Kalankhulidwe Komwe Sikatonthoza Nthaŵi Zonse

NGATI INU munamvapo ndi kale lonse chisoni chozama, kodi panthaŵi zina mwadzimva kukhala wopwetekedwa ndi zokambapo zopangidwa ndi ena? Pamene kuli kwakuti anthu ambiri amawonekera kukhala akudziŵa chomwe ayenera kunena popereka chitonthozo, anthu oferedwa ambiri amakumbukira ndemanga zomwe sizinathandize. Ursula Mommsen-Henneberger, akulemba mu Kieler Nachrichten ya chiGerman, analongosola kuti makolo ena “amapwetekedwa mwakuya pamene akunja anena kuti: ‘Koma inu muli ndi ana enabe, kodi sitero?’” Iye akuyankha kuti: “Enawo angakhale otonthoza koma sangakhale oloŵa m’malo.”

M’phungu wa kuferedwa Kathleen Capitulo anauza Galamukani! kuti: “Kalankhulidwe kena komwe kafunikira kupewedwa kali, ‘Ndikudziŵa momwe mukudzimverera.’ Chowonadi cha nkhaniyo chiri chakuti palibe ndi mmodzi yense yemwe amadziŵadi chomwe munthu wina akupitamo. Komabe, mungatsimikizire momwe akudzimverera. Inu mungawatsimikizire iwo kuti kudzimva kwawo kuli kwachibadwa.”

Abe Malawski, monga momwe zasimbidwira m’bukhu lakuti Recovering From the Loss of a Child, “amadzimva mwakuya kuti chimatenga winawake yemwe wataikiridwa mwana kudziŵa chomwe kutaikiridwa mwana kuli.” Iye akulongosola kuti: “Mungakhale ndi ana khumi ndi asanu, ndipo sichidzapanga kusiyana kulikonse. Simungakhoze kubwezeretsa mwana.”

M’nkhani ya kupita padera kapena kubala mwana wakufa kale, malankhulidwe ena, ngakhale kuti angakhale owona, omwe samangirira ali: “Inu mudzakhalanso ndi pakati mwamsanga kachiŵirinso ndi kuiwala zonse ponena za ichi.” “Chiri chabwino mwanjirayi. Popeza khanda likadakhala lolemala.” “Liri dalitso lobisika.” M’nyengo yoipa ya kutaikiridwa, katchulidwe ka mawuka, mosasamala kanthu ndi cholinga chabwino chomwe iko kangakhale nako, sikangakhoze kuchepetsako kuvutikako.

Nsonga zosakondweretsa zoperekedwa ndi atsogoleri ena a chipembedzo ziri chokalipitsa china kwa oferedwa. Kunena kuti ‘Mulungu anafuna mngelo wina’ kumaika Mulungu kukhala woipa ndi wadyera ndipo kumafikira pa kuchitira mwano. Ndiponso, iko kulibe chirikizo m’nkhani zenizeni kapena m’Baibulo.

Kodi Mkristu ayenera Kulira?

Bwanji ponena za Akristu omwe angataikiridwe mwana mu imfa? Nthaŵi zina ena amagwira mawu a mtumwi Paulo kwa Atesalonika: “Simufunikira kumva chisoni monga anthu otsala, omwe alibe chiyembekezo.” (1 Atesalonika 4:13, New English Bible) Kodi Paulo analetsa kumva chisoni ndi kulira? Ayi, iye anangonena kuti Mkristu yemwe ali ndi chiyembekezo samamva chisoni m’njira yofanana ndi awo omwe alibe chiyembekezo.—Yohane 5:28, 29.

Kuchitira chitsanzo nsongayi, kodi Yesu anayankha motani pamene Mariya anamuuza iye kuti Lazaro wafa? Cholembedwa chimatiuza kuti: “Pamenepo Yesu, pakumuwona [Mariya] alikulira, ndi Ayuda akumperekeza iye alikulira, anadzuma mumzimu, navutika mwini.” Kenaka, pamene iye anatengedwa kumene kunali gone munthu wakufayo, “Yesu analira.” Chotero kodi chiri cholakwika kumva chisoni? Kodi chimasonyeza kusoweka kwa chikhulupiriro m’malonjezo a Mulungu a kuukitsidwa? Ayi, m’malo mwake chimasonyeza chikondi chozama kaamba ka munthu wakufayo.—Yohane 11:30-35; yerekezani ndi Yohane 20:11-18.

Kafikiridwe kena komwe kangakhale kosokoneza kali kaja kotonthoza komwe kamatsimikizira woferedwa mwakuti, ‘Nthaŵi iri chochiritsa chachikulu.’ Ndiponso, pewani funso lakuti, “Kodi mwaiwalako kale ponena za icho?” Monga mmene mayi wina wa chiBritish ananenera kuti: “Awo omwe amafunsa kuti, ‘Kodi mwaiwalako kale?’ samamvetsetsa kwenikweni chimene icho chiri kutaikiridwa winawake monga mwana wapamtima. Sitingaiwaleko chimenecho kufikira titamulandiranso iye mu chiukiriro.” Mwinamwake kalongosoledwe ka Shakespeare kali kolondola: “Aliyense angazoloŵerane ndi kumva chisoni koma makamaka iye amene ali nacho.”

Nthaŵi zina atate amakhala nkhole wa mkhalidwe wopanda malingaliro. Atate wina woferedwa anakwiitsidwa pamene anthu anafunsa kuti: “Kodi mkazi wako akuchita motani?” Iye analongosola kuti: “Iwo sanakhoze nkomwe kufunsa mmene mwamuna aliri. . . . Chiri cholakwika, chosalondola. Mwamuna amamva monga mmene mkazi amachitira. Amamva chisoni, nayenso.”

‘Kukhala Wolimba Mtima’?

Mu miyambo yambiri lingaliro limaphunzitsidwa kuti makamaka amuna safunikira kuwonetsa malingaliro awo ndi kumva chisoni koma afunikira ‘kukhala olimba mtima.’ Mkonzi wa Chingelezi wa m’zaka za zana la 18 Oliver Goldsmith analankhula ponena za “chinsinsi cha kumva chisoni kwa amuna.” Koma kodi kumva chisoni kwa amuna kwa chinsinsiko kuli moyenerera njira yabwino ya kuthetsera kumva chisoni kwa wina?

Mu bukhu lake lakuti The Bereaved Parent, Harriet Sarnoff Schiff akulongosola nkhani yonena za mwamuna wake: “Iye anali mwamuna, atate, yemwe ankapenyerera mwana wake akuikidwa m’manda ndipo kulingana ndi malankhulidwe iye anafunsidwa ndi anthu kuti ‘akhale wolimba mtima.’” Iye akuwonjezera kuti: “Iye analipira mokulira chifukwa cha kusungilira kulimba mtima. Pamene nthaŵi inapita, m’malo mwa kuchoka pa mkhalidwe wake wa kumva chisoni, iye analowerera mozama kwambiri m’kumva chisoni.”

Atateyo analongosola kudzimva kwake, ndipo mwinamwake ena angakhoze kudzizindikira ndi iye. “Ndimadzimva monga ngati ndikuyenda modutsa madzi owumbana a Arctic. Ndiri wotopa kwambiri. Ndimadziŵa kuti nditangopita pa kama kuti ndikapume ndidzagona. Ndimadziŵa kuti nditagona ndidzafa. Ine sindimangosamala. Sindingakhoze kuchita ndi kutopa kwanga mpang’ono pomwe.”

Chotero, kodi ndi malangizo otani a Harriet Schiff? “Kungoiwalako ponena za langizo lija lakale labwino la Anglo-Saxon la kusakhala wokhudzidwa ndipo kenaka kungolira. Lolani misozi ichoke. . . . Iyo imathandizira kuchotsa kumva chisoni.” Olemba a Surviving Pregnancy Loss amapereka uphungu womwe umagwira ntchito ponse paŵiri kwa akazi ndi amuna: “Kukhala wosakhudzidwa kungakhale kokhumbidwa kwakukulukulu ndi ena, koma kokha mwakuchita ndi chisoni ndi pamene wina potsirizira pake angakhale womasuka ku icho.” (Kanyenye ngwathu.) Ngati sitero, ngozi imakhalapo ya kugwera mu chimene chimatchedwa “kumva chisoni kosakwanira,” komwe kungakhale ndi zotulukapo zodzetsa ngozi kwa zaka zirinkudza.

Kumva chisoni kosakwanira kuli kumva chisoni kosatha, pamene munthu asungirira dongosolo la kulira m’malo mwa kuilola iyo kutuluka kumlingo wolandiridwa wa kusiyanitsa. Icho chingadziwonetsere icho cheni m’chifupifupi njira zitatu—monga kudidikizidwa, kuchedwetsedwa, ndi kulira kosatha. Kodi nchiyani chomwe chingachitidwe kuti chithandize?

Uphungu wakuya ungakhale wofunika. Dokotala wochirikiza wa banja kapena m’phungu wauzimu angakhale yankho. Ziwalo za banja zowonerera zingathandizenso. Munthu afunikira chithandizo kuti apitirizebe kuyenda m’dongosolo la kumva chisoni.

Chotero, Jess Romero akuvomereza kuti iye analira mowonekera pa kutaikiridwa kwa mwana wake wamkazi ndi mkazi wake mu kugwa kwa ndege. Iye anauza Galamukani!: “Pambuyo pa milungu ingapo alongo anga ananditenga ine kuchoka m’chipatala kupita kunyumba, ndipo pamene ndinalowa ndinawona chithunzithunzi cha mwana wanga wamkazi pa khoma. Mlamu wanga wa mwamuna anawona kuti ndinayambukiridwa ndi icho ndipo anati ‘Tangopitiriza ndi kulira.’ Chotero ndinatero. Ndinakhala wokhoza kutula cholemetsa pa inemwini cha kumva chisoni kwinakwake komadza.”

Pamene kuli kwakuti dongosolo la kumva chisoni lingakhoze kuchiritsa kuvulazika kwinakwake, pali kokha yankho losatha limodzi kaamba ka anthu oferedwa ambiri—kuwona okondedwa awo kachiŵirinso. Chotero kodi pali chiyembekezo chirichonse kaamba ka akufa? Kodi padzakhala chiukiriro? Chonde ŵerengani nkhani yotsirizira mumpambowu.