Igisha abana kwitaho abandi mw’isi y’ubwikunzi

BURI musi abantu bararonka uturyo twinshi two gukorera abandi ibintu biranga umutima mwiza. Ariko rero, bisa n’uko abenshi biyumvira ivyabo gusa. Ivyo biribonekeza mu mice nka yose: haba mu kuntu abantu bagunga abandi, banyonga imiduga batubahiriza abandi, bakoresha imvugo iteye isoni, bakora ibintu n’ishavu, n’ibindi n’ibindi.

Agatima k’ubwikunzi karibonekeza no mu miryango myinshi. Nk’akarorero, hari abubakanye bahukana bivuye gusa ku kuba umwe muri bo yumva ko yari abereye kuronswa ibiruta ivyo asanzwe aronswa. Hari n’abavyeyi mbere bashobora kubiba mu bana agatima k’ubwikunzi batabiciye n’ikanda. Uti gute? Babigira mu kwemerera umwana ico yipfuje cose, ariko bakagonanwa kumutoza indero mu buryo na bumwe.

Ariko hariho n’abandi bavyeyi benshi bariko baramenyereza abana babo gushira imbere abandi, kandi bikavamwo ivyiza vyinshi. Abana bitaho abandi usanga biborohera cane kuronka abagenzi no kugiranira n’abandi ubucuti buramba. Biroroha kandi ko bahimbarwa. Uti kuki? Kuko Bibiliya ivuga yuko “gutanga birimwo agahimbare kuruta guhabwa.”​—Ivyakozwe 20:35.

Nimba uri umuvyeyi, wofasha gute abana bawe kwironkera ivyiza biva ku kugaragariza abandi umutima mwiza, bongere birinde kwandukirwa n’agatima k’ubwikunzi kiraye hirya no hino? Raba imitego itatu ishobora gutuma umwana wawe agira agatima k’ubwikunzi, urabe n’ingene wokwirinda kuyigwamwo.

1 Kubahayagiza birenze urugero

Aho ingorane iri. Hari ikintu kibabaje gikunze kuba abashakashatsi babonye: Abakiri bato benshi bageze mu bigero usanga batangura gukora akazi babona neza ko ibintu vyose babibereye, ivyo bigatuma bitega ko vyose bizogenda neza naho ata kigoro bogira ngo babishikeko. Hari abibwira yuko bazoduzwa igiti bidatevye naho boba bataramenyera akazi bahawe. Abandi usanga babona ko ari abantu badasanzwe kandi ko bakwiye gufatwa ukwo nyene; ariko ntibateba gucika intege iyo babonye ko abandi atari ko babibona.

Ikibitera. Rimwe na rimwe, ako gatima ko kubona ko ibintu vyose babibereye usanga kava ku ndero bahawe bakiri bato. Nk’akarorero, hari abavyeyi batwawe n’inyigisho yari yeze mu myaka mirongo iheze yashimika ku vy’uko umuntu akwiye kubona ko ari n’agaciro. Iyo nyigisho yari ishingiye kuri iki ciyumviro gisa n’icumvikana kigira giti: Nimba guhayagiza abana ari vyiza, kubahayagiza rwose vyovyo ni vyiza kuruta. Ku rundi ruhande, babona ko kwereka umwana yuko hari ivyo akora udashima ata ciza bivamwo atari ukumuca intege. Vyongeye, mw’isi yashira imbere ivyo gutuma abantu babona ko bari n’agaciro, kwereka umwana yuko hari ivyo akora udashima vyabonwa ko ari co kintu kibi kuruta ibindi vyose kiranga abavyeyi batazi ibanga bajejwe. Abavyeyi babwirwa ko badakwiye kwigera bagira ikintu cotuma abana babo biyumva nabi.

Ba sebibondo na ba inabibondo batari bake baciye batangura kuza baratera amashurwe abana babo, n’igihe mbere ata kintu kidasanzwe abo bana baba bakoze cotuma bahayagizwa. Akantu kose umwana yakora, naho kaba ari gato gute, yaca ahayagizwa; ikosa iryo ari ryo ryose yakora, naho ryaba ari rinini gute, ryarirengagizwa. Abo bavyeyi babona yuko icotuma abana bumva ko bari n’agaciro ari ukwirengagiza ikibi bakora, bakabahayagiza ku bindi vyose. Ivyo gutuma abana biyumva neza vyari bisigaye ari vyo bihambaye kuruta kubigisha gukora ibintu bokwishimiye vy’ukuri.

Ico Bibiliya ibivugako. Bibiliya iremera ivy’uko umuntu yohayagizwa mu gihe biba bikwiriye. (Matayo 25:19-21) Ariko guhayagiza abana kugira gusa ngo biyumve neza birashobora gutuma bagira agatima ko kwibona uko batari. Birabereye kubona Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Nimba hari uwiyumvira ko hari ico ari kandi ari ubusa, aba ariko arahenda umuzirikanyi wiwe.” (Abagalatiya 6:3) Ni co gituma Bibiliya ibwira abavyeyi iti: “Ntureke gukosora abana bawe. Ntibazokwicwa n’uko utabarekerana.”a​—Imigani 23:13, Contemporary English Version.

Ico wokora. Niwishingire intumbero yo kwama ukosora abana igihe bikenewe no kubakeza igihe babikwiriye vy’ukuri. Ntubahayagize kugira gusa ngo biyumve neza. Hari aho ata ciza vyovamwo. Igitabu kimwe (Generation Me) kivuga giti: “Ikintu cotuma wumva ko uri n’ico umaze vy’ukuri ni ukuryohora ubuhanga ufise no kugira ibindi bintu wize, si ukubwirwa ko udasanzwe kubera gusa ubaho.”

“Ntiwiyumvire ko uhambaye ngo urenze urugero. Ahubwo niwifate ruto.”​—Abaroma 12:3, Good News Translation

2 Kubakingira birenze urugero

Aho ingorane iri. Bisa n’uko urwaruka rugeze mu bigero rutangura gukora akazi rutateguwe bihagije mu bijanye no kuvyifatamwo neza mu ngorane. Bamwebamwe muri bo baracika intege cane iyo hagize uwunegura na gatoyi ico bakoze. Abandi na bo baritoraguza bakemera gusa akazi gahuye n’ibintu bihanitse bipfuza. Nk’akarorero, mu gitabu (Escaping the Endless Adolescence) umuhinga umwe yitwa Joseph Allen yanditse, aravuga ingene yabajije ibibazo umusore umwe yaje kurondera akazi, akamwishura ati: “Ndatahura ko rimwe na rimwe ako kazi gashobora gutuma numva ndambiwe, nanje nkaba ntashaka ibindambira.” Uwo muhinga Allen yanditse ati: “Wamengo ntatahura ko ubuzi bwose burimwo ibintu birambira. Umuntu yoshikana gute imyaka mirongo ibiri n’itatu ataramenya ico kintu?”

Ikibitera. Mu myaka mirongo iheze, hari abavyeyi benshi babona ko bategerezwa gukingira abana babo ingorane iyo ari yo yose. Mbega uhora ukora iki iyo umukobwa wawe ayobewe ikibazo kw’ishure? Kumbure uhora uca uja gusaba umwigisha wiwe ngo amwongere amanota. Ukora iki iyo umuhungu wawe yigenjeje nabi akonona ibintu vy’abandi? Kumbure uca uja kuriha ivyo yononye. Ukora iki iyo umwana wawe ahebanye n’uwo bari bakundanye? Kumbure uca umubwira ko uwo bahebanye ari we ari mu makosa.

Kugerageza gukingira abana ni ibisanzwe, ariko kubakingira birenze urugero birashobora gutuma biyumvira ko batobazwa ingaruka z’ivyo bakora. Igitabu kimwe (Positive Discipline for Teenagers) kivuga giti: “[Mwene] abo bana, aho kwigishwa ko bashobora kwihanganira umubabaro n’ukuvunika umutima, mbere bakagira n’ico bavyigiyeko, usanga bakura ari abantu bikunda cane, biyumvira gusa ivyo abavyeyi babo be n’abandi bantu bakwiye kubakorera.”

Ico Bibiliya ibivugako. Ingorane n’umuntu biramana. Kanatsinda, Bibiliya ivuga iti: “Ibintu bibi bishikira bose!” (Umusiguzi 9:11, Easy-to-Read Version) N’abantu beza birabashikira. Nk’akarorero, mu gikorwa c’Imana intumwa Paulo yarangura, yarihanganiye ingorane z’ubwoko butandukanye. Mugabo, kuba yaraciye muri izo ngorane vyaragize ico bimwunguye. Yanditse ati: “[Narize] kwikwira, uko ivyanje biba vyifashe kwose. . . . Narize akabanga ko guhaga no gusonza, ko kugira umurengera no gukena.”​—Abafilipi 4:11, 12

Ico wokora. Mwisunze aho abana banyu bageza gutahura ibintu, nimwihatire gukurikiza impanuro Bibiliya itanga igira iti: “Umwe wese azokwikorera umutwaro wiwe bwite.” (Abagalatiya 6:5) Iyo umuhungu wawe yigenjeje nabi akonona ibintu vy’abandi, hari aho vyoba vyiza umuretse akavyirihira ku mahera yaciye. Hamwe umukobwa wawe yoyoberwa ikibazo kw’ishure, kumbure koba ari akaryo aronse ko kwikubita agashi kugira ngo ubutaha aze yitegure neza. Bishitse na ho umuhungu wawe agahebana n’uwo bari bakundanye, numuremeshe; ariko mu nyuma ku gihe kibereye umufashe kuzirikana ku bibazo nk’iki: ‘Nsubije amaso inyuma, ivyanshikiye vyoba binyereka ko ngikeneye gukura mu bintu bimwebimwe?’ Abana bahangana n’ingorane bariga kwirwanako no kwihagararako, ivyo bakaba batovyiga mu gihe hoba hari umuntu yama aca ahaseruka akabatabara.

“Umwe wese yerekane ico igikorwa ciwe bwite kimaze, ni ho azogira imvo yo kwirata.”​—Abagalatiya 6:4

3 Kubaha ibintu birenze urugero

Aho ingorane iri. Mw’itohoza rimwe ryagizwe ku rwaruka rugeze mu bigero, ibice 81 kw’ijana bavuze yuko umugambi abo mu runganwe rwabo bashira imbere kuruta iyindi ari ‘ukuba abatunzi,’ bakabona ko ivyo ari vyo bihambaye cane kuruta ugufasha abandi. Ariko rero, kwiruka inyuma y’amatungo ntibituma umuntu ahimbarwa. Kukaba nkako, amatohoza yerekana ko abantu bashira imbere amatungo bagira umunezero muke n’intuntu nyinshi. Vyongeye, barakunda kugira ingorane ku mubiri no mu mutwe.

Ikibitera. Hari igihe abana bakurira mu miryango ishira imbere ivy’amaronko. Igitabu kimwe (The Narcissism Epidemic) kivuga giti: “Abavyeyi usanga bipfuza kunezereza abana babo, abana na bo bakipfuza guhabwa ibintu. Abavyeyi baca rero babagurira nya bintu. Kandi ivyo biranezereza abana ariko mu gihe gitoyi gusa. Mu nyuma nya bana baca bipfuza kuronka n’ibindi.”

Ico womenya co, abahayanisha ibidandazwa bararyoherwa cane no gufatira kuri ico cipfuzo abantu bafise co kugura ibintu. Baremesha mu bantu iki ciyumviro kigira giti: ‘Ntihakagire iciza wiyima mwana wa mama, nakare urakibereye.’ Urwaruka rwinshi rugeze mu bigero rwaritabiriye ako kamo, none ubu ruri mu madeni, rukaba rudashobora kuriha ivyo bintu vyitwa ko rubereye.

Ico Bibiliya ibivugako. Bibiliya iremera yuko amahera akenewe. (Umusiguzi 7:12) Ariko kandi iratanga imburi ivuga yuko “urukundo rw’amahera ari umuzi w’ibibi vy’ubwoko bwose.” Yongerako iti: “Mu kurondera gushikira urwo rukundo bamwe . . . [baritobekeranishije] hose imibabaro myinshi.” (1 Timoteyo 6:10) Bibiliya ntituremesha kwiruka inyuma y’amaronko, ahubwo ituremesha kubumbwa n’ivya nkenerwa turonka mu buzima.—1 Timoteyo 6:7, 8.

“Abiyemeje kuba abatunzi bagwa mu kigeragezo no mu mutego no mu vyipfuzo vyinshi vy’ubupfu kandi bibagirira nabi.”​—1 Timoteyo 6:9

Ico wokora. Muvyeyi, suzuma ukuntu ubona amahera be n’ibintu ushobora kuyagura. Nugume ushira imbere ibihambaye kuruta ibindi, ufashe n’umwana wawe kubigenza gutyo. Ca gitabu twari twavuze (The Narcissism Epidemic) gitanga iyi mpanuro: “Abavyeyi n’abana boshobora gutangura kuyaga ku bibazo nk’ibi: ‘Ni ryari ari vyiza kugura ikintu? Ni ryari atari vyiza?’ ‘Uratahura ico ari co inyungu ku ngurane?’ ‘Ni ryari waguze ikintu kubera yuko hari uwundi yakubwiye ko ukwiye kukigura?’ ”

Uragaba ntuze uragurira ibintu abo mu muryango kugira ngo upfuke ingorane zo mu muryango zikeneye gutunganywa. Igitabu kimwe (The Price of Privilege) kivuga giti: “Kugerageza gutunganya ibibazo mu gutanga ibintu nta co vyigera bishikako. Ingorane zitegerezwa gutunganywa hakoreshejwe ubwenge no kubona kure be n’ikibabarwe, aho gukoresha ibirato n’ingodo.”