Icyo wakora kugira ngo ugire ibyishimo mu muryango
Jya uganira n’abana bawe ibihereranye n’ibitsina
Umwangavu witwa Aliciaa yagize ati “hari igihe njya ngira amatsiko yo kumenya ibintu runaka ku birebana n’ibitsina, ariko nkumva ko ndamutse mbibajije ababyeyi banjye, batangira kunkeka amababa.”
Nyina wa Alicia witwa Inez yagize ati “kwicarana n’umukobwa wanjye tukaganira ibihereranye n’ibitsina simbyanze; ariko ubona ahugiye mu bye. Kugira ngo uzamubone ntibyoroshye!”
MURI iki gihe, amakuru arebana n’ibitsina uyasanga ahantu hose, haba kuri televiziyo, mu mafilimi no hirya no hino ku byapa byamamaza. Ahantu honyine usanga kuvuga ibirebana n’ibitsina ari ikizira, ni mu biganiro ababyeyi bagirana n’abana babo. Hari umwana w’ingimbi witwa Michael wo muri Kanada, wagize ati “iyaba ababyeyi banjye bari bazi ukuntu kuganira na bo ibirebana n’ibitsina bintera isoni kandi bikampangayikisha! Kubiganiraho n’incuti yanjye ni byo binyorohera.”
Akenshi, ababyeyi na bo bahura n’ingorane nk’izo abana babo bahura na zo ku birebana no kuganira kuri iyo ngingo. Hari umujyanama mu by’ubuzima witwa Debra W. Haffner wanditse ati “ababyeyi benshi bambwiye ko baguriye abana babo ibitabo bivuga ibirebana n’ubuzima bw’imyororokere, cyangwa ibivuga ibirebana n’imyaka y’ubugimbi n’ubwangavu, maze bakabishyira mu cyumba cy’abo bana, ubundi bagaterera iyo.” Haffner yavuze ko icyo ababyeyi baba bashaka kubwira abana babo cyumvikana. Ni nk’aho baba bababwira bati “turifuza ko mumenya imiterere y’umubiri wanyu n’ibirebana n’ibitsina; icyo tudashaka ni ukubiganiraho namwe.”—Beyond the Big Talk.
Niba uri umubyeyi, ntiwagombye kubibona utyo. Koko rero, ni iby’ingenzi cyane ko wowe ubwawe uganira n’abana bawe ibirebana n’ibitsina. Dore impamvu eshatu zigaragaza ko ibyo ari ngombwa:
Uko abantu babonaga ibihereranye n’ibitsina byarahindutse. Hari umusore ufite imyaka 20 witwa James wavuze ati “abantu ntibakibona ko imibonano mpuzabitsina ari ukuryamana k’umugabo n’umugore. Ubu, abantu basigaye bendana mu kanwa, mu kibuno kandi bakohererezanya ubutumwa bubyutsa irari ry’ibitsina kuri interineti no kuri telefoni.”
Abana bashobora kuzahabwa amakuru atari yo bakiri bato. Umubyeyi witwa Sheila yaravuze ati “bazumva ibirebana n’ibitsina bagitangira ishuri, kandi ibyo wifuza ko bamenya si byo bazamenya.”
Abana bawe bafite ibibazo ku birebana n’ibitsina, ariko ntibashobora kugira icyo baguhingukiriza. Umukobwa ufite imyaka 15 witwa Ana wo muri Brezili yagize ati “mbabwije ukuri, sinzi aho nahera nganira n’ababyeyi banjye ibirebana n’ibitsina!”
Mu by’ukuri, kuganira n’abana ibihereranye n’ibitsina, ni imwe mu nshingano Imana yahaye ababyeyi (Abefeso 6:4). Ni byo koko, kuganira ibirebana n’ibitsina bishobora kubatera isoni, mwebwe n’abana banyu. Ku rundi ruhande ariko, abakiri bato benshi bemeranya na Danielle ufite imyaka 14, wavuze ibyiza byo kuganira n’ababyeyi ibirebana n’ibitsina, agira ati “twifuza kumenya ibirebana n’ibitsina tubyigishijwe n’ababyeyi bacu, aho kubyigishwa n’abarimu cyangwa ngo tubyigire kuri televiziyo.” None se mwaganira mute n’abana banyu ibirebana n’iyo ngingo y’ingenzi cyane, nubwo nta wahakana ko biteye isoni?b
Jya uhuza n’ikigero bagezemo
Abana batangira kumva ibirebana n’ibitsina bakiri bato cyane, keretse ahari ubafungiranye ntibagire aho bahurira n’abandi bantu. Igihangayikishije kurushaho ni uko muri iyi “minsi y’imperuka,” abantu babi bagenda ‘barushaho kuba babi’ (2 Timoteyo 3:1, 13). Ikibabaje ni uko abana benshi basigaye bononwa n’abantu bakuru.
Ni iby’ingenzi ko utangira kwigisha abana bawe bakiri bato cyane. Umubyeyi wo mu Budage witwa Renate yaravuze ati “nutegereza igihe bazaba benda kuba ingimbi cyangwa abangavu, bashobora kuzagera icyo gihe badashaka kugira icyo bakubwira bisanzuye, kuko iyo bageze mu gihe cy’amabyiruka badakunda kuvuga icyo batekereza.” Ubwo rero, ikizagufasha kubigeraho ni ukubwira abana bawe ibikwiranye n’ikigero bagezemo.
Abana bataratangira ishuri:
Uzajye ubigisha cyane cyane amazina nyayo y’imyanya ndangagitsina, kandi ubihanangirize ko nta muntu n’umwe ugomba kubakorera ku gitsina. Hari umubyeyi wo muri Megizike witwa Julia wagize ati “natangiye kubyigisha umuhungu wanjye afite imyaka itatu. Byonyine iyo natekerezaga ko abarimu, abakozi bo mu rugo, cyangwa abana bakuru bashoboraga kumwonona, numvaga ibikoba binkutse. Yari akeneye kumenya uko yakwirinda umuntu wese wamwonona.”
GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Toza umwana wawe kujya kwiyama umuntu wese ugerageje gukora ku gitsina cye. Urugero, ushobora kumwigisha kujya avuga ati “mvaho! Ibyo bintu ushaka gukora, ndakurega!” Mwumvishe ko ari ngombwa kuvuga ibyamubayeho, kabone nubwo uwo muntu yamusezeranya ko hari icyo ari bumuhe, cyangwa akamukangisha ko ari bumugirire nabi.c
Abana bo mu mashuri abanza:
Ujye ukoresha neza iyo myaka umwana wawe aba agezemo, kugira ngo ugende umwongerera ubumenyi. Umubyeyi witwa Peter yatanze inama igira iti “mbere y’uko uganira n’abana bawe, jya ukora uko ushoboye umenye icyo basanzwe bazi, kandi umenye niba hari ibindi bifuza kumenya. Ntukabahatire kuganira nawe, kuko iyo ukunda kumarana igihe na bo, akenshi byizana.”
GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Jya uganira n’abana bawe kenshi, kandi mugirane ibiganiro bigufi, aho kugirana ikiganiro kimwe kimara igihe kirekire (Gutegeka kwa Kabiri 6:6-9). Ibyo bizatuma utabarundaho ibintu byinshi. Ikindi kandi, uko bazagenda bakura, bazagenda bamenya ibyo bazaba bakeneye bihuje n’ikigero bazaba bagezemo.
Ingimbi n’abangavu:
Igihe abana bageze muri icyo kigero, ugomba kureba niba bafite ubumenyi buhagije ku byerekeye imiterere y’imyanya ndangagitsina, ibyiyumvo bagira, n’amahame mbwirizamuco agenga imikoreshereze y’ibitsina. Ana twigeze kuvuga, akaba afite imyaka 15 yaravuze ati “abahungu n’abakobwa bo ku kigo cyacu bafite ingeso yo guhura bagasambana, ibyabo bikaba birangiriye aho. Numva ko nagombye kumenya byinshi kuri iyo ngingo, kubera ko ndi Umukristo. Nubwo kuganira ibirebana n’ibitsina bintera isoni, ngomba kubimenya.”d
Icyo ugomba kwitondera: hari igihe ingimbi cyangwa abangavu batabaza ibibazo, batinya ko ababyeyi babo bakeka ko basigaye bitwara nabi. Umubyeyi witwa Steven yabonye ko ibyo ari ukuri. Yagize ati “umuhungu wacu yagiraga isoni zo kuganira natwe ibirebana n’ibitsina. Ariko twaje kubona ko icyabiteraga, ari uko yumvaga ko twaba tumukeka amababa. Ku bw’ibyo, twamusobanuriye neza ko tutaganiraga kuri iyo ngingo bitewe n’uko hari icyo twamukekagaho, ahubwo ko twifuzaga kumenya niba yari azi ibintu byose byari kumufasha kwirinda abantu bashoboraga kumushuka.”
GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Aho kugira icyo ubaza umwana wawe ku ngingo yihariye ifitanye isano n’ibitsina, mubaze uko abanyeshuri bigana babibona. Urugero, ushobora kumubaza uti “muri iki gihe, abantu benshi bumva ko kwendana mu kanwa mu by’ukuri atari ubusambanyi. Ese uko ni ko abanyeshuri mwigana babibona?” Ibibazo nk’ibyo bidahita bigusha ku ngingo, bishobora gutuma umwana wawe w’ingimbi cyangwa w’umwangavu, atangira kuvuga uko abibona.
Icyatuma kubiganiraho bitabatera isoni
Ni iby’ukuri ko kuganira n’abana ibirebana n’ibitsina ari imwe mu nshingano za kibyeyi ushobora kumva zikubangamiye; ariko imihati uzashyiraho si imfabusa. Hari umubyeyi witwa Diane wagize ati “uko igihe kigenda gihita, uzabona ko kuganira n’umwana wawe ibirebana n’ibitsina bitazakomeza kubatera isoni, ahubwo ko bizababera uburyo bwo gushimangira ubucuti mufitanye.” Steven twigeze kuvuga, na we ni uko abibona. Yagize ati “kuganira ibirebana n’ibitsina birushaho koroha, iyo mu muryango wanyu mwitoje kujya muvuga byose nta cyo mwishisha.” Yunzemo ati “nubwo kugira isoni bitashira burundu, ikintu cy’ingenzi kiranga umuryango wa gikristo ukomeye, ni uko abawugize baganira nta cyo bakingana.”
a Muri iyi ngingo, amazina yarahinduwe.
b Iyi ngingo iri bugaragaze ko ari ngombwa kuganira n’abana ibihereranye n’ibitsina. Ingingo izakurikiraho, izagaragaza uburyo wakwifashisha ibyo biganiro, kugira ngo wigishe abana bawe amahame mbwirizamuco.
c Ibi bihuje n’ibivugwa mu gitabo Reka Umwigisha Ukomeye akwigishe, cyanditswe n’Abahamya ba Yehova, ku ipaji ya 171.
d Niba wifuza kuganira n’umwana wawe w’ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu ibirebana n’ibitsina, ifashishe igitabo Les jeunes s’interrogent—Réponses pratiques, Umubumbe wa 2, igice cya 1 kugeza ku cya 5, icya 28, icya 29 n’icya 33. Icyo gitabo cyanditswe n’Abahamya ba Yehova.
IBAZE UTI . . .
Soma ibitekerezo bikurikira urubyiruko rwo hirya no hino ku isi rwatanze, hanyuma wibaze ibibazo biri kumwe nabyo
“Ababyeyi banjye bansaba gusoma ingingo zivuga ibirebana n’ibitsina, hanyuma nagira ibibazo, akaba ari bwo bagira icyo babivugaho. Ariko jye mba nshaka ko bambwira byinshi kurushaho.”—Byavuzwe na Ana wo muri Brezili.
Ukeka ko ari iyihe mpamvu y’ingenzi guha umwana ibitabo byo gusoma gusa bidahagije?
“Numvise ibintu byinshi bitari ukuri abantu bavuga ku birebana n’ibitsina, ku buryo nkeka ko papa nta cyo abiziho. Ndamutse ngize icyo mbimubazaho, yakumirwa.”—Byavuzwe na Ken wo muri Kanada.
Ni izihe mpungenge umwana wawe ashobora kuba afite, zituma atinya kukubwira ibimuhangayikishije?
“Igihe amaherezo nagiraga ubutwari bwo kugira icyo mbaza ababyeyi banjye ku birebana n’ibitsina, banshubije basa n’abanshinja icyaha, bagira bati ‘ariko ubundi urabibariza iki? Ubwo nta kintu wakoze?’”—Byavuzwe na Masami wo mu Buyapani.
Mu gihe umwana wawe akubajije ikibazo ku birebana n’ibitsina, ni mu buhe buryo uko ubyitwaramo bishobora kuzatuma yongera kuganira nawe cyangwa akabireka?
“Ababyeyi banjye baramutse bambwiye ko igihe banganaga nanjye bibazaga ibibazo nk’ibyo nibaza, kandi bakanyumvisha ko kubyibaza atari bibi, baba bampumurije.”—Byavuzwe na Lisette wo mu Bufaransa.
Wakora iki kugira ngo umare umwana wawe impungenge, bityo akuganirize ibirebana n’ibitsina nta cyo yishisha?
“Mama yambazaga ibirebana n’ibitsina, ariko akabimbaza mu ijwi ryiza. Nibwira ko ibyo ari iby’ingenzi kugira ngo umwana atumva ko hari icyo ashinjwa.”—Byavuzwe na Gerald wo mu Bufaransa.
Iyo uganiriza umwana wawe ibirebana n’ibitsina, ukoresha ijwi rimeze rite? Ese hari icyo ukeneye guhindura?