Bavyeyi, nimurere abana banyu mubigiranye urukundo

“Ivyanyu vyose nibibe mu rukundo”.​—1 AB’I KORINTO 16:14, NW.

1. Igihe abavyeyi bibarutse ikibondo bumva bamerewe gute?

ABAVYEYI benshi cane bokwemera ko ukwibaruka ikibondo gushobora kuba kimwe mu biringo bihimbaye kuruta ibindi mu buzima. Inabibondo umwe yitwa Aleah avuga ati: “Igihe nihweza akayoya kanje ari bwo mbere, numvise akamwemwe kansya. Nabona yuko ari ko kana keza cane kuruta utundi twose nari maze kubona”. Ariko rero, ico kiringo giteye umunezero cane gutyo kirashobora kandi gutuma abavyeyi batangura kugira imyitwarariko. Umunega wa Aleah avuga ati: “Icari kindaje ishinga kwari ukumenya nimba noshoboye gutegura neza agakobwa kanje kugira ngo kaze gashobore guhangana n’ingorane zo mu buzima”. Abavyeyi benshi barafise imyitwarariko nk’iyo kandi baratahura ko bikenewe kurera abana babo babigiranye urukundo. Ariko ntiwumve, abavyeyi bakirisu bipfuza kurera abana babo muri ubwo buryo, usanga bahangana n’ibintu bitoroshe. None bimwebimwe muri ivyo bintu ni ibihe?

2. Ni ibintu bitoroshe ibihe abavyeyi bahangana na vyo?

² Ubu tubayeho mu gihe imisi y’iherezo y’ivy’iyi si yitereye cane. Nk’uko vyari vyarabuwe, agatima ko kudakunda abandi kariraye mu bantu. Mbere no mu bagize umuryango, usanga hari abagaragaza ko “batagira igishika c’abantu”, kandi ko ari “intashima, ibihemu, . . . abatagira ukwigumya, [n’]inkazi” (2 Timoteyo 3:1-5, NW). Kuba abagize imiryango y’abakirisu bama bari kumwe n’abantu bagaragaza kamere mwene izo, birashobora kugira ico bikoze ku kuntu bafatana hagati yabo. Vyongeye, abavyeyi baranyinyana n’impengamiro barazwe yo kubura ukwigumya, kuvuga amajambo batabanje kuzirikana be no gukoresha ubukerebutsi buke mu bindi bintu.​—Abaroma 3:23; Yakobo 3:2, 8, 9.

3. Abavyeyi bashobora gute gufasha abana kugira ngo bakure bahimbawe?

³ N’aho abavyeyi bahangana n’ivyo bintu bitoroshe, barashobora gufasha abana gukura bahimbawe kandi bafise amagara meza mu vy’impwemu. Uti ivyo bobigira gute? Bobigira mu gukurikiza impanuro Bibiliya itanga igira iti: “Ivyanyu vyose nibibe mu rukundo” (1 Ab’i Korinto 16:14, NW). Mu vy’ukuri, urukundo ni “umugozi utunganye wunga ubumwe” (Ab’i Kolosayi 3:14, NW). Nimuze turimbure imice itatu y’urukundo intumwa Paulo yadondoye mw’ikete rya mbere yandikiye Abakorinto, twongere twihweze uburyo bumwebumwe burashe abavyeyi bashobora kugaragazamwo iyo kamere mu kurera abana babo.​—1 Ab’i Korinto 13:4-8.

Igituma bikenewe ko baba abiyumanganya

4. Ni kubera iki abavyeyi bakeneye kuba abiyumanganya?

⁴ Paulo yanditse ati: “Urukundo ruriyumanganya” (1 Ab’i Korinto 13:4, NW). Imvugo y’ikigiriki yahinduwe ngo ‘kwiyumanganya’ irimwo iciyumviro co kwihangana no guteba gushavura. Ni kubera iki none abavyeyi bakwiye kuba abiyumanganya? Nta gukeka ko abavyeyi benshi cane botanga imvo zitari nke zerekana igituma bikenewe. Raba zimwezimwe muri izo. Usanga ari gake abana basaba rimwe gusa ikintu baba bakeneye. N’aho umuvyeyi yohakana ata gucisha iruhande igihe umwana amusavye ikintu, uwo mwana yoshobora kuguma asubiramwo kugisaba, yizigiye ko uwo muvyeyi azoteba akemera. Abana b’imiyabaga boshobora kurondera gutanga imvo nyinshi zerekana igituma bakwiye kwemererwa gukora ikintu kinaka abavyeyi babo babona ko kiranga ubupfu (Imigani 22:15). N’ikindi kandi, abana, cokimwe na twebwe twese, usanga bafise impengamiro yo gusubiramwo amwamwe mu makosa bama bakora.​—Zaburi 130:3.

5. Ni ibiki bishobora gufasha abavyeyi kuba abiyumanganya?

⁵ Ni igiki none cofasha abavyeyi kuba abiyumanganya n’abihanganira abana babo? Umwami Salomo yanditse ati: “Kwitonda kw’umuntu kumutera guteba kuraka” (Imigani 19:11). Abavyeyi barashobora gutahura inyifato y’abana babo mu gihe bibuka yuko na bo nyene bigeze kuba ‘bavuga nk’inzoya, biyumvira nk’inzoya, bakazirikana nk’inzoya’ (1 Ab’i Korinto 13:11, NW). Bavyeyi, mwoba mushobora kwibuka ingene mwagora abavyeyi banyu mubasaba ibintu bitagira umutwe n’amaguru? Igihe mwari imiyabaga, vyoba vyarashika mukiyumvira yuko abavyeyi banyu batatahura ukuntu mwiyumva canke ingorane zanyu? Nimba ari ukwo, mwoshobora gutahura igituma abana banyu bigenza mu buryo bunaka be n’igituma bikenewe ko mwama mubibutsa mwihanganye ibintu bijanye n’ingingo mufata (Ab’i Kolosayi 4:6). Birabereye kubona Yehova yarategetse abavyeyi b’Abisirayeli “kwinjiza” amabwirizwa yiwe mu bana babo (Gusubira mu vyagezwe 6:6, 7, NW). Ijambo ry’igiheburayo ryahinduwe ngo “kwinjiza” risigura “gusubiramwo”, “kuvuga incuro n’izindi”, canke “kwumvisha”. Ivyo bisigura yuko hari igihe vyoba ngombwa ko abavyeyi basubiramwo ikintu incuro nyinshi imbere yuko umwana amenya gushira mu ngiro ivyagezwe vy’Imana. Akenshi, usanga ugusubiramwo mwene ukwo gukenewe kugira ngo umuvyeyi yigishe umwana ibindi vyigwa mu buzima.

6. Ni kubera iki umuvyeyi yiyumanganya atari uwurekerana ibintu?

⁶ Ariko rero, umuvyeyi yiyumanganya si uwurekerana ibintu. Ijambo ry’Imana rigabisha riti: “Umwana bapfa kurekera aho atētereza nyina”. Kugira ngo umuntu yirinde ingaruka nk’iyo, uwo mugani nyene uvuga uti: “Inkoni n’indero nziza bicisha ubgenge” (Imigani 29:15). Rimwe na rimwe, abana boshobora kwiyumvira ko abavyeyi babo badafise uburenganzira bwo kubakosora. Mugabo rero imiryango y’abakirisu ntikwiye kuyoborwa mu buryo bwa demokarasi, nk’aho umenga uburenganzira abavyeyi bafise bwo gushinga amategeko buvana mu buryo bunaka n’ivyo abana baba bemeye. Ahubwo riho, Yehova we Mutwe ruheta w’umuryango, araha abavyeyi uburenganzira bwo kurera abana babo no kubatoza indero, ivyo bakabigira mu buryo buranga urukundo (1 Ab’i Korinto 11:3; Abanyefeso 3:15; 6:1-4). Kukaba nkako, ugutoza indero kurafitaniye isano cane n’umuce w’urukundo uca ukurikira mu vyo Paulo yavuze.

Ukuntu bobatoza indero mu rukundo

7. Ni kubera iki abavyeyi b’abanyabuntu batoza indero abana babo, kandi ni ibiki biri muri mwene ukwo gutoza indero?

⁷ Paulo yanditse yuko “urukundo . . . rugira ubuntu” (1 Ab’i Korinto 13:4, NW). Abavyeyi b’abanyabuntu vy’ukuri, baratoza indero abana babo mu buryo budahindagurika. Mu kubigenza gutyo baba bariko bigana Yehova. Paulo yanditse yuko “uwo Yehova akunda amutoza indero”. Numenye yuko ukwo gutoza indero kuvugwa muri Bibiliya kuterekeza gusa ku gihano. Kurimwo iciyumviro co kumenyereza no kwigisha. None intumbero ya mwene ukwo gutoza indero ni iyihe? Paulo avuga ko “ku bamenyerejwe na kwo, kwama icamwa c’amahoro, ari co bugororotsi” (Abaheburayo 12:6, 11, NW). Mu gihe abavyeyi bigisha abana babo bisunze ivyo Imana igomba kandi ivyo bakabigirana ubuntu, baba babahaye akaryo ko kuzoba abantu b’abanyamahoro kandi b’abagororotsi. Igihe abana bemeye “ugutoza indero kwa Yehova” (NW) bararonka ubukerebutsi, ubumenyi be no gutahura, izo zikaba ari inyungu zirusha agaciro ifeza canke inzahabu.​—Imigani 3:11-18.

8. Igihe abavyeyi badatoje indero abana babo, akenshi usanga bivamwo iki?

⁸ Igitandukanye n’ivyo, ntivyoba biranga urukundo hamwe abavyeyi batotoza indero abana babo. Salomo ahumekewe na Yehova yanditse ati: “Ūrinda umwana inkoni aba amwanse, arik’ūmukunda amuhana hakiri kare” (Imigani 13:24). Abana bakura batozwa indero mu buryo buhindagurika usanga vyoroshe ko baba abikunzi kandi bakaba abadahimbawe. Ariko abana bafise abavyeyi bagerageza gutahura ibintu mugabo ntibatirimuke ku turimbi bashingira abana babo, usanga bakora neza kw’ishure, babana neza n’abandi kandi ugasanga muri rusangi bahimbawe. Ni ivy’ukuri rero ko igihe abavyeyi batoza indero abana babo baba bariko babagaragariza urukundo.

9. Ni ibiki abavyeyi bakirisu bigisha abana babo, kandi ivyo bintu abana basabwa bakwiye kubibona gute?

⁹ None gutoza indero abana mu buryo buranga ubuntu n’urukundo bisaba iki? Abavyeyi barakeneye kuganira n’abana babo bakababwira ata gucisha iruhande ivyo babitezeko. Nk’akarorero, abana bafise abavyeyi bakirisu, kuva bakiri bato cane barigishwa ingingo ngenderwako z’ishimikiro zo muri Bibiliya be n’igituma bikenewe ko bagira uruhara mu mice itandukanye y’ugusenga kw’ukuri (Kuvayo 20:12-17; Matayo 22:37-40; 28:19; Abaheburayo 10:24, 25). Abana barakwiye kumenya ko ivyo bintu basabwa n’abavyeyi ari ukwo biri, atari ivyo babanza kwumvikanako.

10, 11. Ni kubera iki abavyeyi borimbura ivyiyumviro abana babo bashikiriza igihe bashinga amategeko abo mu rugo bokwisunga?

¹⁰ Ariko rero, hari aho rimwe na rimwe abavyeyi boshima ko abana babo baserura iryo bagona igihe bashinga amategeko agenga abo mu rugo. Mu gihe abakiri bato bogira uruhara mu biyago vyerekeye gushinga ayo mategeko, vyoshobora gutuma barushiriza kuyagamburuka. Nk’akarorero, igihe abavyeyi bofata ingingo yo gushingira abana isaha bakwiye kuba batashe, boshobora guhitamwo isaha itomoye abana bakwiye kuba bashitse mu rugo. Canke na ho, boshobora kureka abana babo bagatanga iciyumviro ku bijanye n’isaha botahirako, bakongera bakavuga n’igituma bahisemwo iyo saha. Maze abavyeyi na bo boshobora guca bavuga isaha bipfuza ko abana bakwiye kuba bamaze gutaha, kandi bakabasigurira igituma babona ko ari yo ibereye. None abavyeyi bokora iki mu gihe badahuje n’abana babo, narirya ivyo bitobura gushika? Mu bihe bimwebimwe, abavyeyi boshobora guhitamwo kwemera ivyo abana bipfuza mu gihe bitoba birenga ku ngingo ngenderwako zo muri Bibiliya. None ivyo vyoba bisobanura yuko abavyeyi baba badakoresheje ubukuru bafise ku bana babo?

¹¹ Kugira ngo turonke inyishu y’ico kibazo, reka twihweze ukuntu Yehova yakoresheje ubukuru bwiwe abigiranye urukundo, igihe yatunganya ivyo kurokora Loti n’umuryango wiwe. Abamarayika bamaze gukura i Sodomu Loti, umugore wiwe n’abakobwa biwe, bamubariye bati: “Hungira kur’iriya misozi, woye kuranduka”. Mugabo Loti yishuye ati: “Oyaye mugenzi, s’uko!”. Loti yaciye atanga iciyumviro c’uko yohungira ahandi, avuga ati: “Rāba, kariya gasagara ni ko kari hafi ko guhungirako, kandi ni na gato, nyemerera se mpungireyo”. None Yehova yakiriye gute ico ciyumviro? Yamubwiye ati: “Nuko ndakwemereye no ku co uvuze ico” (Itanguriro 19:17-22). None ico gihe, Yehova yoba atakoresheje ubukuru bwiwe? Ihibambewe! Ahubwo riho, yararimbuye ico Loti yasavye maze ahitamwo kwongera kumugirira ubuntu no ku bijanye n’ico kintu. Nimba uri umuvyeyi, ubona hoba hari ibihe woshobora kurimbura ivyiyumviro abana bawe bashikiriza igihe ushinga amategeko umuryango wokwisunga?

12. Ni igiki kizofasha umwana kwumva amerewe neza?

¹² Birumvikana ko abana badakwiye kumenya gusa ayo mategeko ariko kandi ko bakwiye kumenya n’ibihano bohabwa baramutse bayarenze. Ivyo bihano bimaze kuganirwako kandi abana bakaba babitahura, ayo mategeko akwiye rero guca akurikizwa. Mu gihe abavyeyi bokwama babwira abana babo ko baza kubaha igihano kubera ikosa bakoze mugabo ntibabigire, ntiboba bariko barabagaragariza urukundo. Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Urubanza rw’igikorwa kibi naho ruciwe, ntiruherahezwa vuba, ni co gituma imitima y’abana b’abantu ihangara gukora ikibi” (Umusiguzi 8:11). Birumvikana ko umuvyeyi yoshobora kureka guhanira umwana imbere y’abantu canke imbere y’abana bagenziwe kugira ngo uwo mwana ntiyumve ko amaramaye. Ariko rero, abana bararushiriza kwumva ko bamerewe neza kandi bakarushiriza kwubaha no gukunda abavyeyi babo, igihe bazi yuko abavyeyi bavuze “Ego” canke “Oya” badaheza ngo bivuguruze, mbere n’igihe ivyo biba bisaba ko batanga igihano.​—Matayo 5:37.

13, 14. Abavyeyi bashobora gute kwigana Yehova igihe barera abana babo?

¹³ Kugira ngo igihano kibe ikiranga urukundo, ico gihano be n’uburyo gitangwa bikwiye kuba bihuje n’ivyo umwana akeneye. Inabibondo umwe yitwa Pam yibuka ibi: “Ivyo abana bacu babiri bari bakeneye mu bijanye no gutozwa indero, vyari bitandukanye. Ivyaba kirumara kuri umwe si vyo vyaba kirumara ku wundi”. Umunega wiwe yitwa Larry asigura ati: “Umukobwa wacu mukuru yari inshirwarimenetse kandi yasa n’uwugira ico ahinduye igihe gusa yaba atojwe indero bimwe bikomeye. Ariko umukobwa mutoya we, mu gihe twaba tumukankamiye canke mbere tumuravye igitsure, yaca yihutira kugira ico ahinduye”. Mu vy’ukuri, abavyeyi banyarukundo barihatira kumenya uburyo bwo gutoza indero buba kirumara kuri umwumwe wese mu bana babo.

¹⁴ Yehova araha akarorero abavyeyi kubera yuko azi aho umwumwe wese mu basavyi biwe akomeye be n’aho agoyagoya (Abaheburayo 4:13). Vyongeye, igihe Yehova atanga igihano, ntarenza urugero canke ngo arenze uruho rw’amazi mu kurekerana ibintu. Ahubwo riho, abasavyi biwe yama abatoza indero mu buryo ‘bugeze’ (Yeremiya 30:11). Bavyeyi, mwoba muzi aho abana banyu bakomeye be n’aho bagoyagoya? Ivyo mubaziko, mwoba mushobora kubikoresha mu buryo kirumara kandi buranga urukundo, kugira ngo mubarere? Nimba ari ukwo, muriko muragaragaza ko mukunda abana banyu.

Nimubaremeshe guserura iryo bagona badahisha

15, 16. Abavyeyi boshobora gute kuremesha abana babo guserura iryo bagona ata guhisha, kandi ni uburyo ubuhe abavyeyi bakirisu basanze ari ngirakimazi muri ivyo?

¹⁵ Uwundi muce w’urukundo ni uko “[ruta]nezererwa ukutagororoka, mugabo runezeranwa n’ukuri” (1 Ab’i Korinto 13:6, NW). None abavyeyi bokwigisha gute abana babo gukunda ibigororotse n’ivy’ukuri? Ikintu nyamukuru bogira ni ukubaremesha guserura uko biyumva ata guhisha, mbere n’igihe ivyo bavuga vyoba bitanezereza abo bavyeyi. Birumvikana ko abavyeyi bahimbarwa igihe abana babo baseruye iryo bagona be n’ukuntu biyumva, bisunze ingingo ngenderwako zigororotse. Mugabo rero, hariho ibindi bihe aho usanga ivyo umwana avuga bivuye ku mutima bishobora gushira ahabona impengamiro afise yo gukora ibitagororotse (Itanguriro 8:21). None muri ico gihe abavyeyi bakwiye kuvyifatamwo gute? Ikintu bohava bihutira kugira ni uguca bahambarira abana babo kubera ivyo bintu baba bavuze. Mu gihe abavyeyi bavyifashemwo muri ubwo buryo, abana boshobora guca biga kuzoza baravuga gusa ivyo biyumvira ko bishimisha abavyeyi babo. Ego ni ko, imvugo iranga ukutubaha irakwiye gukosorwa bidatevye, mugabo hariho itandukaniro riri hagati yo kwigisha abana ukuntu bakwiye kuvugana icubahiro be n’ukubatamika ivyo bakwiye kuvuga.

¹⁶ Ni gute none abavyeyi boremesha abana guserura iryo bagona ata guhisha? Aleah, umwe twavuga mu ntango, agira ati: “Twaratumye vyoroha ko abagize umuryango baserura akari ku mutima ata guhisha mu kugerageza kudaca dushavura igihe abana bacu baba bavuze ibintu bitubabaza”. Sebibondo umwe yitwa Tom avuga ati: “Twararemesheje umukobwa wacu kuduserurira iryo agona, tumuremesha kubigira n’igihe uko yaba abona ibintu kwaba gutandukanye n’uko twebwe tubibona. Twarabona ko hamwe twoguma tumuzibiranya canke ngo tumwemeze uko tubona ibintu ata mvo zumvikana zihari, vyari gushobora kumushavuza maze bigatuma ataba akitubwira mu vy’ukuri ibiri mu mutima wiwe. Mugabo, kumwumviriza vyaratumye na we ashobora kutwumviriza”. Birumvikana ko abana bakwiye kwubaha abavyeyi babo (Imigani 6:20). Ariko rero, guseruriranira akari ku mutima ata guhishanya biraha abavyeyi akaryo ko gufasha abana babo gutsimbataza ububasha bwo kwiyumvira. Sebibondo umwe yitwa Vincent, uno akaba afise abana bane, avuga ati: “Akenshi, twaraganira n’abana bacu ku bijanye n’ivyiza canke ibibi biva mu kwigenza ukunaka kugira ngo abo bana bashobore kwibonera icobabera ciza ico ari co. Ivyo vyarabafashije gutsimbataza ububasha bwo kwiyumvira”.​—Imigani 1:1-4.

17. Ni igiki abavyeyi bashobora kwemera badakeka?

¹⁷ Ego ni ko, nta muvyeyi n’umwe yoshobora gushira mu ngiro ijana kw’ijana impanuro Bibiliya itanga mu bijanye no kurera abana. N’aho ari ukwo, murashobora gushira amazinda yuko abana banyu bazokenguruka cane ivyo mukora murondera kubarera mu buryo buranga ukwiyumanganya, ubuntu, be n’urukundo. Nta gukeka ko nimwabigenza gutyo, Yehova azohezagira utwigoro twanyu (Imigani 3:33). Ahanini, abavyeyi bakirisu bose baripfuza ko abana babo biga uko bishoboka kwose gukunda Yehova nk’uko na bo ubwabo bamukunda. None abavyeyi boshobora gute gushika kuri iryo hangiro ryiza cane? Ikiganiro gikurikira kiraca irya n’ino uburyo bumwebumwe butomoye bwo kubishikako.

Woba uvyibuka?

• Ni gute ukugaragaza ugutahura bifasha abavyeyi kuba abiyumanganya?

• Urukundo be no gutoza indero bifitaniye isano gute?

• Ni kubera iki uguseruriranira akari ku mutima hagati y’abavyeyi n’abana bihambaye cane?

[Ifoto ku rup. 23]

Bavyeyi, mwoba mushobora kwibuka ingene mwari mumeze mukiri abana?

[Ifoto ku rup. 24]

Mwoba muganira n’abana banyu mugaseruriranira akari ku mutima ata guhishanya?