Icyo wakora kugira ngo ugire ibyishimo mu muryango
Jya ucengeza amahame mbwirizamuco mu bana bawe
Umubyeyi witwa Loidaa wo muri Megizike, yaravuze ati “kubera ko ku ishuri batanga udukingirizo, abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu bumva ko kuryamana nta cyo bitwaye mu gihe bakoresheje agakingirizo.”
Umugore witwa Nobuko wo mu Buyapani yaravuze ati “nigeze kubaza umuhungu wanjye icyo yakora aramutse ari kumwe n’umukobwa w’incuti ye bonyine, maze aransubiza ati ‘simbizi.’”
ESE igihe umukobwa wawe cyangwa umuhungu wawe yari igitambambuga, wamurindaga ibintu byamuteza akaga? Ushobora kuba waratwikiraga aho bacomeka ibikoresho bikoreshwa n’amashanyarazi, ugahisha ibikoresho bitemana kandi ukazitira amadarajya. Ibyo byose wabikoraga ugamije kurinda umwana wawe akaga.
Iyaba nibura ibyo ari na byo wasabwaga gusa kugira ngo urinde umwana wawe w’ingimbi cyangwa umwangavu! Ubu noneho, ushobora kuba uhangayitse cyane, wibaza uti “ese mama umuhungu wanjye areba porunogarafiya?” “Ese aho umukobwa wanjye ntajya yoherereza abandi amafoto agaragaza ubwambure bwe kuri telefoni?” Ushobora no kuba wibaza ikindi kibazo giteye inkeke kigira kiti “ese umwana wanjye ntiyaba asambana?”
Kubahozaho ijisho si wo muti
Hari ababyeyi bagenzura abana babo buri gihe, bakabahozaho ijisho ku buryo bagenzura buri kantu kose bakoze. Abenshi muri bo bagera aho bakabona ko kurera abana b’ingimbi cyangwa abangavu ubagenzura boshye kajugujugu icunga umutekano, nta kindi bimara uretse gutuma abo bana baba abahanga mu gukora ibyo bababuza rwihishwa.
Koko rero, kubahozaho ijisho si wo muti. Yehova Imana ubwe ntajya akoresha uburyo nk’ubwo kugira ngo atume ibiremwa bye bimwumvira. Nawe rero mubyeyi, ntiwagombye kubigenza utyo (Gutegeka kwa Kabiri 30:19). None se wakora iki kugira ngo ushobore gufasha umwana wawe gufata imyanzuro myiza mu birebana n’umuco?—Imigani 27:11.
Kuganira n’abana bawe buri gihe kandi ukabitangira bakiri bato, ni yo ntambwe y’ibanze izagufasha kubigeraho (Imigani 22:6).b Hanyuma mu gihe bazaba bamaze kuba ingimbi cyangwa abangavu, uzakomeze kuganira na bo. Ubwo rero mubyeyi, ni wowe mbere na mbere wagombye guha abana bawe b’ingimbi n’abangavu ibisobanuro byizewe. Umwana w’umukobwa wo mu Bwongereza witwa Alicia yaravuze ati “abantu benshi bibwira ko incuti zacu ari zo tuba twifuza kuganira na zo ku birebana n’ibitsina, ariko ibyo si byo. Twishimira kubibwirwa n’ababyeyi bacu, kuko tuba twizeye ko ibyo batubwira ari ukuri.”
Bakeneye kwigishwa amahame mbwirizamuco
Uko abana bagenda bakura, baba bakeneye kumenya byinshi kurushaho ku birebana n’imibonano mpuzabitsina, bakamenya ko birenze ibi byo kuba ari yo igenga iby’iyororoka. Bagomba kugira “ubushobozi bwo kwiyumvisha ibintu bwatojwe gutandukanya icyiza n’ikibi” (Abaheburayo 5:14). Muri make, bakeneye guhabwa amahame bagenderaho, ni ukuvuga inyigisho nyazo ku birebana n’imibonano mpuzabitsina ikwiriye n’idakwiriye, kandi bakayakurikiza. None se wakora iki ngo ucengeze amahame mbwirizamuco mu bana bawe b’ingimbi n’abangavu?
Jya ubanza usuzume amahame wowe ubwawe ugenderaho. Urugero, ushobora kuba wemera ko ubusambanyi, ni ukuvuga kugirana imibonano mpuzabitsina n’umuntu mutashakanye, ari bibi (1 Abatesalonike 4:3). Birashoboka ko abana bawe na bo bazi uko ubibona, kandi bakaba bazi n’imirongo y’Ibyanditswe ishyigikira iyo myizerere yawe. Yewe nubwo hagira ubabaza, bashobora guhita basubiza ko kugirana imibonano mpuzabitsina batarashaka ari bibi.
Icyakora bakeneye ibirenze ibyo. Hari igitabo cyavuze ko abakiri bato bamwe na bamwe bemera ibyo ababyeyi bababwira ku birebana n’imibonano mpuzabitsina. Cyagize kiti “nta cyizere [abakiri bato] bigirira ku buryo bakwishyiriraho amahame bagenderaho. Iyo bahuye n’igishuko batari biteze kandi bakaba bagomba kumenya uburyo bukwiriye bwo kubyitwaramo, bagwa mu rujijo ku buryo bayoberwa icyo bafata n’icyo bareka” (Sex Smart). Ngiyo impamvu igaragaza neza ko amahame mbwirizamuco ari ay’ingenzi cyane. None se wafasha ute abana bawe kuyamenya, kandi bakayagira ayabo?
Jya ubamenyesha amahame ugenderaho.
Ese wemera ko imibonano mpuzabitsina igenewe gusa abashakanye? Ubwo rero, jya ubibwira abana bawe incuro nyinshi kandi mu buryo bwumvikana. Hari ubushakashatsi bwagaragaje ko “mu ngo aho ababyeyi bagiye babwira abana babo mu buryo bwumvikana neza ko batemera ko abakiri bato bagirana imibonano mpuzabitsina, abo bana baba bashobora gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina nibura bamaze kwigira hejuru.”—Beyond the Big Talk.
Icyakora nk’uko twigeze kubivuga, kubwira umwana wawe amahame agomba gukurikiza, ntibisobanura ko byanze bikunze azayakurikiza. Ariko kandi, iyo abagize umuryango bafite amahame ahamye bagenderaho, biha abana urufatiro bashingiraho bagena ayo na bo bazagenderaho. N’ubundi kandi, ubushakashatsi butandukanye bwagaragaje ko abakiri bato benshi bagera aho bagakurikiza amahame arebana n’umuco bigishijwe n’ababyeyi babo, nubwo iyo bakiri ingimbi n’abangavu baba bagaragaza ko batayitayeho.
GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Jya wifashisha ibyavuzwe mu makuru kugira ngo uganire n’umwana wawe, umwigisha amahame mbwirizamuco ugenderaho. Urugero, niba hari ibikorwa by’ihohoterwa rishingiye ku gitsina byavuzwe mu makuru, ushobora kuvuga uti “mbabazwa cyane n’ukuntu abagabo bamwe bahohotera abagore. Utekereza ko babiterwa n’iki?”
Jya ubasobanurira ibirebana n’imibonano mpuzabitsina nta cyo ubakinze.
Ni iby’ukuri ko kubaburira ari ngombwa (1 Abakorinto 6:18; Yakobo 1:14, 15). Ariko kandi, Bibiliya igaragaza ko mbere na mbere imibonano mpuzabitsina ari impano ituruka ku Mana, aho kuba ibishitani (Imigani 5:18, 19; Indirimbo ya Salomo 1:2). Kubwira abana bawe gusa akaga gaterwa no gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina, bishobora gutuma bagira imitekerereze ikocamye kandi idashingiye ku Byanditswe ku birebana n’iyo ngingo. Umugore ukiri muto wo mu Bufaransa witwa Corrina, yaravuze ati “kubera ko ababyeyi banjye bahoraga bantongera bambwira ibibi byo kwiyandarika, byatumye ngira imitekerereze idakwiriye ku birebana n’imibonano mpuzabitsina.”
Jya ubwira abana bawe ukuri kose ku birebana n’ibitsina. Umubyeyi witwa Nadia wo muri Megizike yaravuze ati “buri gihe nageragezaga gusobanurira abana banjye b’ingimbi n’abangavu ko imibonano mpuzabitsina ari myiza, ko ari ibintu bitubamo kandi ko Yehova Imana yahaye abantu iyo mpano, kugira ngo ibashimishe. Nababwiraga ko abashakanye ari bo bemerewe kugirana iyo mibonano, kandi ko iyo mpano ishobora gutuma abantu bishima cyangwa ikabateza imibabaro, bitewe n’uko yakoreshejwe.”
GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Ubutaha nuganira n’abana bawe ku birebana n’imibonano mpuzabitsina, uzasoze ikiganiro ubabwira ibyiza byayo. Ntugatinye kubasobanurira ko imibonano mpuzabitsina ari impano ihebuje ituruka ku Mana, kandi ko na bo bashobora kuzayishimira igihe bazaba bamaze gushaka. Babwire ko wizeye ko bashobora kumvira amahame y’Imana kugeza icyo gihe.
Jya ufasha umwana wawe kwiyumvisha ingaruka z’imyanzuro afata.
Kugira ngo abana b’ingimbi cyangwa abangavu bashobore gufata imyanzuro myiza mu mibereho yabo yose, bakeneye kumenya icyo baheraho bafata iyo myanzuro, kandi bakamenya ingaruka hamwe n’ibyiza bya buri mwanzuro bafashe. Ntukibwire ko kumenya gutandukanya ibikwiriye n’ibidakwiriye bihagije. Umukristokazi wo muri Ositaraliya witwa Emma, yaravuze ati “nkurikije amakosa nakoze nkiri inkumi, nshobora kwemeza ko kumenya amahame y’Imana byonyine bidasobanura ko wemeranya na yo. Kumenya akamaro k’ayo mahame no kumenya ingaruka zo kutayagenderaho, ni byo by’ingenzi cyane.”
Bibiliya ishobora kudufasha, kubera ko amenshi mu mategeko yayo yumvikana kurushaho bitewe n’amagambo ayaherekeje agaragaza ingaruka zo gukora ibibi. Urugero, mu Migani 5:8, 9, hatera umusore inkunga yo kwirinda ubusambanyi, ‘kugira ngo icyubahiro cye atagiha abandi.’ Nk’uko iyo mirongo ibigaragaza, abantu bishora mu mibonano mpuzabitsina batarashaka, baba bitesheje agaciro, bigatuma bataba indahemuka, kandi bagatakaza icyubahiro. Nanone ibyo bituma kubona umuntu bashakana na we ufite imico myiza, bibagora. Gutekereza ku ngaruka zo mu buryo bw’umubiri, izo mu buryo bw’ibyiyumvo n’izo mu buryo bw’umwuka zishobora guterwa no kwirengagiza amategeko y’Imana, bishobora gutuma abana bawe bakomera ku cyemezo bafashe cyo kuyakurikiza.c
GERAGEZA GUKORA IBI BIKURIKIRA: Jya ukoresha ingero kugira ngo ufashe abana bawe b’ingimbi n’abangavu kubona ko amahame y’Imana arangwa n’ubwenge. Urugero, ushobora kumubwira uti “gucana umuriro ugiye guteka ni byiza; ariko kuwucana ugatwika ishyamba ni bibi. None se ibyo bikorwa byombi bitandukaniye he, kandi se igisubizo utanze gihuriye he n’imipaka Imana yadushyiriyeho ku birebana n’imibonano mpuzabitsina?” Ifashishe ibivugwa mu Migani 5:3-14, kugira ngo ufashe umwana wawe gusobanukirwa ingaruka mbi cyane ziterwa n’ubusambanyi.
Umusore wo mu Buyapani witwa Takao ufite imyaka 18, yaravuze ati “nzi neza ko nagombye gukora ibikwiriye, ariko mpora ndwana intambara yo kurwanya irari ry’umubiri.” Abakiri bato barwana iyo ntambara, bashobora guhumurizwa n’uko atari bo bonyine. Intumwa Pawulo wari Umukristo wizerwa, na we yaravuze ati “iyo nifuza gukora icyiza, ikibi kiba kiri kumwe nanjye.”—Abaroma 7:21.
Abana b’ingimbi n’abangavu bagombye kumva ko intambara nk’iyo atari mbi byanze bikunze. Ishobora kubafasha kwigenzura bakimenya, hanyuma bakaba bagira icyo bahindura. Ishobora kubafasha kwibaza ibibazo bigira biti “ese naba nifuza gutegeka umubiri wanjye, ku buryo abantu bamenya ko ndi inyangamugayo kandi ko ndi indahemuka? Cyangwa ndifuza kuba nyamujya iyo bijya, nkajya nyoborwa n’irari mfite, rikanjyana aho rishaka?” Niba abana bawe bafite amahame mbwirizamuco bagenderaho, bizabafasha gusubiza ibyo bibazo neza.
a Muri iyi ngingo, amazina amwe n’amwe yarahinduwe.
b Niba wifuza inama z’ukuntu waganira n’abana bawe ku birebana n’ibitsina kandi ukurikije ikigero bagezemo, reba Umunara w’Umurinzi wo ku itariki ya 1 Ugushyingo 2010, ku ipaji 12-14.
c Niba wifuza ibindi bisobanuro, reba ingingo ifite umutwe uvuga ngo “Ibibazo urubyiruko rwibaza . . . Ese kuryamana na we bizatuma arushaho kunkunda?,” yasohotse mu igazeti ya Nimukanguke! yo muri Mata 2010 (mu gifaransa), yanditswe n’Abahamya ba Yehova.
IBAZE UTI . . .
Ni iki kinyereka ko umwana wanjye afite amahame mbwirizamuco agenderaho?
Ese iyo nganira n’umwana wanjye ibirebana n’imibonano mpuzabitsina, mwereka mbere na mbere ko ari impano y’Imana, cyangwa mubwira ko ari ibishitani?