Indero yaroye he?

Mu myaka mirongo iheze, harabaye amahinduka akomeye mu miryango yo mu bihugu vya Buraya. Kera abavyeyi ni bo bari bafise ijambo mu rugo, abana na bo bakagamburuka. Ariko ubu, mu ngo nyinshi ibintu vyarahindutse. Raba nk’akarorero ibi bintu bishobora gushika bisa n’ivyama vyabaye mu buzima.

• Umwana w’umuhungu w’imyaka ine ari kumwe na nyina mw’iduka. Arabonye agakinisho agaca agatora. Nyina wiwe aragerageza kumubuza mu kumubwira ati: “None ntufise utundi dukinisho?” Ariko aciye atahura ko atari akwiye gukoresha ikibazo kuko umwana wiwe aca yishavuza akishura ngo: “N’aka ndagashaka!” Nyina aciye amugurira ako gakinisho kubera ko atinya yuko uwo mwana wiwe yohava yiriza nk’uko yama abigenza.

• Umwana w’umukobwa w’imyaka itanu araciramwo se mu kiyago ariko agirana n’uwundi muntu akuze. Abwira se ati: “Papa ndarushe, nshaka gutaha!” Se aciye abanza guhagarika ikiyago, akunama maze akabwira uwo mwana wiwe amwinginga ati: “Ndindira gato kibondo, si ko?”

• Se wa James aciye ashavura. Ariko ntashavuriye umwana wiwe, ahubwo ashavuriye umwigisha. Aciye abwira umuhungu wiwe ati: “Je sinzi igituma umwigisha wawe yama akubonera! Nzomurega ku bamukurira!”

Ivyo duhejeje kuvuga si ibintu vyabaye, ariko bihora bishika. Ubwo burorero burerekana ingorane iba mu ngo aho usanga abavyeyi bareka abana babo bakifata uko bishakiye, bakabaha ivyo bashaka vyose, bakanabakingira ingaruka z’amakosa bakora. Igitabu kimwe (The Narcissism Epidemic) kivuga giti: “Abavyeyi benshi basigaye bareka abana babo bakiganza. Ariko mu misi yahera, si ko vyari bimeze. Abana bari bazi neza ko atari bo batanga amategeko mu rugo.”

Ni ivy’ukuri ko abavyeyi benshi bihatira guha indero nziza abana babo mu kubabera akarorero keza no mu kubakosorana urukundo igihe bikenewe. Ariko rero ca gitabu twavuga, cerekana yuko abavyeyi bitaho guha indero nziza abana babo, “bakora ibitandukanye n’ivyo abavyeyi benshi bakora.”

None vyagenze gute ngo abavyeyi barekerane abana babo? Indero yaroye he?

Kureka abana bakiganza

Hari abavuga yuko mu myaka ya 1960 ari ho abavyeyi batangura kureka abana babo bakiganza. Abahinga b’ico gihe wasanga baremesha abavyeyi kworohereza cane abana. Bahanuye abavyeyi ngo: ‘Bereke ko muri abagenzi, ntimubereke ko mubategeka.’ Bababwiye kandi bati: ‘Umwana mukwiye kumuhayagiza aho kumutoza indero.’ Vyongeye, babahanuye bati: ‘Aho kubakosora, nimugume murereka ivyiza bakora.’ Aho kuremesha abavyeyi gukeza abana babo no kubakosora ku rugero, abo bahinga basa n’abashaka kwerekana ko guhambarira umwana vyomubabaza bikazotuma amaze gukura agirira inzigo abavyeyi.

Budakeye na kabiri, abahinga baratanguye kuvuga akamaro ko gutuma umwana yiyumva neza. Wamengo abahinga bagiye batora uburyo bwiza bwo kurera abana. Muri make bwari ubu: Nimutume abana banyu biyumva neza. Nta wohakana ko bihambaye gutuma abana bumva ko hari ico bamaze. Ariko rero, abo bahinga bararenza urugero. Babwiye abavyeyi bati: ‘Mwirinde kubwira abana amajambo ataremesha nk’aya ngo oya canke ni bibi. Gume mubereka ko badasanzwe kandi ko ico bashaka cose bashobora kugishikako.’ Wamengo gutuma umwana yiyumva neza ni vyo bihambaye kuruta kumufasha kumera neza.

Hari abahavuye bavuga yuko ukwo gushaka ko umwana yiyumva neza vyatumye ahanini abana babona ko ibintu vyose babifitiye uburenganzira, nk’aho umengo abantu bategerezwa kubakorera ivyo bipfuza vyose. Vyongeye, igitabu kimwe (Generation Me) kivuga yuko ivyo vyatumye abakiri bato benshi bibagora kuvyifatamwo neza iyo bakosowe canke hagize ibitabagendera neza. Ivyo vyatewe n’uko abavyeyi babo batabafashije kwitegurira ivyo bintu bitegerezwa gushika mu buzima. Sebibondo umwe avugwa muri ico gitabu yagize ati: “Ku kazi, abantu ntibanezwe ivyotuma wiyumva neza. . . . Ushikirije shobuja raporo itameze neza, wibaza ko aca akubwira ngo: ‘Sha urupapuro wanditseko raporo rufise ibara ryiza pe!’ Gutuma abana bishiramwo ko vyose bizobagendera neza ni ukubagirira nabi cane.”

Ivyiyumviro bihindagurika

Abavyeyi benshi bamye barera abana babo bisunze ivyiyumviro vy’abantu bigenda birahindagurika. Umuhinga mu vy’indero yitwa Ronald G. Morrish yanditse ati: “Indero iguma ihindagurika. Ivyo ntibitangaje kuko n’ikibano kiguma gihindagurika.” (Ni twe dushimitse.)a Biroroshe cane rero ko abavyeyi bamera “nk’abazungazungishwa n’ibisebuzi [ba]janwa irya n’ino n’umuyaga uwo ari wo wose w’inyigisho,” nk’uko Bibiliya ibivuga.​—Abanyefeso 4:14.

Biragaragara ko kurekerana abana vyagize ingaruka mbi. Ntivyatumye gusa abavyeyi basigara ata jambo bagifise mu rugo, ariko kandi vyatumye abana bataronka ikibayobora mu buzima cobafasha gufata ingingo nziza no kwiyumvamwo ko bafise agaciro nyako.

None uburyo bwiza bwo kurera abana ni ubuhe?