TINDLELA TEKWENTA UMNDENI UJABULE
Indlela Longaphumelela Ngayo Emshadweni Longasiwo Wekucala
HERMAN:a “Umfati wami wekucala wabulawa sifo sekhensa ngemuva kweminyaka lengu-34 sishadile. Nangiphindze ngishada, umkami Linda bekahlala anemuva wekutsi ngimcatsanisa nemfati wami wekucala. Lobekwenta simo sishube nakakhulu kutsi bangani bami bakudzala bebavame kukhuluma ngetintfo letinhle lebetentiwa ngumfati wami wekucala lobekasashonile futsi loko bekumtfukutselisa Linda.”
LINDA: “Ngemuva kwekutsi mine naHerman, indvodza yami, sishade ngativa shengatsi yena nalabanye abangihloniphi njengobe bebenta emfatini wekucala. Bekatsandzeka, akhulunyelwa kahle, futsi bekutsiwa unemusa. Ngalesinye sikhatsi ngiyatibuta kutsi kutawuke kwenteke yini ngisondzelane nendvodza yami njengaye.”
Linda, wadivosa nendvodza yakhe yekucala futsi yena naHerman bayajabula kutsi sebayindvodza nemfati. Nome kunjalo, kuyabakhanyela kutsi nawuphindze ushada kungenteka ube netinsayeya lebetingekho emshadweni wakho wekucala.b
Nangabe usemshadweni longesiwo wekucala, utiva njani ngemshado wakho nyalo? Tamara, loyinkhosikati leseyiphindze yashada iminyaka lemitsatfu ngemuva kwekudivosa utsi: “Nawushada kwekucala uba nemuva lokhetsekile wekutsi umshado wakho ngeke uphele. Kulolandzelako, ungase ungativa ngendlela lefanako njengobe uhlala ukhumbula kutsi umshado wakho wekucala waphela.”
Nanome kunjalo, bantfu labanyenti bayitfolile injabulo lejulile nalehlala njalo emshadweni longesiwo wekucala. Bente imishado yabo yaphumelela, futsi nawe ungenta wakho uphumelele. Ungakwenta njani loko? Cabangela tinsayeya letintsatfu letivamile nekutsi timiso teliBhayibheli tingasita njani.c
INSAYEYA YEKUCALA: UCABANGA KAKHULU NGETINTFO LETINHLE LEBETENTEKA EMSHADWENI WAKHO WEKUCALA KUNALONA LOKUWO MANJE.
Ellen, lohlala eNingizimu Afrikha utsi: “Ngiyehluleka kukhohlwa tikhatsi letimnandzi lebesiba nato emshadweni wami wekucala, ikakhulukati nasiya etindzaweni lebesivama kuvakasha kuto nendvodza yami yekucala.” Uchubeka atsi: “Ngitikhandza sengicatsanisa indvodza yami nalona lebengishade naye ekucaleni.” Ngakulolunye luhlangotsi, nangabe loshade naye wake washada ngaphambili, ungahle ungatsandzi nakakhuluma ngaloyo mshado.
Cabangani ngetintfo letinhle lenitente ndzawonye letinibangela nibe nebunye
LONGAKWENTA: Kwemukele kutsi kuyintfo levamile kulindzela kutsi wena nome loshade naye achubeke akhumbula tintfo letiphatselene nemshado wakhe wekucala, ikakhulukati nangabe watsatsa iminyaka leminyenti. Empeleni labanye bantfu bayavuma kutsi bake ngengoti babita labashade naye ngeligama laloyo lebebashade naye. Ungabhekana njani ngemphumelelo nesimo lesinjalo? LiBhayibheli lisikhutsata kutsi sisebentise kucondza nasisebentelana nalabanye.—1 Phetro 3:8.
Ungabi nemona, bese ngasosonkhe sikhatsi walela loyo loshade naye kutsi akhulume ngemshado wakhe wasekucaleni. Nangabe loshade naye ativa anesifiso sekukhuluma ngemphilo yakhe yasemshadweni wakhe wekucala, mlalele ngemusa. Ngetulu kwaloko, ungasheshi uphetse ngekutsi ukucatsanisa naloyo labeshade naye. Ian, lowaphindze washada eminyakeni lelishumi lendlulile, utsi: “Umfati wami Kaitlyn, akukaze kwenteke atsatse kukhuluma ngemfati wami lowashona njengentfo lengakafaneli. Kunaloko, ukutsatsa njengendlela yekufundza kutsi yini lengenta ngibe ngulomuntfu lelinguye.” Ungase utfole kutsi incociswano lenjalo ingakusita ube nebuhlobo lobusedvute noloshade naye.
Naka kakhulu tintfo letinhle naletehlukile letentiwa nguloshade naye. Kuyavunywa, loshade naye angase ashode ngaletinye tintfo letinhle nome emakhono labetfolakala kuloyo lobowushade naye. Loshade naye kukhona lagcame ngako. Ngaleso sizatfu, cinisa buhlobo bakho naloyo loshade naye, “hhayi ngekumcatsanisa nalomunye,” kodvwa ngekutsi ukhulume kahle naye uphindze ukwatise lokutsandzako ngaye. (Galathiya 6:4) Indvodza ligama layo lokungu-Edmond, leseyishade kabili itsi: “Njengobe kungeke kwenteke kutsi bungani lobubili bufane, nemishado lemibili nayo ngeke ifane.”
Ungakhona njani kungacabangi kakhulu ngetikhatsi letimnandzi loboba nato emshadweni wakho wekucala, kunaloko ucabange ngaloshade naye manje? Jared utsi: “Ngake ngachazela umkami kutsi ngiyatikhumbula tikhatsi letimnandzi lebengiba nato emshadweni wami wekucala.” Uchubeka atsi: “Iyangijabulisa imphilo yami nemfati wami. Angihlali ngicabanga ngemshado wami wakucala, kunaloko, mine nemkami setama kutakhela imphilo yetfu lensha, lengiyijabulela kakhulu.”
YETAMA LOKU: Buta loshade naye kutsi akaphatseki kabi yini nanikhuluma ngemshado wekucala. Tfola kutsi ngutiphi tikhatsi letingalungi kutsi ningakhuluma ngato ngemshado wekucala.
INSAYEYA YESIBILI: UKUTFOLA KUMATIMA KUKHULUMISANA NEBANGANI BAKADZENI LEBANGAKATAYELANI NAWE NOME NALOYO LOSHADE NAYE MANJE.
Javier, lowashada sekuphele iminyaka lesitfupha adivosile utsi: “Ngemuva kwesikhatsi lesitsite sishadile, mine nemkami besicabanga kutsi bangani bami labambalwa bebaphenya umkami.” Indvodza lengu-Leo yabhekana nesimo lesehlukile. Nakalandzisa utsi: “Labanye bantfu bebatjela umkami ngendlela labebayitsandza baphindze bayikhumbula ngayo indvodza yakhe yasekucaleni. Bebete emahloni ekusho loko embikwami.”
LONGAKWENTA: Yetama kutifaka esimeni sebangani bakho. Ian, lokuke kwakhulunywa ngaye utsi: “Ngicabanga kutsi bangani bemuntfu bakadzeni bakutfola kubuhlungu futsi kulukhuni kutihlanganisa nemuntfu labangakametayeli.” Ngaleso sizatfu, ‘beketela, ukhombise bumnene kubo bonkhe bantfu.’ (Thithusi 3:2) Nika bangani bakho nemndeni wakho sikhatsi sekutsi bajwayele lesimo lesisha. Njengobe nemshado wakho sewushintjile, nebangani bakho bangase bashintje. Javier, lokuke kwakhulunywa ngaye, utsi ngekuhamba kwesikhatsi yena nemkakhe baphindze babuyisana nebangani babo bakadzeni. Utsi: “Siphindze setame kwakha bungani nalabanye bantfu labashadile, futsi loko kuyasisita.”
Cabanga ngemiva yaloshade naye nawucitsa sikhatsi nebangani bakho bakadzeni. Sibonelo saloko kutsi nakwenteka nikhuluma ngemshado wakho wakucala, sebentisa kuhlakanipha uphindze wehlulele kahle lesimo kuze lesewushade naye angativa angakanakwa. Saga seliBhayibheli sitsi: “Emavi lakhulumeke ngebudlabha ahlaba njengesikhali; kodvwa emavi lakhulumeke ngekuhlakanipha ayaphilisa.”—Taga 12:18.
YETAMA LOKU: Yetama kucabanga ngetikhatsi tekutijabulisa lokungenteka tingakulungeli wena noma loshade naye. Kusenesikhatsi, cocani ngendlela lencono yekuphendvula imibuto nekuphawula lokungentiwa bangani benu mayelana nemshado wekucala.
INSAYEYA YESITSATFU: UKUTFOLA KUMATIMA KWETSEMBA LOSHADE NAYE NYALO NGOBE LOBEWUSHADE NAYE EKUCALENI AKETSEMBEKANGA.
Andrew, lowashiywa ngumfati wekucala, utsi: “Ngangesaba kutsi ngingaphindze ngentelwe phansi.” Ngemuva kwesikhatsi, Andrew washada Riley, umkakhe lanaye manje. Uchubeka atsi: “Ngivame kutibuta kutsi kutawuke kwenteke yini ngente kahle njengendvodza yaRiley yekucala. Ngize ngikhatsateke kutsi kungenteka acabange kutsi angisiyo indvodza sibili, aphindze angishiye ayotfola lenye indvodza.”
LONGAKWENTA: Khululeka kuveta loko lokukukhatsatako kuloyo loshade naye. LiBhayibheli litsi: “Tinhloso atiphumeleli ngaphandle kweteluleko.” (Taga 15:22) Kutfululelana tifuba emkhatsini wa-Andrew naRiley kwabasita kutsi betsembane. Andrew utsi: “Ngamtjela Riley kutsi ngeke ngincume kudivosa njengendlela yekuphuma etinkingeni, futsi naRiley watsi utawenta lokufanako. Ngekuhamba kwesikhatsi, sengimetsemba kakhulu.”
Nangabe loshade naye entelwa phansi emshadweni wakhe wakucala, tsatsa tinyatselo tekutsi akwetsembe. Sibonelo saloko nguMichel naSabine, imishado yabo yekucala leyaphetsa ngekudivosa, bavumelana kutsi batawutjelana nabachumana nalabo labebashade nabo. Sabine utsi: “Lesibopho sasenta sativa silondzekile”.—Efesu 4:25.
YETAMA LOKU: Beka imincele etincociswaneni lobanato nebantfu bebulili lobehlukile, kungaba kucoca buso nebuso, usebentisa lucingo, noma usebentisa i-internet.
Leminyenti imishado yebantfu labangacali kushada iphumelele futsi newakho ungaphumelela. Ngetulu kwaloko, nawucatsanisa sikhatsi sekushada kwakho kwasekucaleni, kungenteka sewutati ncono nyalo. Andrew, lokuke kwakhulunywa ngaye utsi: “Ngitfole indvudvuto lenkhulu emshadweni wami naRiley. Ngemuva kweminyaka lengu-13 sishadile, sesinebuhlobo lobusedvute kakhulu, lokuyintfo lesingafuni nanini isilahlekele.”
a Emagama ashintjiwe.
b Kuyavunywa kutsi kufelwa nguloshade naye nome kudivosa kwenta imishado iphele ngetindlela letingafani. Lesihloko silungiselelwe kusita bantfu lokungenteka bafelwa ngulabashade nabo nome badivosa kutsi baphumelele emshadweni longasiwo wekucala.
c Kute utfole kwatiswa lokumayelana netinsayeya tekukhulisa bantfwana labangatalwa nguwe fundza luchungechunge lwetihloko letitsi “Izimfihlo zempumelelo yomkhaya onosingamzali,” leti ku-“Phaphama!” ya-April 2012 lenyatseliswa boFakazi baJehova.
TIBUTE . . .
Ngutiphi tintfo letinhle naletingakavami letentiwa nguloyo lengishade naye lengititsandza kakhulu?
Nakwenteka etincociswaneni kungene indzaba lemayelana nemshado wami wekucala, yini lengingayenta kuze lengishade naye angetsembe aphindze ative ahloniphekile?