Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndingachitenji ngati Makolo Anga Amenyana?

PAMENE anthu aŵiri amene mumakonda kuposa wina aliyense m’dziko ayamba “kulumana ndi kudyana” ndi mawu oipa, moyo ungakhale maloto owopsya a tsiku ndi tsiku. (Agalatiya 5:15) Zowona, ngakhaletu ukwati wabwino koposa ungakumane ndi “chisautso.” (1 Akorinto 7:28) Koma pamene kulimbana kwa makolo kuli kosaleka, kowopsya, kapena ngakhale kwachiwawa, chinachake chalakwika mowopsya.

Pamenepo, nzosadabwitsa kuti achichepere ena mosoŵa chochita amayesera kukonza ukwati wa makolo awo. “Ndinaloŵa mkati mwenimweni mwa kumenyanako ndi kuyesera kuchotsa atate anga m’chipindacho kotero kuti aleke kumenyana,” anatero mnyamata wina wa zaka zapakati pa 13 ndi 19. Ena amachoka mwakachetechete mokwiyitsidwa. “Ndimayesera kuwathaŵa pamene akumenyana, kotero kuti ndisakhumudwitsidwe nazo,” anatero msungwana wina wachichepere. “Koma kenaka ndimadzimva waliwongo chifukwa chosayesera kuthandiza.”

Chotero kodi nchiyani chimene mungachite pamene udani wa m’banja ubuka?

Zimene Simuyenera Kuchita

Musawachitire Iwo Mopanda Ulemu: Nchopepuka kutopa ndi kukangana kwa makolo. Ndiiko nkomwe, iwo amafunikira kukhazikitsa chitsanzo kaamba ka inu—osati mosiyanako. Ngakhale ndi tero, kuchitira kholo mopanda ulemu mwachidziŵikire kungangowonjezera ku kukwinjika kwa banja. Chofunika koposa, Yehova Mulungu akulamula achichepere kulemekeza ndi kumvera makolo awo, ngakhale pamene achipanga kukhala chovuta kuchita tero.—Eksodo 20:12; yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 30:17.

Musakhale ndi Phande: “Nthaŵi zina pamene makolo anga akukangana,” akutero msungwana wina wa zaka zapakati pa 13 ndi 19, “mmodzi wa iwo amandifunsa zomwe ndikuganiza. Chimandipangadi kunjenjemera.” Ndithudi, pamene nkhani ikukhudzani mwachindunji, yankho lofatsa, laulemu lingakhale loyenerera.—Miyambo 15:1.

Mwinamwake zingachitike kuti mmodzi wa makolo anu ndi Mkristu ndipo winayo ngwosakhulupirira. Zovuta zachipembedzo zingabuke m’zimene inu mungachipeze kukhala chofunika kutenga mbali kaamba ka chilungamo limodzi ndi kholo lowopa Mulungulo. (Mateyu 10:34-37) Ngakhale ziri choncho, ziyenera kuchitidwa “ndi chifatso ndi mantha” kotero kuti kholo losakhulupirira lingadzapindulidwe nthaŵi ina.—1 Petro 3:15.

Koma pamene kulimbana kuli mwachiwonekere mkangano wawo, nthaŵi zambiri chimakhala chanzeru kukhala wauchete.a Miyambo 26:17 ikuchenjeza kuti: “Wakungopita ndi kuvutika ndi ndewu yosakhala yake akunga wogwira makutu a galu.” Ngati mukhala ndi phande, inu mudzakhala wothekera kudzutsa kubwezera—ndipo mwinamwake kutalikitsa—mmodzi wa makolo anu.

Wachichepere amene amakhalamo ndi phande mu mkangano wa makolo akuyeseranso “kudziloŵetsa mu mkhalidwe umene uli wovutadi kuumvetsetsa.” Ananena choncho phungu wa banja Mitchell Rosen mu magazine a ’Teen. Iye ananena kuti, kukangana kwa m’banja “kumaphatikizapo nsonga zambiri, ndipo siiri kokha nkhani yakuti mkaziyo ngwolondola, mwamunayo ngwolakwa.” Kaŵirikaŵiri, zimene zimakhala maziko a mkanganowo ndizo mavuto ndi udani zomwe zakula mkati mwa nyengo ya zaka. Chotero pamene Atate kapena Amayi adandaula chifukwa chakuti chakudya chamadzulo chachedwa ndi mphindi zoŵerengeka kapena chifukwa chakuti sinki ya ku chipinda chosambira inasiyidwa yakuda, pangakhale zambiri zoloŵetsedwamo kuposa zomwe zangochitika kumenezo.

Baibulo likuchenjeza kuti: “Ngati nkutheka, monga momwe mukhoza, khalani ndi mtendere ndi anthu onse.” (Aroma 12:18) Chotero yesani kukhala wauchete. Ngakhale ndi tero, bwanji ngati makolo anu akukakamizani kukhalamo ndi phande? “Wopanda chikamwakamwa,” likutero Baibulo, “apambana kudziŵa.” (Miyambo 17:27) Inde, peŵani kunena kanthu—kapena choipirapobe, kufuula—lingaliro lanu. Mwinamwake mungadzikhululukire inumwini mwaulemu mwa kunena mawu onga, ‘Amayi ndi Atate, ndimakukondani nonsenu. Koma chonde musandipemphe kuti ndikhalemo ndi phande. Ichi nchinachake chomwe muyenera kuchithetsa pakati panu.’

Musadziloŵetse M’kukanganako: Mawu aŵiri ofuula ali oipa mokwanira. Kodi nkuwonjezereranji liwu lachitatu ku phokosolo? Miyambo 15:18 ikunena kuti: “Munthu wozaza aputa makani; koma wosakwiya msanga atonthoza makangano.” Ingokanani kugwera m’mavutowo. Ndipo ngati muwona kuti kumenyana kuli pafupi kuyambika, kumbukirani mawu a Miyambo 17:14: “Chiyambi cha ndewu chifanana ndi kutsegulira madzi; tsono kupikisana kusanayambe tasiya makani.”

Mwinamwake mungangodzikhululukira inu eni ndi kupita ku chipinda chanu kukaŵerenga, kuphunzira, kapena kuimba nyimbo. Kapena ingakhale nthaŵi yabwino kukachezera bwenzi. Kupeza chinachake chopindulitsa chochichita kumakuchotsani inu ku chochitika cha makani ndipo chimakuthandizani kuiwala nkhanizo.

Musayesere Kukhala Phungu Waukwati: Monga momwe mwambi umaikira icho kuti: “Makangano akunga mipiringidzo ya linga.” (Miyambo 18:19) Makolo okangana kaŵirikaŵiri amakhala atapanga chochinga chawo cha kukwiya chomwe chiri chowopsya mofanana ndi “mipiringizo ya linga.” Kodi muli ndi chidziŵitso kapena kuzoloŵera m’moyo kuti muwathandize kudula chochinga chimenecho? Osati kwenikweni.

Kuyesera kudziloŵetsa inu eni m’mavuto aukwati wa makolo anu kukawapanga iwo kukhala oipirapo. Ikutero Miyambo 13:10 kuti: “Kudzikuza kupikisanitsa; koma omwe anauzidwa uphungu ali ndi nzeru.” Inde, mwachidziŵikire makolo anu angathetse mavuto awo bwino lomwe mwa kulankhula pamodzi mwamseri.—Yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 25:9.

Pambali pa icho, mbali ya nkhoswe ya banja ingakhale ntchito yovuta kuposa mmene mungadziŵire. M’bukhu lake lakuti Teen Troubles, Carolyn McClenahan Wesson akulankhula za msungwana wachichepere wotchedwa Cora yemwe anayesera kukhala phungu waukwati. Kodi chotulukapo chake chinali chotani? Ukwati wa makolo ake unawongokera, koma Cora anakhala ndi mavuto a m’mimba. Carolyn Wesson akumaliza kuti: “Lolani makolo anu kusamalira mavuto awo. Muli ndi zokwanira kuchita nazo mwakungokhala namwali.”

Musawayambanitse Makolo Anu: Achichepere ena anakhoterera pa kusinthira mkangano wa m’nyumba ku mwaŵi wawo. Pamene Amayi anena kuti, “Ayi!” anawo amachita mwamachenjera pa malingaliro a Atate ndi kuwakakamiza kutulutsa “Inde” mwa iwo. Kusonkhezera makolo kochenjera kungapezere winawake ufulu, koma m’kupita kwa nthaŵi kumatalikitsa mkwiyo wa m’banja. Wachichepere yemwe amalemekezadi makolo ake sadzakhoterera ku kusonyeza mphamvu koteroko.

Musakulitse Chochitikacho: Mkhalidwe waulesi kapena wodzikuza, kudzitukumula pasukulu, kulola magiredi anu kutsika—izi zimangokulitsa mavuto anu. Tengani thayo kaamba ka machitidwe anu, ndipo musalole kupanda chisamaliro kwa makolo anu kukhala chodzikhululukira cha mkhalidwe woipa. Chitani zonse zomwe mungathe kukhala wothandiza ndi wogwirizana.

Kupulumuka Mavuto a m’Banja

Mwachiwonekere, simungasinthe makolo anu. Komabe, mungayesere kuwasonkhezera iwo kuchita zabwino. Yeserani kukhala ndi kawonekedwe kabwino ndi wachisangalalo monga mmene mungathere. Kumbukirani, chikondi “chikwirira zinthu zonse, chikhulupirira zinthu zonse, chiyembekeza zinthu zonse, chipirira zinthu zonse.” (1 Akorinto 13:7) Musaleke konse kupemphera kuti zinthu ziwongokere. (Afilipi 4:6, 7) Phungu wa banja Clayton Barbeau mowonjezereka akuyamikira kuti: “Lolani [makolo anu] adziŵe mwaumwini kuti mumakonda aliyense wa iwo.” Chokhacho chingachepetse kukwinjika kwa banja.

Mungayeserenso kufulumiza makolo anu kupeza thandizo. Ichi sichiyenera kuchitira kukangana kokwiya. Miyambo 25:11 ikulankhula za ‘mawu oyenera pa nthaŵi yake.’ Mwachidziŵikire imeneyi ikakhala nthaŵi pamene zinthu zakhazikika ndipo makolo anu ali mumkhalidwe womvetsera kwenikweni. (Ngati kholo limodzi liri lokwiya msanga mwapadera, yeserani kufikira lina limene liri lokhoterera kumvetsera kukambitsirana nkhani molingalirika.)

Yambani mwa kuwatsimikizira iwo za chikondi chanu. Kenaka mwa bata longosolani kwa iwo mmene kukangana kwawo kumayambukirira inu. Ichi sichidzakhala chopepuka. M’bukhu lake lakuti Trouble at Home, Sara Gilbert akuvomereza kuti kuyesera koteroko kungayang’anizidwe ndi, “Sizikukhudza—usadziloŵetsemo!” Komabe, iye akuchenjeza kuti “mufunikira kumveketsa kuti iyo iri yokukhudzani.” Auzeni mmene kumenyana kwawo kumakuwopsyerani, kukukhumudwitsani, kapena kukukwiyitsani. Ngakhale kuti simukufuna kuloŵerera miyoyo yawo, kumenyana kwawo kulidi kosakaza kwambiri m’moyo wanu! Lingalirani kuti makolo anu afune thandizo—mwinamwake mwa kufikira mkulu Wachikristu wodalirika.b

Pokhala mutayang’anizana mwachindunji ndi zotulukapo za mkwiyo wawo wa mu ukwati, makolo anu angafulumizidwe kulingalira mosamalitsa za kuthetsa mavuto awo—ndipo mwinamwake kusiyadi kumenyana.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 21]

Kodi achichepere mokhutiritsadi angakhale nkhoswe pa mkangano wa makolo?