Ivyiza biva ku kuba intahemuka

MU BIHUGU bimwebimwe, abana barakunda gukina mu gufata ubwoko bw’ivyatsi bimata, bakabimadika ku mupira w’uwo bariko barakinana. Ivyo vyatsi bica bifata ku mupira wiwe. Naho yogira gute, ashake atambuke, yiruke, yizungagize canke asimbagurike, uwokubesha ngo bigenda bivuyeko. Uburyo bumwe gusa bwo kubikurako ni ukuza arashikura icatsi kimwekimwe. Uwo mukino uraryohera abana cane.

Ego ni ko, si bose bashima ko hagira ivyatsi bimata ku mpuzu zabo, mugabo bose baratangazwa n’ubushobozi ivyo vyatsi bifise bwo kumata. Umuntu adahemuka ameze nk’ukwo nyene. Umuntu w’intahemuka aguma yiyegereje uwundi bakaguma bafitaniye ubucuti buramba. Aguma ashitsa adahemuka ivyo ubwo bucuti busaba n’igihe nyene bitaba vyoroshe bivanye n’ukuntu ibintu biba vyifashe. Tuvuze “ukudahemuka” umuntu aca abona kamere nk’iy’ukuba umunyakuri, kuba intadohoka n’ukuba umugumyabanga. Ariko rero, mu gihe ushimishwa n’uko abandi bataguhemukira, woba nawe ugira umwiyemezo wo kuba intahemuka ku bandi? Nimba uwugira, ni nde udakwiye guhemukira?

Ukudahemuka kurakenewe cane mu mubano w’abubatse

Mu mubano w’abubatse ni ahantu ukudahemuka gukenewe cane, ariko ikibabaje ni uko usanga kenshi kubura. Umugabo n’umugore baguma bumiye ku ndagano yabo y’ukwabirana, ni ukuvuga bagumana kandi umwe wese akaguma arondera ineza ya mugenziwe, barateye intambwe ihambaye ishikana ku kuronka agahimbare n’ugutekanirwa. Uti kubera iki? Kubera yuko mu kuntu abantu baremwe, bakeneye kudahemukira abandi no kudahemukirwa. Igihe wa mubano wa Adamu na Eva watanguzwa muri rya tongo ry’i Edeni, Imana yavuze iti: “Umuntu azosiga se na nyina, [abane] n’umugore wiwe akaramata”. Ukwo ni ko vyogenze no ku mugore; yotegerejwe kubana n’umugabo wiwe akaramata. Umugabo n’umugore botegerejwe kudahemukiranira no gusenyera ku mugozi umwe.​—Itanguriro 2:24; Matayo 19:3-9.

Ego ni ko, haraciye imyaka ibihumbi ivyo bivuzwe. Ariko none, vyoba bisobanura ko kudahemuka mu mubano w’abubatse ubu ari ikintu cataye igihe? Abatari bake bokwishura bati oya. Ubushakashatsi bwagizwe mu Budagi bwerekanye yuko ibice 80 kw’ijana vy’ababajijwe babona yuko ukudahemuka mu mubano w’abubatse ari ikintu gihambaye cane. Hari irindi tohoza rigira kabiri ryagizwe kugira barabe kamere zikundwa kuruta izindi mu bagabo no mu bagore. Umugwi umwe w’abagabo wasabwe kuvuga kamere zitanu bashima kuruta izindi mu bagore, hanyuma umugwi w’abagore na wo uravuga kamere zitanu ushima kuruta izindi mu bagabo. Kamere abagabo n’abagore bompi bahaye agaciro kuruta izindi yari kamere y’ukuba umwizigirwa.

Vyemere, ukudahemuka ni kimwe mu bigize umushinge ukomeye utuma umubano w’abubatse uroranirwa. Yamara, nk’uko twabibonye mu kiganiro c’imbere y’iki, akenshi ukudahemuka kurashimagizwa kuruta uko gushirwa mu ngiro. Nk’akarorero, kubona mu bihugu vyinshi abahukana barushiriza kwiyongera ni ikimenyamenya c’uko uguhemuka kwiraye. None abubakanye bashobora gute kunanira ako gatima maze bakagumana ata wuhemukira uwundi?

Ukudahemuka gutuma umubano w’abubatse uramba

Abubakanye bagaragaza ko ari intahemuka igihe umwe wese arondera uturyo two kwereka mugenziwe ko ari umugumyabanga kuri we. Nk’akarorero, usanga akenshi ari vyiza ko bavuga ngo “rwacu”, aho kuvuga ngo “rwanje”: nk’akarorero bakavuga ngo “abagenzi bacu”, “abana bacu”, “inzu yacu”, “ivyadushikiye”, n’ibindi n’ibindi. Igihe umugabo n’umugore bashinga imigambi be n’igihe bafata ingingo, zaba ari izerekeye uburaro, akazi, ukurera abana, ivy’ukwinezereza, ukuja mu buruhuko, canke ibikorwa bijanye n’ugusenga, vyoba vyiza umwe wese yitwararitse inyiyumvo be n’ivyiyumviro vy’uwundi.​—Imigani 11:14; 15:22.

Abubakanye barerekana ko badahemuka igihe umwe wese atuma uwundi yumva ko ashimwa be n’uko ari n’ico amaze. Umuntu yubatse arumva adatekaniwe igihe uwo bubakanye agiraniye ubugenzi burenze urugero n’uwo badasangiye igitsina. Bibiliya ihanura abagabo kugumana n’‘abagore bo mu buto bwabo’. Umugabo ntakwiye kureka ngo umutima wiwe wipfuze ko uwundi umugore amwereka ko amugomwa. Akwiye koko kwirinda gukorakoranako canke guhuza imibiri n’uwundi mugore. Bibiliya igabisha iti: “Ūsambana n’umugore aba igipfamutima; ūgira artyo aba arondera guhonnya ubugingo bgiwe”. Vyitezwe ko n’umugore akurikiza iyo ngingo mfatirwako iri hejuru y’ukudahemuka.​—Imigani 5:18; 6:32.

Kugira akigoro ko kuba umwizigirwa mu mubano w’abubatse vyoba bifise akamaro? Cane nyene. Biratuma umubano urushiriza gutekana no kuramba, kandi umwe wese mu bubakanye akahungukira. Nk’akarorero, igihe umugabo agumye arondera ineza y’umugore wiwe, umugore wiwe aca yumva atekaniwe, bigatuma agaragaza kamere nziza cane afise. Ivyo ni na ko bigenda no ku mugabo. Umwiyemezo aba afise wo kudahemukira umugore wiwe uramufasha kuguma yisunga ingingo ngenderwako zigororotse mu mice yose y’ubuzima bwiwe.

Umugabo n’umugore baramutse bashikiwe n’ibintu bigoye, ukudahemuka kuzotuma bompi bumva batekaniwe. Ariko mu mubano w’abubatse utagiramwo ukudahemuka, ikintu gikunze guca kigirwa iyo habaye ingorane, ni ugutandukana canke ukurondera kwahukana. Umuntu abigenjeje gutyo, ntaba atoreye umuti ingorane, ahubwo riho usanga akenshi aba yinjiye mu zindi. Mu myaka ya 1980, hari umuhanuzi mu vy’imideri azwi cane yataye umugore wiwe n’umuryango wiwe. None yoba yararonse agahimbare ngo ni uko yibana wenyene? Hashize imyaka 20, yariyemereye yuko ukwo gutandukana n’umugore wiwe be n’umuryango wiwe vyatumye agira “irungu, yumva abuze n’amahoro, kandi mw’ijoro ntiyatora n’ak’imbwa, akumva ashaka kwipfuriza ijoro ryiza abana [biwe]”.

Ukudahemuka hagati y’abavyeyi n’abana

Igihe abavyeyi badahemukiranira, birashoboka rwose yuko n’abana babo bazokwiga kuba intahemuka. Mu nyuma, abana barerewe mu muryango urangwamwo ukudahemuka n’urukundo bizorushiriza kuborohera kwitaho abo bazoba bubakanye be n’abavyeyi babo igihe bazoba batakibasha kubera ubusaza.​—1 Timoteyo 5:4, 8.

Ariko ntiwumve, abavyeyi si bo bama batangura kugira amagara make. Rimwe na rimwe, umwana arakenera kuguma yitwararikwa. Ivyo ni vyo Herbert na Gertrud bamaze imyaka 40 bagirira umwana wabo, bompi bakaba bari Ivyabona vya Yehova. Umuhungu wabo Dietmar yamaze ubuzima bwiwe bwose arwaye ya ndwara yitwa distrophie musculaire, yonona imirya. Mu myaka indwi ya nyuma y’ubuzima bwiwe imbere y’uko apfa muri Munyonyo 2002, yarakenera kwitwararikwa ijoro n’umurango. Abavyeyi biwe baritwararitse ivyo akeneye vyose babigiranye urukundo. Baranashize mu nzu babamwo ivyuma vyo kwa muganga bongera barahabwa inyigisho zijanye n’ivy’ubuvuzi. Mbega akarorero keza k’ukudahemuka mu muryango!

Ukudahemuka kurahambaye cane mu bijanye n’ubugenzi

Uwitwa Birgit avuga ati: “Umuntu arashobora kugira agahimbare adafise uwo bubakanye, mugabo biragoye kugira agahimbare utagira umugenzi”. Kumbure ivyo uravyemera. Waba wubatse canke uri umwirebange, ukudahemuka kw’umugenzi somambike kuzokweza umutima kwongere gutume ubuzima bwawe burushiriza kuryoha. Ariko ntiwumve, niwaba wubatse, umugenzi wawe somambike yoba uwo mwubakanye.

Umugenzi si umuntu muzinanye gusa. Twoshobora kuba tuzinanye n’abantu benshi, nk’ababanyi, abo dukorana be n’abo rimwe na rimwe duhura. Ubugenzi nyakuri busaba umwanya, inguvu be n’umwiyemezo uvuye ku mutima. Ni agateka kuba umugenzi w’umuntu kanaka. Ubugenzi burazana ivyiza vyinshi, mugabo kandi buri n’ivyo budusaba.

Guseruranira akari ku mutima n’abagenzi bacu ni nkenerwa. Ku rugero runaka, twoshobora guseruranira akari ku mutima tubitumwe n’uko hari ivyo umwe muri twebwe akeneye. Birgit asigura ati: “Hagize umwe muri twebwe agira ingorane, twe n’umugenzi wanje turakurana kuri telefone rimwe canke kabiri mu ndwi. Birahumuriza kumenya yuko umugenzi ari ho ari be n’uko yiteguriye kugutega ugutwi”. Kuba kure na kure ntibikwiye kubuza abantu kuba abagenzi. Gerda na Helga batandukanijwe n’ibilometero ibihumbi, mugabo bamaze imyaka 35 ari abagenzi somambike. Gerda asigura ati: “Twama twandikiranira, tukabwirana ivyadushikiye tukongera tukabwirana inyiyumvo zacu zo mu mutima, zaba ziteye umunezero canke zibabaje. Iyo ndonse agakete kavuye kwa Helga akanyamuneza karansya. Turahuza rwose”.

Ukudahemuka kurahambaye cane mu bijanye n’ubugenzi. Guhemuka birashobora gusambura n’ubugenzi bwari bumaze igihe kirekire. Ni ibisanzwe ko umugenzi ahanuza mugenziwe mbere no ku bintu vy’akabanga. Abagenzi baraseruranira akari ku mutima ata gutinya ko bohava bashirwa hasi canke ko amabanga yabo yohava arenga impinga. Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Umukunzi akundana ibihe vyose, kandi yavukiye kukubera nk’uwo muvukana mu magorwa”.​—Imigani 17:17.

Kubera yuko abagenzi bacu bagira ico bahinduye ku kuntu twiyumvira, ku kuntu twiyumva no ku vyo dukora, birahambaye ko tugiranira ubugenzi n’abantu uburyo bwabo bwo kubaho buhuza n’ubwacu. Nk’akarorero, raba neza ko abo mugiranira ubugenzi ari abantu mwemera bimwe, mubona kumwe ibijanye n’inyifato runtu, kandi mugendera ku ngingo mfatirwako zimwe zigenga iciza n’ikibi. Abagenzi nk’abo bazogufasha gushika ku mahangiro yawe. Nakare, kubera iki worondera gucudika n’umuntu mudakurikiza ingingo mfatirwako zimwe be n’ingingo ngenderwako zigenga inyifato runtu zimwe? Bibiliya irerekana akamaro ko guhitamwo abagenzi babereye igihe ivuga iti: “Gendana n’abanyabgenge, nawe uzogira ubgenge, arik’ūcudika n’ibipfu azokomereka”.​—Imigani 13:20.

Umuntu arashobora kwiga kuba intahemuka

Igihe umwana amaze kumenya kumadika ku mupira w’uwundi mwana vya vyatsi bimata, hari aho yoshaka kubandanya gukina uwo mukino incuro n’izindi. Ivyo ni ko bimeze no ku muntu w’intahemuka. Uti kubera iki? Kubera yuko, uko turushiriza kwimenyereza kugaragaza kamere y’ukudahemuka, ari na ko birushiriza kutworohera kuyigaragaza. Umuntu yize hakiri kare mu buzima kuba intahemuka mu muryango, mu nyuma bizorushiriza kumworohera gutsimbataza ubugenzi bushingiye ku kudahemuka. Haciye igihe, ubugenzi nk’ubwo bukomeye kandi buramba bwoshobora gutuma aba intahemuka mu mubano w’abubatse. Ivyo bizomufasha kandi kuba intahemuka mu bugenzi buhambaye kuruta ubundi bwose.

Yezu yavuze yuko ibwirizwa rihambaye kuruta ayandi yose ari ugukunda Yehova Imana n’umutima wacu wose, n’ubugingo bwacu bwose, n’ubwenge bwacu bwose, n’inkomezi zacu zose (Mariko 12:30). Ivyo bisobanura ko tubwirizwa kuba intahemuka ku Mana bimwe bishitse. Kuba intahemuka kuri Yehova Imana birazana impera nyinshi. Ntazokwigera aduhemukira kubera ko yivuga ati: “Ndi intahemuka” (Yeremiya 3:12, NW). Vy’ukuri, kuba intahemuka canke umwizigirwa ku Mana bizana impera z’ibihe bidahera.​—1 Yohana 2:17.

[Iciyumviro ku rup. 6]

Ukudahemuka kw’umugenzi somambike kuzokweza umutima

[Ifoto ku rup. 5]

Abagize umuryango b’intahemuka baritwararikana