Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndingakhale Wachibadwa ndi Kholo Limodzi Lokha?

ASANAFIKITSE tsiku lawo lakubadwa la 18, ana oposa theka mu United States adzathera zaka zawo m’nyumba ya kholo limodzi. Pakali pano, achichepere 12 miliyoni—1 mwa 5 mu United States—akuchita kale tero. Banja la kholo limodzi lazindikiritsidwa kukhala “mkhalidwe wa banja wokula mofulumira” mu United States. Pamene ziŵerengero za mitundu ina siziri patali kwenikweni, ichi chingatsimikizire kukhala chowona pa dziko lonse.

Kuchuluka kwa mabanja a kholo limodzi kwachita zambiri ku kuchepetsa chitonzo chomwe anali nacho nthaŵi zakale. Komabe, monga mmene wachichepere wina ananenera, achichepere ambiri amafunikira “kutsendereza malingaliro ambiri” kotero kuti achite ndi moyo m’nyumba ya kholo limodzi. Ena amawopa kuti mwinamwake adzakhala opunduka kapena osakhala achibadwa chifukwa chokhala m’nyumba ya kholo limodzi. Kodi mantha oterowo ngopanda pake?

Chifukwa Chake Pali Mabanja a Kholo Limodzi

Oŵerengeka angakane kuti kukhala ndi atate ndi amayi panyumba uli mkhalidwe wabwino. Mlengi wathu anafuna kuti zikhale choncho. (Genesis 1:27, 28) Aefeso 6:1 mowonjezera akumveketsa zimenezi mwakunena kuti: ‘Ananu, mverani akukubalani mwa Ambuye, pakuti ichi nchabwino. Lemekeza atate wako ndi amako.’

Koma pa chifukwa chimodzi kapena china, mungakhale munamanidwa chinthu chabwinochi. Chifukwa cha zochitika zosawonekeratu, kholo lanu limodzi lingakhale linamwalira. (Mlaliki 9:11) Masoka oterowo anachitika ngakhale nthaŵi za Baibulo, liwu lakuti “mwana wamasiye” limawoneka nthaŵi 40 m’Malemba. (Yerekezerani ndi Deuteronomo 24:19-21.) Kapena kholo lanu limodzi lingachokepo kwa kanthaŵi chifukwa cha ntchito ya kunja kwa dziko lanu. Kumbali ina, mikhalidwe ina, monga ngati kusakhulupirika ku malumbiro a ukwati, kungakhale kunapangitsa makolo anu kulekana kapena kusudzulana. (Mateyu 19:3-6, 9) Mwinamwake zingachitike kuti amayi anu, asankhale mmodzi wa Mboni za Yehova, anakhala ndi pakati pamene anali osakwatiwa ndipo anasankha kukulerani okha.

M’chochitika chirichonse, mulibe ulamuliro pa kaimidwe ka banja ka makolo anu, ndipo palibe chifukwa chakuti mukhalire ndi thayo la kudzimva waliŵongo ngati kuti ndinu amene muli ndi mlandu; ndiponso simufunikira kuchita manyazi ngati munabadwa kunja kwa ukwati. Ngati amayi anu ndi mtumiki wodzipatulira wa Yehova Mulungu, machimo awo akale anakhululukidwa kalekale. (Yerekezerani ndi Aefeso 2:2, 4.) Ndipo ngakhale ngati iwo sanapemphebe chikhululukiro cha Mulungu, ichi sichiyenera kukuletsani inu kukhala woyera pamaso pa Mulungu.—1 Akorinto 8:3.

Kunena zowona, pokulira m’nyumba ya kholo limodzi, mungakumane ndi mavuto apadera ndi zitokoso. Koma monga mmene bukhu lakuti How to Live With a Single Parent likulongosolera: “Mavuto ambiri amene ana [a kholo limodzi] ali nawo . . . angachokere ku kulingalira koipa ndi chithunzi chosakaza cha iwo eni chimene amakhala nacho.” Kodi kulingalira koteroko kumachokera kuti, ndipo kodi mungakuchotse motani?

Nyumba Zosweka—Kodi Ndi Miyoyo Yosweka?

‘Zotulukapo za nyumba zosweka,’ ‘mabanja ogawanika,’ ‘banja latheka,’ ‘banja logawika pakati’—mwinamwake munamvako ndemanga zoipa zimenezi zozindikiritsa banja lanu. Ndipo ngakhale kuti zingakhale zopanda mphamvu ndi kugwiritsiridwa ntchito kobwerezabwereza, ndemanga zoterozo zingakupwetekenibe.

Njira imene ena amachitira nanu ingadzutsenso malingaliro oipa onena za banja lanu. Aphunzitsi ena, mwachitsanzo, asonyeza kusazindikira kowonekera kulinga kwa ophunzira a kholo limodzi. Ena afikira pa kudziŵika kuti amalingalira kuti achichepere oterowo ali ndi moyo wabanja wosakhala wachibadwa ndipo amafulumira kupereka liŵongo pa vuto lirilonse la mkhalidwe pa nyumba pawo. Kupangitsidwa kudzimva kuti banja lanu silachibadwa kungakupangitseni kuda nkhaŵa ndi ubwino wa malingaliro anu.

Koma kodi mumakhala pa ngozi ya kukhala wotsika mwamaganizo kapena mwamalingaliro kokha chifukwa chakuti mumakhala m’nyumba ya kholo limodzi? Kutalitali! Journal of Marriage and the Family ikuvomereza kuti “kutayika kwa kholo kungabweretse nyengo ya kukula kochedwa” poyamba. Komabe, ichi kaŵirikaŵiri “chimatsatiridwa ndi nthaŵi mu imene mwana amalingana ndi anzake, kapena ngakhale kuwapitirira.” (Kanyenye ngwathu.) Nkhaniyo inamaliza kuti: “Kulingalira kopanda maziko kwakuti banja la kholo limodzi mwachisawawa limakhala ndi ziyambukiro zoipa, zosatha pa ana onse nkosalungamitsidwa.” Nkhani ina m’magazine amodzimodziwa mofananamo inasimba kuti kufufuza “sikumapereka chilikizo lirilonse ku mwambo wakuti ‘nyumba zosweka zimabala miyoyo yosweka yachichepere.’”

Pamene kuli kwakuti nsonga zoterozo zingakhale zolimbikitsa, malingaliro oipa angawonekerebe kwa nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi. Kodi mungalimbane nawo mwachipambano motani?

Kulaka Malingaliro Oipa

Sitepe loyamba likakhala kuphunzira kuvomereza mkhalidwe wanu. Zowona, chisoni ndi kudzimva wotayikiridwa nzachibadwa ngati makolo anu asudzulana kapena kholo lokondwedwa lamwalira. Sarah wa zaka khumi ndi zitatu, amene makolo ake anasudzulana pamene iye anali ndi zaka khumi, akuyamikira kuti: “Musamalingalire mkhalidwe wanu, kumakhala ndi maloto akuti ‘bwanji ngati,’ kapena kuganiza kuti mavuto anu akuchitika chifukwa chakukhala kwanu m’nyumba ya kholo limodzi, kapena ngakhale kuti ana am’nyumba ya makolo aŵiri ali ndi moyo wopanda mavuto.”

Kunena mwa tchutchutchu, ngakhale banja “labwino” silikhala konse lopanda mavuto. Ndipo m’malo mowona banja lanu kukhala losakhala lachibadwa, mungangowona kusiyana, osati monga chinachake choipadi koma kokha kusiyana. Chofunikanso koposa ndicho kusalola ndemanga—kapena kusoŵeka kwa zoterozo—zochitidwa ndi anthu amalingaliro abwino kudzutsa malingaliro oipa. Mwachitsanzo, ena angakaikire kugwiritsira ntchito mawu onga ngati “atate,” “ukwati,” “chisudzulo,” kapena ngakhale “imfa” pamene ali nanu, kuwopera kuti mawuwa angakukwiyitseni kapena kukuchititsani manyazi. Kanani kugwirizana nawo. Tony wa zaka khumi ndi zinayi, amene sanadziŵe konse abambo ake enieni, akuti: “Pamene ndiri ndi ena amene amawoneka kudziluma lirime pamene afika pa mawu ena, ndimangopitiriza ndi kuwagwiritsira ntchito.” Iye akuwonjezera kuti: “Ndikufuna kuti iwo adziŵe kuti sindichita manyazi ndi mkhalidwe wanga.”

Kuwona Mapindu

Chirinso chofunika kupeŵa kukhalirira pa zimene zikanakhala kapena zimene zidali. (Mlaliki 7:10) M’malo mwake sumikani maganizo pa mbali zabwino za moyo wanu. Mwachitsanzo, mwachidziŵikire amayi anu anapeza ntchito.a Monga chotulukapo, inu mwinamwake mwatenga mathayo ambiri panyumba. “Kutenga mathayo m’nyumba,” akulongosola motero Melanie wa zaka 17 zakubadwa, “kumathandizira ku kukula kwanu mofulumira kuposa ana a msinkhu wanu a m’mabanja a makolo aŵiri, amene angakhale ndi mathayo ochepa.” Akatswiri akuvomereza. Katswiri wa mayanjano a anthu wa pa Harvard University, Robert S. Weiss akunena kuti achichepere ochokera ku nyumba za kholo limodzi “amakhala okhwimirako, odzidalira,” ndiponso “odzilanga.” Imeneyi ndi mikhalidwe yabwino, ndipo mkhalidwe wa banja lanu ungakuthandizeni kuipeza.

Mungasangalalenso kukhala ndi mphamvu m’zosankha za banja, popeza kuti makolo ambiri okhala okha amawona ana awo kukhala odaliridwa kwambiri. Komabe, nthaŵi zina, muyenera kukumbutsa kholo lanu kuti mudakali wachichepere ndikuti nkhani zazikulu zikambitsiridwe ndi winawake wokhala ndi kuzoloŵera, monga ngati mkulu Wachikristu. Komabe, pangakhale nkhani zambiri zimene mungazikambitsirane pamodzi moyenerera, kuphatikizapo mavuto aumwini amene mungakumane nawo. Kuchita tero kumakuthandizani kusendera kufupi ndi kholo lanu ndipo kungachotse malingaliro oipa. Melanie, wotchulidwa koyambirirako, akuti: “Chiyambire kusudzulana kwa makolo anga, amayi anga ndi ine tiridi okhoza kulankhula; takhala mabwenzi athithithi enieni.”

Uku sindiko kunena kuti simudzakumana ndi mavuto. Koma mungapindule mwakukumana ndi nsautso. Baibulo likuti: “Nkokoma kuti munthu asenze gori ali wamng’ono.” (Maliro 3:27) Kusenza goli lanu, kapena thayo la mavuto, kungaphatikizepo kuchita ndi nsautso zimene mumakumana nazo m’nyumba ya kholo limodzi. Komabe, kumbukirani kuti simuli nokha posenza goli limeneli. Mfumu Davide wokhulupirika anati: “Pakuti wandisiya atate wanga ndi amai wanga, Koma Yehova anditola.”—Salmo 27:10.

Komabe, mosangalatsa, thandizo laumulungu loterolo lingaperekedwe kupyolera mwa kholo lanu limene latsala. Mwakuvomereza ku zoyesayesa zoterozo, mungakule mwachibadwa ndi kutsogoza moyo Wachikristu wopatsa mphotho. Wayne, yemwe tsopano ndi mkulu Wachikristu, akukumbukira motere: “Ndinali ndi zaka zasanu ndi zitatu pamene atate anga anamwalira, ndipo Amayi anafunikira kugwira ntchito. Kaŵirikaŵiri ankabwera kunyumba atatoperatu. Koma nthaŵi zonse ankatsimikizira kuti tinali ndi maphunziro a Baibulo abanja okhazikika ndi kupezeka pa misonkhano Yachikristu pamodzi. Kuyang’ana m’mbuyo, ndingangothokoza Yehova chifukwa chokhala ndi amayi odzipereka nsembe oterowo.”b

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 22]

Banja la kholo limodzi silifunikira kukhala lopanda chimwemwe