Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Kugwiritsira Ntchito Mawu Onyodola Kuli ndi Chivulazo Chotani?

‘Ndiwe wokongola koposa . . . kwa munthu wopusa!’

‘Deresilo nlabwino kwabasi. Zangoipira kuti sisaizi yako!’

‘Kupaka zokometsera koteroko ndinakuwona ku malo owonetsera zidude.’

MAWU ovulaza, mosasamala kanthu za cholinga chake, angawononge kwambiri ulemu waumwini. Ngakhale atalankhulidwa moseka, mawu onyodola angachititse udani, kupweteka malingaliro, ndi kuwononga unansi.

Komabe, mwina muli ndi “luso” la kunyodola. Mabwenzi anu amaseka pwepwete ndi njerengo zanu ndi ndemanga zonyazitsa. Iwo amakuchemererani ndi kukulimbikitsani kunena mawu ena oseketsa. Kapena mwinamwake kungakhale kuti mawu onyodola akhala njira yanu yaikulu yodzichinjirizira. Pokhala wokonzekera ndi mawu onga zida, mumavulaza ndi kufooketsa aliyense amene amapereka chiwopsezo chirichonse ku ubwino wanu—kapena kudzitama kwanu. Nthaŵi zina mungapeze kuti mukulankhula mawu oipa kwa makolo anu kapena ang’ono anu.

Mawu onyodola ali ndi malo ake. Ngati ali osavulaza, angakhale osangulutsa. Ndipo nthaŵi zina mawu onyodola angasonyeze malingaliro akuya. Eya, Baibulo limasonyeza kuti mtumwi Paulo, Yobu, ndipo ngakhale Mulungu iye mwini anagwiritsira ntchito mawu onyodola kuti asonyeze kukwiya kwachilungamo. (Yobu 12:2; Zekariya 11:13; 2 Akorinto 12:13) Komabe, mawu onyodola osakoma mtima kapena oipa ali mkhalidwe wachiwawa, ndi wanjiru. Monga momwe mkonzi Mary Susan Miller, akusonyezera m’bukhu lake lakuti Childstress!, kuli kachitidwe ka “kubaya ndi mpeni ndi kumenya,” ndi “zida zolandirika m’chitaganya” koposa mfuti kapena mipeni.

Chikhalirechobe, anthu ambiri amawona kupereka ndemanga zopweteka moipitsitsa kukhala njira ina yongosonyezera nthabwala. Pamenepa, kodi kuchita motero kuli ndi chivulazo chotani?

Kodi Kuli Kuseka Wamba Kosavulaza?

“Kuntchito kwanga, aliyense amagwiritsira ntchito mawu onyodola. Nthaŵi zambiri iko kumawonedwa kukhala njerengo,” akutero Eric. Mokondweretsa, The New York Times ikusimba kuti: “Akatswiri azamaganizo amanena mobwerezabwereza . . . kuti amuna amasangalatsidwa kwambiri ndi nthabwala ‘zanjiru’ koposa akazi.” Chotero, anyamata achichepere angakondwere ndi kuseka, kuchichiza, ndi kuvuta ena mwamawu.

Zowonadi, mawu onyodola osavulaza angakhale oseketsa. Koma pamene mawu onyodola ali onkitsa, ululu wa ndemanga yovulaza ungakhalebe kwanthaŵi yaitali kuseka kutatha. (Yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 14:13.) Kaŵirikaŵiri kupikisana koseŵera ndi mawu oseketsa kumakhala mkangano wokwiitsana. Monga momwe mnyamata wina wachichepere analongosolera kuti: “Utapwetekedwa kwambiri ndi zimene wina wanena, ungabwezere ndi mawu ovulaza koposa amene ungawalingalire. Pamenepo sikumakhalanso kuseka wamba; kwenikweni umayesadi kuvulaza munthu winayo. Ndipo mawu onyodola angakhale chida champhamvu kwenikweni.”

Ndithudi, liwu Lachingelezi lakuti “kunyodola” linatengedwa ku mneni Wachigiriki yemwe m’lingaliro lenileni amatanthauza “kumwetula nyama monga galu.” (Yerekezerani ndi Agalatiya 5:15.) Monga momwedi galu amagwiritsirira ntchito mano ake akuthwa aphando kumwetula nyama kufupa, munthu wogwiritsira ntchito mawu onyodola angavule winawake ulemu wake. Monga momwe Journal of Contemporary Ethnography ikunenera kuti: “Mfundo yeniyeni ya kunyodola . . . ndiyo chidani chapoyera kapena kuipidwa.” Ziribe kanthu kuti kuli mwa mawu achindunji, mawu onyazitsa otchulidwa mochenjera, kapena kuphonya m’kulankhula. Ndemanga yonyodola, yosakoma mtima imapangitsa wina kukhala chandamale cha kujeda—mnkhole.

Kodi kumakhala ndi zotulukapo zotani? Josh, wazaka 19 zakubadwa, akunena motere: “Mawu onyodola angakuchititsedi kudzimva wopusa kwenikweni.” Komabe, chivulazo chingakhale chokhalitsa moposerapo. M’bukhu lake la Toxic Parents, Dr. Susan Forward akulongosola ziyambukiro za kuchitira nkhanza ndi mawu oipa kochitidwa ndi makolo kuti: “Ndawona odwala zikwizikwi [amene] ali ndi lingaliro laulemu waumwini lovulazidwa chifukwa chakuti kholo lawo . . . ‘linaseka’ kuti anali opusa kapena osakongola kapena osafunika.” Pamenepa, tangolingalirani zimene zikatulukapo pogwiritsira ntchito mawu onyodola oipitsitsa kwa bwenzi, mnansi, kapena mbale wanu. Dr. Forward akugamula kuti: “Nthabwala zimene zimachepsa wina zingakhale zovulaza koposa.”—Yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 26:18, 19.

Pamenepa, nkosadabwitsa kuti bukhu lonena za kukula kwa ana linagamula kuti: “Mawu onyodola . . . ayenera kuchotsedwa kotheratu m’makambitsirano a anthu. Iwo kaŵirikaŵiri amakwiitsa, kuvulaza kwenikweni, ndipo samatsogolera kwenikweni ku makambitsirano opindulitsa.”

Peŵani Kulankhula Kwansontho

Nangano, bwanji ngati kulankhula mawu onyodola kwakhala chizoloŵezi? Pamenepo ndiyo nthaŵi yakuphunzira kulingalira musanalankhule. Mfumu yanzeru Solomo inati: ‘Kodi uwona munthu wansontho m’mawu ake? Ngakhale chitsiru chidzachenjera, koma ameneyo ayi.’—Miyambo 29:20.

Kulankhula kwansontho kungakhale kovulaza kwenikweni pamene kugwiritsiridwa ntchito pakati pa ziŵalo zabanja. Chifukwa ninji? “Chifukwa chakuti malingaliro awo ndiwo amakhala ndi tanthauzo kwambiri kwa inu,” akufotokoza motero Penny, wazaka 16 zakubadwa. Komabe, bukhu lakuti Raising Good Children limagwira mawu mphunzitsi John Holt, kukhala akunena kuti: “Kaŵirikaŵiri ziŵalo zabanja zimazazirana kuthetsa mkwiyo ndi kusungulumwa kwawo zimene satha kuchitira anthu ena.” Ziŵalo zabanja zimadziŵana bwino lomwe kwakuti sizimalolerana zifooko; zimakwiirana pang’onong’ono, ndiyeno pamakhala kunyozana ndi mawu onyodola.

Baibulo liri ndi chifukwa chabwino pamene limachenjeza kuti: ‘Pochuluka mawu zolakwa sizisoŵeka; koma wokhala chete achita mwanzeru.’ (Miyambo 10:19) Ziridi monga momwe Joanne wazaka 18 zakubadwa wadziŵira kuti: “Uyenera kulingalira amene ukulankhula naye ndi zimene udzanena usanalankhule.” Ngati muwona kuti mwakwiitsidwa, musafulumire kusonyeza malingaliro anu. Mmalomwake, taimani pang’ono ndi kudzifunsa kuti: ‘Kodi mawu amene ndikufuna kulankhula ali okoma mtima? Kodi ali ofunika? Kodi ndidzachita manyazi pambuyo pake ndi zimene ndidzanena?’

Mwakusankha mawu anu mosamalitsa, mukhoza kupeŵa kupweteka malingaliro a ena, ndipo mudzapeŵa kudzichititsa manyazi kosafunikira.

Pamene Inu Mwakhala Mnkhole

Koma, bwanji ngati mawu onyodola anenedwa kwa inuyo, mwinamwake ndi mabwenzi kapena anzanu akusukulu? Musanagonje ku chisonkhezero cha kubwezera, zindikirani kuti tikukhala mu ‘nthaŵi zoŵaŵitsa.’ (2 Timoteo 3:1-5) Achichepere amayang’anizana ndi zitsenderezo zazikulu. Bukhu lakuti The Loneliness of Children likunena kuti: “Ana . . . amabweretsa kusukulu malingaliro a tsankho, chidani, njiru, ndi nkhanza zomwe amaphunzitsidwa kunyumba.” Udani wotero kaŵirikaŵiri umasonyezedwa mwanjira ya kulankhula koipa.

Kudziŵa zimenezi kungakuthandizeni kupeŵa chizoloŵezi cha kubwezera pamene munyodoledwa. (Yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 19:11.) Kulinso kothandiza kukumbukira mawu a mtumwi Paulo akuti: ‘Musabwezere munthu ali yense choipa chosinthana ndi choipa.’ (Aroma 12:17) ‘Kutembenuzira tsaya lina’ kwa munthu amene wakumenyani pama mwamawu kumafunikira kudziletsa kwenikweni. (Mateyu 5:39) Koma sizimatanthauza kuti simuyenera kuchita kalikonse pamene mawu onyodola akhala kutukwana—kapena chiwopsezo. Bukhu lakuti Violence, lolembedwa ndi Irwin Kutash limanena kuti: “Zitokoso zimene sizimaletsedwa mwachipambano zikhoza kukhala ndi ziyambukiro zazikulu kwa minkhole . . . Minkhole imeneyi imakhala chandamale chosavuta cha kunyozedwanso.”

Nthaŵi zina, mikhalidwe ingalole kuti mubwezere mwamawu, osati mwakuzaza ndi mawu onyoza, koma mwakulankhula ndi wolakwayo mwamtseri m’mawu odekha ndi amtendere.a (Miyambo 15:1) Joanne anayesa motere, akuuza mnzake wam’kalasi kuti: “Sindinakonde mawu amene wanena pamaso pa kalasi. Anali ondipwetekadi.” Chotulukapo? Joanne akuti: “Chiyambire pamenepo iye akundilemekeza ndipo sananenenso chinachake.”

Komabe, David wazaka 20 zakubadwa, akutchula magwero ena a mawu opweteka, kumati: “Makolo ako ayenera kukukonda kwabasi; komabe, nthaŵi zina ndiwo amene amapereka ndemanga zopweteka koposa.” Ndithudi, kaŵirikaŵiri chimenechi chimachitidwa mosalingalira kanthu; m’kuyesera kukuwongolerani iwo akupwetekani mosadziŵa. Bwanji osayesa kulankhula ndi makolo anu ponena za icho, kuwadziŵitsa malingaliro anu? Mwinamwake adzakhala osamala ponena za malingaliro anu nthaŵi ina.

Pomalizira, zimathandiza ngati simukhala ndi nkhaŵa yaikulu ya malingaliro anu. Mkonzi Donald W. Ball akunena kuti: “Kupweteka kwa mawu onyodola . . . kuli m’kulingalira zotulukapo zake.” Inde, musakulitse nkhani mwakuganizira kuti mwakhala ndi chakukhosi chosachiritsika chifukwa cha mawu amodzi oipa. Sungani lingaliro la chisangalalo!

Komabe, njira yabwino koposa yopeŵera kukhala mnkhole wa mawu onyodola, ndiyo yakuti inuyo mupeŵe kuwagwiritsira ntchito. Lamulo Lamakhalidwe Abwino limati: ‘Zinthu zirizonse mukafuna kuti anthu achitire inu, inunso muwachitire iwo zotero.’ (Mateyu 7:12) Pamene mugwiritsira ntchito lamulo limeneli, mukhoza kupeŵa kukhala wogwiritsira ntchito—ndipo ngakhale mnkhole—wa mawu opweteka, onyodola

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 15]

Mawu onyodola akhoza kupweteka