Abahlobo Abalungileyo—Abahlobo Ababi

IBHINQA eliselula esiza kulibiza ngokuba nguSarah lazityand’ igila lixhelekile. Kwathi kanti indoda elalicinga ukuba ngumhlobo walo, ngumbulali. Labuza, ‘Ukuba umntu ebendimthembile wenze into enje, ndingaphinda ndimthembe njani omnye umntu?’ Umntu owayephulaphule njengoko uSarah wayezityand’ igila wambuza ukuba ubeyazi na imilinganiselo yokuziphatha yale ndoda. Wabuza, “Utheth’ ukuthini?” USarah wayengazi nokuba igama elithi “imilinganiselo” lithetha ukuthini. Kuthekani ngawe? Ngaba uyayazi imilinganiselo yokuziphatha abaphila ngayo abahlobo bakho?

Impendulo kulo mbuzo inokuthetha ubomi okanye ukufa, njengoko amava kaSarah ebonisa. Omnye umzekeliso weBhayibhile ukubeka ngolu hlobo oku: “Ohamba nezilumko uya kuba sisilumko naye, kodwa osebenzisana neziyatha uya kuhlelwa bububi.” (IMizekeliso 13:20) Kanti, njengoSarah, abantu abaninzi bakhetha abahlobo kuba nje “omnye ekholwa ngomnye” ngenxa yendlela abavakalelwa ngayo xa bekunye. Ngokuqhelekileyo, siyathanda ukuba phakathi kwabantu abasenza sonwabe. Kodwa ukuba eso kuphela kwesizathu sokukhetha abahlobo, singacingi nto kwaphela ngeempawu zomntu zangaphakathi, sisenokuphoxeka. Unokwazi njani enoba umntu uphila ngemilinganiselo efanelekileyo kusini na?

Imfuneko Yemilinganiselo Ephakamileyo Yokuziphatha

Okokuqala, nathi simele sibe nemilinganiselo efanelekileyo yokuziphatha. Simele siyazi into elungileyo nephosakeleyo, entle nembi size ngalo lonke ixesha sibambelele ngokuqinileyo kwimilinganiselo yokuziphatha ephakamileyo. Omnye umzekeliso weBhayibhile uthi: “Intsimbi, ilolwa ngentsimbi. Ngoko umntu ulola ubuso bomnye.” (IMizekeliso 27:17) Xa abantu ababini bephila ngemilinganiselo efana nentsimbi ngokomelela, banokuncedana bakhule yaye ubuhlobo babo buya kuqina ngakumbi.

UPacôme, waseFransi, uthi, “Mna, umntu endimgqala njengomhlobo wokwenene, ngumntu ondiphulaphulayo xa ndithetha, othetha nam ngesimilo kodwa okwaziyo ukundikhalimela xa ndisenza izinto zobuyatha.” Ewe, abona bahlobo bethu basenyongweni—enoba baselula okanye badala—ngabo basincedayo ukuze siqhubeke sisenza izinto ezifanelekileyo nabasilungisayo xa siza kwenza izinto zobudenge. IBhayibhile ithi: “Amanxeba omhlobo athembekile.” (IMizekeliso 27:6, ngokweKing James Version) Ukuze sibe nemilinganiselo emihle yokuziphatha size sikhule ngokomoya, kufuneka sinxulumane nabantu abathanda uThixo nemilinganiselo yakhe. UCéline waseFransi, uthi: “Kwathi kwakungabikho mntu wumbi esikolweni onemilinganiselo neenkolelo zobuKristu ezifana nezam ndakubona ukubaluleka kokuba nabahlobo bokwenene kwibandla lamaKristu. Baye bandinceda kakhulu ukuze ndikwazi ukwenza izinto ngendlela elungeleleneyo.”

Bajongisise Kakuhle Abo Ufuna Babe Ngabahlobo Bakho

Ukuba unomdla wokuba ngumhlobo womntu othile osandul’ ukudibana naye, kusenokufuneka uzibuze, ‘Ngoobani abahlobo bakhe?’ Uhlobo lwabantu umntu anxulumana nalo ngokusondeleyo luthetha lukhulu ngaye. Abantu abaqolileyo nabahlonelwayo ekuhlaleni bamgqala njani? Ukongezelela, kubalulekile ukuqwalasela kungekuphela nje indlela abo sifuna babe ngabahlobo bethu abasiphatha ngayo kodwa kufuneka siqwalasele nendlela ababaphatha ngayo abanye abantu abo kungekho nzuzo bayijongileyo kubo. Ngaphandle kokuba umntu ubonakalisa iimpawu ezintle—ezifana nokunyaniseka, ukuthembeka, umonde novelwano—maxa onke, kubo bonke abantu, sisiphi isiqinisekiso onaso sokuba wena uya kusoloko ekuphatha kakuhle?

Ukuze umazi kakuhle umntu, kufuneka ube nomonde nobuchule yaye oko kuthabatha ixesha. IBhayibhile ithi: “Icebo entliziyweni yomntu linjengamanzi anzulu, kodwa umntu wokuqonda ulitsala linyuke.” (IMizekeliso 20:5) Abo sifuna babe ngabahlobo bethu kufuneka sithethe nabo ngemibandela enzulu—leyo ityhila ubuntu babo, iintshukumisa ewe nemilinganiselo abaphila ngayo. Baluhlobo luni lwabantu? Ngaba banobubele okanye abanamdla ebantwini? Ngaba basoloko benesimo sengqondo esingqalileyo yaye bechwayitile okanye ngaba basoloko begxeka yaye behlab’ amadlala? Ngaba abazingci okanye ngaba bafuna kungenelwe bona kuphela ngalo lonke ixesha? Ngaba bathembekile okanye abanyanisekanga? Ukuba umntu uthetha kakubi ngabanye abantu kuwe, yintoni eya kumthintela ukuba angathethi kakubi ngawe xa ungekho? UYesu wathi: “Umlomo uthetha ngokuphuphuma kwentliziyo.” (Mateyu 12:34) Ngoko xa umntu ethetha sifanele siphulaphule ngenyameko.

Ezona Zinto Zibalulekileyo Nifanele Nifane Ngazo

Abanye bacinga ukuba bona nabahlobo babo bafanele bathande izinto ezifanayo. Enye inkwenkwana yathi, “Andisoze ndibe ngumhlobo womntu ongayithandiyo icheesecake.” Liyinyaniso elokuba abahlobo bafanele babe nezinto ezithile abafana ngazo ukuze bakwazi ukuqondana yaye kuba bhetele xa benemilinganiselo yokomoya neyokuziphatha efanayo. Kodwa akuyomfuneko ukuba babe neempawu zobuntu ezifana ncam yaye babe ngabantu abakhule ngendlela efanayo. Eneneni, ukuba namava awahlukileyo ebomini kunokuba yingenelo kubo bobabini abahlobo.

Imizekelo emibini emihle yobuhlobo ekuthethwa ngayo eBhayibhileni—okaYonatan noDavide nokaRute noNahomi—yayisekelwe ekuzinikeleni kwabo bonke kuThixo nakwimigaqo yakhe.a Kuyacaca ukuba, kuyo yomibini le mizekelo ubuhlobo abuzange buthintelwe kukungalingani ngeminyaka okanye kukungakhuli ngendlela efanayo. Ngoko sifunda enye into kule mizekelo: Abaselula nabadala banokunikela inkxaso enkulu kubantu abangabahlobo babo.

Iingenelo Zokungalingani Ngeminyaka

Ukuba nabahlobo abadala okanye abancinane kunathi kunokuba yingenelo. Khawuphulaphule la mava obuqu abaliswa ngabaselula.

UManuela (waseItali) uthi: “Ngaphambilana, ndakha ubuhlobo nesibini esikhulileyo. Ndazityand’ igila kuso yaye into endivuyisayo kukuba naso saphalaz’ imbilini yaso kum. Asizange sindijongele phantsi kuba nje ndiselula. Oku kwabangela ukuba ndisondele ngakumbi kuso. Ukuba ngabahlobo naso kundinceda kakhulu xa ndineengxaki. Ndifumanisa ukuba xa ndithetha ngeengxaki zam nabantu abalingana nam, maxa wambi amanye amantombazana angabahlobo bam andinika icebiso elingacingisiswanga kakuhle. Kodwa abahlobo bam abakhulileyo banamava nokuqonda yaye balungelelene ukusa kumlinganiselo othile, nto ezo thina bantu baselula singekabi nazo. Bayandinceda ndikwazi ukwenza izigqibo ezifanelekileyo.”

UZuleica (waseItali) uthi: “Kwiimbutho zokuzonwabisa esiba nazo simema ulutsha kunye nabantu abakhulileyo kunathi. Into endiye ndayiphawula kukuba xa abantu abatsha nabadala bendawonye, ithi iphela loo mbutho yangokuhlwa sibe sonke sikhuthazekile. Kuba mnandi kuba wonk’ umntu ubona izinto ngokwahlukileyo.”

Nani bantu bakhulileyo ningabonakalisa umdla kulutsha. Ngokusuka kula mava angasentla, ulutsha oluninzi luyawaxabisa amava enu yaye luyakuthanda ukuba phakathi kwenu. UAmelia ongumhlolokazi okwiminyaka yama-80, uthi: “Mna ngokwam ndiye ndiqhagamshelane nabaselula. Amandla abanawo ayandihlaziya!” Imiphumo emihle yoko kukhuthazana inokuba luncedo kakhulu. Abantu abaninzi abonwabileyo bathi baye baphumelela ngenxa yabahlobo ababenabo ekukhuleni kwabo ababebadadlana kunabo nababeyimizekelo emihle kubo bebanika amacebiso awakhayo.

Ukuqinisa Amaqhina Obuhlobo

Ukuze ube nabahlobo abafanelekileyo, akuyomfuneko ukuba uqale abantu abatsha. Ukuba sele bekho abantu obaqhelileyo abaneempawu ezintle, kutheni ungacingi ngeendlela zokuqinisa amaqhina obuhlobo kunye nabo? Abahlobo ekudala sinabo baxabiseke kakhulu yaye sifanele sibahlonele. Ungaze ugqale ukunyaniseka kwabo njengento engenamsebenzi.

Ngapha koko, khumbula ukuba ulonwabo lokwenene—nobuhlobo bokwenene—lufumaneka ekuzinikeleni kwakho, unikele ngexesha lakho nobuncwane bakho. Imiphumo yoko ibangela ungazisoli ngemigudu yakho nokuzincama kwakho. Noko ke, ukuba xa ukhetha abahlobo ucinga ngesiqu sakho kuphela soze uphumelele. Ngoko xa ucinga ngokwakha ubuhlobo, musa ukujonga kuphela kubantu onoxabiso ngabo nabo unokufumana okuthile kubo. Khangela kwabo bangahoyekanga okanye kwabo nabo bakufumanisa kunzima ukwakha ubuhlobo. UGaëlle waseFransi, uthi: “Xa simema abantu siza kwenza okuthile kuze kubekho abantu abaselula esibaziyo ukuba bangamalolo, siyabamema nabo. Sithi: ‘Akunakuhlala wedwa kokwenu. Yiza kwimbutho yethu. Masifumane ithuba lokwazana.’”—Luka 14:12-14.

Kwelinye icala, xa abantu abafanelekileyo befuna ukuba ngabahlobo bakho, musa ukukhawuleza ubagatye. UElisa waseItali, uthi: “Mhlawumbi usenokuqumba xa uvakalelwa kukuba ngaphambili wawungahoywanga. Usenokucinga ngale ndlela, ‘Ubuhlobo abunto ibalulekileyo kum.’ Usenokuzikhetha ube ngunkom’ idla yodwa uze ucinge ngesiqu sakho. Kunokuba uzifunele abahlobo, wakha umqobo.” Endaweni yokuba uvumele uloyiko lwento ongaqinisekanga ngayo okanye ukuzingca kukubangele uphephe ukwakha ubuhlobo nabanye, khululeka xa uphakathi kwabanye abantu. Sinesizathu sokuba nombulelo ongazenzisiyo xa abantu benomdla wokusenza abahlobo babo.

Unokuba Nabo Abahlobo Bokwenene

Ukuze ube nabahlobo bokwenene akufunekanga uphelele nje ekunqweneleni, ekulindeni okanye ekufundeni amanqaku afana neli. Ukuzama ukwakha ubuhlobo kufana nokufunda ukukhwela ibhayisikile. Ubuchule bokwenza ezi zinto asinakubufunda ezincwadini kuphela. Kufuneka siziqhelise kwanokuba siza kumana sisiwa maxa wambi. IBhayibhile ibonisa ukuba ulwalamano oluluqilima lufumaneka xa bobabini abantu benolwalamano oluqinileyo noThixo. Kodwa uThixo akanakuyisikelela imigudu yethu yokwakha ubuhlobo xa singenzi mgudu. Ngaba uzimisele ukuba nabahlobo bokwenene? Unganikezeli! Thandazela uncedo lukaThixo, thabatha amanyathelo athile afanelekileyo uze ube ngumhlobo.

[Umbhalo osemazantsi]

[Ibhokisi/Umfanekiso okwiphepha 27]

Icebiso Kubazali

Njengayo nantoni na enye into umntu amele ayifunde, ukufunda ngobuhlobo kuqala ekhaya. Ikhaya yeyona ndawo ifanelekileyo yokwanelisa intswelo yomntwana oselula yokufuna ubuhlobo. Sekunjalo, ingqondo, iimvakalelo nokuziphatha komntwana kunokuphenjelelwa ngokunzulu ngabanye abantu adibana nabo abangengomalungu entsapho. Ngokomzekelo, cinga nje ngendlela abantwana abaninzi abaselula abafudukela kwamanye amazwe abalufunda ngokukhawuleza ngayo ulwimi olutsha ngokudlala nje nabanye abantwana.

Njengabazali ninamathuba amahle okunceda abantwana benu bakhethe abahlobo ngobulumko. Abantwana abaselula kunye nabo bakwishumi elivisayo abanabulumko baneleyo bokuzikhethela abahlobo abafanelekileyo ngaphandle koncedo lwabazali. Noko ke, kukho ingxaki. Ulutsha oluninzi luziva lusondele koontanga balo kunakubazali okanye kwabanye abantu abakhulileyo.

Ezinye iingcali zikholelwa ukuba enye into eyenza ulutsha lufune ulwalathiso kubahlobo kunakubazali kukuba abazali abaninzi abazithembi ngegunya abanalo. Abazali bamele bathwale imbopheleleko yabo abayinikwe nguThixo yokunikela ulwalathiso kubantwana babo baze basoloko benomdla koko kwenziwa ngabantwana babo. (Efese 6:1-4) Banokukwenza njani oku? Umcebisi ngemibandela yentsapho uGqr. Ron Taffel, udibana nabazali abaninzi abangaqinisekanga ngoko bamele bakwenze ngabantwana babo abakwishumi elivisayo. Uthi abaninzi “babhenela kwiindlela ezininzi zoqeqesho ezikhuthazwa ngamajelo osasazo” kunokuba bazikhulisele abantwana babo. Yintoni ebangela babhenele kwezi ndlela? “Ababazi kakuhle abantwana babo ukusa kwinqanaba lokuba babe nolwalamano oluhle nabo.”

Akuyomfuneko ukuba kube njalo. Abazali bamele baqonde ukuba abantwana baya kubhenela kubahlobo babo xa iintswelo zabo zinganeliswa ekhaya. Ziziphi iintswelo abanazo? UTaffel uthi: “Bafuna into efunwa ngabo bonke abantwana: ukunyanyekelwa, ukuxatyiswa, unqabiseko, imithetho ecacileyo yoko kulindeleke ukuba bakwenze nokuziva beyinxalenye yentsapho. Intlungu kukuba le ntswelo ayaneliswa ngabantu abadala kuninzi lwabakwishumi elivisayo yaye aba bakwishumi elivisayo ‘abakhululeki’ xa bekunye neentsapho zabo.”

Unokubanceda njani abantwana bakho ukuba bazenzele abahlobo? Inyathelo lokuqala kukujonga indlela wena ophila ngayo kunye nabahlobo bakho. Ngaba usukelo lwakho nabahlobo bakho nendlela eniphila ngayo ibonisa ukungazingci? Ngaba usukelo lwenu lolokomoya yaye aninatyekelo lokuthanda izinto eziphathekayo? UDouglas umdala ongumKristu onabantwana uthi: “Eyona nto ibalulekileyo zizenzo ngaphezu koko ukuthethayo yaye ngokuqinisekileyo abantwana bakho baya kusibona isimo sengqondo nezenzo zakho, esabahlobo bakho nabantwana babo.”

Kwanezilwanyana ezininzi zidla ngokuwakhusela amathole azo ngethuku lemvelo yaye ziba neengcwangu xa zibona ezinye izilwanyana eziyingozi. Esinye isazi ngokuphathelele iibhere sithi: “Iimazi zeebhere zidume ngokukhusela amathole azo kuyo nantoni na eziyigqala njengengozi kuwo.” Kubekela phi ke ngabazali abangabantu? URuben waseItali uthi: “Abazali bam babeqiqa nam ngeZibhalo. Bandinceda ndayiqonda into yokuba kubhetele ukukuphepha ukunxulumana nohlobo oluthile lwabantu. Intsabelo yam kuqala yayile: ‘Khawuve! Soze ndibe nabahlobo!’ Kodwa njengoko ixesha lihamba ndiye ndaphawula ukuba babenyanisile yaye ngenxa yomonde wabo, ndiye ndasinda.”

Kwakhona, dibanisa abantwana bakho nabantu abayimizekelo emihle abaya kubanceda bazibekele usukelo oluhle ebomini. Omnye umfana oselula ogama linguFrancis nophumelelayo ebomini uthi: “Umama waphawula ukuba siyakuthanda ukuzikhetha ngoko wasinceda ngokumema abahlobo ababekhuthele kubulungiseleli bobuKristu bexesha elizeleyo. Ngaloo ndlela satsho sabazi kakuhle sakha ubuhlobo kunye nabo, sisekhaya.” Xa usenza imigudu enjengale, ikhaya linokuba yindawo entle abantwana bakho abanokwakha kuyo ubuhlobo bokwenene.

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 25]

Yijongisise kakuhle indlela abaziphatha ngayo abo ufuna babe ngabahlobo bakho

[Umfanekiso okwiphepha 26]

Ubuhlobo bokungazingci buyaphumelela enoba abantu abalingani ngeminyaka okanye bakhule ngeendlela ezahlukileyo