Tokoni ki he Kakai Fefine ʻOku Tāʻí

KO E HĀ ʻe lava ke fai ke tokoni ki he kakai fefine ʻa ia ko e faʻahinga maʻukovia ʻo e fakamālohí? ʻUluakí, kuo pau ke mahinoʻi ʻe ha taha ʻa e meʻa ʻoku nau tofanga aí. ʻOku faʻa hoko ko e maumau ʻoku fakahoko ʻe he faʻahinga taá ʻoku lahi ange ia ʻi he fakaesinó pē. ʻOku faʻa kau ki ai ʻa e ngaahi fakamanamana ʻi he leá mo e fakamanavahē, ke ʻai ai ʻa e tokotaha maʻukoviá ke ne ongoʻi ʻoku ʻikai hano mahuʻinga pea ʻikai toe lava ha meʻa.

Fakakaukau angé kia Lōsana, ʻa ia naʻe fakahaaʻi ʻa ʻene talanoa ʻi he kupu he kamatá. ʻI he taimi ʻe niʻihi, ʻoku ngāueʻaki ai ʻe hono husepānití ʻa e ngaahi foʻi leá ko ha meʻatau. “ʻOkú ne ui ʻaki au ʻa e ngaahi hingoa tuku hifo,” ko e fakahaaʻi ia ʻe Lōsaná. “ʻOkú ne pehē: ‘Naʻe ʻikai teitei ʻosi hoʻo akó. ʻE lava fēfē ke ke tokangaʻi ʻa e fānaú taʻekau ai au? Ko koé ko ha faʻē fakapikopiko mo taʻefeʻunga. ʻOkú ke fakaʻuta atu ʻe hanga ʻe he puleʻangá ʻo tuku atu ke ke tauhi ʻa e fānaú kapau te ke liʻaki au?’”

ʻOku tauhi maʻu ʻe he husepāniti ʻo Lōsaná ʻa ʻene pulé ʻaki hono puleʻi mālohi ʻa e paʻangá. ʻOku ʻikai te ne fakangofua ia ke ne ngāueʻaki ʻa e kaá, pea ʻokú ne telefoni ki ai ʻi he ʻahó kotoa ke vakaiʻi ʻa ʻene meʻa ʻoku faí. Kapau ʻokú ne fakahaaʻi ha fakakaukau ki he meʻa ʻokú ne saiʻia aí, ʻoku fakafokifā hake pē ʻa ʻene tōlilí. Ko hono olá, kuo ako ai ʻa Lōsana ke ʻoua ʻaupito te ne fakahaaʻi ha fakakaukau.

Hangē ko ia ʻoku lava ke sio ki aí, ko e ngaohikovia ʻa e hoa malí ko ha tuʻunga-lea faingataʻa. Ke hoko ʻo tokoni, fanongo fakataha mo ha ongoʻi manavaʻofa. Manatuʻi, ʻoku faʻa mātuʻaki faingataʻa ki ha tokotaha maʻukovia ke talanoa fekauʻaki mo e meʻa kuo hoko kiate iá. ʻOku totonu ke hoko ko hoʻo taumuʻá ia ke fakaivimālohiʻi ʻa e tokotaha maʻukoviá ʻi heʻene fekuki mo hono tuʻungá ʻi hono tuʻunga fakalakalaka ʻoʻoná.

ʻE fiemaʻu nai ʻe he kakai fefine ʻe niʻihi ʻoku tāʻí, ke kumi tokoni mei he kau maʻu mafaí. ʻI he taimi ʻe niʻihi, ko ha tuʻunga mahuʻinga​—hangē ko e kau mai ki ai ʻa e kau polisí​—ʻe lava ke ne fakatupunga ke sio ai ha tangata ʻokú ne fai ha ngaohikovia ki he mafatukituki ʻo ʻene ngaahi tōʻongá. Kae kehe, ʻoku moʻoni ko ha hehema ke liliú ʻoku faʻa mole ia ʻi he ʻosi atu pē ʻa e meʻa naʻe hokó.

ʻOku totonu ke liʻaki ʻe he uaifi ʻoku tāʻí ʻa hono husepānití? ʻOku ʻikai ke fakamaʻamaʻaʻi ʻe he Tohitapú ʻa e māvae fakaemalí. ʻI he taimi tatau, ʻoku ʻikai te ne fakamoʻuaʻi ʻaki ha fefine ʻoku taaʻi ke ne nofo mo ha tangata ʻokú ne ʻai ha tuʻunga fakatuʻutāmaki ki hono tuʻunga moʻuileleí pea naʻa mo ʻene moʻuí tonu. Naʻe tohi ʻa e ʻapositolo Kalisitiane ko Paulá: “ʻO kapau kuo fai ʻa e mavae, ke ne nofo taʻemali, pe ke ne fakalelei mo hono husepaniti.” (1 Kolinito 7:​10-16, fakaʻītali ʻamautolu.) Koeʻuhi ʻoku ʻikai ke tapui ʻe he Tohitapú ʻa e māvae ʻi he ngaahi tuʻunga fuʻu tōtuʻá, ko e meʻa ʻoku fai ʻe ha fefine fekauʻaki mo e meʻá ni ko ha fili fakafoʻituitui ia. (Kaletia 6:5) ʻOku ʻikai totonu ke fakalotoʻi ʻe ha taha ha uaifi ke ne liʻaki hono husepānití, pea ʻoku ʻikai totonu ke tenge ʻe ha taha pē ha fefine ʻoku taaʻi ke ne nofo mo ha tangata ʻokú ne ngaohikovia ia ʻi he taimi ʻoku fakamanaʻi ai ʻa hono tuʻunga moʻuileleí, moʻuí mo e tuʻunga lelei fakalaumālié.

ʻOku ʻI Ai ha ʻAmanaki ki he Faʻahinga Taá?

Ko e ngaohikovia ʻa e hoa malí ko hano maumauʻi mataʻāʻā ia ʻo e ngaahi tefitoʻi moʻoni faka-Tohitapú. ʻI he Efeso 4:​29, 31, ʻoku tau lau ai: “ʻIlonga ha lea ʻe ʻikai siaʻa, pea tapu ʻene hu atu mei homou ngutu . . . Ko e fakamahū kotoa pe mo e lili mo e ʻita mo e feʻiohoʻaki mo e lauʻikovi, tuku ke hiki ia meiate kimoutolu, ʻio mo e lotokovi kotoa.”

ʻOku ʻikai ha husepāniti ʻokú ne taukaveʻi ko ha muimui ia ʻo Kalaisi ʻe lava moʻoni ke ne lea ʻo pehē ʻokú ne ʻofa ʻi hono uaifí kapau ʻokú ne ngaohikovia ia. Kapau ʻokú ne ngaohikoviʻi ʻa hono uaifí, ko e hā leva hono ʻaonga ʻo ʻene ngaahi ngāue kehe kotoa pē? Ko ha tokotaha “faʻa tā” ʻoku ʻikai taau ia ki he ngaahi monū makehe ʻi he fakatahaʻanga Kalisitiané. (1 Timote 3:3; 1 Kolinito 13:​1-3) Ko e moʻoni, ko ha Kalisitiane lau pē ʻoku toutou ʻunua ki he ʻitá mo taʻefakatomalá ʻe lava ke tuʻusi ia mei he fakatahaʻanga Kalisitiané.​​—Kaletia 5:​19-​21; 2 Sione 9, 10.

ʻE lava ʻa e kau tangata fakamālohí ke liliu ʻenau tōʻongá? Kuo fai pehē ʻa e niʻihi. Kae kehe, ʻoku faʻa hoko, ʻo ʻikai liliu ha tokotaha tā kae ʻoua kuó ne (1) fakahaaʻi ʻoku taʻefeʻunga ʻa hono ʻulungāngá, (2) loto ke liliu ʻa ʻene foungá, pea (3) kumi ki ha tokoni. Kuo ʻiloʻi ʻe he Kau Fakamoʻoni ʻa Sihová ʻe lava ke hoko ʻa e Tohitapú ko ha tākiekina mālohi ia ki he liliú. Ko e faʻahinga mahuʻingaʻia tokolahi ʻa ia ʻoku nau ako mo kinautolu ʻa e Tohitapú kuo nau fakatupu ha holi mālohi ke fakahōifuaʻi ʻa e ʻOtuá. ʻI he fekauʻaki mo Sihova ko e ʻOtuá, ko e kau ako Tohitapu foʻou ko ení ʻoku nau ʻiloʻi ko ha taha pē ʻoku “ʻofa ki he fakamalohi, ʻoku fehiʻa ki ai ʻene moʻui.” (Sāme 11:5) Ko e moʻoni, ke liliu ʻe ha tokotaha tā ʻa ʻene tōʻongá ʻoku kau ki ai ʻa e meʻa lahi ange ia ʻi he ʻikai ke taá pē. ʻOku toe hoko ai ʻa hono ako ʻo ha fakakaukau foʻou fakalūkufua ki hono uaifí.

ʻI he taimi ʻoku maʻu ai ʻe ha tangata ʻa e ʻiloʻi ʻo e ʻOtuá, ʻokú ne ako ai ke vakai ki hono uaifí ʻo ʻikai ko ha sevāniti ka ko ha “tokoni” pea ʻoku ʻikai ke ʻi ha tuʻunga māʻulalo ka ko e tokotaha ke ‘fakaʻapaʻapaʻi.’ (Senesi 2:​18; 1 Pita 3:7) ʻOkú ne toe ako ke manavaʻofa fakataha mo e fiemaʻu ke fanongo ki he fakakaukau ʻa hono uaifí. (Senesi 21:12; Koheleti 4:1) Ko e polokalama ʻo e ako Tohitapu ʻoku tuʻuaki ʻe he Kau Fakamoʻoni ʻa Sihová kuó ne tokoniʻi ʻa e ngaahi hoa mali tokolahi. ʻOku ʻikai ha feituʻu ki ha tokotaha pule fakaaoao, pule kakaha pe houtamaki ʻi he fāmili Kalisitiané.​​—Efeso 5:​25, 28, 29.

“Ko e folofola ʻa e ʻOtua, ko e koto moʻui mo e koto malohi.” (Hepelu 4:12) Ko ia ai, ko e poto ʻoku ʻi he Tohitapú ʻe lava ke ne tokoniʻi ʻa e ngaahi hoa malí ke nau ʻanalaiso ʻa e ngaahi palopalema ʻoku nau fehangahangai mo iá pea ʻoange ai kia kinautolu ʻa e loto-toʻa ke fekuki ai mo ia. ʻIkai ko ia pē, ʻoku ʻi he Tohitapú ʻa e ʻamanaki pau mo fakafiemālie ko e sio ki ha māmani ʻe ʻikai ha fakamālohi ʻi he taimi ʻe pule ai ʻa e Tuʻi fakahēvani ʻa Sihová ki he faʻahinga talangofua kotoa ʻo e tangatá. ʻOku pehē ʻe he Tohitapú: “Te ne fakahaofi ʻa e tokotaha masiva ʻoku tangi ki ha tokoní, pehē foki ki he tokotaha faingataʻaʻiá mo ha taha pē ʻoku ʻikai hano tokoní. Te ne huhuʻi honau soulú mei he fakafeʻātungiá pea mei he fakamālohí.”​—Sāme 72:​12, 14, NW.

[Fakamatala ʻi he peesi 12]

ʻOku ʻikai ha feituʻu ki ha tokotaha pule fakaaoao, pule kakaha pe houtamaki ʻi he fāmili Kalisitiané

[Puha ʻi he peesi 8]

Fakatonutonu ʻa e Ngaahi fakakaukau halá

• ʻOku kaunga ʻa e ngaahi uaifi ʻoku tāʻí ki he ngaahi tōʻonga ʻa honau husepānití.

Ko e faʻahinga tā tokolahi ʻoku nau fakaʻikaiʻi ʻenau kaunga ki heʻenau ngaahi tōʻongá, ʻo taukaveʻi ʻoku fakaʻitaʻi kinautolu ʻe honau ngaahi uaifí. Naʻa mo e ngaahi kaumeʻa ʻe niʻihi ʻo e fāmilí ʻoku nau tali nai ʻa e pehē ʻoku fuʻu faingataʻa ke feangai mo e uaifí, ko ia ai, ʻoku ʻikai ha ofo ʻi he mole he taimi ki he taimi mei hono husepānití ʻa ʻene mapuleʻi iá. Ka ʻoku tatau ʻa e meʻá ni mo hono tukuakiʻi ʻa e tokotaha maʻukoviá pea fakatonuhiaʻi ʻa e tokotaha-fakaaoaó. Ko e moʻoni, ʻoku faʻa fai ʻe he ngaahi uaifi tāʻí ʻa e ngaahi feinga makehe ke fakafiemālieʻiʻaki ʻa honau ngaahi husepānití. Pehē foki, ko e tā ʻa hoto hoá ʻoku ʻikai ʻaupito fakatonuhiaʻi ia ʻo tatau ai pē ʻi ha faʻahinga tuʻunga. Ko e tohi The Batterer​​—A Psychological Profile ʻoku pehē ai: “Ko e kakai tangata kuo ʻave ʻe he ngaahi fakamaauʻangá ke fai ha ngāue ki ai ʻi hono ngaohikoviʻi ʻa e uaifí ʻoku maʻunimā kinautolu ʻe he anga-fakamālohí. ʻOku nau ngāueʻaki ia ko ha meʻa ke tukuange atu ai ʻa e ʻitá mo e loto-mafasiá, ko ha founga ke mapuleʻi ai mo fakaleleiʻi ʻa e vākoví, pea mo ha fakasiʻisiʻiʻanga ʻo e loto-hohaʻá. . . . ʻOku faʻa aʻu ʻo ʻikai lava ke nau ʻiloʻi ʻoku ʻi ai ʻenau palopalema pe vakai ʻoku mafatukituki ʻa e palopalemá.”

• ʻOku fakatupunga ʻe he ʻolokaholó ha tangata ke ne tā hono uaifí.

Ko e moʻoni, ʻoku anga-fakamālohi lahi ange ʻa e kau tangata ʻe niʻihi ʻi he taimi ʻoku nau inu aí. Ka ʻoku ʻuhinga lelei ke tukuakiʻi ʻa e ʻolokaholó? “Ko e hoko ʻo konaá ʻoku ʻoange ai ki he tokotaha taá ha meʻa kehe ke ne tukuakiʻi, kae ʻikai ko ia tonu, ki heʻene tōʻongá,” ko e tohi ia ʻa K. J. Wilson ʻi heʻene tohi ko e When Violence Begins at Home. ʻOkú ne hoko atu: “ʻOku ʻasi ʻi hotau sōsaietí, ʻa e lava ke mahinoʻingofua ange ʻa e fakamālohi ʻi he fāmilí ʻi hono fakahoko ʻe ha tokotaha ʻa ia ʻoku konaá. Ko ha fefine ngaohikovia ʻoku lava ke fakaʻehiʻehi ia mei he fakakaukau ʻoku ngaohikovia ia ʻe hono hoá, kae fakakaukau ia kiate ia ko ha tokotaha inu tōtuʻa pe ʻoku ʻolokahōlika.” Ko e fakakaukau peheé, ko e fakahaaʻi ia ʻe Wilson, ʻe lava ke ne ʻoange ai ki ha fefine ʻa e ʻamanaki hala “kapau pē ʻe tuku ʻe he tangatá ʻene inú, ʻe ngata ai ʻa e fakamālohí.”

Ki muí ni, ʻoku vakai ai ʻa e kau fakatotolo tokolahi ki he inú mo e taá ko e ongo palopalema kehekehe ia ʻe ua. He ko ē, ko e tokolahi taha ʻo e kau tangata ʻoku nau palopalemaʻia ʻi hono ngāuekoviʻaki ʻa e ʻolokaholó ʻoku ʻikai te nau tā honau ngaahi hoá. Ko e kau faʻu-tohi ʻo e When Men Batter Women ʻoku nau pehē: “Ko e taá ʻoku hokohoko tefito atu ia ʻi heʻene lavameʻa ʻi hono puleʻi, fakamanavaheeʻi, mo ikunaʻi ʻa e fefine ʻoku tāʻí. . . . Ko e ngāuekoviʻaki ʻa e ʻolokaholó mo e faitoʻo kona tapú ko e konga ia ʻo e founga moʻui ʻa e tokotaha taá. Ka ʻe hala ke pehē ko e ngāueʻaki ʻa e faitoʻo kona tapú pe ʻolokaholó ʻokú ne fakatupunga ʻa e anga-fakamālohí.”

• Ko e faʻahinga taá ʻoku nau anga-fakamālohi ki he tokotaha kotoa pē.

ʻOku faʻa malava ʻa e tokotaha taá ke hoko ko ha kaumeʻa fakamānako ki he niʻihi kehé. ʻOkú ne ʻai ha ʻulungaanga mātuʻaki kehe fakaʻaufuli. Ko e ʻuhinga ia ʻoku taʻetui nai ai ʻa e ngaahi kaumeʻa ʻo e fāmilí ki he ngaahi talanoa fekauʻaki mo ʻene anga-fakamālohí. Neongo ia, ko hono moʻoní, ʻoku fili ʻe he tokotaha tā uaifí ʻa e anga-fakamanú ko ha founga ia ke puleʻi ai ʻa hono uaifí.

• ʻOku ʻikai fakafepaki ʻa e kakai fefiné ki he hoko ʻo ngaohikoviá.

Ngalingali, ko e foʻi fakakaukau ko ení ʻoku tupu ia mei he ʻikai ke mahinoʻi ʻa e tuʻunga masiva tokoni ʻo ha fefine ʻa ia ʻoku ʻikai ha feituʻu ke ne hola ki ai. ʻOku ʻi ai nai ha ngaahi kaumeʻa ʻo e uaifi ʻoku tāʻí ʻa ia te nau tali nai ia ʻi ha uike ʻe taha pe ua, ka ko e hā te ne fai ʻi he hili iá? Ko e kumi ha ngāue mo totongi ʻa e nofó lolotonga ia hono tokangaʻi ʻa e fānaú ko ha ʻamanaki fakalotosiʻi ia. Pea ʻe tapui nai ʻe he laó ʻa e hola mo e fānaú. Kuo feinga ʻa e niʻihi ke mavahe ka kuo kumi kinautolu ʻo maʻu pea fakafoki, ʻo hala pē ʻi he fakamālohi ko e fakafiemālie. Ko e ngaahi kaumeʻa ʻoku ʻikai lava ke nau mahinoʻí te nau fakakaukau hala nai naʻe ʻikai ke fakafepaki ʻa e kakai fefine peheé ki he ngaohikoviá.