Abagore n’abagabo bapfakaye bakeneye iki, kandi se ni gute twabafasha?

Jeanne yari mu gikoni cyo mu nzu ye ategura ameza, kugira ngo arebe ko yagira icyo ashyira mu nda. Yashidutse yateguye amasahani abiri . . . maze araturika ararira. Yari yateguye iby’abantu babiri, kubera ko ari ko yari amenyereye kubigenza. Icyo gihe hari hashize imyaka ibiri apfushije umugabo we.

UMUNTU utarapfusha uwo bashakanye, ntashobora kwiyumvisha akababaro abapfushije abo bashakanye bahura na ko. Mu by’ukuri, nta kindi umuntu yakora, uretse kwemera buhoro buhoro ibyo bintu bibabaje biba bimubayeho. Kugira ngo uwitwa Beryl ufite imyaka 72 yemere urupfu rutunguranye rw’umugabo we, byaramugoye. Yaravuze ati “numvaga bidashoboka. Sinashoboraga kwemera ko ntazongera kumubona.”

Iyo abantu bamaze gucibwa urugingo rw’umubiri, hari igihe “bumva” rwa rugingo rugihari. Hari igihe abapfakazi na bo “batekereza” ko uwo bashakanye akiriho, maze bagashiduka barimo bamuvugisha, kandi yarapfuye.

Akenshi, incuti n’abavandimwe ntibaba bazi icyo bakora, mu gihe incuti yabo yashenguwe n’agahinda ko gupfusha uwo bashakanye. Ese hari umuntu uzi wapfushije uwo bashakanye? None se ni gute wamufasha? Ni ibihe bintu wagombye kuzirikana, kugira ngo ufashe uwapfakaye guhangana n’icyo gihe cy’akababaro? Kandi se, ni gute wamufasha kugira ngo buhoro buhoro yongere kwishimira ubuzima?

Ibyo tugomba kwirinda

Incuti n’abavandimwe bashobora kuba bahangayikishijwe n’agahinda uwapfushije afite, maze bakaba bakwifuza kugabanya igihe bamara baririra uwapfuye, bibwira ko ari bwo baba bagiriye neza uwasigaye. Icyakora, hari umushakashatsi wagize icyo abaza abapfakazi 700, maze yandika ibyo yagezeho agira ati “nta gihe ‘ntarengwa’ abagize ibyago bagomba kumara bababaye.” Ku bw’ibyo, aho kugira ngo mugerageze kubuza uwapfushije kurira, mujye mumuha igihe gihagije cyo kugaragaza agahinda ke.—Itangiriro 37:34, 35; Yobu 10:1.

Nubwo bishobora kuba ngombwa ko mugira uruhare mu gutegura imihango y’ihamba, ntimukumve ko mugomba kugenzura buri kintu cyose gifitanye isano na yo. Umupfakazi ufite imyaka 49 witwa Paul, yaravuze ati “nashimishijwe no kuba abantu bose bantabaye, bararetse akaba ari jye ugenzura imihango y’ihamba. Kuba ibintu byose byaragenze neza, byankoze ku mutima. Numvaga ari cyo kintu cya nyuma nashoboraga gukora, kugira ngo ngaragaze ko nubahaga umugore wanjye.”

Birumvikana ko uwapfushije aba afite ibintu yifuza ko bamufashamo. Umupfakazi witwa Eileen ufite imyaka 68, yaravuze ati “gutegura imihango y’ihamba no kuzuza impapuro zitandukanye zuzuzwa iyo umuntu yapfuye, ntibyari binyoroheye, kubera ko nari nataye umutwe. Igishimishije, ni uko umuhungu wanjye n’umukazana wanjye babimfashijemo.”

Nanone, ntimugatinye kugira icyo muvuga ku wapfuye. Uwitwa Beryl twigeze kuvuga, yaravuze ati “incuti zanjye zaramfashije cyane. Icyakora, nabonye ko abantu benshi birindaga kugira icyo bavuga ku mugabo wanjye John. Wagira ngo ntiyari yarigeze abaho, kandi ibyo byatumaga numva mbabaye.” Uko igihe kigenda gihita, abapfakazi bashobora kwifuza kugira icyo bavuga ku wo bashakanye. Ese waba wibuka ikintu cyiza uwapfuye yakundaga gukora? Haba se hari inkuru ishimishije umwibukiraho? Niba ubizi, byaba byiza ubibwiye uwapfushije. Ubwoba ntibukakubuze kubivuga. Niba utekereza ko bishobora kumushimisha, jya umubwira icyo wakundiraga uwo bashakanye, unamubwire ibintu bituma umukumbura. Kubigenza utyo, bishobora gufasha uwapfushije kubona ko n’abandi bababajwe cyane n’urupfu rw’uwo bashakanye.—Abaroma 12:15.

Mu gihe ufasha umuntu ufite akababaro ko gupfusha uwo bashakanye, ujye wirinda kumuha inama nyinshi, kandi wirinde kumuhatira gufata imyanzuro huti huti.a Ahubwo ujye ushishoza, maze wibaze uti “ni ibihe bintu byiza nakora, kugira ngo mfashe incuti cyangwa mwene wacu muri ibyo bihe bigoranye?”

Ibyo dushobora gukora

Iyo hashize iminsi mike umuntu apfushije uwo bashakanye, aba akeneye ko abandi bamufasha mu buryo bufatika. Ese ushobora kumutegurira amafunguro, ukamufasha kwakira abashyitsi, cyangwa ukamarana na we igihe?

Nanone uzirikane ko abagabo n’abagore b’abapfakazi bihanganira agahinda n’irungu mu buryo butandukanye. Urugero, mu duce tumwe na tumwe tw’isi, abapfakazi b’abagabo barenze kimwe cya kabiri, bongera gushaka mu gihe kingana n’umwaka n’igice uwo bashakanye apfuye, ibyo abagore b’abapfakazi bakaba badakunze kubikora. Kuki babyifatamo mu buryo butandukanye?

Mu buryo bunyuranye n’uko abantu babyibwira, buri gihe abagabo b’abapfakazi ntibashaka babitewe n’uko baba bakeneye ubitaho mu buryo bw’umubiri, cyangwa guhaza irari ry’ibitsina. Ahubwo, babiterwa ahanini n’uko iyo umugabo amaze gupfusha uwo bashakanye, ikintu kimugora cyane ari ukugira irungu, kubera ko nta we aba akibona yabwira ibimuri ku mutima. Ku rundi ruhande, abapfakazi b’abagore bo akenshi baba bashobora kubona uwo batura agahinda, nubwo rimwe na rimwe incuti z’abagabo babo zibatererana. Iryo rungu abagabo bapfakaye bagira, ni imwe mu mpamvu ituma abenshi muri bo babona ko kongera gushaka ari byo byonyine byakemura icyo kibazo, nubwo baba bazi ko kwihutira gushaka bishobora kubateza ingorane. Ku bw’ibyo, abapfakazi b’abagore bo baba bashobora kwihanganira akababaro baterwa n’irungu.

None se niba incuti yawe cyangwa mwene wanyu yarapfakaye, wakora iki kugira ngo umufashe kwihanganira irungu aterwa no gupfusha uwo bashakanye? Umupfakazi ufite imyaka 49 witwa Helen, yaravuze ati “abantu benshi baba bifuza kugira ibintu byiza bakora, ariko ntibibwirize kubikora. Akenshi barakubwira bati ‘niba hari ikintu ukeneye ko ngufasha, ntutinye kukimbwira.’ Ariko iyo umuntu yambwiraga ati ‘ese ko ngiye guhaha, dushobora kujyana?’ byo byaranshimishaga.” Uwitwa Paul wapfushije umugore we azize kanseri, yasobanuye impamvu yishimiraga ko abantu bamutumira. Yaravuze ati “hari igihe wumva udashaka kuba uri hamwe n’abantu, kandi nta wushaka kuvugisha. Ariko iyo uri kumwe n’abandi ari nko ku mugoroba, wumva umeze neza kandi ukumva utigunze. Bituma umenya ko abantu bakwitayeho, bityo kwihangana bikakorohera.”b

Igihe cyo kubitaho mu buryo bwihariye

Helen yabonye ko igihe abenshi muri bene wabo bari bisubiriye mu byabo, ari bwo yari akeneye cyane ko abantu bamuba hafi. Yaravuze ati “iyo ukimara gupfusha, incuti n’abavandimwe bakuba hafi, ariko nyuma yaho bakisubirira mu byabo kandi wowe uba ugifite akababaro.” Kumenya ibyo bizatuma incuti nyancuti zihora hafi y’uwapfushije, kugira ngo zikomeze kumufata mu mugongo.

Hari igihe abapfakazi baba bakeneye ko umuntu ababa hafi mu minsi yihariye, wenda nko ku munsi bakoreyeho ubukwe cyangwa umunsi uwo bashakanye yapfiriyeho. Eileen wigeze kuvugwa, yavuze ko umuhungu we amufasha kwihanganira agahinda n’irungu aba afite, iyo itariki yakoreyeho ubukwe igeze. Yaravuze ati “buri mwaka kuri uwo munsi, umuhungu wanjye Kevin aransohokana, tugasangira, kandi tugashyikirana nk’umwana na nyina.” Ku bw’ibyo, byaba byiza ugize aho wandika ayo matariki aba atoroheye mwene wanyu cyangwa incuti yawe yapfakaye. Hanyuma, uzateganye kuzaba uri kumwe na we kuri uwo munsi, cyangwa usabe abandi kuzaba bahari.—Imigani 17:17.

Hari ababonye ko abapfakazi ubwabo bashobora guhumuriza bagenzi babo. Uwitwa Annie umaze imyaka umunani apfakaye yavuze ko kwisungana n’undi mupfakazi byamufashije. Yagize ati “ukuntu yari yarihanganiye ibyamubayeho, byankoze ku mutima kandi bituma nkomeza kwihangana.”

Koko rero, iyo umuntu amaze igihe runaka yarapfakaye, ashobora guhumuriza abandi, kandi akabafasha kurangwa n’icyizere. Bibiliya ivuga inkuru y’abapfakazi babiri ari bo Rusi na Nawomi, bafashijwe no guterana inkunga. Iyo nkuru ikora ku mutima, igaragaza ko kuba abo bagore barisunganye byabafashije kwihanganira akababaro, kandi bagahangana n’ubwo buzima butari bworoshye.—Rusi 1:15-17; 3:1; 4:14, 15.

Igihe cyo gukira

Abapfakazi bagomba gushyira mu gaciro kugira ngo badaheranwa no kuririra uwo bashakanye, maze bakibagirwa kwita ku byo baba bakeneye ngo basubire mu buzima busanzwe. Umwami w’umunyabwenge Salomo yiyemereye ko hari “igihe cyo kurira.” Ariko kandi, yanavuze ko umuntu agomba kugira igihe cyo gukira ‘agaseka.’—Umubwiriza 3:4.

Paul wigeze kuvugwa, yatanze urugero rugaragaza ukuntu kwibagirwa ibyabaye bigoranye. Yaravuze ati “jye n’umugore wanjye twari tumeze nk’ibiti bibiri byakuze bisobekeranye, noneho kimwe kikaza kuma, bakagitema bigatuma ikindi gisigara gihetamye. Numvaga kuba jyenyine bingoye cyane.” Hari bamwe banga kwibagirwa ibyabaye, kuko baba bumva ko ibyo byaba ari uguhemukira uwo bashakanye wapfuye. Hari n’abandi banga kwishimisha batinya ko ibyo byaba ari ugutenguha uwo bashakanye, ibyo bigatuma banga gutembera cyangwa gusabana n’abandi. Ni gute twafasha abapfakazi gukira bakongera kubaho nk’uko bisanzwe, ariko tutabahutaje?

Icya mbere twakora, ni ukubafasha kuvuga uko bamerewe. Uwitwa Herbert, umaze imyaka itandatu ari umupfakazi, yagize ati “nakundaga cyane igihe abashyitsi bantegaga amatwi bitonze, iyo nabaga mbabwira ibimpangayikishije. Nzi neza ko atari ko buri gihe abantu bishimiraga kuba bari kumwe nanjye, ariko nashimishwaga n’ukuntu bishyiraga mu mwanya wanjye.” Paul yashimishijwe cyane n’ibyo incuti ye ikuze yamukoreraga, kuko buri gihe yafataga iya mbere ikamubaza uko yabaga amerewe. Yaravuze ati “nishimiraga ukuntu yanyegeraga abigiranye ubugwaneza nta buryarya, kandi akenshi namubwiraga uko nabaga merewe.”—Imigani 18:24.

Iyo uwapfushije agaragaje uko yiyumva, urugero nko kwicuza, kwicira urubanza cyangwa umujinya, bituma atera intambwe y’ingenzi yo kwakira ibyamubayeho. Nka Dawidi we, icyamufashije kubona imbaraga zo ‘guhaguruka’ no kwakira urupfu rubabaje rw’umwana we, ni ugusuka ibimuri ku mutima imbere ya Yehova, we utwumva kurusha abandi bose.—2 Samweli 12:19-23.

Nubwo mu mizo ya mbere biba bitoroshye, amaherezo biba ngombwa ko umupfakazi asubira mu buzima busanzwe. Ese byashoboka ko umutumira mukifatanya muri gahunda za buri munsi, urugero nko kujyana guhaha cyangwa gutembera? Ese ushobora kumusaba kugufasha imirimo runaka? Ubwo na bwo ni ubundi buryo bwo gutuma atigunga. Urugero, ese niba ari umugore, ashobora kwita ku bana cyangwa akakwereka uko bateka ibyokurya runaka? Ese niba ari umugabo, ashobora kugufasha kugira ibyo usana ku nzu? Iyo dusabye abapfakaye kudukorera imirimo nk’iyo, birabashimisha, kandi bigatuma bongera kumva hari icyo bamaze.

Iyo uwapfushije akomeza kubwira abandi uko amerewe, bishobora gutuma buhoro buhoro yongera kwishimira kubaho, kandi akishyiriraho izindi ntego. Ibyo ni ko byagendekeye umubyeyi w’umupfakazi ufite imyaka 44 witwa Yonette. Yaravuze ati “kongera gukora ibyo nakoraga, urugero nko gukora uturimo twa buri munsi, kugena uko nkoresha umutungo w’urugo no kwita ku bana batatu, mu by’ukuri ntibyari binyoroheye.” Ariko nyuma y’igihe, Yonette yitoje kugira gahunda, kandi yitoza kurushaho gushyikirana neza n’abana be. Nanone, yitoje kwemera ubufasha yahabwaga n’incuti ze za bugufi.

‘Ubuzima burakomeza’

Incuti n’abavandimwe bagomba gushyira mu gaciro, niba bashaka kugira icyo bageraho mu gihe bafasha uwagize ibyago. Hari igihe umupfakazi ashobora kumara amezi menshi cyangwa imyaka myinshi agira ibyiyumvo bihindagurika; rimwe ugasanga ameze neza kandi arangwa n’icyizere mu rugero runaka, naho ubundi ugasanga yihebye. Koko rero, hari igihe “agahinda ko mu mutima we” kaba ari kenshi.—1 Abami 8:38, 39, NW.

Mu gihe nk’icyo, aho uwapfushije aba yacitse intege, ni bwo aba akeneye umutera inkunga, akamufasha gushyira mu gaciro, bityo akakira ibyamubayeho ntaheranwe n’ubwigunge. Ibyo byafashije abapfakazi benshi kwishyiriraho izindi ntego mu buzima. Umupfakazi witwa Claude ufite imyaka 60, ubu akaba ari umubwirizabutumwa w’igihe cyose muri Afurika, yaravuze ati “na nyuma y’agahinda umuntu aterwa no gupfusha uwo bashakanye, ubuzima buba bugomba gukomeza.”

Koko rero, iyo umuntu amaze gupfusha uwo bashakanye, ubuzima buba buhindutse. Ariko nubwo bimeze bityo, aba agifitiye abandi akamaro kenshi.—Umubwiriza 11:7, 8.

[Ibisobanuro ahagana hasi ku ipaji]

[Amagambo yatsindagirijwe yo ku ipaji ya 11]

Incuti nyancuti zihora hafi y’uwapfushije, kugira ngo zikomeze kumufata mu mugongo

[Agasanduku/​Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 12]

Ese birabafasha cyangwa birabahuhura?

Helen umaze imyaka mike apfakaye, yaravuze ati “nakomeje kubika neza ibintu byinshi umugabo wanjye yari afite. Mbona ko uko igihe gihita, ibyo binyibutsa ibintu byiza byamurangaga. Sinifuzaga guhita njugunya ikintu icyo ari cyo cyose, kubera ko kubigenza ntyo byashoboraga gutuma ngeraho nkamwibagirwa.”

Ibinyuranye n’ibyo, uwitwa Claude umaze imyaka itanu ari umupfakazi yaravuze ati “jye simba nifuza kubona hafi yanjye ibintu umugore wanjye yasize, kuko byatuma nkomeza kumwibuka. Ntekereza ko guta ibintu bye byatumye nemera ibyabaye, kandi bikamfasha kwihangana.”

Ayo amagambo, agaragaza ko abapfakaye bakoresha ibintu uwapfuye yasize mu buryo butandukanye. Bityo rero, byaba ari iby’ubwenge incuti na bene wabo birinze guhatira uwapfushije kubona ibintu nk’uko babibona.—Abagalatiya 6:2, 5.

[Amafoto yo ku ipaji ya 9]

Ese hari amatariki yihariye uzi, ushobora kuba hafi y’uwapfakaye?

[Ifoto yo ku ipaji ya 9]

Ujye wibuka kubatumira

[Amafoto yo ku ipaji ya 10]

Ujye utumira abapfakazi mwifatanye muri gahunda za buri munsi no mu bikorwa byo kwirangaza