Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Angachitirenji Chotero kwa Ine?

“Ndinadalira pa Gina monga mlongo wanga wamkulu.a Iye ankanditenga ku mafilimu ndi kundithandiza m’ntchito yanga ya kunyumba. Sindinadziŵe kuti iye anali ndi mavuto kufikira usiku wina pamene ananditchulira kuti iye anachotsedwa mu mpingo Wachikritsu. Ndinadabwadi. Sindinathe kuchikhulupirira. Iye sanandiwuze kuti anali ndi mavuto.”—Terry.

“Bill anali mbale wanga wamkulu. Ndinamdalira kwenikweni. Iye anali wokondeka kwambiri—wokongola, woseketsa. Pamene tinkadya monga banja, iye ankatiseketsa kwadzawoneni! Koma Bill kaŵirikaŵiri anali munthu wokwiya kwambiri. Iye anayamba kuseŵera ndi ana olemera a makhalidwe oipa nadziloŵetsa m’makhwalala ogodomalitsa. Zimenezo zinampangitsa iye kuipiraipirabe. Mwamsanga anafikiradi pa kuyamba kumenyana ndi makolo athu. Nthaŵi ina ndinamuwonadi akukankha Amayi! Mlungu wina tinapanga makonzedwe a ulendo wathu wa banja wokacheza kwa nthaŵi yoyamba. Ndinayembekezera chochitikacho mofunitsitsa! Koma kenaka Bill anathaŵa, osatipatsa chizindikiro chirichonse cha kumene anapita. Ndinachita mantha za iye, ndi kuda nkhaŵa. Koma ndinalinso wokwiyitsidwa naye; wokwiya chifukwa Atate anafunikira kuchotsapo ulendo wathuwo, wokwiya chifukwa chakuti Bill nthaŵi zonse ankawononga zinthu.”—Don.

ZIMAPWETEKA pamene mbale wako wamkulu kapena mlongo apanduka, kuthaŵa, kumangidwa, kapena kunyazitsa banja lanu m’njira inayake.

Kaŵirikaŵiri inu mwayang’ana mwachidaliro pa mkulu wanuyo (mbale kapena mlongo) monga chitsanzo. Kumuwona ameneyu akupatuka pa njira yake kungakhale chokumana nacho chokhwethemula. Iko kungafikire pa kukukhalitsani wamantha mwa inu eni. ‘Kodi zimenezi zidzandichitikira?’

Kuipidwa kungakhalenso mkhalidwe wina wamphamvu wovuta kuchita nawo. Inu mumaipidwa ndi mbale wanu wopandukayo chifukwa cha mavuto ndi zowawitsa zomwe akuchititsa pa inu ndi banja lanu. “Amayi ndi Atate anathedwa nzeru,” akukumbukira tero Don. “Iwo anali atangotopa nazo.” Inu mungaipidwe mokulira kuti mbale wanu wopulupudza watenga chisamaliro chonse cha makolo anu—ngati kuti inu simuliponso! Mungafikire pa kufuna kuchitapo kanthu kotero kuti mupatutse chisamaliro cha makolo anu.

Kumbali ina, mungaipidwenso ndi makolo anu pamene iwo ayamba kupereka chilango champhamvu kwa wopandukayo. Mungalingalire kuti: ‘Kodi iwo ayeneradi kumuumira mtima motere?’ Mungatopenso kumva makolo anu akumdzudzula iye. Achichepere ena amayambadi kukhumbira mwamseri, kulingalira ngati nawonso angasangalale ndi moyo wolekerera umene mbale kapena mlongo wawo tsopano akuwoneka kukondwera nawo. Kapena mwinamwake inu mungangochita manyazi kufotokozera anzanu za mkhalidwe wonyazitsawo.

Pamenepa, kodi nchifukwa ninji abale ndi alongo okulirapo amatichititsira manyazi? Ndipo kodi ndimotani mmene mungazichinjirizire kuti zisayambukire moyo wanu mosayenerera?

Chifukwa Chimene Ana Okulirapo Nthaŵi Zina Amalephera

Baibulo limachimveketsa bwino kuti “onse”—ngakhale abale ndi alongo odaliridwa mokulira—“anachimwa, naperewera pa ulemerero wa Mulungu.” (Aroma 3:23) Ndipo makamaka achichepere ali minkhole ya kuchita zolakwa, popeza iwo kaŵirikaŵiri sanaphunzira kulamulira zilakolako ndi zisonkhezero zawo zamaganizo. Chotero Baibulo limati “utsiru umangidwa mu mtima mwa mwana [kapena, wachichepere].” (Miyambo 22:15) Chotero malinga ngati kulephera kwawo mosakaikira kumakukwiyitsani, mwinamwake palibe chifukwa chimene inu mungalingalirire kuti kulakwa kwa mbale wanu kunali m’njira iriyonse kolunjikitsidwa kwa inu mwaumwini, ndiponso palibe chifukwa chirichonse chimene inu muyenera kukhalira wamanyazi mosayenera, ngati kuti ndinu munapanga cholakwacho.

Chirinso chotheka kuti kulephera kwinakwake kunalipo ku mbali ya makolo anu m’kulera mbale kapena mlongo wanuyo. Mwinamwake iwo anali olekerera mopambanitsa ndipo analephera kumlanga iye moyenerera. (Miyambo 13:24; 29:15, 17) Ndiponso, mwinamwake iwo analephera m’njira inayake kukhazikitsa chitsanzo chabwino. Ngakhale ziri tero, simudzaphulapo kanthu mwa kuyamba kukangana ndi makolo anu, kuyesera kuwaimba mlandu kaamba ka mavuto a mbale wanu.

Mothekeradi, kulephera kokulira sikumakhala ku mbali ya makolo anu popereka chiphunzitso, koma kumakhala ku mbali ya mbale kapena mlongo wanu kuchitapo kanthu ku chiphunzitso chamakolocho.

Mmene Makolo Amadzimverera

Ichi chingakuthandizeni kumvetsetsa chifukwa chimene kupulupudza kwa mbale wanu kuliri kovutitsa kwenikweni kwa makolo anu. Iwo anathera nthaŵi yochuluka, kuyesayesa kwamphamvu, ndi kuvutitsa maganizo polera mbale kapena mlongo wanu. Powona iyeyo akuchita cholakwa, iwo sangalephere kukhala ndi zikaikiro ndi kudzimva olakwa ponena za njira imene anamlerera iye.

Chotero, nchosadabwitsa kuti pamene vutolo lifika pachimake, makolo anu angawoneke ngati akunyalanyazani. Bukhu lakuti How to Survive Your Child’s Rebellious Teens, lolembedwa ndi Myron Brenton, likulongosola kuti: “Mwana wopulupuza amatenga nthaŵi yaikulu kwambiri ya makolo ndipo amawawonongera mphamvu ya malingaliro yokulira n’chakuti ana ena amanyalanyazidwa. ‘Ndinachititsidwa khungu mokulira, kulunjikitsa chisamaliro chenicheni pa mwana wamkazi wamkulu kotero kuti ndinaiwala kuti ndinali ndi mwana wina wamkazi kapena mwamuna wanga,’ ndi mmene mayi wina wa mwana womwerekera m’mankhwala ogodomalitsa anasimbira.”

Mosapita m’mbali, sikwabwino ngati makolo amachita mwanjira imeneyi. Koma kodi nzodabwitsa? Baibulo limatiuza kuti Mfumu Davide anavutitsidwa maganizo mokulira pa kupanduka ndi imfa yotulukapo ya mwana wake Abisalomu kotero kuti kwakanthaŵi iye anatekeseka ndipo sankachita chirichonse koma kungolira: “Mwana wanga Abisalomu, Abisalomu, mwana wanga, mwana wanga!” (2 Samueli 19:4-6) Khalani ndi chidaliro kuti pamene zinthu zikuwongokera—ndipo zidzaterodi m’kupita kwanthaŵi—makolo anu mwapang’onopang’ono adzakhazikikanso ndi kukhala okhoza kusamalira zosoŵa zanu bwinopo.

‘Kodi Nanenso Ndidzachita Chinthu Chofananacho?’

Funso limeneli limakhudza achichepere ambiri mokulira, makamaka ngati ali ofunitsitsa kudziŵa ponena za “ufulu” umene mbale kapena mlongo wawo ali nawo.

Choyambirira, kumbukirani kuti pamene kuli kwakuti mungayang’ane mwachidaliro kwa mbale wanu wokulirapo, mulinso ndi thayo pamaso pa Mulungu la kuchita chabwino. “Kwa iye amene adziŵa kuchita bwino, ndiponso sachita, kwa iye kuli chimo,” akutero Yakobo 4:17. (Yerekezani ndi Agalatiya 6:5.) Kusirira wowoneka kukhala ufulu umene mbale kapena mlongo ali nawo kuli kupusa kwenikweni. Wamasalmo Asafu anali ndi chisiriro choterocho kwa kanthaŵi. Koma pambuyo posanthula mosamalitsa zotulukapo za ochimwa opanduka, iye anamaliza kuti oterowo anali “poterera”—pafupi kwenikweni ndi ngozi! (Salmo 73:18) Simufunikira kuyesera kuchita cholakwa mwaumwini kuti mudziŵe kuti icho chimangotsogolera ku kusweka mtima.—Agalatiya 6:7, 8.

Kumbukiraninso, kuti zimene mbale wanu kapena mlongo wokulirapo akuzichita sizimalosera m’njira iriyonse zomwe inuyo mudzachita. Monga mmene Terry (wogwidwa mawu poyambapo) akuziikira kuti: “Sindidzachita zomwe mlongo wanga anachita. Sindiri ngati iye. Ndife anthu osiyana.”

Mwachitsanzo, lingalirani nkhani ya Baibulo yonena za Yosefe. Palibe ndi mmodzi yemwe wa abale khumi a Yosefe amene anapereka chitsanzo chabwino kwa Yosefe chochitsanzira. Komabe Yosefe sanalole chitsanzo chawo choipa kumsonkhezera iye. Iye anasonyeza kudzipereka ku malamulo a makhalidwe abwino olungama ndipo anadzakhala “wokhala padera ndi abale ake” kulandira mwaŵi wokulira ndi madalitso ambiri.—Deuteronomo 33:16; Genesis 49:26.

Nanunso mofananamo mungayesetse “[ku]khala chitsanzo kwa iwo okhulupira, m’mayendedwe, m’chikondi, m’chikhulupiriro, m’kuyera mtima,” mosasamala kanthu za njira yomwe mbale kapena mlongo wanu waitenga. (1 Timoteo 4:12) Zoyesayesa zanu zokhulupirika zingasonkhezeredi mbale kapena mlongo wanu wamkuluyo kuwongola moyo wake.

Phunzirani Mwa Zophophonya Zawo

Yesani kupeza mapindu mu mkhalidwe wovuta umenewo. Mwachitsanzo, kodi mbale kapena mlongo wanuyo, anakafunafuna “mayanjano oipa”—achichepere ogwiritsira ntchito chilankhulo choipa, mankhwala ogodomalitsa, kugwiritsira ntchito molakwa zakumwa zoledzeretsa, kapena kudziloŵetsa m’machitidwe a chisembwere? (1 Akorinto 15:33) Mwinamwake mufunikira kutenga kapenyedwe kosamalitsa pa omwe muyanjana nawo.

Ganiziraninso, ponena za njira imene mkulu wanuyo amachitira ku uphungu wa makolo anu. Kodi iye anali wotsutsa, wowuma khosi, wopanduka? Ngati ndi tero, kodi inu nthaŵi zina mumayankha mobwezera kwa makolo anu kapena kuzengeleza pamene akupemphani kuchita chinachake? Kodi mungakhale wosamala ponena za ‘kulemekeza atate wanu ndi amanu’?—Aefeso 6:2.

Sikudzakhala kosavuta, koma inu ndi banja lanu mudzachipyola chokumana nacho chomvetsa chisonichi ndipo mwinamwake kukhala ndi zotulukapo zabwino. Pakali pano, musataye konse chidaliro chanu kuti mkulu wanu adzazindikira njira yake yolakwa ndi kutenga masitepi kuti asinthe. (Yerekezani ndi Luka 15:11-24.) Musaiwale konse kuti pamene kuli kwakuti ziŵalo za banja zingakukhumudwitseni, Yehova ‘sadzakusiyani konse, kapena kukutayani.’ (Ahebri 13:5) Chotero kukhulupirika kwa Yehova kuyenera kutenga malo oyamba. Chifuno chanu cha kumkondweretsa iye chidzakusonkhezerani kukhala ndi moyo waudongo ndi woyera—ngakhale pamene mbale kapena mlongo wanu wokondedwa asankha kuchita mosiyana.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 19]

Mbale kapena mlongo wopanduka kaŵiriŵiri amakhala posumika chisamaliro cha makolo. Monga chotulukapo mwana wosalakwa angadzimve wonyalanyazidwa