Kukondana Mwakungowonana Koyamba Ndikupitirizabe Kosatha!
“NGATI muwona makanda atangobadwa,” anatero Dr. Cecilia McCarton, wa pa Albert Einstein College of Medicine mu New York, “amakhala amaso kwenikweni ndipo amazindikira mikhalidwe yowazinga. Amavomereza kwa anakubala awo. Amatembenukira kumene kwamveka mawu. Ndipo amayang’anitsitsa dwii pankhope ya nakubala wawo.” Ndipo nakubalayo amayang’ana m’maso mwa khanda lake. Kuli kukondana mwakungowonana koyamba—kwa onse aŵiriwo!
Mphindi imeneyi ya kugwirizana pakati pa nakubala ndi khanda imachitika mwachibadwa ngati kubadwako kwachitika mwachibadwa, popanda mankhwala amene amafooketsa malingaliro a nakubala ndi khandalo. Kulira kwake kumasonkhezera kupangika kwa mkaka. Kukhudza kwa khungu la khandalo pa mayi ŵake kumatulutsa hormone imene imachepetsa kukha mwazi kwapambuyo pa kuchira. Mwanayo amabadwa ali ndi dongosolo la ubongo lomwe limatsimikizira kugwirizana—kulira, kuyamwa, mawu osamveka ndi kung’ung’udza, kumwetulira ndi kukankha kwachikondi kunyengerera chisamaliro cha nakubala. Kugwirizana, makamaka ndi nakubala, kumakupangitsa kukhala kotheka kwa mwanayo kukulitsa lingaliro la chikondi ndi kusamalira ndi kudalira. Mofulumira nawonso atate amakhala ofunika kugwirizana nawo. Unansi wawo ndi mwanayo sumakhala ndi kumamatira komwe kuli kwa nakubala koma kumawonjezera mbali yofunika: kutokosa, kunyerenyetsa, maseŵera olimbana abwino, omwe khandalo limavomereza mwakuseka mosangalala ndi kupinyulukapinyuluka.
Dr. Richard Restak akusimba kuti ngati mwana wobadwa kumene agwiridwa ndi kufukatiridwa kwa iye kumakhala ngati chakudya. Iye akuti: “Kukhudza kuli kofunika ku kukula kwachibadwa kwa mwana mofanana ndi chakudya ndi oxygen. Nakubala amatambasulira manja ake kwa mwanayo, kumgwira, ndipo madongosolo ambirimbiri a kakulidwe kathupi ndi maganizo amagwirizanitsidwa.” Mwakuchitiridwa motero ngakhale ubongo weniweni umapanga “mawonekedwe a majidumajidu ndi ming’alu yosiyanasiyana.”
Chenjerani ndi Kupatukana
Ena asonyeza kuti ngati kugwirizana kwa pakati pa nakubala ndi khanda sikungachitike panthaŵi yakubadwa, kutsogolo kumakhala tsoka. Sirizi choncho. Ndi chisamaliro chamayi chachikondi pali mphindi zambirimbiri za kugwirizana kwathithithi mkati mwa milungu imene imatsatirapo kuti kugwirizana kumeneku kukhale kosungika. Komabe, kumana kugwirizana koteroko kwa nyengo yaitali kungatsogolere ku zotulukapo zoipa. Dr. Restak akutiuza kuti: “Ngakhale kuti tonsefe timafunana mkati mwa miyoyo yathu yonse, kufunana kumeneko kumakhala kofunika koposa m’chaka choyamba. Ngati mwamana khanda kuunika, mwaŵi wakuyang’ana nkhope ya munthu, kusangalala ndi kunyamulidwa, kufukatiridwa, kutonthozedwa, kuseketsedwa, kukhudzidwa—ndipo mwanayo sadzalekerera kumanidwa koteroko.”
Makanda amalira pa zifukwa zambiri. Kaŵirikaŵiri amafuna chisamaliro. Ngati kulira kwawo sikunavomerezedwe kwa kanthaŵi ndithu, iwo angaleke. Amaganiza kuti wowapatsa chisamaliroyo sakuvomereza. Amaliranso. Ngati sanayankhidwe, amadzimva kukhala onyalanyazidwa, opanda chisungiko. Amayesanso zolimba. Ngati izi zipitiriza kwa nthaŵi yaitali ndipo ngati zibwerezedwa kaŵirikaŵiri, khandalo limadzimva kukhala lonyanyalidwa. Poyamba limakwiya, ngakhale kuipidwa, ndipo pomalizira pake limataya chiyembekezo. Kupatukana kumatulukapo. Posalandira chikondi, silimaphunzira kukonda. Chikumbumtima sichimakulitsidwa. Silimakhulupirira aliyense, silimasamalira aliyense. Limakhala mwana wovuta ndipo, m’zochitika zopambanitsa, limakhala ndi umunthu woipa wamaganizo wosamva kuipidwa ndi machitidwe aupandu.
Kukondana mwakungowonana koyamba sindiko mapeto a zonse. Kuyenera kupitiriza kosatha. Osati ndi mawu okha komanso ndi zochita. ‘Tisakonde ndi mawu, kapena lilime, komatu ndi kuchita ndi m’chowonadi.’ (1 Yohane 3:18) Kukupatirana kochuluka ndi kupsompsonana. Kuchiyambi kwenikweni, kusanakhale kuchedwa, phunzitsani ndi kulangiza mapindu enieni a Mawu a Mulungu, Baibulo. Ndiyeno adzakhala ndi ana anu monga momwe analiri ndi Timoteo: ‘Kuyambira ukhanda wako wadziŵa malembo opatulika, okhoza kukupatsa nzeru.’ (2 Timoteo 3:15) Therani nawo nthaŵi tsiku ndi tsiku, mkati mwa zaka zaubwana ndi zapakati pa 13 ndi 19. ‘Mawu awa ndikuuzani lero, azikhala pamtima panu; ndipo muziwaphunzitsa mwachangu kwa ana anu, ndi kuwalankhula awa pokhala pansi m’nyumba zanu, ndi poyenda inu panjira, ndi pogona inu pansi, ndi pouka inu.’—Deuteronomo 6:6, 7.
‘Tingalire, Koma Ziri Kaamba ka Ubwino Woposa’
Chilango ndicho nkhani yovuta kwa ambiri. Komabe, pamene chiperekedwa moyenerera, chiri mbali yofunika ya chikondi cha kholo. Msungwana wina wamng’ono anazindikira chimenechi. Iye analembera amake khadi, lolembedwera “Kwa Amayi, Kwa Dona Wabwino.” Linakongoletsedwa ndi zithunzi zolembedwa ndi pensulo za dzuŵa lagolidi, mbalame zouluka, ndi maluŵa ofiira. Khadilo linali ndi mawu aŵa: “Khadili nlanu chifukwa chakuti tonsefe timakukondani. Tikufuna kusonyeza chiyamikiro chathu mwakulemba khadi. Pamene sitinakhoze bwino mumasonyeza kuti mwawona mapepala athu. Pamene tachita zoipa mumatimenya. Tingalire, koma timadziŵa kuti ziri kaamba ka ubwino woposa. . . . Zonse zomwe ndimafuna kunena nzakuti ndimakukondani kwambiri zedi. Zikomo kwambiri kaamba ka zonse zimene mwandichitira. Landirani chikondi changa. [Inasainidwa] Michele.”
Michele amagwirizana ndi Miyambo 13:24: ‘Wolekerera mwanake osammenya amuda; koma womkonda amyambize kumlanga.’ Kugwiritsira ntchito nthyole, yoimira ulamuliro, kungaphatikizepo kumenya, koma nthaŵi zambiri sikumatero. Ana osiyanasiyana, mikhalidwe yosiyana, imafunikira kulanga kosiyana. Kudzudzula koperekedwa mwachifundo kungakwanire; kuuma mutu kungafunikire chilango champhamvu: ‘Chidzudzulo chilowa mkamwa mwa wozindikira, kopambana ndi kukwapula wopusa kwambiri.’ (Miyambo 17:10) Mawu aŵanso amagwira ntchito: ‘Kapolo [kapena, mwana] sangalangizidwe ndi mawu, pakuti azindikira koma osavomera.’—Miyambo 29:19.
M’Baibulo, liwu lakuti “chilango” limatanthauza kulangiza, kuphunzitsa, kuwongolera—kuphatikizapo kumenya ngati kukafunikira kotero kuti muwongolere mkhalidwe. Ahebri 12:11 amasonyeza cholinga chake motere: ‘Chilango chirichonse, pakuchitika, sichimveka chokondweretsa, komatu chowawa; koma chitatha, chipereka chipatso cha mtendere, kwa iwo ozoloŵeretsedwa nacho, ndicho cha chilungamo.’ Makolo sayenera kukhala ankhalwe mopambanitsa polanga ana awo: “Atate inu, musaputa ana anu, kuti angataye mtima.” (Akolose 3:21) Ndiponso sayenera kukhala olekerera mopambanitsa: ‘Nthyole ndi chidzudzulo zipatsa nzeru; koma mwana womlekerera achititsa amake manyazi.’ (Miyambo 29:15) Kulekerera kumati, ‘Chita zimene ukufuna; osandivutitsa.’ Chilango chimati, ‘Chita chimene chiri chabwino; ndimakusamalira.’
U.S.News & World Report, August 7, 1989, molondola inati: “Makolo amene sali ankhalwe moipitsitsa, koma amene amaika malire otsimikizika ndi kuwasunga, ali othekera kwenikweni kukhala ndi ana amene amafikira zinthu zapamwamba ndikukhalira pamodzi ndi ena mosavuta.” Pamapeto pake nkhaniyo inati: “Mwinamwake mutu wosangalatsa kwambiri kuchokera ku kufufuza kwa sayansi ndiwakuti kukhazikitsa dongosolo la chikondi ndi kukhulupirirana ndi malire olandirika mkati mwa banja lirilonse ndiko kuli kofunika, ndipo osati tsatanetsatane wamba. Cholinga chenicheni cha chilango . . . sindicho kulanga ana osamvera koma kuwaphunzitsa ndi kuwalangiza ndi kuwathandiza kukhala ndi zowongolera zamkati.”
Amamva Zimene Mumanena, Amatsanzira Zimene Mumachita
Nkhani yonena za chilango mu The Atlantic Monthly inayambitsidwa ndi mawu aŵa: “Mwana angayembekezeredwe kukhala ndi khalidwe labwino kokha ngati makolo ake amachita mogwirizana ndi miyezo yomwe amaphunzitsa.” Nkhaniyo inapitiriza kusonyeza phindu la zowongolera zamkati motere: “Achichepere amene anasonyeza khalidwe labwino anali ndi makolo omwe iwo eni anali athayo, owongoka, ndi odziletsa—omwe anakhala mogwirizana ndi miyezo yomwe anainena ndi kulimbikitsa ana awo kuitsatira. Pamene achichepere abwinowo anayanjanitsidwa ndi achichepere ovuta, monga mbali ya kufufuzako, khalidwe lawo silinayambukiridwe kokhalitsa. Iwo anasungitsa bwino lomwe mapindu a makolo awo.” Zinatsimikizira kukhala monga momwe mwambi umanenera kuti: ‘Phunzitsa mwana poyamba njira yake; ndipo angakhale atakalamba sadzachokamo.’—Miyambo 22:6.
Makolo omwe anayesa kuphunzitsa ana awo mapindu owona, koma omwe iwo eni sanawatsatire, sanapambane. Ana awo “sanasungitse mapindu amenewo.” Kupendako kunatsimikizira kuti “chomwe chinapanga kusiyana chinali kuti kaya makolowo anatsatira mosamalitsa motani mapindu amene anayesa kuphunzitsa ana awo.”
Zinatsimikiza kukhala monga momwe mkonzi James Baldwin ananenera kuti: “Ana sanakhalepo konse amvetseri abwino kwa achikulire, koma sanalepherepo konse kuwatsanzira.” Ngati mumakonda ana anu ndipo mukufuna kuwaphunzitsa mapindu owona, gwiritsirani ntchito njira yabwino koposa zonse: Mukhale chitsanzo cha ziphunzitso zanu. Musakhale ngati alembi ndi Afarisi amene Yesu anawatsutsa kukhala onyenga: ‘Chifukwa chake zinthu zirizonse zimene iwo akuuza inu, chitani nimusunge; koma musatsanza ntchito zawo; pakuti iwo amalankhula, koma samachita.’ (Mateyu 23:3) Kapena onga aja amene mtumwi Paulo anawafunsa mopatsa liŵongo kuti: ‘Ndiwe tsono wakuphunzitsa wina, kodi ulibe kudziphunzitsa mwini? Iwe wakulalikira kuti munthu asabe, kodi ulikuba mwini wekha?’—Aroma 2:21.
Lerolino ambiri amatsutsa Baibulo kukhala lachikale ndipo zitsogozo zake kukhala zosagwira ntchito. Yesu anatokosa mkhalidwe umenewo ndi mawu aŵa: ‘Ndipo nzeru iyesedwa yolungama ndi ana ake onse.’ (Luka 7:35) Zolembedwa zotsatirazi za mabanja kuchokera ku maiko ambiri zimatsimikizira mawu ake kukhala owona.
[Chithunzi patsamba 24]
Kugwirizana kwathithithi ndi nakubala kumathandiza khanda kukula mwamalingaliro
[Chithunzi patsamba 25]
Nthaŵi imene atate amakhala ndi mwana irinso yofunika