Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Kutyasira Kuli Nchivulazo Chotani?

“SARAH! Sarah!” mnyamata akunong’ona kuchokera ku mpando wapafupi kumbuyo. “Bwera udzakhale pafupi nane!” Iye abwereza kuchonderera kwakeko pambuyo pa mphindi zisanu zirizonse—mosaphula kanthu. Kwa Sarah, kuyesayesa kwa mnyamatayo kwa kutyasira m’kalasi kuli kokha kukwiitsa kwa masiku onse.

Jennifer wachichepere sali wamkulu mokhoza kuyamba sukulu ya sekondale, koma iye akusimba kuti: “Anyamata amanena zinthu zokhala ndi matanthauzo aŵiri ndipo amachita mopanda ubwenzi.” “Maso awo!” akuwonjezera motero Erika. “Iwo amakuyang’ana ndi kumwetulira kokopa, ndipo pomwepo amalankhula ndi liwu lalikulu lotsika—zimandiseketsa. Ndipo iwo amakuyandikira kwenikweni.” Koma anyamatanso kaŵirikaŵiri amakumana ndi kutyasira. John, wa zaka zapakati pa 13 ndi 19, akusimba kuti: “Asungwana [m’sukulu] amayesa kuyandikana nawe ndi kumakugwira, kukufungatira. Iwo amabwera m’maholo ndi kuyesa kukukupatira.”

Ndithudi, achichepere ambiri amaoneka kusangalala nako kuchitiridwa motero. “Nkuseŵera chabe,” anatero msungwana wotchedwa Connie yemwe amalimbikitsa kuyang’ana kwachilakolako mwakuvala mosayenerera. Achichepere ambiri amasangalala namachita movomereza kachitidweko. “Ndine msungwana wokonda kutyasira ndi anyamata onse—kaya ndiwakonda kapena ayi,” analemba motero msungwana wina ku magazini a ’Teen. “Kutyasira kumandipangitsa kudzimva wachidaliro ndi wokongola.”

Pamenepo, kodi ndimotani mmene wachichepere Wachikristu ayenera kuwonera kutyasira? Kodi iko ndiko kuseŵera wamba, mbali yosapeŵeka pa njira yonkira ku chikondi? Kapena kodi pali maupandu enieni oyenera kupeŵedwa?

Zimene Kutyasira Kumaloŵetsamo

M’chingelezi, kutyasira sikofanana ndi chisamaliro choyenera chimene mwamuna amachipereka kwa mkazi (kapena mkazi kwa mwamuna) m’nyengo zoyambirira za kupalana ubwenzi. Mmalomwake, kumatanthauza “kuchita mosonyeza kukonda popanda cholinga cholama.” Afalansa amatcha mkazi wochita mwamkhalidwe umenewu kukhala wachibwana.

Komabe, chimene kwenikweni chimapangitsa mkhalidwe wakutyasira, sichokhweka kuchifotokoza. Kutyasira kungaloŵetsemo kuyang’ana, kukhudza, mamvekedwe a liwu, kumwetulira konyadira—ngakhale mmene munthu amavalira, kuimirira, kapena kayendedwe. Komabe, pamene kuli kwakuti kutyasira nkovuta kukulongosola, kaŵirikaŵiri nkosavuta kumzindikira munthu wokonda kutyasira. Mulimonse mmene zingakhalire, ngati wina ngwam’ngono moti sanafike pakufuna ukwati, kudzisungira kwachibwana mokhumbirana kapena kutyasira nkwangozi kwenikweni!

Kodi “Nkuseŵera” Kwaupandu?

Sikuti nkolakwa mwa iko kokha kudzimva wokopeka kwa wina wosiyana naye chiŵalo. Ndithudi, mkati mwa “unamwali,” nkwachibadwa kudzimva mwamphamvu mwamtundu umenewo; ndimmene Mlengi anatipangira. (1 Akorinto 7:36) Mwinamwake mumafuna kudziŵa mmene muliri wokongola; kutyasira kungawoneke kukhala njira yosavulaza yodziŵira. Magazini a ’Teen analimbikitsadi asungwana kumatyasira mwakulengeza kuti, “Kutyasira Kungakhale Kuseŵera!” Nkhani yotsatirapo inapereka tsatanetsatane wamalangizo a kachitidwe ka kutyasira.

Koma mfundo yokha yakuti kutyasira kungatchedwe kuseŵera siimakupangitsa kukhala kopindulitsa kapena kwabwino. Lingalirani kaimidwe kamaganizo ka mwamuna wolungama Yobu. Iye panthaŵi ina anati; “Ndinapangana ndi maso anga, Potero ndipenyerenji namwali?” (Yobu 31:1, 9-11) Kwenikweni, Yobu anapangana pangano ndi mwini yekha kuti adzalamulira maso ake ndikusayang’ana mkazi wosakwatiwa motyasira. Chifukwa ninji? Chifukwa chakuti Yobu anali mwamuna wokwatira. Kudziloŵetsa m’kuseŵera kwakutyasira kukakhala kosayenerera, kusakhulupirika kwa mkazi wake. Ngakhale pang’ono pokha, kukanadzutsa chikhumbo choipa ndi malingaliro. Chotero Yobu anapeŵa kutyasira.

Zowona, inu sindinu wokwatira. Koma pamene mulingalira ponena za icho, kodi muli ndi chifukwa choyenerera choperekera chisamaliro kwa winawake wosiyana naye chiŵalo kuposa cha Yobu? Ndiiko komwe, ngati simunafike pamsinkhu wakukwatira, kodi nkwanji? Kodi mukachitanji ngati iye wavomereza? Kodi muli m’malo akufitsa unansiwo ku chifuno chake chanzeru—ukwati?a Ngati ayi, kutyasira kumadzetsa kukhumudwa.

Kudzutsa Mzimu Wodzitama

Komabe, kaŵirikaŵiri, kudziloŵetsa m’kukondana sikumakhalamo konse m’maganizo mwa wotyasira. Iye angawone kukopa chisamaliro cha wosiyana naye chiŵalo kukhala mtundu wa chosangalatsa kapena kuseŵera. Mwachitsanzo, msungwana Wachikristu wotchedwa Maria, ankadziŵa bwino lomwe lamulo la Baibulo lakusaloŵa m’goli lakukondana ndi wosakhulupirira. (2 Akorinto 6:14) Koma iye anakhulupirira molakwa kuti panalibe chivulazo m’kutyasira ndi anyamata omwe ankapita nawo kusukulu. “Pamene ndinakopa chisamaliro chawo,” iye akulongosola mwachidule, “basi kwatha. Umafika pamene iwo amakupempha kunka nawo kocheza, ndipo mpamene umaimira pamenepo.” Koma kodi mpamene iwo amaimira?

Wolemba nkhani wotchedwa Kathy McCoy m’nkhani ya magazini a Seventeen anati: “Ochita maseŵera azakugonana kaŵirikaŵiri amakhala anthu osadzilemekeza omwe amayesa kupeza malingaliro abwino ponena za iwo okha mwakukopa chisamaliro ndi kukhumbiridwa ndi ena.” Kupeza chivomerezo ku kuyang’ana kokopa kapena kukhudza kungadzutsedi mzimu wanu wodzitama—koma kokha kwakanthaŵi. Kuwonjezerapo, wolemba Baibulo Paulo, pofotokoza chikondi chenicheni, chisamaliro chachifundo, ndi chigwirizano Chachikristu, anachenjeza Akristu kusachita chirichonse ‘kaamba ka kudzitama,’ kapena “ulemerero waumwini wopanda pake,” monga momwe matembenuzidwe ena amanenera.—Afilipi 2:1-3; The New English Bible.

Pali njira zogwira mtima koposa ndi zokhalitsa zokulitsira ulemu waumwini mmalo moseŵeretsa malingaliro a ena. Bwanji osayesa kukulitsa “munthu wa mkati,” kapena munthu amene inu muli mkati?—2 Akorinto 4:16, The Jerusalem Bible.

‘Kuponya Nsakali’

Nkhani ina m’magazini a Seventeen imatchula upandu winanso, kumati: “Chinthu chovuta ponena za kutyasira nchakuti kumatanthauza zinthu zosiyanasiyana kwa anthu osiyanasiyana, ndipo nthaŵi zina matanthauzo ake amatengedwa molakwa—ndipo kumapweteka maganizo.”

Inde, achichepere kaŵirikaŵiri mosalingalira amachepsa chivulazo chimene kutyasira kungakhale nacho pa malingaliro a wina. Ziri monga momwe mwambi wanzeru umanenera kuti: ‘Monga woyaluka woponya nsakali, mivi, ndi imfa, momwemo wonyenga mnzake ndi kuti, Ndi kuseŵera kumeneku.’ (Miyambo 26:18, 19) Mphamvu ya kukhudza malingaliro a ena njakupha. Mofanana ndi mphamvu ina iriyonse, iyenera kugwiritsiridwa ntchito mochenjera, mwathayo.

Kutyasira nkosokeretsa, nkopanda chikondi, ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri nkwankhanza. Kungaipse unansi wabwino wothekera, ndi wosangalatsa. Kungakunyazitseni pamaso pa ena. Komabe choipitsitsa, kungakuloŵetseni m’kukondana kapena ngakhale chisembwere chakugonana! Baibulo limachenjeza kuti: ‘Kodi mwamuna angatenge moto pa chifuŵa chake, osatentha zovala zake?’—Miyambo 6:27.

‘Ndimafuna Anthu Kumandikonda’

Ndithudi, nkwachibadwa kumafuna kukondedwa. Ndipo zingawoneke kwa inu kuti otyasira amasangalatsa kwenikweni, kuti awo odziŵa kukopa anthu ali ndi mabwenzi ochuluka. Koma kodi otyasira amapangadi maubwenzi enieni, ndi okhalitsa? Kutalitali. Zowona, ena angakonde wotyasira malinga ngati chisamaliro chimaperekedwa kwa iwo. Koma pamene chisamalirocho mwadzidzidzi chisinthidwira pa wina, kaŵirikaŵiri amauda wotyasirayo.

Pamenepo, nzosadabwitsa kuti, m’kupenda kwina kwa asungwana a msinkhu wapakati pa 13 ndi 19, okwanira 80 peresenti anazindikira “mkhalidwe wakutyasira” mwa mnyamata kukhala wopanda “phindu lirilonse.” Monga momwe mwambi wamakedzana umanenera kuti: ‘Wankhanza avuta nyama yake.’—Miyambo 11:17.

Maunansi Abwino

Mosakaikira, sikokhweka nthaŵi zonse kukhala wachikatikati pochita ndi wosiyana naye chiŵalo. Msungwana wina wotchedwa Kelly akuti “zimandivuta kusiyanitsa pakati pa kukhala mabwenzi ndi kutyasira.” Iye anawonjezera kuti: “Ndine waubwenzi kwambiri, kwambiri ndithu.”

Palibe cholakwa ndikukhala womasuka. Ndipo sikofunika kumadzibisa kapena kudziveka nkhope yachifatse. Kukhala wokhoza kupititsa patsogolo makambitsirano omangirira, ndi aluntha ndiko luso limene lingakuthandizeni kukopa mabwenzi. Ndiponso, kukambitsirana komasuka kumakhala ndi mpata wochepa wakumvedwa molakwa kuposa kuyang’ana kosadziŵika bwino kapena kumwetulira kwamanyazi kwapatali m’chipinda. Koma ngati muli waubwenzi kwa anzanu osiyana nawo chiŵalo okha ndipo mumanyalanyaza ena kotheratu, kodi ena sangagamule molakwa ponena za inu?

Mfungulo njakuti munthu ‘asapenyerere zake za iye yekha, koma yense apenyererenso za mnzake’—mosasamala kanthu za msinkhu kapena kuti ndimwamuna kapena mkazi. (Afilipi 2:4) Peŵani malankhulidwe, mavalidwe, mapesedwe, kapena machitidwe amene angadzutse chilakolako. (Yerekezerani ndi 1 Timoteo 2:9.) Ngati muli ndi chizoloŵezi chakusonyeza chikondwerero choyenerera mwa anthu mwachisawawa, kaŵirikaŵiri ubwenzi wanu sudzatengedwa molakwa kukhala woitanira kukondana. Mwa malankhulidwe anu ndi machitidwe, mukhoza kupereka uthenga womvekera bwino wakuti: ‘Sindiri pakutyasira!’

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 18]

Sonyezani chikondwerero chenicheni mwa anthu onse—mosasamala kanthu za msinkhu wawo kapena kuti ndimwamuna kapena mkazi