ʻE Lava ʻi he Kai Fakatahá ʻo ʻAi ke Mālohi ʻa e Tuʻunga ʻo Ho Fāmilí?

“Ko e moʻuí tonu ʻoku fonu, ʻo ʻikai ʻi he fiefia pē mo e feʻofaʻaki mo e fiemālie ka ʻi he mamahi mo e loʻimata. Kae tatau ai pē pe ʻoku tau fiefia pe mamahi, kuo pau ke tau kai. Ko e kakai fiefiá mo e kakai mamahí fakatouʻosi ʻoku lava ke fakafiefiaʻi kinautolu ʻe ha meʻakai lelei.”—Laurie Colwin, faʻu-tohi ʻAmelika.

ʻI HE ngaahi taʻu kuohilí ʻi he ngaahi fonua Uēsité, ko e ngaahi ʻapi lahi naʻa nau fai ʻa e meʻa naʻa nau vakai ki ai naʻe mahuʻinga lahi. Ko e fāmilí fakalūkufua naʻa nau fakatahataha takatakai ʻi ha tēpile, ʻikai siʻi hifo he tuʻo tahá he ʻaho, ki ha kai. Naʻe ʻikai fakaʻatā ke ʻi ai ha fakahohaʻa. Naʻe ʻikai ha taha ʻe sio televīsone, tui ha meʻa fanongo, pe feʻaveʻaki pōpoaki ki he kaungāmeʻá. Ko ha ʻātakai nonga naʻe ʻomai ai ha faingamālie ki he faʻahinga ʻi aí ke nau maʻu ai ʻa e potó, ʻai ke mālohi ʻa e ngaahi haʻi ʻi he fāmilí, pea kakata fakataha ʻi he ngaahi meʻa ne hoko ʻi he ʻahó lolotonga ʻo ha kai lelei.

Ki he kakai tokolahi he ʻaho ní, ko e kai fakafāmilí ʻoku ongo nai ia ʻo hangē ha tōʻonga kuo ʻosi hono taimí. ʻI he ngaahi ʻapi lahi ko e kai fakafāmilí ʻoku tātātaha ʻene hoko aí ʻo ʻikai ko ha meʻa kuo pau ke fai. Ko e hā ʻoku fuʻu faingataʻa ai ki he ngaahi fāmilí ke nau kai fakatahá? ʻOku taau ke fakatolonga mai ʻa e tōʻonga tukufakaholo ko ení? Ko e hā e ngaahi ʻaonga ʻe lava ke ʻomai ai ki he mēmipa taki taha ʻo e fāmilí?

Kai Fakafāmilí—Ko ha Tōʻonga Kuo Mole

“Ko e moʻoniʻi meʻa ko ia ʻo e ʻasi ʻa e hōloa [ʻo e kai fakafāmilí] ʻi he toʻutangata ʻe tahá . . . ko e fakamoʻoni makehe ia ki he anga ʻo e liliu vave ʻetau fehokotaki fakasōsialé,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa Robert Putnam ʻi he tohi ko e Bowling Alone. Ko e hā e ngaahi meʻa tefito naʻe tānaki atu ki he fuʻu liliu ko ení? ʻUluakí, ko e mamafa e totongi ʻo e koloá kuo iku ai ʻo ngāue fakatouʻosi ʻa e husepānití mo e uaifí ʻi ha ngaahi houa lahi. Ko e mātuʻa taʻehoá, ʻa ia ko honau tuʻunga fakaʻekonōmiká ʻoku faʻa faingataʻa angé, ʻoku aʻu ʻo siʻi ange ai honau taimi faingamālié. Uá, ko e tuʻunga femoʻuekina ʻo e moʻui he taimi ní ʻoku fakaʻaiʻai ai ke ʻomai ʻa e meʻakai mei he falekaí mo e kai fakavave. ʻOku ʻikai ko e kakai lalahí pē ka ko e fānaú foki ʻoku lahi mo e ngaahi meʻa ʻoku nau tukupā ki ai, hangē ko e sipotí mo e ngaahi meʻa kehe ʻoku fai he tuku ʻa e akó.

ʻIkai ko ia pē, ʻoku ʻi ai e ngaahi tamai ia ʻoku nau saiʻia ke aʻu ki ʻapi ʻi he taimi kuo ʻosi mohe ai ʻa e kau leká koeʻuhi ʻoku nau loto ke hao mei ha ʻiteʻita ʻi he taimi kaí. Ko e ngaahi mātuʻa kehe, ʻoku nau aʻu taimi totonu ki ʻapí, ʻoku nau fili ke ʻuluaki kai ʻa e fānaú pea fekau ke nau mohe koeʻuhi ke lava ʻo kai fakataha ai taʻefakahohaʻasi ʻa e husepānití mo e uaifí.

Ko e ngaahi tuʻunga peheé kuo iku ai ʻa e ngaahi fāmilí ʻo kai taimi kehekehe. Ko e ngaahi nouti kuo fakapipiki he ʻaisí ʻokú ne fetongi ʻa e fetalanoaʻaki ʻi he taimi kaí. Ko e mēmipa taki taha ʻo e fāmilí ʻokú ne aʻu ki ʻapi, fakamafana meʻakai, pea tangutu he TV, ko ha komipiuta, pe ko ha mīsini keimi. Ko e ngaahi tōʻonga fakasōsiale ko ení ʻoku hā ngali taʻealaliliu. Ko ia ai, ʻoku ʻaonga ke fakakaukau fakamātoato fekauʻaki mo hano talitekeʻi ʻa e tōʻonga ko ení?

ʻAonga ʻo e Founga Tukufakaholó

Ko e kai fakafāmilí ʻoku ʻoange ai ki he mātuʻá ha faingamālie makehe ke tokangaʻi ai ʻa e tuʻunga-lelei fakaeongo ʻa ʻenau fānaú. Ko e tēpile kai efiafí ko “ha feituʻu pau ia ki he kau leká ke nau feohi maʻu pē ai mo ʻenau mātuʻá fakataha mo ʻenau tokangá ʻi ha tuʻunga nonga,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa Miriam Weinstein ʻi heʻene tohi ko e Surprising Power of Family Meals. “Ko e kai efiafi fakafāmilí ʻoku ʻikai nai ko ha fakaleleiʻanga palopalema ia, ka ʻoku papau moʻoni ko ha founga faingofua ia ke tokoniʻi ai koe.”

ʻOku loto-tatau mo ia ʻa Eduardo, ko ha tamai fatutangata mei Sipeini. “ʻI he taimi naʻá ku nofo ai mo ʻeku ongo mātuʻá, ko e toko 11 naʻe ʻi he houa kaí ʻi he ʻaho kotoa pē,” ko ʻene manatú ia. “Naʻe fai ʻe heʻeku tamaí ha feinga lahi ke foki ki ʻapi ʻo kai hoʻatā mo hono fāmilí. Ko ha taimi makehe ia ʻi he tafaʻaki kotoa pē. Naʻa mau feʻilongaki ai ki he meʻa ʻoku hoko ki he mēmipa taki taha ʻo e fāmilí. Naʻe faʻa hoko ai ha fakakata mo ha kakata. Ko e manatu ʻofa ko iá naʻá ne fakatuipauʻi kiate au ʻoku totonu ke u muimui ʻi he faʻifaʻitakiʻanga ʻa ʻeku tamaí.”

Ko e kai fakafāmilí ʻoku toe tokoniʻi ai ʻa e fānaú ke nau ʻi ha moʻui mafamafatatau mo lelei ange. Ko e Senitā Fakafonua ʻAmelika ki he Maʻunimā mo e Ngāuekoviʻaki ʻa e Faitoʻo Kona Tapú ʻi he ʻUnivēsiti Columbia naʻe ʻiloʻi ai ko e fānau ʻoku nau kai tuʻo nima nai he uike mo honau fāmilí ʻoku siʻi ange ʻenau palopalema felāveʻi mo e loto-moʻuá, fakapipikoʻiá, pe taʻemahuʻingaʻiá, pea ʻoku lelei ange honau tuʻunga ʻi he akó.

“ʻOku ou tui ko e kai fakafāmilí ʻoku maʻu ai ʻe he fānaú ʻa e tuʻunga lelei fakaeongo,” ko e hoko atu ia ʻa Eduardo. “ʻOku ʻikai ke hohaʻa ʻa hoku ongo ʻofefiné pe ko fē ʻa e taimi ʻe malava ke na tala mai ai kia kimaua ha meʻa. ʻOku maʻu ʻi he kai fakafāmilí ʻa e faingamālie lelei ʻi he ʻaho taki taha. ʻIkai ko ia pē, ʻi he tuʻunga ko ha tamaí, ko e ngaahi taimi ko ení ʻoku tokoniʻi ai au ke u ʻiloʻi maʻu pē ʻa e palopalema ʻa hoku ongo ʻofefiné.”

ʻOku hā mahino, ko e taimi ʻoku kai fakataha ai ʻa e ngaahi fāmilí, ʻoku aʻu ʻo lava ke tokoniʻi ai kinautolu ke nau hao ai mei he kovi ʻa e tōʻonga kaí. Ko e ʻUnivēsiti ʻo Navarre ʻi Sipeiní ʻoku līpooti mai ai ko e kai toko tahá ʻoku fakalahi ai ʻa e tuʻunga fakatuʻutāmaki ʻo e faingataʻaʻia ʻi he mahaki-kaí. Ko e moʻoni, ʻoku kei lava pē ke hoko ʻa e ngaahi mahaki ko iá, ka ko e ʻikai kai fakataha mo e niʻihi kehé ʻoku ngalingali ai ke hoko eni. “ʻI he hoko ko ha founga-tuʻumaʻu ʻa e kai fakatahá, ʻoku ongoʻi ai ʻe he fānaú ʻoku tokangaʻi kinautolu. ʻOku nau maʻu ʻi he kai fakafāmilí ʻa e malu fakaeongo ʻo ha ʻātakai fakafāmili māfana mo ʻofa,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa Esmeralda, ko ha faʻē ʻa ha ongo tamaiki fefine.

Ko e kai fakafāmilí ʻoku toe maʻu ai ʻe he mātuʻá ʻa e faingamālie ke tokangaʻi fakalaumālie ai ʻenau fānaú. ʻI he taʻu nai ʻe 3,500 kuohilí, naʻe fakaʻaiʻai ai ʻe he ʻOtuá ʻa e kau ʻIsilelí ke nau fakamoleki ha taimi mo ʻenau fānaú koeʻuhi ke uhuʻi ʻa e ngaahi meʻa fakalaumālié ki honau lotó. (Teutalonome 6:6, 7) “ʻI he lotu fakataha mo lāulea ki ha konga Tohi Tapú, ʻoku hoko ai ʻa e kai fakafāmilí ko ha taimi fakalaumālie,” ko e lau ia ʻa Ángel, ko ha tamai ʻa ha toko ua. ʻI he vakai atu ki he ʻaonga lahi ʻoku maʻu ʻi he kai fakafāmilí, ko e hā kuo fai ʻe he fāmili ʻe niʻihi ke ʻai ko ha tafaʻaki tuʻumaʻu ia ʻo ʻenau moʻuí?

ʻAi ke Hoko

“Ko e fokotuʻutuʻu māú mo e loto-leleí ʻoku mātuʻaki fiemaʻu,” ko e fakamatala ia ʻa Esmeralda. “Kuo pau ke ke feʻunuʻaki ʻa e taimi-tēpilé ʻi he lelei taha ʻo hoʻo malavá ke feʻungamālie ki he toko taha ʻoku aʻu fakamuimui mai ki ʻapí.” Ko Maribel, ko ha faʻē ʻa ha toko ua, ʻokú ne pehē, “ʻOku mau kai efiafi fakataha kotoa ʻi he ʻaho kotoa pē, ʻo tatau ai pē pe ko e hā ha meʻa ʻe hoko.” ʻOku ngāueʻaki ʻe he fāmili ʻe niʻihi ʻa e taimi ʻatā ʻi he ngaahi fakaʻosinga uiké ke teuteu ai ʻa e ngaahi meʻá pe naʻa mo e ngaahi meʻakai ki he kai efiafi he lolotonga ʻa e uiké.

ʻOku toe tokoni foki ʻa e vakai ki he kai fakafāmilí ko ha meʻa muʻomuʻa. “Naʻe pau ke u feʻunuʻaki ʻeku ngāué koeʻuhi ke ʻi ʻapi ʻi heʻemau kai efiafi fakafāmilí, ka ʻoku tuha ia mo e feinga,” ko e lau ia ʻa Eduardo. “ʻOku ou ongoʻi he taimí ni ʻoku ou lāuʻilo lahi ange ki he ngaahi meʻa fakafāmilí. Koeʻuhi kuo pau ke u tokangataha ʻi he ngaahi houa lahi ʻi he ʻaho ʻi he taimi ʻoku ou ʻi he ngāué aí, ʻe taʻefakaʻatuʻi ʻa e ʻikai te u fai ʻa e tokanga tatau ki hoku fāmilí ʻi he taimi kaí.”

Fēfē ʻa e ngaahi fakahohaʻá? “ʻOku kai ʻa hoku fāmilí ʻi ha feituʻu ʻa ia ʻoku ʻikai ʻi ai ha televīsoné,” ko e lau ia ʻa David, ko ha tamasiʻi taʻu 16. “ʻOku mau ngāueʻaongaʻaki ʻa e taimí ke talanoa ai kia Mami mo Teti fekauʻaki mo e meʻa naʻe hoko kia kimautolu he ʻaho ko iá, pea ʻokú na faʻa fai mai ha faleʻi lelei.” “ʻI he ngaahi ʻahó ni ʻoku ʻikai talanoa lahi ai ʻa e kau taʻu hongofulu tupú ki heʻenau mātuʻá,” ko e hoko atu ia ʻa David. “Naʻa mo e taimi ʻoku ʻi ʻapi ai ʻa e kotoa ʻo e fāmilí, ʻoku kai mavahe ʻa e toko taha taki taha mo sio televīsone. ʻOku ʻikai te nau ʻiloʻi ʻa e meʻa ʻoku nau tō mei aí.” Ko Sandra, taʻu 17, ʻokú ne loto-tatau mo ia: “ʻOku ou ongoʻi mamahi ʻi he taimi ʻoku pehē ai ʻe hoku kaungā kalasí, ‘ʻOku ou fifili pe ko e hā nai e meʻa naʻe tuku mai ʻe heʻeku faʻeé ʻi he ʻaisí.’ Kiate au, ko e kai fakafāmilí ʻoku ʻikai ko e ʻai pē ia ke fai ai ha kai. ʻOku ʻomai ai ʻa e taimi kia kimautolu ke mau kata ai, talanoa, pea fakahāhā ai ʻa e feʻofaʻaki.”

ʻOku lava ke hoko ʻa e kai fakafāmilí “ko ha maluʻi mei he ngaahi tenge ʻoku tau fehangahangai kotoa mo ia he ʻaho kotoa pē,” ko e fakapapauʻi mai ia ʻe he The Surprising Power of Family Meals. ʻOku lava ke maʻu ai ha faingamālie ki ho fāmilí ke nau toe vāofi ange ai? Kapau ʻokú ke femoʻuekina, ʻoku maʻu ʻi he kai fakafāmilí ʻa e faingamālie ke kai māmālie ai mo talanoa ki he faʻahinga ʻokú ke ʻofa aí. ʻE tuha moʻoni ʻa e feinga ko iá.

[Puha/Fakatātā ʻi he peesi 21]

LOLOTONGA ʻO HA KAI FAKAFĀMILI ʻE LAVA KE KE AKO KE . . .

Fetalanoaʻaki. ʻOku lava ke ako ʻa e fānaú ke talanoa mo fanongo anga-fakaʻapaʻapa. Ko e fetalanoaʻakí ʻoku fakalahi ai ʻa e lea ʻoku nau ʻiló pea akoʻi ai kinautolu ki he founga ke nau tōʻongaʻakí.

Kai ʻa e meʻakai fakatupu moʻui lelei ʻi he taimi kotoa pē.

Ngāue fakatimi. ʻOku lava ke ngāue fāitaha ʻa e fānaú ʻaki hono seti mo fakaʻataʻatā ʻa e tēpilé, fakamaʻa ʻi he hili iá, pe ngāue maʻá e niʻihi kehé. ʻI heʻenau tupu ʻo lalahí, ʻe lava ke nau toe tokoni ki hono teuteu ʻo e meʻakaí.

Fakahāhā ʻa e ʻulungaanga lelei. Ako ke nima-homo ʻaki hono vahevahe ʻo e meʻakaí pea ʻoua ʻe vilitaki ke maʻu ʻa e meʻa lelei tahá. Toe ako foki ke tokanga ki he ngaahi fiemaʻu ʻa e ngaahi mēmipa kehe ʻo e fāmilí lolotonga ʻa e kaí.