Imiryango Irimo Abana Badahuje Ababyeyi, Ishobora Kugira Icyo Igeraho

MBESE, HASHOBORA KUBAHO IMIRYANGO IMEREWE NEZA KANDI IRIMO ABANA BADAHUJE ABABYEYI? YEGO RWOSE, CYANE CYANE IYO ABO BIREBA BOSE BIBUKA ko “Ibyanditswe byera byose byahumetswe n’Imana, kandi bigira umumaro wo kwigisha umuntu, no kumwemeza ibyaha bye, no kumutunganya, no kumuhanira gukiranuka” (2 Timoteyo 3:16). Iyo buri wese ashyize mu bikorwa amahame ya Bibiliya, biba bisa n’aho bamaze kubigeraho.

Umuco w’Ifatizo

Bibiliya yanditswemo amategeko make gusa ataziguye agenga imibanire y’abantu. Akenshi, itera abantu inkunga yo kwihingamo imico n’imyifatire myiza ituyobora ku gukora ibintu bihuje n’ubwenge. Bene iyo myifatire n’imico myiza, ni yo igize urufatiro rw’imibereho y’ibyishimo mu muryango.

N’ubwo bishobora gusa n’ibyigaragaza, birakwiriye kuvuga ko umuco w’ifatizo wa ngombwa kugira ngo umuryango uwo ari wo wose ugire icyo ugeraho, ari urukundo. Intumwa Pawulo yagize iti “urukundo rwanyu rwe kugira uburyarya. . . . ku byo gukunda bene Data, mukundane rwose” (Abaroma 12:9, 10). Ijambo “urukundo” rijya rikoreshwa nabi cyane, ariko urwo Pawulo yerekezagaho aha ngaha, rwo ruteye ukwarwo. Ni urukundo rurangwa no kubaha Imana, kandi ‘ntirushira’ (1 Abakorinto 13:⁠8). Bibiliya irusobanura ivuga ko ruzira ubwikunde, kandi rukaba rwiteguye gukorera abandi. Ruharanira gukorera abandi ibyiza. Rurihangana, rukagira neza, ntirugira ishyari, ntirwiyemera cyangwa ngo rwibone. Ntirushaka ibyarwo. Buri gihe ruba rwiteguye kuva ku izima, kwizera, kwiringira, kwihanganira ibyabaho ibyo ari byo byose.​—1 Abakorinto 13:4-7.

Urukundo nyakuri rugira uruhare mu gutuma ibyo abantu batandukaniyeho bitaremerezwa, kandi ruhuza abantu barerewe mu mimerere itandukanye cyane kandi bafite kamere zihabanye. Kandi rufasha abantu gukoma imbere ingaruka zibabaje ziterwa no gutana kw’abashakanye cyangwa iziterwa no gupfusha umubyeyi. Umugabo umwe wabaye umubyeyi w’abana atabyaye, yasobanuye ibibazo yari ahanganye na byo muri aya magambo: “akenshi nabaga mpangayikishijwe n’ibyiyumvo byanjye cyane, ku buryo ntabonaga uko nsuzuma ibyiyumvo by’abana nareraga, habe n’iby’umugore wanjye. Byabaye ngombwa ko nitoza kudakabiriza ibintu. Icy’ingenzi kurushaho ariko, byabaye ngombwa ko nitoza kwicisha bugufi.” Urukundo rwamufashije kugira ihinduka ryari rikenewe.

Umubyeyi w’Umubiri

Urukundo rushobora kugira uruhare mu kumenya uko umuntu yakwifata ku birebana n’imishyikirano y’abana n’umubyeyi wabo batakiri kumwe. Umugabo urera abana atabyaye, yagize ati “nifuzaga ko abana b’umugore wanjye bankunda mbere y’undi muntu wese. Iyo babaga bagiye gusura se wababyaye, nagiraga ingorane zo kwihanganira igishuko cyo kumuvuga nabi. Iyo babaga bagarutse banejejwe n’umunsi ushimishije bamaranye na we, numvaga mbabaye cyane. Iyo babaga bagarutse bababaye, narishimaga cyane. Mu by’ukuri, natinyaga ko bakwigendera. Kimwe mu bintu byari binkomereye kurusha ibindi byose, cyari ukubona no kwemera agaciro k’uruhare se wababyaye yari afite mu buzima bw’abana b’umugore wanjye.”

Urukundo nyakuri rwafashije uwo mugabo guhangana n’ukuri kugaragaza ko kwitega gukundwa “ako kanya” bidahuje n’ukuri. Mu gihe abana batari bahise bamwemera, ntiyagombaga kumva ko yanzwe. Yaje kubona ko atashoboraga na rimwe kuzigera asimbura burundu se nyakuri w’abo bana mu mitima yabo. Abana bari baramenye se ubabyara kuva bakiri bato cyane, mu gihe se utarababyaye we yari umuntu mushya, wagombaga gushyiraho imihati kugira ngo abo bana bamukunde. Umushakashatsi witwa Elizabeth Einstein yagaragaje uko ibintu byifashe ku bantu benshi ubwo yagiraga ati “umubyeyi nyakuri nta na rimwe ashobora gusimburwa​—nta na rimwe. Ndetse n’umubyeyi wapfuye cyangwa wataye abana be, akomeza kugira umwanya w’ingenzi mu buzima bw’abo bana.”

Gutanga Igihano​—Ikibazo Gisaba Kugira Amakenga

Bibiliya igaragaza ko igihano cyuje urukundo ari ngombwa cyane ku bakiri bato, kandi muri abo hakubiyemo n’abana barerwa n’ababyeyi batababyaye (Imigani 8:33). Abahanga batari bake batangiye kujya bemeranya na Bibiliya ku bihereranye n’ibyo. Umwarimu wo muri kaminuza witwa Ceres Alves de Araújo yagize ati “ubusanzwe, nta wukunda gushyirirwaho imipaka, ariko rero ni ngombwa. Ijambo ‘oya’ ni uburinzi.”

Icyakora, mu muryango urimo abana badahuje ababyeyi, ibitekerezo abawugize baba bafite ku bihereranye n’igihano, bishobora guteza ubwumvikane buke mu buryo bukomeye. Abana b’umwe mu babyeyi, baba mu rugero runaka bararezwe n’umuntu mukuru ubu utakiri kumwe na bo. Birashoboka ko baba bafite imyifatire cyangwa imico ishobora kurakaza umubyeyi ubarera atarababyaye. Kandi wenda bo ntibaniyumvisha impamvu uwo mubyeyi utarababyaye agira ibyiyumvo bikaze ku bihereranye n’ibintu runaka. Ni gute umuntu yakwitwara muri iyo mimerere mu buryo bugira ingaruka nziza? Pawulo yateye Abakristo inkunga yo ‘gukurikiza urukundo, kwihangana, n’ubugwaneza’ (1 Timoteyo 6:11). Urukundo rwa Gikristo rufasha ababyeyi barera abana batabyaye hamwe n’abo bana kuba abagwaneza kandi bakihangana, mu gihe bacyiga kumvikana. Niba umubyeyi urera abana atabyaye adafite umuco wo kwihangana, ‘uburakari n’umujinya no gutukana’ bishobora mu buryo bwihuse gusenya imishyikirano yose yari yaragezweho.​—Abefeso 4:31.

Ubumenyi bwimbitse mu bihereranye n’icyafasha muri ibyo bintu, bwatanzwe n’umuhanuzi Mika. Yagize ati “icyo Uwiteka agushakaho ni iki? Ni ugukora ibyo gukiranuka [“ubutabera,” NW ], no gukunda kubabarira [“ineza,” NW ], no kugendana n’Imana yawe wicisha bugufi” (Mika 6:⁠8). Ubutabera ni ubw’ingenzi mu gutanga igihano. Ariko se, bite ku bihereranye n’ineza? Umukristo umwe w’umusaza w’itorero, yavuze ko akenshi ku Cyumweru mu gitondo byagoranaga kugira ngo abana b’umugore we babyuke bajye kwifatanya muri gahunda y’itorero yo gusenga. Aho kubakankamira, yagerageje kubagaragariza ineza. Yabyukaga kare, agategura ibyo kurya bya mu gitondo, hanyuma akagenda ashyira buri wese icyo kunywa gishyushye. Ibyo byatumye barushaho kwita ku byo yababwiraga abingingira kubyuka.

Umwarimu wo muri kaminuza witwa Ana Luisa Vieira de Mattos, yavuze ibi bintu bikurikira bishishikaje, agira ati “uko umuryango uteye si byo by’ingenzi, ahubwo icy’ingenzi ni ukuntu imishyikirano iwuranga imeze. Mu bushakashatsi nakoze, nabonye ko abakiri bato bafite ibibazo mu bihereranye n’imyifatire, hafi buri gihe usanga baba baturuka mu miryango irimo ababyeyi badohotse ku gitsure cyabo, itagira amategeko igenderaho kandi idashyikirana.” Nanone kandi, yagize ati “byagombye kurushaho gutsindagirizwa cyane ko kurera abana bikubiyemo no kugira ibyo ubabuza.” Byongeye kandi, abitwa Dr. Emily na Dr. John Visher bagize bati “ubundi, igihano kigira umumaro iyo gusa umuntu ugihabwa yitaye ku bihereranye n’ukuntu ukimuha yabyifashemo hamwe n’imishyikirano bafitanye.”

Ayo magambo yavuzwe yakomoje ku kibazo cyo kumenya uwagombye gutanga igihano mu miryango irimo abana badahuje ababyeyi. Ni nde wagombye kugira ibyo abuza abana? Nyuma yo kuganira kuri ibyo ibintu, ababyeyi bamwe na bamwe bafashe umwanzuro w’uko mu mizo ya mbere, umubyeyi nyakuri ari we cyane cyane wagombye kujya atanga igihano, kugira ngo umubyeyi utarabyaye abana abone igihe cyo kubiyegereza, bagirane na we imishyikirano ya bugufi. Nimureke abana babanze bitoze kumva biringiye ko umubyeyi utarababyaye abakunda, maze abone kuzajya abahana.

Byagenda bite se niba umubyeyi w’umugabo ari we utarabyaye abo abana? Mbese Bibiliya ntivuga ko umubyeyi w’umugabo ari we mutwe w’umuryango? Yego (Abefeso 5:22, 23; 6:1, 2). Icyakora, umugabo urera abana atabyaye, ashobora kwifuza kuba atanze inshingano ihereranye no gukosora mu gihe runaka, cyane cyane iyo ikubiyemo kubahana. Ashobora kureka abana bakaba bumvira ‘icyo nyina abategeka,’ mu gihe aba arimo ashyiraho urufatiro ruzatuma ‘bumva icyo se [mushya] abigisha’ (Imigani 1:8; 6:⁠20; 31:⁠1). Hari ibihamya bigaragaza ko amaherezo usanga ibyo bitarabangamiye ihame ry’ubutware. Byongeye kandi, hari umugabo umwe urera abana atabyaye wagize ati “nibukaga ko gutanga igihano bikubiyemo gutanga inama, gukosora no gucyaha. Iyo gitanzwe mu buryo bukwiriye, bwuje urukundo kandi burangwa n’impuhwe, maze ababyeyi na bo bakaba intangarugero, ubusanzwe kikigira ingaruka nziza.”

Ababyeyi Bagomba Gushyikirana

Mu Migani 15:22 hagira hati “aho inama itari, imigambi ipfa ubusa.” Mu muryango urimo abana badahuje ababyeyi, ni iby’ingenzi ko ababyeyi bagirana ikiganiro gituje kandi kirangwa no kubwizanya ukuri kose kuvuye ku mutima. Umuntu wandika mu kinyamakuru cyitwa O Estado de S. Paulo yagize ati “buri gihe usanga abana bashaka kugerageza imipaka ababyeyi baba barabashyiriyeho.” Ibyo bishobora kuba ukuri cyane mu miryango irimo abana badahuje ababyeyi. Ku bw’ibyo rero, ababyeyi bagomba kumvikana ku bintu bitandukanye, kugira ngo abana babone ko bunze ubumwe. Byagenda bite se niba umubyeyi utarabyaye abana abakoreye ibintu umubyeyi wababyaye yumva ko ari ukubahohotera? Icyo gihe bombi, baba bagomba kubikemura biherereye, atari imbere y’abana.

Umugore umwe wongeye gushaka, yagize ati “ikintu gikomerera umubyeyi w’umugore kurusha ibindi byose, ni ukubona umugabo we amuhanira abana, cyane cyane iyo yumva ko arimo abikorana ubuhubutsi cyangwa ko mu by’ukuri abarenganya. Bimukomeretsa umutima, maze agashaka kurengera abana be. Mu bihe nk’ibyo, biba bigoye gukomeza kugandukira umugabo we no kumushyigikira.

“Igihe kimwe, abahungu banjye babiri bari bafite imyaka 12 na 14, basabye umugabo wanjye uruhushya rwo gukora ikintu runaka. Yahise abahakanira, maze ava mu cyumba arigendera, atanaretse ngo bamusobanurire impamvu ibyo bamusabaga byari iby’ingenzi kuri bo. Byari hafi abo bana bagaturika bakarira, kandi nanjye nabuze icyo ndenzaho. Umukuru yarandebye, maze arambwira ati ‘mama, buriya wabonye ibyo akoze?’ Nuko ndamusubiza nti ‘yego, nabibonye. Ariko aracyari umutware w’umuryango, kandi Bibiliya itubwira ko tugomba kubaha ihame ry’ubutware.’ Babaye abana beza maze barabyemera, kandi baratuza. Uwo mugoroba nyir’izina, nasobanuriye ibyo bintu umugabo wanjye, maze abona ko yari yakoresheje ubutware bwe mu buryo butagoragozwa. Yahise asanga abo bahungu mu cyumba bararamo, maze abasaba imbabazi.

“Ibyo bintu byatwigishije byinshi. Umugabo wanjye yize kujya atega amatwi mbere yo gufata imyanzuro. Nize gushyigikira ihame ry’ubutware, ndetse no mu gihe bwaba bumbangamiye. Abo bahungu bamenye akamaro ko kuganduka (Abakolosayi 3:18, 19). Kandi kuba umugabo wanjye yarasabye imbabazi abikuye ku mutima, twese byatwigishije isomo rikomeye rihereranye no kwicisha bugufi (Imigani 29:23). Muri iki gihe, abo bahungu bombi ni abasaza b’amatorero b’Abakristo.”

Gukora amakosa ntibizabura. Abana bazavuga cyangwa bakore ibintu bibabaza. Muri icyo gihe, ibintu bihangayikishije ababyeyi batabyaye abo bana bishobora gutuma bakora ibintu bidahuje n’ubwenge. Icyakora, ijambo ryoroheje nk’iri ngo “mbabarira,” rishobora kugira uruhare rukomeye mu gukiza ibikomere.

Dukomeze Ubumwe bw’Umuryango

Kugira ngo mu muryango urimo abana badahuje ababyeyi habe imishyikirano isusurutse, bisaba igihe. Niba uri umubyeyi urera abana utabyaye, ukeneye kugaragaza umuco wo kwishyira mu mwanya w’abandi. Ba umuntu ubumva, witeguye kumarana n’abo bana igihe runaka. Jya ukina n’abakiri bato muri bo. Ba witeguye kuganira n’abakuru muri bo. Shaka uburyo bwo kumarana na bo igihe—⁠urugero, saba abana kugufasha mu mirimo yo mu rugo, nko gutegura ibyo kurya cyangwa koza imodoka. Basabe kuguherekeza no kugufasha mu gihe ugiye guhaha. Byongeye kandi, ibikorwa bito bito byuje ubwuzu, bishobora kugaragaza urukundo ababyeyi bafite. (Birumvikana ariko ko abagabo barera abana batabyaye bagomba kwitonda kugira ngo batarenga imipaka iboneye ku birebana n’abana b’abakobwa barera, kugira ngo batabatera kumva babangamiwe. Kandi n’ababyeyi b’abagore barera abana batabyaye, bagomba kwibuka ko no ku bana b’abahungu hari imipaka.)

Imiryango irimo abana badahuje ababyeyi ishobora kugira icyo igeraho. Imyinshi yabigezeho. Iyagize icyo igeraho kurusha iyindi, ni iyo usanga abayigize bose, cyane cyane ababyeyi, bihingamo imyifatire iboneye kandi bagashyira mu gaciro mu byo baba biteze. Intumwa Yohana yaranditse iti “bakundwa, dukundane; kuko urukundo ruva ku Mana” (1 Yohana 4:⁠7). Koko rero, urukundo ruvuye ku mutima ni ryo banga nyakuri ryo kugira ibyishimo mu miryango irimo abana badahuje ababyeyi.

[Amafoto yo ku ipaji ya 7]

IMIRYANGO IRIMO ABANA BADAHUJE ABABYEYI YISHIMYE

imara igihe runaka iri hamwe. . .

yigira Ijambo ry’Imana hamwe. . .

iganirira hamwe. . .

ikorera ibintu hamwe. . .