Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .
Kodi Nchifukwa Ninji Makolo Anga Amayesayesa Kulamulira Moyo Wanga?
“Ndimafunafuna mwaŵi wa kuchitapo kanthu, kuwongola minofu yanga, kumva mphamvu yanga. . . . Ndimafuna kuphunzira choipa kuchokera ku chabwino mwa kulaŵa, osati mwa kulankhula. Ndimalakalaka chokumana nacho; [makolo anga] amangondifotokozera.”—Mnyamata wa zaka 16 zakubadwa.
“Amayi ndi ine tiri pa mkangano weniweni . . . Iwo amayesa kundilera ngati khanda . . . Ndifuna kuchokako; sindingathe kupirira kudidikizidwa. . . . Ndikukula ndipo iwo sakundilola.”—Msungwana wa zaka 17 zakubadwa.
LIRI dandaulo lofala pakati pa achichepere kuti makolo awo amayesayesa kulamulira moyo wawo. Ndipo mwinamwake nanunso muli ndi dandaulo lofananalo. Munena kuti mufuna kufika usiku panyumba; iwo akuti muyenera kubwera kunyumba mofulumira. Munena kuti ndinu wokonzekera kupita kukacheza; iwo akuti ndinu wamng’ono kwambiri. Kukuwoneka kuti kunena kulikonse kwakuti ‘Kodi ndingathe’ kumayankhidwa kuti ‘Ayi, sungathe.’
Komabe, kunena moyanja makolo, achichepere ambiri nthaŵi zina amaloledwa kuchita zomwe afuna. Ndipo inuyo mukuphatikizidwapo. Kuwonjezerapo, makolo anu mosakaikira amadziŵa bwino lomwe kuti simulinso mwana; posachedwapa kapena pambuyo pake iwo adzasiya ulamuliro womwe akhala nawo chibadwire inu. Ndipo mofanana ndi makolo ambiri, iwo mwinamwake akufuna kuti inu mukhale wachikulire wolinganizika ndi wodzidalira.
Pamenepo, mungadabwe kumati: ‘Ngati makolo anga amalingalira motero, nchifukwa ninji samakusonyeza?’ Kumbali yanu zimawonekera kuti iwo amaulamulira mopambanitsa moyo wanu ndipo sali pafupi kuusiiya. Ndithudi, mwina pali kukaikira pang’ono kwakuti kaya mudzakhoza kulamulira moyo wanu. Funso lokha ndilo lakuti ndiliti. Inu mukufuna tsopanoli. Koma makolo anu angafune kuti inu mupeze kudzilamulira koteroko mwapang’onopang’ono.
Wachichepere wina anawona zimenezi monga “kusamdalira” kwa makolo ake, lingaliro lachipongwe lakuti iye ali ndi “chikhoterero chaumwini chowononga chomwe chinayenera kuthetsedwa.” Koma kodi kungakhale kuti makolo anu ali ndi chifukwa chabwino chochitira motero? Mulimonse mmene zingakhalire, kumvetsetsa kwanu lingaliro lawo kungakuthandizeni kuthetsa malingaliro akuipidwa amene mungakhale nawo ponena za mmene amakuchitirani. Monga momwe Miyambo 19:11 imanenera kuti: ‘Kulingalira kwa munthu kuchedwetsa mkwiyo.’
Chifukwa Chimene Iwo Amalamulirabe
Choyamba, zindikirani kuti dziko lonse mwapang’onopang’ono lakhala lowopsa ndi loipa kuyambira pamene makolo anu anapyola uchichepere wawo. (2 Timoteo 3:1, 13) Kholo lina linavomereza kuti: ‘Dziko limene mwana wathu wamwamuna kapena wamkazi amayang’anizana nalo pa msinkhu wa zaka 14 kapena 15 kapena 16 nlowopsa kwambiri koposa ndi mmene linaliri pamene tinkakula. Kutuluka wekha nkosasungika. Achichepere ambiri a zaka zakubadwa zapakati pa 13 ndi 19 akukhala ndi pathupi koposa ndi pamene tinali achichepere.’ Pamenepo nzosadabwitsa kuti makolo anu amafuna kukutetezerani!
Ngati makolo anu ngowopa Mulungu, iwo alinso odera nkhaŵa za thanzi lanu lauzimu. Baibulo limalangiza makolo kupatsa ana “chilangizo, ndi chiwongolero, zimene ziri maleredwe Achikristu.” (Aefeso 6:4, The New English Bible) Ndipo iwo amadziŵa kuti simudzangovomereza panokha makhalidwe abwino Achikristu ndi zikhulupiriro kokha chifukwa chakuti iwo amatero. Iwo amadziŵanso kuti ‘mwana womlekerera achititsa amake manyazi.’ (Miyambo 29:15) Pamene kuli kwakuti iwo sangakulingalireni kukhala mwana, iwo angadzimvebe a thayo kuika chiletso chobwera usiku panyumba kapena ziletso zina pa inu.
Inu mungawone ziletso zoterozo kukhala zosakuyenerani, zachibwana. Koma kumbukirani kuti, sikale kwambiri pamene inu munalidi khanda losakhoza kuchita kanthu kalikonse m’manja mwa makolo anu. Ndipo tsopano iwo afuna kukutetezerani ku chivulazo chamakhalidwe, m’njira imodzimodziyo imene anakutetezererani ku chivulazo chakuthupi. Kumbukiraninso kuti, makolo anu enieniwo panthaŵi ina anali achichepere a zaka zakubadwa zapakati pa 13 ndi 19, ndipo amadziŵa bwino lomwe mavuto amene wachichepere angagweremo. Eya, ngakhale mwamuna wolungama Yobu anaulula “mphulupulu za ubwana [wake].” (Yobu 13:26) Ndipo monga achichepere, makolo ambiri anapanga zolakwa zazikulu zomwe zadodometsa kwakukulu moyo wawo.
Nakubala wina anavomereza kuti: “Ndinafunikira kukwatiwa. Chinali chifukwa chakuti ndinapalana ubwenzi wokhazikika ndi mwamuna pa msinkhu waung’ono kwambiri. Ndinali wa zaka khumi mphambu zisanu ndi chimodzi pamene ndinakhala ndi pathupi. Tsopano ndiri ndi ana atatu, ndipo aŵiri ndi a zaka zakubadwa zapakati pa 13 ndi 19. Ndimadzimva kukhala wa zaka makumi asanu mmalo mwa zaka makumi atatu mphambu zisanu ndi ziŵiri. Ndinataya uchichepere wanga.”
Mwinamwake makolo anu sanakhalepo ndi chokumana nacho chosakondweretsa chotero. Komabe, iwo mwachiwonekere ali odera nkhaŵa kwambiri ponena za maupandu a kuyambirira kupita kukacheza ndipo angakuletseni kutero. Kodi muyenera kuipidwa ndi chiletsochi? Ngati mumatero, talingalirani mawu a Miyambo 27:12 omwe amati: ‘Wochenjera awona zoipa, nabisala; koma achibwana angopitirira, nalipitsidwa.’ Ndithudi, ngati mulabadira uphungu wa makolo anu, mungapeŵe zoipa.
Umunthu Womasinthasintha
Chikhalirechobe, mungalingalire monga wachichepere wina yemwe anati: “Ndikudziŵa chimene ndikuchita. Sindidzawononga moyo wanga. Nchifukwa ninji iwo sangandilole kutsogoza moyo wanga?” Koma vuto lingakhale lakuti inu mosadziŵa mumapereka zizindikiro zosanganizana kwa makolo anu. Panthaŵi zina mungachite monga wachikulire wofikapo; ndipo panthaŵi zina mungasonyeze chibwana chofunikira thandizo la makolo.
M’bukhu lakuti How to Single Parent, Dr. Fitzhugh Dodson akusimba chokumana nacho cha nakubala wina pogula zinthu ndi mwana wake wamkazi wa zaka 15 zakubadwa. Pofuna kusankha limodzi la maderesi atatu, mwanayo anafunsa ndiliti limene linamuyenerera bwino koposa. Amayi ake analingalirapo mwakanthaŵi ndiyeno anayankha kuti: “Ndiganizira kuti lobiriŵira liwoneka labwino koposa.” Kodi anayankha motani kulingaliro limene anapemphalo? “Aa, Amayi, nthaŵi zonse mumayesayesa kulamulira moyo wanga ndi kundiuza zochita!”
Miyezi ingapo pambuyo pake, iwo anapitanso kukagula zinthu. Mwanayo anasankha zovala zoŵerengeka nafunsa kuti: “Amayi, kodi ndi iti pa masuti ameneŵa imene indiyenerera bwino koposa?” Pokumbukira chochitika choyamba, amayi ake anasankha kuchita mwanzeru nayankha kuti: “Ndikhulupirira kuti ungadzisankhire wekha,” koma mwana wake wamkazi anadzuma kuti: “Aa, Amayi, simumandithandiza konse pamene ndifunikira thandizo lanu!”
Mikhalidwe imene imasintha kuchokera ku kudzidalira kwachipongwe kunka ku kunonomera kwachibwana imawasokoneza makolo. Ndipo kumlingo wakutiwakuti, achichepere onse ali ndi vuto la mkhalidwe umenewu wosinthasintha; kuli mbali yachibadwa yakukula. Koma pamene kuli kwachibadwa, kumawasonyeza makolo anu kuti mudakali ndi ‘zachibwana’ zofunika kugonjetsedwa ndikuti simuli okonzeka kuti ziletsozo zichepetsedwe kotheratu.—1 Akorinto 13:11.
Kupeza Ulamuliro Wokulirapo
Komabe mungalingalire kuti mungakhale popanda china cha chichirikizo ndi chisamaliro chimenecho. Ndipo poyembekezera kupeza ufulu umene muulakalaka, inu panthaŵi zina mungayesedwe kutembenukira ku zochita zosawona mtima. “Ndikudziŵa kuti sindiyenera kunena bodza,” analemba motero msungwana wina wa zaka zakubadwa zapakati pa 13 ndi 19, “koma ndinakuchita kuti ndipeputse zinthu. [Amayi] ngonkitsa kwambiri ndipo sakanandilola kupita ndikanawauza chowonadi.” Komabe, kunyenga makolo anu sikumapeputsa zinthu konse. Ngati bodzalo lavumbulidwa (popeza kuti ilo m’chenicheni lidzatero), lingangocholoŵanitsa zinthu.
Olemba bukhu lakuti Options akunena mwanzeru kuti: “Kunena bodza kwa [makolo anu] pamene mufuna kuti iwo akukhulupirireni nkofanana ndi kuba kuti mutsimikizire kuwona mtima kwanu. Pamene akugwirani, adzakhala onkitsa mopambanitsa ndi inu, kokha chifukwa chokhala wozembereka.” Koma chofunika kwenikweni, kunena bodza kumadzetsa kusayanjidwa ndi Mulungu iyemwini. Miyambo 3:32 imati: “Wamphulupulu anyansa Yehova.”
Chotero khalani owona mtima kwa makolo anu. Alongosolereni mwatsatanetsatane ndipo molondola za kumene mukufuna kupita ndi amene mudzapita naye. Pamene akuletsani kubwera usiku panyumba, alemekezeni. Zimenezi zidzawatsimikizira kuti muli athayo. Iwo adzakhala osadera nkhaŵa kwenikweni pamene inu palibepo. Ndipo m’kupita kwanthaŵi iwo adzadzimva okondwa kwambiri kukupatsani ufulu wokulira. Ziridi monga mmene Baibulo limanenera kuti: “Zochuluka zidzayembekezeredwa kuchokera kwa munthu yemwe wapatsidwa zochuluka, ndipo pamene munthu akhulupiriridwa mowonjezereka, mpamene anthu adzayembekezera zowonjezereka kwa iye.”—Luka 12:48, Phillips.
Nthaŵi yanu yakulamulira moyo wanu idzabwera posachedwapa. Pakali pano, khalani oleza mtima. Kondwerani ndi unyamata wanu. (Mlaliki 11:9) Gwirizanani ndi kaimidwe ka makolo anu pa kupita kukacheza, malamulo, ziletso zobwera usiku panyumba, ndi zina zotero. Kutero tsopano kungakupulumutseni ku zipsinjo ndi mavuto apambuyo pake. Ngati mulingalira kuti ziletso zakutizakuti nzosayenerera msinkhu wanu kapena nzosafunika, osapanduka. Modekha kambitsiranani nkhanizo ndi makolo anu. Mwinamwake angoiŵala msinkhu wanu weniweni kapena pamene mwafika m’kukula kwanu. Mulimonse mmene zingakhalire, mosakaikira mudzapeza kuti iwo sali okondweretsedwa kwenikweni ndi kulamulira moyo wanu. Iwo angofuna kutsimikiza mtsogolo mwanu mwachimwemwe.
[Chithunzi patsamba 15]
Kodi mumaziwona motani ziletso zobwera usiku panyumba ndi ziletso zina?