Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Nchifukwa Ninji Amayi ndi Atate Amamenyana Nthaŵi Zonse?

Ndiri ndi mavuto ambiri m’banja lathu, ndipo sindidziŵa chimene ndingachite. Atate wanga amakonda kuzaza pa kanthu kakang’ono kalikonse kamene angakalankhule. Ndipo amayi nawonso amazaza pa kanthu kakang’ono kalikonse. Ngati atate wanga sapeza chirichonse chakudya pamene achokera ku ntchito, amangoyamba kuzazira amayi.—Msungwana wa zaka 12 zakubadwa.

Ndiri wodera nkhaŵa kwenikweni ponena za kufuna kusudzulana kwa makolo anga. Ndithudi, ndimawakonda onse aŵiriwo ndipo nthaŵi zonse ndimakonda kukhala nawo onse aŵiri, koma iwo amamenyana pa zinthu za ndalama ndi zinazake zambiri.—Mnyamata wa zaka 10 zakubadwa.

MONGA mmene mukuchiwonera, makolo ayenera kukondana ndi kusamalirana. Iwo ayenera kukhala anzeru, odziŵa, okoma mtima, olingalira. Iwo ayenera kulankhuzana mwachindunji ponena za kanthu kalikonse. Ndipo ngati iwo asiyana pang’ono m’lingaliro, ayenera kukambitsirana nkhanizo mwabata, mwakachetechete, popanda inu kumvako. Iwo safunikira konse kukangana.

Koma mwachisoni mwinamwake mwapeza kuti makolo nthaŵi zina samamvana—ndipo samakhala mwabata ndi mwakachetechete nthaŵi zonse. Awa ndi makolo anu, ndipo kuwawona iwo akukukwiyitsana kumapwetekadi kosaneneka. Wachichepere wina anavomereza kuti pamene makolo ake ankamenyana, “nthaŵi zina ndinadzimva ngati kuti mtima wanga unali kung’ambika.”

Chifukwa Chimene Makolo Amamenyanira

Ndithudi, chikakhala chabwino koposa ngati amayi nthaŵi zonse anasunga ‘lamulo la kukoma mtima kwachikondi pa malirime awo’ ndipo osalankhula konse liwu laukali. (Miyambo 31:26) Chikakhalabe chabwinopo ngati atate ‘sawawira mtima’ konse akazi awo. (Akolose 3:19) Koma Baibulo limanena kuti: “Timakhumudwa tonse pa zinthu zambiri. Munthu akapanda kukhumudwa pa mawu, iye ndiye munthu wangwiro.”—Yakobo 3:2.

Inde, makolo anu ali opanda ungwiro. Monga lamulo, iwo ‘angakhululukirane m’chikondi.’ (Aefeso 4:2) Koma siziyenera kukudabwitsani ngati, nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi, kuputana kumayambika ndipo kumawonekera mu mkhalidwe wa kuŵiringula.

Kumbukiraninso, kuti zino ndi “nthaŵi zovuta kuchita nazo.” (2 Timoteo 3:1, NW) Mavuto a kupeza zofunika m’moyo, kulipira ngongole, kuchita ndi mkhalidwe wa pantchito—zinthu zonsezi zimaika chitsenderezo chokulira pa ukwati. Ndipo pamakhala mavuto apadera pamene makolo onse aŵiri ali ndi ntchito zakuthupi. Kungosankhapo kokha amene adzaphika ndi kusesa kungakhale magwero a mkangano.

Mmene Kumenyana Kwawo Kungakuyambukireni

Mosasamala kanthu za chimene chingayambitse kusamvana kwa makolo anu, kuwamva iwo akutsutsana kungakuvulazeni. Mlembi Linda Bird Francke akulongosola kuti ana amakhoterera “kukweza makolo awo pa malo apamwamba. Mwana wam’ng’ono samaganizira amake kapena atate wake kukhala munthu wokhala ndi mikhalidwe inayake kapena zifooko zake, koma monga munthu wolimba ngati thanthwe yemwe anangogwetsedwera pa dziko lapansi kudzamutumikira ndi kumutetezera.” Kuwona makolo anu akutetana kumabweretsa kuzindikira kowawitsa: kwakuti makolo anu sali nkomwe “olimba ngati thanthwe” monga mmene munalingalira. Zimenezi zingadodometse maziko enieni a chisungiko chanu cha maganizo ndi kubweretsa mitundu yonse ya mantha.

Journal of Marriage and the Family ikusimba kuti: “Loposa theka la ana onse a msinkhu wa kusukulu ya pulaimale ofunsidwa posachedwapa mu National Survey of Children adati amachita mantha pamene makolo awo akangana.” Msungwana wachichepere wotchedwa Cindy akuchiika icho mwanjirayi: “Nthaŵi zonse amayi ndi atate amatsutsana kwambiri. Ndimawopsyezedwa kwenikweni ndikupita ku kama wanga. Ndimalingalira kuti izo zidzatha liti.”

Kumenyanira ndalama—mutu wa nkhani wofala wa mtsutsano pakati pa okwatirana—kungabweretse mantha akuti banja lanu likuyang’anizana ndi kugwa m’zandalama. Ndipo pamene inu mukhala chochititsa kumenyanako (‘Ngati sumulanga, iye adzakhala chitsiru!’) inu mungachitedi mantha kuti m’njira inayake ndinu mwachititsa kumenyanako.

Zovutitsanso maganizo ziri ndewu zosatha pa zowoneka kukhala zopanda pake. (‘Ndanyansidwa ndi kutopa nazo tsopano kuti ndimabwera kunyumba kupeza chakudya chamasana chisanakonzedwe!’) Kuzaza kosatha koteroko kaŵirikaŵiri kumachokera m’kuipidwa kozama pakati pa makolo anu. Momveka, inu mungayambe kudera nkhaŵa kuti iwo ali paulendo wopita ku khoti lachisudzulo. Chiwopsyezo chothekera cha kubuka kwa ndewu nthaŵi iriyonse “chimakupangitsani kudzimva wosamasuka panyumba ndi kusafuna kubweretsa mabwenzi anu panyumbapo.”—Trouble at Home, lolembedwa ndi Sara Gilbert.

Mikangano ya makolo anu ingachititsenso mikangano ya chimvero yoswa mtima. Monga mmene Journal of Marriage and the Family ikuchiikira kuti, “kukhala woyandikira kwa kholo limodzi kumabweretsa ngozi ya kusafunidwa ndi kholo linalo.” Powopa kunena kapena kuchita chirichonse chomwe chikasonyeza kuchirikiza mbali imodzi, mungadzimve kukhala wokwinjika nthaŵi iriyonse pamene mukhala pafupi ndi makolo anu, kuwopera kuti mungaloŵetsedwe m’kukangana.

‘Kodi Iwo Adzasudzulana?’

Osati kwenikweni. Baibulo limasonyeza kuti mlingo winawake wa kutsendereza umakhala m’maukwati onse. Pa 1 Akorinto 7:28, Paulo akuchenjeza kuti okwatira “adzakhala ndi nsautso m’thupi lawo,” kapena “kuŵaŵa ndi chisoni m’moyo uno wakuthupi.” (The New English Bible) Chotero nsonga yokhayo yakuti makolo sakumvana, ngakhale mowopsya kwenikweni, siimatanthauza konse kuti iwo sakukondananso kapena kuti chisudzulo chikuyandikira. Baibulo limasonyeza kuti ngakhale anthu osamalirana mwakuya angakhale ndi kukangana kwa pakanthaŵi.

Sara, mkazi wa Abrahamu, akusonyezedwa kwa akazi Achikristu monga chitsanzo cha chigonjero cha akazi. (1 Petro 3:6) Komabe, pamene anawona kuti Ismayeli, mwana wamwamuna wa Abrahamu mwa mdzakazi wake Hagara, anapereka chiwopsyezo ku ubwino wa mwana wina wa Abrahamu, Isake, iye mwaukali anapangitsa malingaliro ake kudziŵika. “Chotsa mdzakazi uyo, ndi mwana wake wamwamuna,” anafuula tero Sara, “chifukwa mwana wa mdzakazi uyo sadzaloŵa m’nyumba pamodzi naye mwana wanga Isake.” (Genesis 21:9, 10) Mosakaikira mavuto aukwati anabuka! Koma palibe chivulazo cha nthaŵi yaitali chimene chinatulukapo. Ndiiko nkomwe, posonkhezeredwa ndi Mulungu, Abrahamu anachita mogwirizana ndi pempho la mayiyo!

Chotero, mothekera kwenikweni, kusamvana kwa makolo anu kumawoneka kukhala kwakukulu kwa inu kuposa kwa iwo. Margaret wachichepere anapeza chimenechi pamene anayesera kuletsa kupikisana kwa makolo ake mwa kufuula kuti, “Lekani kumenyana!” ndipo anangowuzidwa kuti, “Tikungotsutsana.”

Kuputana kwa m’nyumba kochulukira kuli kwa kanthaŵi ndipo kumaiwalidwa mwamsanga—makamaka ngati makolo anu ali owopa Mulungu ndipo amagwiritsira ntchito uphungu wakuti “mukhalirane okoma wina ndi mnzake, a mtima wachifundo, akukhululukirana nokha, monganso Mulungu mwa Kristu anakhululukira inu.” (Aefeso 4:32) Inde, makolo anu mothekera kwenikweni adzathetsa zovuta zawo popanda thandizo lirilonse kuchokera kwa inu.

“Choyamba Amatsutsana, Kenaka Amapandana”

Komabe, simavuto onse aukwati amene amathetsedwa mosavuta chotero. Kufufuza kwa zaka zisanu ndi ziŵiri pa mabanja 2,000 a ku U.S. kunavumbula kuti “chaka chirichonse chifupifupi ukwati umodzi mwa okwatirana asanu ndi mmodzi aliyense mu United States amachita mosachepera pa chiwawa chimodzi motsutsana ndi mnzake wa mu ukwati. . . . Kumeneko kuli kuyerekeza kochepera pa zenizeni.” Mnyamata wina wa zaka zapakati pa 13 ndi 19 anaika m’mawu ofupika kukangana kwa makolo ake mwanjira iyi: “Choyamba amatsutsana, kenaka amapandana.”

Ngati umenewo ndiwo mkhalidwe m’nyumba mwanu, ndiye kuti muli mavuto aakulu mu ukwati wa makolo anu. Pangakhaledi chiwopsyezo chenicheni ku chisungiko chanu chakuthupi—kapena chija cha makolo anu. Akukumbukira tero Marie, mkazi wachichepere amene amayi wake ankakangana nthaŵi zonse ndi atate wake chidakwa: “Ndinachititsidwa mantha. Ndinawona ngati iwo akavulaza amayi anga kapena amayi kuwavulaza iwo.”

Chodetsanso nkhaŵa kwambiri china ndicho makolo amene amapeŵa kusonyeza nkhalwe yogwirana pathupi koma omwe amawukirana mwamawu ndi “chiwawo chonse, ndi kupsya mtima, ndi mkwiyo, ndi chiwawa, ndi mwano.” (Aefeso 4:31) Mofananamo, makolo omatulutsa minyozo yapakamwa yokhudza kusakhutiritsidwa kwa zakugonana kapena kusadalirana amapereka zizindikiro zakuti payenera kukhala mavuto owopsya aukwati.

Mabanja ena alidi ndi magwero apadera a mikangano, onga ngati uchidakwa kapena kugwiritsira molakwa mankhwala ogodomalitsa. Kapena zingakhale kuti kholo limodzi ndilo Lachikristu ndipo linalo ndilosakhulupirira. Yesu Kristu ananeneratu kuti mkhalidwe woterowo “ukasiyanitsa” banja. Kupsyinjika kowopsya kwa ukwati kungatulukepo.—Mateyu 10:35.

Pamenepa, kodi muyenera kuchitanji ngati ukwati wa makolo anu uwoneka kukhala m’ngozi yeniyeni? Kodi pali chinachake chimene mungachite kusiyapo kungopenyerera mopanda thandizo? Uwu udzakhala mutu wa nkhani yotsatira.

[Chithunzi patsamba 18]

Kukangana kwa mu ukwati kumakhaladi kopsyinja kwa achichepere

[Chithunzi patsamba 19]

Kugwiritsira ntchito malamulo a makhalidwe abwino a Baibulo kumabwezeretsa mtendere