Mu myaka mirongo iheze, harabaye amahinduka akomeye mu miryango yo mu bihugu vya Buraya. Kera abavyeyi ni bo bari bafise ijambo mu rugo, abana na bo bakagamburuka. Ariko ubu, mu ngo nyinshi ibintu vyarahindutse. Raba nk’akarorero ibi bintu bishobora gushika bisa n’ivyama vyabaye mu buzima.

• Umwana w’umuhungu w’imyaka ine ari kumwe na nyina mw’iduka. Arabonye agakinisho agaca agatora. Nyina wiwe aragerageza kumubuza mu kumubwira ati: “None ntufise utundi dukinisho?” Ariko aciye atahura ko atari akwiye gukoresha ikibazo kuko umwana wiwe aca yishavuza akishura ngo: “N’aka ndagashaka!” Nyina aciye amugurira ako gakinisho kubera ko atinya yuko uwo mwana wiwe yohava yiriza nk’uko yama abigenza.

• Umwana w’umukobwa w’imyaka itanu araciramwo se mu kiyago ariko agirana n’uwundi muntu akuze. Abwira se ati: “Papa ndarushe, nshaka gutaha!” Se aciye abanza guhagarika ikiyago, akunama maze akabwira uwo mwana wiwe amwinginga ati: “Ndindira gato kibondo, si ko?”

• Se wa James aciye ashavura. Ariko ntashavuriye umwana wiwe, ahubwo ashavuriye umwigisha. Aciye abwira umuhungu wiwe ati: “Je sinzi igituma umwigisha wawe yama akubonera! Nzomurega ku bamukurira!”

Ivyo duhejeje kuvuga si ibintu vyabaye, ariko bihora bishika. Ubwo burorero burerekana ingorane iba mu ngo aho usanga abavyeyi bareka abana babo bakifata uko bishakiye, bakabaha ivyo bashaka vyose, bakanabakingira ingaruka z’amakosa bakora. Igitabu kimwe (The Narcissism Epidemic) kivuga giti: “Abavyeyi benshi basigaye bareka abana babo bakiganza. Ariko mu misi yahera, si ko vyari bimeze. Abana bari bazi neza ko atari bo batanga amategeko mu rugo.”

Ni ivy’ukuri ko abavyeyi benshi bihatira guha indero nziza abana babo mu kubabera akarorero keza no mu kubakosorana urukundo igihe bikenewe. Ariko rero ca gitabu twavuga, cerekana yuko abavyeyi bitaho guha indero nziza abana babo, “bakora ibitandukanye n’ivyo abavyeyi benshi bakora.”

None vyagenze gute ngo abavyeyi barekerane abana babo? Indero yaroye he?

Kureka abana bakiganza

Hari abavuga yuko mu myaka ya 1960 ari ho abavyeyi batangura kureka abana babo bakiganza. Abahinga b’ico gihe wasanga baremesha abavyeyi kworohereza cane abana. Bahanuye abavyeyi ngo: ‘Bereke ko muri abagenzi, ntimubereke ko mubategeka.’ Bababwiye kandi bati: ‘Umwana mukwiye kumuhayagiza aho kumutoza indero.’ Vyongeye, babahanuye bati: ‘Aho kubakosora, nimugume murereka ivyiza bakora.’ Aho kuremesha abavyeyi gukeza abana babo no kubakosora ku rugero, abo bahinga basa n’abashaka kwerekana ko guhambarira umwana vyomubabaza bikazotuma amaze gukura agirira inzigo abavyeyi.

Budakeye na kabiri, abahinga baratanguye kuvuga akamaro ko gutuma umwana yiyumva neza. Wamengo abahinga bagiye batora uburyo bwiza bwo kurera abana. Muri make bwari ubu: Nimutume abana banyu biyumva neza. Nta wohakana ko bihambaye gutuma abana bumva ko hari ico bamaze. Ariko rero, abo bahinga bararenza urugero. Babwiye abavyeyi bati: ‘Mwirinde kubwira abana amajambo ataremesha nk’aya ngo oya canke ni bibi. Gume mubereka ko badasanzwe kandi ko ico bashaka cose bashobora kugishikako.’ Wamengo gutuma umwana yiyumva neza ni vyo bihambaye kuruta kumufasha kumera neza.

Hari abahavuye bavuga yuko ukwo gushaka ko umwana yiyumva neza vyatumye ahanini abana babona ko ibintu vyose babifitiye uburenganzira, nk’aho umengo abantu bategerezwa kubakorera ivyo bipfuza vyose. Vyongeye, igitabu kimwe (Generation Me) kivuga yuko ivyo vyatumye abakiri bato benshi bibagora kuvyifatamwo neza iyo bakosowe canke hagize ibitabagendera neza. Ivyo vyatewe n’uko abavyeyi babo batabafashije kwitegurira ivyo bintu bitegerezwa gushika mu buzima. Sebibondo umwe avugwa muri ico gitabu yagize ati: “Ku kazi, abantu ntibanezwe ivyotuma wiyumva neza. . . . Ushikirije shobuja raporo itameze neza, wibaza ko aca akubwira ngo: ‘Sha urupapuro wanditseko raporo rufise ibara ryiza pe!’ Gutuma abana bishiramwo ko vyose bizobagendera neza ni ukubagirira nabi cane.”

Ivyiyumviro bihindagurika

Abavyeyi benshi bamye barera abana babo bisunze ivyiyumviro vy’abantu bigenda birahindagurika. Umuhinga mu vy’indero yitwa Ronald G. Morrish yanditse ati: “Indero iguma ihindagurika. Ivyo ntibitangaje kuko n’ikibano kiguma gihindagurika.” (Ni twe dushimitse.)a Biroroshe cane rero ko abavyeyi bamera “nk’abazungazungishwa n’ibisebuzi [ba]janwa irya n’ino n’umuyaga uwo ari wo wose w’inyigisho,” nk’uko Bibiliya ibivuga.​—Abanyefeso 4:14.

Biragaragara ko kurekerana abana vyagize ingaruka mbi. Ntivyatumye gusa abavyeyi basigara ata jambo bagifise mu rugo, ariko kandi vyatumye abana bataronka ikibayobora mu buzima cobafasha gufata ingingo nziza no kwiyumvamwo ko bafise agaciro nyako.

None uburyo bwiza bwo kurera abana ni ubuhe?

NTA WOHARIRA ko kurera ari ibanga ritoroshe. Mugabo kudatoza indero abana bituma iryo banga rirushiriza kuba irigoye. Uti kuki? (1) Kubera ko abana baca babandanya gukora ivyo bishakiye, bigatuma abavyeyi bata umutwe; (2) kubera ko abavyeyi baza barivuguruza mu mategeko baha abana babo, bigatuma abana babura ico bafata n’ico bareka.

Ku rundi ruhande, gutoza umwana indero ubigiranye urukundo kandi utarenza urugero, biramucisha ubwenge bikanamwigisha kwigenza neza. Vyongeye, biratuma umwana akura yumva ko atekaniwe. Ariko none, ni hehe wokura impanuro zo kwizigirwa zogufasha kurera abana bawe?

Agaciro k’impanuro zo muri Bibiliya

Ivyabona vya Yehova, ari na bo basohora iki kinyamakuru, baremera ko Bibiliya ari “ngirakamaro ku kwigisha, ku gukangīra, ku kugorora ibintu, ku gutoza indero,” nk’uko yo ubwayo ibivuga. (2 Timoteyo 3:16) Naho Bibiliya atari igitabu kivuga gusa ivy’ukurera abana, irimwo impanuro zifasha vy’ukuri imiryango. Raba uburorero bukeyi.

BIBILIYA IVUGA ITI: “Ubupfu buboheye ku mutima w’umwana.”​—Imigani 22:15.

Naho abana bashobora kugira umutima mwiza, barafise impengamiro yo gukora ivy’ubupfu. Ni co gituma abana bakeneye gutozwa indero. (Imigani 13:24) Gutahura ico kintu birashobora kugufasha gushitsa neza ibanga ujejwe ry’ubuvyeyi.

BIBILIYA IVUGA ITI: “Ntiwime indero umwana.”​—Imigani 23:13.

Ntiwiyumvire yuko gutoza abana bawe indero iri ku rugero bizobagirira nabi canke ngo bitume bakugirira inzigo bamaze gukura. Gutoza abana indero mu rukundo bizotuma nyabuna biga kwicisha bugufi bemere gukosorwa. Ivyo bizobafasha n’igihe bazoba bamaze gukura.​—Abaheburayo 12:11.

BIBILIYA IVUGA ITI: “Ico umuntu abiba cose [ni] co nyene azokwimbura.”​—Abagalatiya 6:7.

Mu bisanzwe abavyeyi baripfuza gukingira abana babo, kandi ivyo birumvikana. Ariko n’aho nyene, abavyeyi barakwiye kutarenza urugero. Nta co uba uriko urafasha abana bawe igihe wama urondera kubakingira ingaruka z’amakosa bakora canke igihe ubavugira iyo umwigisha canke uwundi muntu akuze akubwiye amakosa baba vy’ukuri bakoze. Ukwiye nyabuna kwibuka ko umwana atari uw’umwe. Ivyo bizotuma wigisha abana bawe kwubaha ababakurira, na wewe urimwo.​—Abakolosayi 3:20.

BIBILIYA IVUGA ITI: “Umwana arekeranwa azomaramaza nyina.”​—Imigani 29:15.

Ni ivy’ukuri ko abavyeyi badakwiye kwigera bafata nabi abana babo, ariko kandi bakwiye kwirinda kurenza urugero ntibabarekerane. Igitabu kimwe (The Price of Privilege) kivuga giti: “Abana bafise abavyeyi babarekerana usanga badatahura yuko abavyeyi babo ari bo bakwiye gutanga amategeko mu rugo.” Igihe rero udakoresha ubukuru ufise mu rugo, umwana wawe ashobora guca yiyumvira ko ari we afise ijambo. Ivyo ntibizobura gutuma afata ingingo mbi zizotuma we ubwiwe agira intuntu, eka na wewe ubwawe.​—Imigani 17:25; 29:21.

BIBILIYA IVUGA ITI: “Umugabo . . . [azokwi]fatanya n’umugore wiwe, kandi abo babiri bazoba umubiri umwe.”​—Matayo 19:5.

Bibiliya ivuga yuko umugabo n’umugore babanza kwubakana imbere y’uko bavyara abana kandi bakagumana mbere n’igihe abana baba bamaze gukura, batakibana na bo. (Matayo 19:5, 6) Twovuga rero yuko ibanga rya mbere ujejwe ari ukuba wubatse, irya kabiri ukuba uri umuvyeyi. Ariko ubicuritse, umwana wawe ashobora guca “[yi]yumvira ko ahambaye kuruta uko abwirizwa kwiyumvira.” (Abaroma 12:3) N’ikindi kandi, kwitwararika umwana birenze urugero biratuma ubucuti mufitaniye bwa mugore n’umugabo butaba bugikomeye.

Icofasha abavyeyi

Kugira ngo ushitse ibanga ujejwe ry’ubuvyeyi, indero utanga ikwiye kuba ihuye n’izi mpanuro:

Garagaza urukundo. “Ntimuratse abana banyu, kugira ngo ntibavunike umutima.”​—Abakolosayi 3:21.

Ntube mahindagu. “Ijambo ryanyu Ego niribe Ego, Oya yanyu ibe Oya.”​—Matayo 5:37.

Nturenze urugero. “Nzogukosora koko ku rugero rubereye.”​—Yeremiya 30:11.a