Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndidzafanana ndi Mbale Wanga?

“UDZAFANANA ndendende ndi mbale wako! Samala, apo ayi udzafanana naye ndendende!”

Ngati muli ndi mchimwene kapena mchemwali amene anasokera—amene mwinamwake anathamangitsidwa panyumba ya makolo anu, anaponyedwa m’ndende, kapena anachotsedwa mumpingo Wachikristu—mungakhale mutazoloŵera kumva mawu ovulazawa. Makolo, aphunzitsi, achibale okhala ndi zolinga zabwino, ndipo ngakhale ena a amsinkhu wanu angawabwerezebwereze panthaŵi ndi nthaŵi. Nthaŵi zina mungakhale ndi lingaliro lakuti mabwenzi ena akukupeŵani.

Ndithudi, kukhala ndi abale anu olondola njira yosokera kungakhale chokumana nacho chopweteka mwa iko kokha. Msungwana wotchedwa Carol, yemwe mchimwene wake anachotsedwa (kuthamangitsidwa) mumpingo Wachikristu, akukumbukira kuti: “Ndinali woyandikana ndi mchimwene wanga koposa wina aliyense. Pamene analeka kukhala Mkristu, zinandiyambukira mwamphamvu.”a Becky, amene anali wazaka 15 zakubadwa pamene mchemwali wake anachotsedwa, mofananamo akukumbukira kuti: “Ndingakumbukirebe tsiku limene anandiuza kuti anali kuchotsedwa. Zinandipweteka kwambiri ndipo ndinavutika kwambiri. Ndinalingalira kukhala woperekedwa. Kodi ndimotani mmene akanatichitira chinthu chimenechi?”

Nkopwetekanso kutaikiridwa ndi kulankhulirana kosadodometsedwa kumene munthuwe unasangalala nako ndi mbale wako. Becky akudandaula kuti: “Tinali oyandikana kwambiri. Ndinataikiridwa ndi kukhoza kulankhula naye ndi kuchita naye zinthu.” Wonjezerani pa kutaikiridwako kugwiritsidwa mwala kwa kuwona kulephera kwa munthu yemwe unkamuwona kukhala chitsanzo. Wachichepere wina wotchedwa Marvin akuti ponena za mchimwene wake: “Tinayang’ana kwa iye. Koma tsopano tinamusoweratu.”

Komabe, mbali yopweteka koposa zonse, angakhale mantha osalekeza akuti nanunso potsirizira pake mungafanane naye.

Kodi Mudzatsatira Mtsogoleri?

M’kufufuza kwina, 64.9 peresenti ya achichepere anavomereza kukhala atasonkhezeredwa mwamphamvu ndi mkulu wawo. Msungwana wina anati: “Mchimwene wanga . . . anali ndi chisonkhezero champhamvu pa moyo wanga. Iye nthaŵi zonse anasonyeza chikondwerero chapadera mwa ine. Ankapita nane kumalo osiyanasiyana ndi mabwenzi ake, anandiphunzitsa kulemba, kumanga lamba nsapato zanga, ndipo nthaŵi zonse anali wopezeka ngati ndinali ndi vuto laling’onong’ono.”—Adolescents and Youth, lolembedwa ndi Dorothy Rogers.

Chotero pamene mbale wanu wolemekezedwa apanduka mwadzidzidzi, “azaka 13-19 ali achiwonekere kuloŵa m’mavuto,” malinga ndi wolembayo Joy P. Gage. Mkaziyo akusimba chochitika cha msungwana wina dzina lake Linda yemwe analemekeza mchimwene wake. Pamene iye mwadzidzidzi anasiya mkazi wake, chitsanzo chamtengo wapatali cha Linda “chinazimiririka.” Joy Gage akuti: “Mchimwene ameneyu amene iye anamva kukhala wokakamizika kutsanzira sanali woyenereranso kutsanziridwa.” Monga chotulukapo, “Linda anakwiya. Anakanthidwadi ndi chikaikiro.” Linda anayamba kulaŵa zoledzeretsa.—When Parents Cry.

Kuchita mopambanitsa kotero sikwachilendo. Kunena zowona, bukhu lakuti How to Survive Your Child’s Rebellious Teens, lolembedwa ndi Myron Brenton, limati “kumlingo waukulu kapena wochepa, ana ena m’banjalo nthaŵi zonse amayambukiridwa ndi kupanduka kwa mbale wawo.” Brenton akufotokoza kuti nthaŵi zina achichepere otsalawo m’banja “amamva kukhala owopsezedwa. Mwamantha amadabwa kuti: ‘Kodi zimenezi zingandichitikire? Kodi ndidzachitadi mwauchitsiru chotero? Kodi ndiri ndi uchitsiru wotero?’”

Sankhani Njira Yosiyana

Komabe, kodi zirizonse za zimenezi, zimatanthauza kuti inu mwaikidwiratu kutsanzira chitsanzo choipa cha mbale wanu? Kutalitali. Mukhoza kudzisankhira njira imene mudzatenga. (Yerekezerani ndi Yoswa 24:15.) Achichepere owopa Mulungu ambiri m’nthaŵi Zabaibulo anachita zimenezo kumene.

Mwachitsanzo, talingalirani Yakobo wachichepereyo. Mbale wake wamapasayo, Esau, anali “wosayamikira zinthu zopatulika.” (Ahebri 12:16, NW) Komabe, Yakobo, anakhala mwamuna wopanda liwongo wa chikhulupiriro. (Genesis 25:27; Ahebri 11:21) Eleazara ndi Itamara, ana aamuna aang’ono aŵiri a Aroni, anakhalabe okhulupirika muutumiki wa Yehova pamene achimwene awo Nadabu ndi Abihu, anaphedwa ndi Yehova. Achimweneŵa mwachiwonekere anaphedwa chifukwa cha kunyalanyaza mathayo awo aunsembe pamene anali chiledzerere. Koma Eleazara kapena Itamara sanatsanzire chitsanzo cha achimwene awowo, ndipo onse aŵiri anasangalala ndi mwaŵi monga ansembe a Yehova Mulungu.—Levitiko 10:1-11.

Nanunso mungasankhe njira yaumulungu ya kudzisungira ndi kupeŵa kudzibweretsera inu mwini ndi makolo anu zoŵaŵitsa mtima.

‘Ali Kundipeŵa’

Komabe, Carol akudandaula kuti: “Aliyense akuyembekezera kuti ndilakwe. Makolo ena amalingaliradi kuti ndidzakhala chisonkhezero choipa pa ana awo.” Mwinamwake inumwininu nthaŵi zina mumalingalira motero. Koma zimene zingawonekere kukhala kupenda kopanda chifundo kaŵirikaŵiri kumadzakhala nkhaŵa yokhala ndi cholinga chabwino. Komabe, pamene iwo akuwonani mukumasunga mosalekeza mkhalidwe wabwino, nkhaŵa zawo kaŵirikaŵiri zidzazimiririka.—Yerekezerani ndi 1 Petro 2:12.

Komabe, kodi nchifukwa ninji, kuti mabwenzi ena mwadzidzidzi akunyanyalani? Mwinamwake zimenezi ziri, osati kwakukulukulu chifukwa cha kusakudalirani, koma kokha chifukwa chakuti samadziŵa zoti anene. Iwo angamve kukhala osapeza bwino kukufikirani, akumadziŵa kuti inu ndi banja lanu mwakhala ovutika kwambiri; mwinamwake akuwopera kuti adzalankhula kanthu kolakwa. Kodi mulekeranji kuchita zothekera mwa kuyambitsa makambitsirano? Yesani kukhala wabata ndi wachisomo ngati ena afunsa mafunso oputa, onga lakuti, “Kodi nchiyani chinachitikira mbale wako?”

Ndithudi, ena angawonekere kukhala akukupeŵani. Ndipo pamene anthu akuchitirani ngati kuti ndinu munthu woipa, kumapereka chiyeso chakuti nanunso mungachitedi zinthu zoipa. Komabe, nthaŵi zonse kumbukirani, mawu a Agalatiya 6:9 akuti: “Koma tisaleme pakuchita zabwino; pakuti pa nyengo yake tidzatuta tikapanda kufoka.”

Kaŵirikaŵiri, nyengo yoyambirira ya kusapeza bwino imatha mwamsanga. Becky wachichepereyo akuti: “M’kupita kwanthaŵi anthu anayamba kuchita nane monga momwe ankachitira kale.” Msungwanayo akuwonjezera kuti: “Chenicheni chakuti mabwenzi anga onse sanandinyanyale chinali chithandizo chachikulu. Anali ofunitsitsa kundithandiza.” Ambiri a Akristu anzanu adzakhalanso ofunitsitsa kukuthandizani. Angachite zambiri kukuthandizani ‘kulambula misewu yolunjika yoyendamo mapazi anu.’—Ahebri 12:13.

Kambitsiranani Zovutazo

Zowona, nthaŵi zina mungalingalire mofanana ndi wachichepere wina dzina lake Fred amene mchimwene wake anachotsedwa. “Sindinalankhule ndi aliyense,” akuvomereza motero. “Koma ndinazindikira kuti kubisa malingaliro sikunandithandize ine kapena makolo anga.” Inde, peŵani kudzilekanitsa, makamaka ndi makolo anu. (Miyambo 18:1) Marvin akupereka uphungu wabwino pamene akuti: “Lankhulani nkhaniyo ndi munthu wina. Mutofunikira kutero!”

Mwachitsanzo, kodi ena mumpingo akuwonekera kukhala okunyanyalani? Makolo anu angakhale okhoza kuthandiza ngati muwadziŵitsa za vutolo. Kapena mwinamwake mwagwiritsidwa mwala chifukwa chakuti makolo anu akungosumika chisamaliro chawo chonse pa mbale wanu wosokerayo ndi kunyalanyaza zosoŵa zanu. Musachite mopulupudza kuti mupeze chisamaliro chawo. Mmalo mwake, kambitsiranani nawo mosabisirana mawu, ndi kuŵauza malingaliro anu.

Fred ankagwiritsira ntchito phunziro Labaibulo la banja lake kuchita zimenezi. “Ngati ndinali ndi vuto, ndinkagwiritsira ntchito mwaŵiwo kuuza Atate ndi Amayi.” Mwamakambitsirano oterowo mungathandizidwe kuzindikira mmene mkhalidwewo wakhalira wovulaza kwamakolo anunso. Panthaŵi imodzimodziyo, iwo adzazindikira bwinopo malingaliro anu ndipo mwinamwake adzalinganiza kukupatsani chisamaliro chaumwini chowonjezereka.

Ndithudi, siachichepere onse amene ali ndi makolo owopa Mulungu. Ngati ziri choncho kwa inu, yesani kulankhula ndi Mkristu wokula msinkhu. (Miyambo 17:17) Kumathandizanso kukhala wotanganitsidwa ndi ntchito zauzimu. “Mufunikira kusonyeza kuti inu simukufunadi kukhala munthu woipa,” akutero Marvin. “Ndipo pamene mukhala wotanganitsidwa ndi kusonyeza kuti mukufunadi chowonadi, abale anu Achikristu mwachiwonekere kwambiri adzapezeka kuti akuthandizeni.”

Mwanjira iriyonse, nthaŵi zonse muli ndi chichirikizo cha Atate wanu wakumwamba. (Salmo 27:10) “Tsanulirani mitima yanu pamaso pake,” likutero Salmo 62:8. Iye angakhale pothaŵirapo panu penipeni. Iye amamvetsetsa mowonadi zimene inu muli mkati, ngakhale pamene ena akuwonani molakwa kapena akukuŵeruzani molakwa.—1 Samueli 16:7.

Mukhoza Kukhala Wosiyana

Mwambi Wabaibulo umati: “Wochenjera awona zoipa, nabisala.” (Miyambo 22:3) Inde, ngati mwayesedwa kutsatira njira ya mbale wanu, sinkhasinkhani zotulukapo za njira yake yoipa. Becky akuti: “Kuwona zotulukapo za zochita za mchemwali wanga kunandithandiza kupeŵa kudziloŵetsa m’mavuto.”

Fred, Marvin, ndi Becky—ogwidwa mawu m’nkhani ino—anakhala osiyana ndi abale awo opanduka; aliyense analondola ntchito yodzifunira ya uminisitala Wachikristu. Bwanji za inu? Nthaŵi zonse mungakhale mukukonda mbale wanu. Koma simufunikira kukhala monga iye. Mungapange zosankha zanuzanu. Mungathe kukhala wosiyana.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 22]

Simufunikira kugwirizana ndi mbale wanu m’chipanduko