“ZINALI zondivuta kwambiri kuti ndipondereze mmene ndinamverera,” akufotokoza motero Mike pokumbukira imfa ya atate ake. Kwa Mike, kupondereza chisoni chake kunali uchamuna. Komabe anadzazindikira pambuyo pake kuti anali wolakwa. Chotero pamene bwenzi la Mike linafedwa agogo ake aamuna, Mike anadziŵa chimene anayenera kuchita. Iye akuti: “Zaka zingapo kumbuyoku, ndikanamsisita papheŵa ndi kunena kuti, ‘Limba ndiwe mwamuna.’ Koma tsopano ndinagwira dzanja lake ndi kunena kuti, ‘Uyenera kudzimva mwanjira iliyonse. Zidzakuthandiza kulimbana nazo. Ngati ufuna kuti ndipite, ndidzapita. Ngati ufuna kuti ndikhale, ndidzakhala. Koma usaope kusonyeza mmene ukumverera.’”

MaryAnne nayenso zinakhala zomvuta kupondereza mmene anamverera pamene mwamuna wake anamwalira. “Ndinali wodera nkhaŵa kwambiri ponena za kukhala chitsanzo chabwino kwa ena,” iye akukumbukira motero, “kotero kuti sindinalole kuti ndisonyeze mmene ndinkamverera mwachibadwa. Koma potsirizira pake ndinaphunzira kuti kuyesayesa kukhala mzati wolimba kwa ena sikunali kundithandiza. Ndinayamba kupenda mkhalidwe wanga ndi kunena kuti, ‘Lira ngati uyenera kulira. Usayese kukhala wolimba monkitsa. Tulutsa chakukhosi chichoke.’”

Chotero onse aŵiri Mike ndi MaryAnne akulangiza kuti: Dziloleni kumva chisoni! Ndipo ananena zoona. Chifukwa ninji? Chifukwa chakuti kumva chisoni kuli chinthu chofunikira chomasulira mtima wopsinjika. Kumasula maganizo opsinjika kungachepetse nsautso imene mulimo. Kusonyeza chisoni kwachibadwa, limodzi ndi kumvetsetsa ndi kuzindikira kwabwino, kumakutheketsani kuona chisoni chanu m’njira yabwino.

Ndithudi, sialiyense amene amasonyeza chisoni m’njira yofanana. Ndipo zinthu zonga kaya wokondedwayo anafa mwadzidzidzi kapena imfayo inafika pambuyo podwala kwa nthaŵi yaitali zingakhale ndi chiyambukiro pa mmene otsalawo angachitire. Koma chinthu chimodzi chikuonekera kukhala chotsimikizirika: Kupondereza chisoni chanu kungakhale kovulaza mwakuthupi ndi mwamalingaliro. Kumasula chisoni kumathandiza thanzi kwambiri. Motani? Malemba amapereka chilangizo chothandiza.

Kumasula Chisoni​—Motani?

Kulankhula kungathandize kuchimasula. Pambuyo pa imfa ya ana ake onse khumi, limodzi ndi masoka ena aumwini, kholo lakalelo Yobu linati: “Mtima wanga ulema nawo moyo wanga, Ndidzadzilolera [Chihebri, “kumasula”] kudandaula kwanga, ndidzalankhula pakuwawa mtima wanga.” (Yobu 1:2, 18, 19; 10:1) Yobu sanakhozenso kutsendereza nkhaŵa yake. Anafunikira kuimasula; anayenera ‘kulankhula.’ Mofananamo, katswiri wa maseŵero Wachingelezi Shakespeare analemba mu Macbeth kuti: “Patsani chisoni mawu; chisoni chosalankhula chimadya munthuyo.”

Chotero kulankhula ponena za malingaliro anu achisoni kwa “bwenzi [loona, NW]” lenileni limene lidzamvetsera moleza mtima ndi mwachifundo kungadzetse mpumulo. (Miyambo 17:17) Kulankhula za zokumana nazo ndi malingaliro achisoni kaŵirikaŵiri kumachititsa kukhala zosavuta kuzimvetsetsa ndi kuzipirira. Ndipo ngati womvetserayo ali munthu wina wofedwa amene mwachipambano wapirira imfa ya wokondedwa wake, mungapeze kwa iye malingaliro othandiza osonyeza mmene mungapiririre. Pamene mwana wake anamwalira, mayi wina anafotokoza mmene kunamthandizira kulankhula kwa mayi mnzake amene anakumanapo ndi imfa yofananayo: “Kudziŵa kuti munthu wina anakumana ndi chinthu chofananacho, wapirira ndi kupambana bwino lomwe, ndi kuti analipobe ndi moyo ndi kukhalanso ndi moyo wabata, kunali kondilimbikitsa kwambiri.”

Bwanji ngati simumva bwino kulankhula za malingaliro achisoni chanu? Pambuyo pa imfa ya Sauli ndi Jonatani, Davide anapeka nyimbo yamaliro yokhudza mtima kwambiri mmene analongosola chisoni chake. Nyimbo yachisoni imeneyi potsirizira pake inadzakhala mbali ya cholembedwa cha buku la Baibulo la Samueli Wachiŵiri. (2 Samueli 1:17-27; 2 Mbiri 35:25) Mofananamo, ena amakupeza kukhala kofeŵa kulankhula za chisoni chawo mwa njira yakulemba. Mkazi wamasiye wina anasimba kuti analemba malingaliro ake achisoni ndiyeno pambuyo pa masiku angapo anaŵerenganso zimene anali atalemba. Anapeza zimenezi kukhala zomasula kwambiri.

Kaya mwa kulankhula kapena kulemba, kulankhulana ndi wina za malingaliro anu kungakuthandizeni kumasula chisoni chanu. Kungakuthandizeninso kuchotsa kumvana molakwa. Mayi wima wofedwa akufotokoza kuti: “Mwamuna wanga ndi ine tinamva za aŵiri ena okwatirana amene anasudzulana pambuyo pa kufedwa mwana, ndipo sitinafune zimenezo kuchitika kwa ife. Chotero nthaŵi zonse pamene tinakhala okwiya, ndi kufuna kuimbana mlandu, tinali kukambitsirana ndi kuthetsa nkhaniyo. Ndiganiza kuti tinayandikana koposerapo mwa kuchita zimenezo.” Chifukwa chake, kulola malingaliro anu kudziŵika kungakuthandizeni kuzindikira kuti ngakhale kuti mungakhale ndi kutayikidwa kofanana, ena amamva chisoni mosiyana​—pamlingo wawowawo ndi m’njira yawoyawo.

Chinthu china chimene chingathandize kumasula chisoni ndicho kulira. Pali “mphindi ya kugwa misozi,” limatero Baibulo. (Mlaliki 3:1, 4) Ndithudi imfa ya munthu amene timakonda imadzetsa nthaŵi yoteroyo. Kugwetsa misozi ya chisoni kumaonekera kukhala mbali yofunika ya dongosolo la kupezanso bwino.

Mkazi wina wachichepere akufotokoza mmene bwenzi lake lapamtima linamthandizira kupirira pamene amayi ake anamwalira. Iye akukumbukira kuti: “Bwenzi langalo linali nane nthaŵi zonse. Analira nane. Analankhula nane. Ndinali womasuka kwambiri kusonyeza chisoni changa, ndipo zimenezo zinali zofunika kwa ine. Sindinafunikire kuchita manyazi ndi kulira.” (Onani Aroma 12:15.) Nanunso musachitetu manyazi kugwetsa misozi yanu. Monga momwe taonera, Baibulo nlodzaza ndi zitsanzo za amuna ndi akazi achikhulupiriro​—kuphatikizapo Yesu Kristu​—omwe anagwetsa misozi ya chisoni poyera popanda kuchita manyazi.​—Genesis 50:3; 2 Samueli 1:11, 12; Yohane 11:33, 35.

Mungapeze kuti kwa nthaŵi yakutiyakuti chisoni chanu chidzakhala chikumakugwirani mwadzidzidzi. Misozi ingayambe kugwa mosayembekezereka. Mkazi wamasiye wina anapeza kuti kukagula zinthu ku magolosale (zimene ankachita kaŵirikaŵiri ndi mwamuna wake) kunamgwetsa misozi, makamaka pamene, mwachizoloŵezi, ankatenga zakudya zimene mwamuna wake ankakonda kwambiri. Khalani woleza mtima kwa inu nokha. Ndipo musaganize kuti muyenera kuletsa misozi yanu. Kumbukirani, iyo ili yachibadwa ndi mbali yofunika ya kumva chisoni.

Kuchita ndi Liwongo

Monga momwe taonera kale, ena amakhala ndi malingaliro a liwongo atatayikidwa wokondedwa wawo mu imfa. Zimenezi zingathandize kumvetsetsa ukulu wa chisoni cha mwamuna wokhulupirika Yakobo pamene anachititsidwa kukhulupirira kuti mwana wake Yosefe anali atajiwa ndi “chilombo.” Yakobo iye mwini anali atatumiza Yosefe kukaona ngati abale ake anali bwino. Motero Yakobo ayenera kuti anavutika ndi malingaliro a liwongo, onga ngati ‘Kodi ndamtumiranji yekha Yosefe? Kodi nchifukwa ninji ndamtuma kumalo okhala ndi zilombo zolusa zochuluka?’​—Genesis 37:33-35.

Mwinamwake mumalingalira kuti kunyalanyaza kwanu kwinakwake kunathandizira kuchititsa imfa ya wokondedwa wanu. Kuzindikira kuti liwongo limenelo​—lenileni kapena longoganizira​—kuli kachitidwe kachibadwa ka chisoni, kungakhale kothandiza mwa ikho kokha. Pamenepanso, simuyenera kuganiza kuti muyenera kubisa malingaliro oterowo. Kulankhula ponena za mmene mumamverera kukhala waliwongo kungapereke chimasuko chachikulu chofunikira.

Komabe zindikirani kuti, zilibe kanthu kuti munthuyo timamkonda motani, sitingathe kulamulira moyo wake, ndiponso sitingaletse ‘zotigwera’ mwadzidzidzi kugwera awo amene timakonda. (Mlaliki 9:11) Ndiponso, mosakayikira konse zolinga zanu sizinali zoipa. Mwachitsanzo, mwa kusapangana ndi dokotala mwamsanga, kodi munafuna kuti wokondedwa wanu adwale ndi kufa? Kutalitali! Pamenepo kodi mulidi ndi liwongo la kuchititsa imfa yake? Iyayi.

Mayi wina anaphunzira mmene akachitira ndi liwongo pamene mwana wake wamkazi anamwalira m’ngozi ya galimoto. Iye akufotokoza kuti: “Ndinadzimva waliwongo chifukwa chakuti ndine amene ndinamtuma. Koma ndinadzazindikira kuti kunali kupusa kulingalira mwa njira imeneyo. Panalibe cholakwa chilichonse pomtuma iye ndi atate ake kuti atumikire. Inali chabe ngozi yoipitsitsa.”

‘Koma pali zinthu zambiri zimene ndikukhumba kuti ndikadanena kapena kuchita,’ mungatero inuyo. Nzoona, koma kodi ndani wa ife anganene kuti ali tate wangwiro, mayi, kapena mwana? Baibulo limatikumbutsa kuti: “Pakuti timakhumudwa tonse pa zinthu zambiri. Munthu akapanda kukhumudwa pa mawu, iye ndiye munthu wangwiro.” (Yakobo 3:2; Aroma 5:12) Chotero zindikirani kuti simuli wangwiro. Kulingalira kuti “ndikadachita chakuti kapena chakuti” sikudzathandiza kanthu, koma kungangochedwetsa kupezanso bwino kwanu.

Ngati muli ndi zifukwa zabwino zokhulupirira kuti liwongo lanu lili lenileni, osati longoganizira, pamenepo pendani chithandizo chachikulu koposa chothetsa liwongo​—chikhululukiro cha Mulungu. Baibulo limatitsimikizira kuti: “Mukasunga mphulupulu, Yehova, adzakhala chiriri ndani, Ambuye? Koma kwa Inu kuli chikhululukiro.” (Salmo 130:3, 4) Simungabwerere kumbuyo ndi kusintha chinthu chilichonse. Komabe, mukhoza kupempha chikhululukiro cha Mulungu kaamba ka zophophonya zakale. Ndiyeno chiyani? Eya, ngati Mulungu akulonjeza kufafaniza zolakwa, kodi nanunso simuyenera kudzikhululukira?​—Miyambo 28:13; 1 Yohane 1:9.

Kuchita ndi Mkwiyo

Kodi nanunso mumakwiya, mwinamwake kukwiyira madokotala, manesi, mabwenzi, kapena ngakhale womwalirayo? Zindikirani kuti kamenekanso kali kachitidwe kofala pamene munthu afedwa. Mwinamwake mkwiyo uli mkhalidwe wanu wachibadwa pamene mumva chisoni. Mlembi wina anati: “Mungapeŵe kuvulazidwa ndi chiyambukiro cha mkwiyo​—kokha mwa kuzindikira mkwiyowo ndi kudziŵa kuti mukuumva​—osati mwa kuchita zimene umafuna.”

Kungathandizenso kugaŵana kapena kukambitsirana za mkwiyowo. Motani? Ndithudi osati mwa kuzaza kosalamulirika. Baibulo limachenjeza kuti mkwiyo wopitirizabe ngwaupandu. (Miyambo 14:29, 30) Koma mungapeze chitonthozo mwa kulankhula za mkwiyowo ndi bwenzi lomvetsetsa. Ndipo ena amapeza kuti kuchita maseŵera olimbitsa thupi mwamphamvu atakwiya kumathandiza kuwakhazika mtima.​—Onaninso Aefeso 4:25, 26.

Ngakhale kuti kuli kofunika kukhala womasuka ndi woona mtima ponena za malingaliro anu achisoni, pali chenjezo lofunikira. Pali kusiyana kwakukulu pakati pa kulankhula za malingaliro anu achisoni ndi kungowakhuthulira anthu ena. Simufunikira kuimba mlandu ena chifukwa cha mkwiyo wanu ndi kukhumudwa kwanu. Chotero kumbukirani kulankhula za mmene mukumverera, koma osati mwa njira yaukali. (Miyambo 18:21) Pali chithandizo chimodzi chachikulu koposa polimbana ndi chisoni, ndipo tsopano tidzakambitsirana chimenecho.

Chithandizo Chochokera kwa Mulungu

Baibulo limatitsimikizira kuti: “Yehova ali pafupi ndi iwo a mtima wosweka, apulumutsa iwo a mzimu wolapadi.” (Salmo 34:18) Inde, koposa china chilichonse, unansi ndi Mulungu ungakuthandizeni kupirira imfa ya munthu amene mumakonda. Motani? Maganizo othandiza onse amene aperekedwawo azikidwa kapena ali ogwirizana ndi Mawu a Mulungu, Baibulo. Kugwiritsira ntchito zimenezo kungakuthandizeni kupirira.

Kuwonjezerapo, musachepetse phindu la pemphero. Baibulo limatilimbikitsa kuti: “Umsenze Yehova nkhaŵa zako, ndipo Iye adzakugwiriziza.” (Salmo 55:22) Ngati kulankhula za chisoni chanu ndi bwenzi lachifundo kungathandize, nkoposa chotani nanga mmene kukhuthulira mtima wanu “Mulungu wa chitonthozo chonse” kungakuthandizireni!​—2 Akorinto 1:3.

Sikuti pemphero limangotichititsa kupeza bwinopo. “Wakumva pemphero” ameneyo akulonjeza kupatsa mzimu woyera kwa atumiki ake amene akumfunafuna moona mtima. (Salmo 65:2; Luka 11:13) Ndipo mzimu woyera wa Mulungu, kapena mphamvu yogwira ntchito, ingakupatseni “mphamvu yoposa yachibadwa” kuti mupirire tsiku ndi tsiku. (2 Akorinto 4:7, NW) Kumbukirani: Mulungu akhoza kuthandiza atumiki ake okhulupirika kuti apirire vuto lililonse limene angakumane nalo.

Mkazi wina yemwe anatayikidwa mwana wake mu imfa akukumbukira mmene mphamvu ya pemphero inamthandizira iye ndi mwamuna wake pa kufedwa kwawo. “Ngati tinali panyumba usiku ndi kugwidwa ndi chisoni kwambiri, tinapemphera pamodzi mofuula,” iye akufotokoza motero. “Nthaŵi yoyamba pamene tinachita chinthu chilichonse popanda mwanayo​—msonkhano wampingo woyamba umene tinapitako, msonkhano wachigawo woyamba umene tinafikapo​—tinapempherera chilimbikitso. Pamene tinadzuka mmaŵa ndi kusakhoza kupirira pokumbukira za imfayo, tinkapemphera kwa Yehova kuti atithandize. Pa zifukwa zina, kunali kondisautsa maganizo kuloŵa ndekha m’nyumba. Motero nthaŵi zonse pamene ndinafika panyumba ndekha, ndinkangopereka pemphero kwa Yehova kuti chonde andithandize kukhazika mtima.” Mkazi wokhulupirika ameneyo amakhulupirira mwamphamvu ndi molondola kuti mapemphero amenewo anamthandizadi. Inunso mungapeze kuti kaamba ka mapemphero anu osalekeza, ‘mtendere wa Mulungu wakupambana chidziŵitso chonse, udzasunga mtima wanu ndi maganizo anu.’​—Afilipi 4:6, 7; Aroma 12:12.

Chithandizo chimene Mulungu amapereka chilidi chikondi chothandiza. Mtumwi Wachikristu Paulo ananena kuti Mulungu ali “wotitonthoza ife m’nsautso yathu yonse, kuti tidzathe ife kutonthoza iwo okhala m’nsautso iriyonse.” Zoona, chithandizo chaumulungu sichimachotsa kupweteka, koma chingakuchititse kukhala kosavuta kupirira. Zimenezo sizitanthauza kuti simudzaliranso kapena kuti mudzaiŵala wokondedwa wanuyo. Koma mukhoza kupezanso bwino. Ndipo pamene mukutero, zimene mwakumana nazo zingakuchititseni kukhala womvetsetsa kwambiri ndi wachifundo pothandiza ena kupirira kutayikidwa kofananako.​—2 Akorinto 1:4.