŵi zonse muyenera kuchita chimene iwowo amaona kuti ndicho choyenera kwa ana awo pokhapokha atakupemphani malangizo.” Jane anati: “Ndimasamala kuti ndisauze mpongozi wanga kuti, ‘Ziyenera kukhala chonchi!’ Pali njira zambiri zosiyanasiyana zochitira zinthu, ndipo ngati inu muli ndi njira yosiyana, zikhoza kungoyambitsa mavuto.”

Chimene Agogo Angapereke

Baibulo limasonyeza kuti ana ndiwo mphatso yochokera kwa Mulungu. (Salmo 128:3-6) Ngati mumakonda adzukulu anu, mukhoza kulimbikitsa miyoyo yawo kwambiri, kuwathandiza kuti akulitse makhalidwe a umulungu. (Yerekezerani ndi Deuteronomo 32:7.) M’nthaŵi za Baibulo mayi wina wotchedwa Loisi anachitapo kanthu kwambiri kuthandiza mdzukulu wake, Timoteo, kukula bwino ndi kukhala munthu wa Mulungu wodziŵika. (2 Timoteo 1:5) Inunso mukhoza kukhala ndi chimwemwe chimodzimodzicho ngati adzukulu anu ayamba kuchita chifuniro cha Mulungu.

Komanso inu mukhoza kukhala gwero lachikondi. Si kuti mungamangosonyeza chikondi choposa muyeso. Komabe, mungathe kusonyeza chikondi chaumulungu ngati muli ndi chikondi chaumulungu kwa adzukulu anu. Mlembi Selma Wassermann anati: “Kukhala ndi chidwi ndi zimene anawo akunena . . . kudzasonyeza kuti inu mumasamala za iwo. Kumamvetsera, osadula mawu akamanena, osatsutsa zinthu monyanya—ngati muchita mwanzeru pokambirana, mwachikondi, zimapindula.” Kusonyeza kwanu kuti muli naye chidwi ndiyo mphatso yamtengo wapatali yomwe agogo angapereke.

Nkhani yathuyi yanena kwambiri za ntchito ya agogo pachikhalidwe chathu. Koma kwa agogo ambiri masiku ano, pamachitika zambiri.

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 24]

“Ndinaphunzira kwa agogo anga akazi zinthu zofunika kwambiri zokhudza moyo wanga—kuti ankandikonda chotero ndinali wokondedwa”

[Bokosi patsamba 24]

Mfundo Zoyenera Kutsata Ngati Agogo Amakhala Kutali

• Pemphani makolowo kuti akutumizireni matepi a vidiyo a adzukulu anu.

• Atumizireni adzukulu anu “makalata” momwe muli tepi yojambula. Ngati anawo ndi ang’onoang’ono, dzijambuleni nokha mukuwerenga nkhani za m’Baibulo kapena mukuimbira ana nyimbo.

• Atumizireni adzukulu anu mapositi khadi ndiponso makalata. Ngati n’kotheka, muzipeza njira yolankhulirana nawo nthaŵi zonse.

• Ngati ndalama muli nazo, nthaŵi zonse muzicheza nawo adzukulu anu patelefoni. Pamene mukulankhula ndi ana ang’ono, muziyamba makambitsiranowo ndi mafunso osavuta, monga akuti, “Mwadya chiyani m’mawa uno?”

• Ngati zingatheke, muzikawachezera kanthaŵi kochepa nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi.

• Gwirizanani ndi makolo awo kuti adzukulu anu adzabwere kunyumba kwanu. Konzekerani kudzachita zinthu zokondweretsa, monga kudzapita ku nyumba yosungirako nyama zakutchire, kosungira zinthu zakale, ndi kupaki.

[Chithunzi patsamba 23]

Agogo ambiri amathandiza kulera adzukulu awo

[Chithunzi patsamba 25]

Pakhoza kubuka kusagwirizana pankhani ya njira zolerera ana

[Chithunzi patsamba 25]

Agogo amagwira ntchito yaikulu kuphunzitsa za mbiri yakale yabanjalo