Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .
Kodi Ndingampangitse Motani Kuleka Kundivuta?
David ndimnyamata wotchuka koposa pasukulu. Ndiyeno mwadzidzidzi, iye akhala ndi chikondwerero mwa inuyo, ndipo msungwana aliyense pasukulu akhumbira! Nthaŵi zingapo iye wakupemphani kunka naye kocheza, ndipo nthaŵi iriyonse inu mwakana. Koma David akuuzani kuti palibe msungwana wina yemwe anampangitsapo kumva motero ndikuti iye sadzavomereza kukana kwanu. Inu simukufuna kumpweteka malingaliro, koma mukudziŵa chimene akuwonekera kukhala nacho m’maganizo. Kodi nchifukwa ninji sangangoleka kukuvutani?
AKAZI achichepere kulikonse (ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri amuna achichepere lerolino) akuvutitsidwa ndi anzawo akusukulu ndi akuntchito amene amawapatsa chisamaliro chachikondi chosafunidwa. Nthaŵi zambiri kufunsiridwa kumafikira kukhala chiitano chowonekera chakuloŵa m’chisembwere chakugonana. Kodi inu mukanachitapo motani ngati zikuchitikirani?
Nkhani ina mu Psychology Today imati: “Ngati mwamuna asonyeza chikondwerero m’kugonana, mwa ndemanga zokopa kapena majesicha athupi, muyenera kuchitapo kanthu mofulumira. Ngati simutero, kukhala kwanu chete kumamlimbikitsa kupitiriza.” Chotero muyenera kuchitapo chinachake—koma kodi nchiti?
Chifukwa Chake Kukana Kuliri Kovuta
Mkazi wina wachichepere wotchedwa Sherron akuvomereza mosabisa kuti: “Kaŵirikaŵiri sikovuta kukana pamene mnyamata siwokongola.” Vuto nlakuti, tonsefe timakonda kupatsidwa chisamaliro. Ndipo pamene chichokera kwa winawake amene timakhumbira kapena wokongola, sikosavuta kuchikana. Koma dzifunseni kuti: ‘Kodi munthuyu ali ndi zonulirapo zanga, kapenyedwe kanga kauzimu, ndi makhalidwe abwino anga?’ (2 Akorinto 6:14) Ngati ayi, kuvomereza kufunsira kwake kungangokuikani panjira yonka kutsoka.
Komabe, mungayang’anizanenso ndi chitsenderezo champhamvu cha ausinkhu wanu kuti musemphane ndi miyezo yanu yachipembedzo. Dana wachichepere akusimba kuti: “Asungwana kuntchito amandikakamiza kupita kukavina nawo; amandifunsa chifukwa chimene sindimapanganira ndi aliyense wopita naye kocheza.” Ngati mukali pasukulu, anzanu akusukulu mofananamo angakuchichizeni kucheza mokhazikika ndi anyamata ena kumeneko. Chitsenderezo cha mtundu umenewu chingafooketse mosavuta kutsimikiza mtima kwanu. Kodi mungachitenji kuti mukulimbitse?
Khazikitsani Malire
Mwambi wakale umati, “Kuchinjiriza nkwabwino kuposa kuchiritsa.” Maria akuvomereza. Iye akuti: “Ndimadzidziŵikitsa kuti ndine mmodzi wa Mboni za Yehova.” Pamene anyamata adziŵa kuti uli ndi miyezo yapamwamba yamakhalidwe abwino, iwo sangakuvutitseni kwenikweni.”
Mavalidwe ndi mapesedwe oyenerera zimachitanso mbali yokulira m’kuletsa chisamaliro chosafunidwa. Wogwira ntchito wina wa ku New York anadziŵa chimenechi pamene anayamba kuvutitsidwa ndi amuna ku malo ake antchito. Iye akufotokoza kuti: “Chinkana kuti ndinali wosamalitsa m’mavalidwe ndi mapesedwe anga, sizinawoneke motero kwa ena. Chotero ndimamanga tsitsi langa, ndipo ndinayamba kuvala malaya athonje ndi magalasi aakulu ndi zovala zosoketsa popita kuntchito. Ndimawoneka wosamalitsa, kuti ndiri pano kudzagwira ntchito, osati kutyasira.” Ndithudi, kawonekedwe kotero sikangakhale kofunika m’mkhalidwe wanu, koma kamachitira chitsanzo kufunika kwa kukhala wotsimikiza kuti kavalidwe ndi kapesedwe kanu kamapereka malingaliro oyenerera.—1 Timoteo 2:9.
Kusankha kwanu mabwenzi ndimbali ina yofunika. Baibulo limati: ‘Ukayenda ndi anzeru udzakhala wanzeru: Koma mnzawo wa opusa [mwamakhalidwe] adzapwetekedwa.’ (Miyambo 13:20) Chotero musayanjane—kapena ngakhale kumvetsera kwa—anthu amene amanena nthabwala zonyansa kapena odzitama ponena zakugonana. Ngati mumatero, ena angakhale ndi lingaliro lolakwika ponena za inu. Erica wachichepere akunena kuti pamene kukambitsirana kupambana malire, iye amaŵauza kuti, “Chimenecho ndicho chizindikiro changa kuti ndipite,” ndipo amaiwona mfundo.
Kukhala “Khoma”
Komabe, panthaŵi zina, ngakhale kudziŵitsa kuti ndinu Mkristu sikokwanira kulefulitsa anyamata ena. (“Kodi kukhala kwako Mkristu kumapanga kusiyana kwanji?” anafunsa motero mnyamata wina wotsimikiza mtima. “Ndiwe mkazi ndithu, inenso ndine mwamuna ndithu.”) Kodi mungaisamalire motani mikhalidwe yotero? Eya, talingalirani chitsanzo cha m’Baibulo cha namwali Wachisulami. Iye anafunsiridwa ndi mmodzi wa anthu olemera koposa, anzeru koposa, ndi amphamvu koposa amene anakhalako padziko lapansi—Mfumu Solomo. Komabe, iye anali wopalana kale ubwenzi ndi mbusa wodzichepetsa wa ku tauni yakwawo. Chotero kodi akamchititsa motani Solomo kuleka kumvuta?
Choyamba, iye anadzipima moyenerera. Iye anati: “Ndine duwa lofiira la ku Saroni.” (Nyimbo ya Solomo 2:1) Kukhala wodzichepetsa mofananamo nkofunika koposa chifukwa chakuti chiŵiya chachikulu chimene onyengawo amagwiritsira ntchito ndicho kusyasyalika. Msulamiyo anali wofatsa kwambiri kwakuti sanakhale mnkhole wake. Ndipo pamene “ana akazi a ku Yerusalemu” anagwiritsira ntchito chitsenderezo cha ausinkhu wake kuyesa kumkakamiza kuvomera Solomo, iye anaŵalumbiritsa ‘kusautsa, ngakhale kusagalamutsa chikondi chake mpaka chikafuna mwini.’ (Nyimbo ya Solomo 3:5) Mofananamo kudziŵitsa mabwenzi anu pamene mwaima kungachepetse chitsenderezo chawo.
Chofunika koposa, mtsikana Wachisulamiyo anali wotsimikiza mtima kukana kuyesayesa kulikonse kumene mfumuyo inapanga kumpangitsa kusintha malingaliro. “Ndine khoma,” iye analengeza motero monyadira. (Nyimbo ya Solomo 8:10) Muyenera kudzisonyeza kukhala otsimikiza mtima motero ponena za machitidwe osayenerera. Mofanana ndi Msulamiyo, muyenera kuphunzira kukhala waluso pokana. Ngati kutero kumakuvutani, zizoloŵetseni kukana m’mikhalidwe yosakhala yowopsa kwambiri. Zizoloŵetseni kuchinjiriza zimene mumakhulupirira. Ndiyeno pamene mikhalidwe yowopsa ibuka, mudzakhala okonzekera bwinopo kuisamalira.
Kanizani Kachitidwe Koitanira Kugonana!
Tiyeni tsopano tilingalire kunyengerera kwina kofala kumene anyamata amagwiritsira ntchito ndimmene inu muyenera kukuwonera:
‘Aliyense amakuchita.’ Musazikhulupirire! Kufufuza kochitidwa ndi gulu la Planned Parenthood kunavumbula kuti 53 peresenti ya asungwana a zaka 17 zakubadwa ku United States aloŵa m’chisembwere chakugonana. Komabe, zimenezo zimasiya 47 peresenti amene sanatero—kuphatikizapo inuyo! Ndiponso, Akristu ‘samatsata unyinji wa anthu’ pamene malamulo amakhalidwe abwino a Baibulo akuswedwa.—Eksodo 23:2.
‘Ukuchita chibwana.’ Kutalitali! Anthu achikulire amafotokozedwa m’Baibulo kukhala ‘amene mwa kuchita nazo anazoloŵeretsa zizindikiritso zawo kusiyanitsa chabwino ndi choipa.’—Ahebri 5:14.
‘Ungoyenera kundipatsa.’ Mulibe ngongole yakugonana kwa aliyense—kaya akhale mnzanu wakusukulu, mkulu wantchito, bwenzi, kapena munthu wina aliyense! Ndipo palibe amene ali ndi kuyenerera kwa kukufuna molamula.
‘Oo, tidyeretu zalero. Mwina maŵa tidzafa!’ Monga Akristu, timayembekezera moyo wosatha. Sitingalole chisangalalo cha kugonana kopanda lamulo kwapakanthaŵi kuwononga chimwemwe chosatha.—1 Akorinto 15:32-34.
Mafikidwe achinyengo otero amafuna mayankho achindunji—nthaŵi zina amphamvu. Ndipo pamene winawake ngwononomera, muyenera kusinkhasinkha kwambiri mmene mudzayankhira munthuyo mogwira mtima. (Miyambo 15:28) Zirizonse zimene munganene, sonyezani kuti ndinu wosamalitsa ponena za kukana kachitidwe kake; osachita mosekaseka kapena mwamanyazi.
Mkonzi Joyce Jillson akupereka malingaliro owonjezereka kuti: “Ngati mufunadi kuthetsa nkhanizo kotheratu, loŵani m’kukambitsirana zachipembedzo.” Achichepere Achikristu ambiri apeza zimenezi kukhala zowona. Msungwana wina akuti: “Pamene wina ayesera kupanga kachitidwe koitanira kugonana kwa ine, ndimatulutsa Nsanja ya Olonda.” Inde, chichinjirizo china chabwino koposa ndicho kudziŵikitsa bwino lomwe zikhulupiriro zanu. Mloleni munthuyo kudziŵa chifukwa chimene inu mukukanira kachitidwe kake. Inu simukumkana iye kwenikweni monga munthu pamene mukukana kachitidwe komwe akufuna kukatenga. Kulingalira kotero nkothandiza makamaka ngati munthuyo mumawonana naye tsiku ndi tsiku. Ngati iye asonyeza chikondwerero mu uthenga wa Baibulo, chiŵalo cha mpingo Wachikristu chachimuna chingapitirize kukambitsirana naye.
Mwatsokalanji, pali ena amene simungalingalire nawo. Zimene mungangochita ndikufotokoza kaimidwe kanu momvekera bwino, osamwetulira—ndikuchokapo. Ngati vutolo lipitirizabe kapena mkhalidwe ngwovuta kwambiri kwa inu kuusamalira, kambitsiranani nkhaniyo ndi makolo anu. Iwo angakhale ndi malingaliro ena—kapena angasankhe kuloŵereramo. M’zochitika zina, mungafunikiredi kuthaŵa mkhalidwewo!—Yerekezerani ndi Genesis 39:12.
Monga chotulukapo cha kaimidwe kanu, inu tsopano munganyozedwe kapena kunyodoledwa, koma musalefulidwe. Mofanana ndi Msulami, mudzasangalala ndi mtendere wamaganizo umene umadza chifukwa chakuchita cholondola. (Nyimbo ya Solomo 8:10) Ndiponso, sianyamata onse amene adzakunyozani. Chinkana kuti Mfumu Solomo anakanidwa ndi namwaliyo, sanalingalire zoipa ponena za iye. Kwenikweni, iye analemba imodzi ya nyimbo zachikondi zabwino koposa, kumtama! Mofananamo, anyamata ambiri adzalemekeza kaimidwe kanu kolimba. Nanga bwanji ngati satero? Mungopitiriza kukhala wotsimikiza mtima ngati Msulami. Khalani “khoma” ndipo osati ‘chitseko’ chosavuta kutsegula. (Nyimbo ya Solomo 8:9) Kumbukirani: Ubwino wanu wosatha ndi ulemu waumwini ziri pa chiswe!
[Chithunzi patsamba 12]
Kodi mungachite motani ndi anyamata amene samamva kukana kwanu?