Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndingalamulire Motani Kupsya Mtima Kwanga?

“Ndiri ndi kupsya mtima kowopsya. Ndimakalipa, ndipo ndisanachidziŵe, ndimanena zinthu zoipa kwa anthu amene ndithudi ndimawakonda. Ndimayesa kuiwala zokalipitsa zazing’ono, koma zimakulabe. Pambuyo pa kubwetuka, ndimadzimva wa mlandu.”—Msungwana wachichepere.

NCHOSAKAIKIRITSA, kulamulira kupsya mtima kwanu kungakhale kulimbana kwenikweni. Chotero, nchosadabwitsa, kuti ena mu zigawo za umoyo wa malingaliro akulengeza iko kukhala kwabwino kulekerera kupsya mtima kwanu kamodzi pa nthaŵi. Uku kukuyerekezedwa kuti ‘kumawonjezera kudzimva kwanu’ ndipo ‘kumatsegula njira’ mu ubwenzi wanu ndi ena. Nkulekeranji, popeza kuti ngakhale ena amati kusungilira mkwiyo mkati kuli koipa ku umoyo wanu!

Baibulo, ngakhale kuli tero, limati: “Chiwawo chonse, ndi kupsya mtima, ndi mkwiyo, ndi chiwawa, ndi mwano zichotsedwe kwa inu, ndiponso choipa chonse.” (Aefeso 4:31) Ndi uphungu uti, chotero, umene uli wabwino? Kodi chiridi chothekera kulamulira kupsya mtima kwa wina pamene pali kukalipitsidwa kokulira?

Kupsya Mtima Kwanu—Chibadwa cha Munthu Wokhala mu Phanga?

Pa mtima pa nthanthi zambiri za mkwiyo kuli kukhulupirira mu nthanthi ya chisinthiko. Ena amakhulupirira kuti mkwiyo chiri chongolowedwa m’malo kuchokera ku makolo athu akale okhala mu phanga, chibadwa chosakhoza kulamulirika. Watero Carol Tavris mu bukhu lake Anger: The Misunderstood Emotion: “Nthanthi za Darwin zimaimirako magwero ovuta a nsonga m’malingaliro a Kumadzulo: mwamsanga pamene kukhulupirira kwakuti tingalamulire mkwiyo—ndithudi, tifunikira kuwulamulira—kunagonjera ku chikhulupiriro chakuti sitingakhoze kuwulamulira, chotero kunali kulumpha kwa kufupi kokha ku chikhulupiriro chamakono chakuti sitifunikira kuwulamulira.”

‘Sonyezani mkwiyo wanu,’ ena amalangiza motero. ‘Pitirizani ndipo sonyezani mkwiyo mwa mawu.’ Koma kodi uphungu woterowo watsimikizira kukhala wophulapo kanthu? Popeza chinthu chimodzi, umboni molimbana ndi nthanthi ya chisinthiko umapitirizabe kumakula. Ndipo Tavris ndi ena amatsutsa kawonedwe ka mkwiyo kakuti ‘utulutseni iwo wonse’. “Ndimawona kuti anthu amene ali omamatira ku kugonjera ku ukali wawo amakwiya kotheratu, osati kokha kuchepsya mkwiyo,” wawona tero Tavris. “Ine ndawona kuvulazika kwakukulu kwa malingaliro pakati pa olandira mkwiyo.”

Bukhu lakuti Behind Closed Doors: Violence in the American Family lasimba mofananamo pa maphunziro a okwatirana oposa chikwi. Akonziwo anapeza kuti kulekerera mkwiyo kunali kutalitali ndi kutontholetsa. M’malo mwake, nkhalwe za pakamwa kaŵirikaŵiri zinatsogolera ku nkhalwe za kuthupi! Chifukwa chake? Mkwiyo umadzidyetsa iwo wokha. Kufufuza koteroko kumatsimikiza chimene wolemba wa Baibulo ananena zaka mazana angapo zapita: “Munthu wozaza aputa makani; koma wosakwiya msanga atonthoza makangano.”—Miyambo 15:18; yerekezani 29:22.

‘Kwiyani, Koma Musachimwe’

Chotero mkwiyo suli chibadwa chosalamulirika cha nyama. Iwo ungathe ndipo ufunikira kulamuliridwa. Komabe, kodi chimenechi chimatanthauza kuti, mu njira ina yake tingakhale ochinjirizidwa ku kukalipitsidwa—osakhala ndi kudzimva kapena malingaliro? Ayi, popeza kuti pa Aefeso 4:26 Baibulo limavomereza kuti panthaŵi zina ife mwa ubwino timadzimva kukalipa: “Kwiyani, koma musachimwe.”

Dziwani, ngakhale ziri tero, kuti Baibulo limaletsa, osati mkwiyo, koma kulekerera mkwiyo kulamulira zochita za wina! “Waukali achuluka zolakwa,” yatero Miyambo 29:22. Chotero m’malo mwa kusungilira ukali, “ulamulireni iwo.” (Yerekezani ndi Genesis 4:7) Mwachitsanzo, dzilingalireni inu eni mu mkhalidwe umene wangopangitsa mwazi wanu kuwira. Ndimotani mmene ‘mungakutontholetsere iko’? (Miyambo 29:11) Inu poyamba mungayese uphungu wakale wa ‘kupenda kufika ku khumi’—kapena ku chiŵerengero chirichonse chimene ichi chingatenge kwa inu kuti mutonthole.

Nkhani ina mu magazini ya ’Teen kachiŵirinso yayamikira kuti: “Gwiritsirani ntchito mphamvu zina za mkwiyowu mwa kutenga ulendo wautali . . . Inu mungafune kuchita ntchito imene muipeza kukhala yopumitsa kwenikweni, ngakhale ngati icho chingakhale kumvetsera ku nyimbo, kusamba madzi otentha kapena kupenyerera kanema.” Chimene chingakhale chabwinonso, itanira pa Yehova Mulungu m’pemphero, kumufunsa iye kaamba ka thandizo m’kukhala wodekha. “Ndipo mtendere wa Mulungu wa kupambana chidziŵitso chonse, udzasunga mitima yanu ndi maganizo anu.” (Afilipi 4:7) M’kuwonjezerapo, yesani kuŵerenga Baibulo kapena zofalitsidwa zozikidwa pa Baibulo, zonga ngati magazini ino ndi inzake Nsanja ya Olonda.

‘Kuchedwetsa Mkwiyo’

Miyambo 19:11 imati: “Kulingalira kwa munthu kuchedwetsa mkwiyo.” (Yerekezani ndi Miyambo 14:29.) Kulingalira uli mchitidwe kapena mphamvu za kuwona mkhalidwe, kukhala ndi zenizeni zonse za nkhaniyo musanagwirirepo ntchito. Mwakugwiritsira ntchito kulingalira, inu mungapeze kuti pali chifukwa chochepa kwa inu cha kutengera mlandu panthaŵi yoyamba.

Mwachitsanzo, tangolingalirani kuti mabwenzi anu achedwa kudzakutengani inu popita kukawonera kanema. Inu mungayambe kulingalira ponena za nthaŵi zonse pamene ichi chachitika kwa inu. Kuchulukira kumene inu mudzalingalira, kudzakhalanso kuchulukira kwa kukalipa kumene inu mudzakhala! Potsirizira pake pamene iwo afika, kodi inu mudzachitanji? Kungowapatsa iwo lingaliro lanu lochepa—kapena kufufuza chimene chinachitika chimene chinawachedwetsa? Mwachidziŵikire palidi chifukwa chabwino. Kukhala ndi chidziŵitso mwakutero kungachinjirize kutulutsa kupsya mtima.

Kulingalira kungaphatikizeponso kutenga nthaŵi ya kuyesa zotulukapo za kubwezera kwa mkwiyo. Lingalirani cholembedwa cha Baibulo chomwe chimaphatikizapo Mfumu Davide. Pamene munthu wotchedwa Nabala analanda chikondi cha Davide, Davide mwaukali anakonzekera kaamba ka kubwezera—kumupha! Mkazi wa Nabala, Abigayeli, ngakhale kuli tero, anapempha Davide kuti akalingalire zotulukapo za kukhetsa mwazi wangwiro. Davide analetsa ukali wake. “Kudalitsike kuchenjera kwako,” anatero Davide kwa Abigayeli, “nudalitsike iwe, pakuti unandiletsa kusakhetsa mwazi.”—1 Samueli 25:2-33.

Kulingalira zotulukapo za kutsanulira mkwiyo mofananamo kungakuchinjirizeni kukulitsa kusamvana kopanda nzeru ndi wina wake amene ali mu ulamuliro, monga ngati mphunzitsi kapena wokulembani ntchito. “Ngati mkulu akukwiyira, usasiye malo ako, chifukwa chifatso chipembedza utachimwa kwambiri,” anatero Solomo. (Mlaliki 10:4) Ndipo ngakhale pamene kubwezera kwalinganizidwa pa bwenzi lanu, kumbukirani kuti Baibulo limati: “Usanene: ‘Ndidzamchitira zomwezo anandichitira ine; ndidzabwezera monga mwamachitidwe ake.’”—Miyambo 24:29.

Njira ina yochepetserako mkwiyo iri ya kuyang’anitsitsa chimene inu mumapatsa malingaliro anu. Zowonetsedwa zambiri za wailesi ya kanema ziri zodzala ndi chiwawa. Zowona, ambiri amaganiza kuti chiwawa cha pa TV ndi akanema chimayambukira kokha aja omwe ali ndi chizoloŵezi chotero. Gulu limodzi la ofufuza, ngakhale kuli tero, linadzimva kuti “owonerera onse amakhala oyambukiridwa.”—How to Live With—And Without—Anger, lolembedwa ndi Albert Ellis.

Baibulo kachiŵirinso limalangiza pa Miyambo 22:24, 25: “Usayanjane ndi munthu wokwiya msanga; ngakhale kupita ndi mwamuna waukali; kuti ungaphunzire mayendedwe ake, ndi kutengera moyo wako msampha.” Kodi mumasangalala kukhala ndi aja “okwiya msanga”? Chotero inu musadabwitsidwe ngati muli ndi vuto la kulamulira kupsya mtima kwanu. Bukhu lakuti How to Live With—And Without—Anger mwakutero limalimbikitsa kupeza “zitsanzo zabwino mu moyo wa inumwini . . . anthu amene amadzimva kukhala otsimikiza kugonjetsa zovuta za moyo ndi amene mwachangu amapitiriza kugwirirapo ntchito. Lankhulani kwa anthu amenewa. Yesani kuphunzira kuchokera kwa iwo mmene amapambanira kukhala chete koyenerera pamaso pa zokalipitsa za umoyo.”

Mkwiyo Wamkatikati

Kungodzitontholetsa inu mwini, ngakhale kuli tero, sikungaletse mkwiyo kwanthaŵi yaitali. Profesala wa za maganizo Richard Lazarus walemba kuti: “Malingaliro onse sadzutsidwa ndi china chake kunja kwadziko. Iwo angapangidwe ndi maganizo a munthu.” Mwachitsanzo, mkazi wachichepere wina anavomereza kuti mkwiyo wake nthaŵi zambiri umachititsidwa ndi kukhala pazinthu zimene zimamukalipitsa ponena za munthu wina. “Malingaliro anga amalimbana ndi tsatanetsatane yense, ndipo ndimadzipeza inemwini kukhala ndikupitirizabe kukwiya. Mkati ndimakhala wovutitsidwa ndi kutsenderezedwa. Izo zimakula tsiku langa lonse. Ndimadzimva wopsyinjika.”

Kukambitsirana chochitika chodzetsa mkwiyo pambuyo pake ndi bwenzi mofananamo kungakhale ndi chotulukapo cha kupangitsa ukali kuimanso. Nthaŵi zina chinthu chabwino chofunikira kuchita chiri kungofika ku magwero enieni okalipitsawo ndi kuyesa kuwongolera zinthu. Kodi winawake wakulakwirani? Ngati inu simungakhoze kungoiwalako nkhaniyo, fikirani munthuyo ndi kuyesa kuwongolera nkhaniyo. (Yerekezani ndi Mateyu 5:23-26.) Kaŵirikaŵiri zimapezeka kuti kusamvana kwakung’ono nkomwe kunachitika.

Kukalipitsidwa kungakule. Komabe, pokhala ndi kuzindikira inu mungasunge nkhanizo mkawonedwe kabwino. Inu mungaphunzire kutembenuza malingaliro ovulaza kukhala kachitidwe kophulapo kanthu. Inde, mungalamulire kupsya mtima kwanu!

[Chithunzi patsamba 23]

Kodi mumachokapo pakati pa awo olekerera mkwiyo?