Ingene woheba ingeso yo kutavugisha uwo mwubakanye

INGORANE

Bigenda gute ngo abantu babiri basezeranye gukundana bagere aho bamara amasaha n’amasaha, canke mbere imisi, badashaka kuvugana? Bibwira bati: ‘Kazima tutariko turaterana amajambo.’ Ariko rero, ingorane bafise ntiratorerwa umuti, kandi bompi bumva bamerewe nabi.

IKIBITERA

Kwihora. Hari abantu banka kuvugisha abo bubakanye kugira ngo babihore. Nk’akarorero: Dufate ko umugabo atunganije ikintu kanaka kizokorwa mu mpera z’umushamvu atagishije inama umugore wiwe. Umugore abimenye, biramushavuza akabwira umugabo ko atamwitaho. Umugabo na we aciye abwira uwo mugore ko ari inkomwahato. Umugore aciye yivumbura arigira, ntasubire kumuvugisha. Ni nk’aho nya mugore ariko aramubwira ati: “Ko wambabaje, nanje ngira ndakubabaze.”

Kurondera kumugondoza. Hari abanka kuvugisha abo bubakanye kugira ngo bashike ku co bipfuza. Nk’akarorero: Dufate ko umugabo n’umugore bateguye kugira urugendo ariko umugore akaba yipfuza ko bojana n’abavyeyi biwe. Umugabo aravyanka akamubwira ati: “Nubakanye nawe, sinubakanye n’abavyeyi bawe.” Aciye areka kuvugisha umugore wiwe, kugira ngo ace aheba ivyo ariko arasaba.

Ni ivy’ukuri yuko igihe umugabo n’umugore babonye ko batanguye gushwana maze bagaca baba barahagaritse ikiyago, bituma ishavu ryabo rihwama. Ukutavugishanya mwene ukwo kurashobora kuvamwo ivyiza. Bibiliya ivuga yuko hariho “igihe co kunuma.” (Umusiguzi 3:7) Ariko igihe umwe mu bubakanye yinumiye kugira ngo yihore uwundi canke amugondoze, ntibituma gusa babandanya kutumvikana, ariko kandi biratuma icubahiro bafitaniye gitakara. Wokora iki none ngo ivyo ntibibashikire?

ICO WOKORA

Ikintu ca mbere cotuma uheba ivyo kutavugisha uwo mwubakanye ni ugutahura ko mu vy’ukuri bidatorera umuti ingorane muba mufise. Ego ni ko, kwinumira vyoshobora gutuma wihora uwo mwubakanye ukimara ishavu, canke bigatuma umugondoza agashira aho ushaka. Ariko none, ukwo ni ko mu vy’ukuri wipfuza gufata uwo wasezeraniye gukunda? Hariho uburyo bwiza kuruta bwo gutorera umuti amatati.

Nugerageze gutahura. Bibiliya ivuga yuko urukundo ‘rudakaza ishavu.’ (1 Abakorinto 13:4, 5) Nugume rero uturuye igihe uwo mwubakanye akubwiye amajambo arimwo agashavu nk’aya ngo “Ntiwigera wumva” canke ngo “Wama ucerwa.” Ahubwo, nugerageze gutahura ico yashatse kuvuga. Nk’akarorero, mu kukubwira ngo “Ntiwigera wumva” ashobora kuba yashaka kuvuga ati: “Jewe mbona umengo ntufatana uburemere ivyiyumviro vyanje.”​—Iciyumviro co muri Bibiliya cofasha: Imigani 14:29.

Nukoreshe ijwi ryoroshe. Iyo abantu babandanije gushwana, akenshi ibintu birunyuka. Ariko rero, urashobora gutuma ikiyago cadutsemwo ibihari kidashika kure. Uti gute? Igitabu kimwe (Fighting for Your Marriage) kivuga giti: “Kuvugana ijwi ryoroheje no kwerekana ko utahura ivyiyumviro vy’uwo mwubakanye birashobora gusukamwo mabisi bigatuma ibintu bitunyuka. Akenshi ico ni co gusa kiba gikenewe.”​—Iciyumviro co muri Bibiliya cofasha: Imigani 26:20.

Ntiwiyumvire ivyawe gusa. Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Umuntu wese ntagume arondera akarusho kiwe bwite, ahubwo arondere ak’uwundi.” (1 Abakorinto 10:24) Kubona ko uwo mwubakanye ari uwo musangiye urugamba aho kumubona nk’umwansi, vyoshobora gutuma udashoka umushavurira, bikavamwo ugushwana maze ugaca ureka kumuvugisha.​—Iciyumviro co muri Bibiliya cofasha: Umusiguzi 7:9.

Kutavugisha uwo mwubakanye birahushanye n’iyi mpanuro Bibiliya itanga igira iti: “Umwe wese muri mwebwe ku ruhande rwiwe akunde umugore wiwe nk’uko yikunda; umugore na we ategerezwa kugirira umugabo wiwe icubahiro kigera kure.” (Abanyefeso 5:33) Ubona gute wewe n’uwo mwubakanye mufashe ingingo yo kwirinda ingeso yo kutavugishanya mu mubano wanyu?