‘Nthaŵi ya Kuchira’

Ann anali wachifundo ndi womvera mavuto a ena; wothandiza aliyense wokhala m’vuto. Wamawonekedwe okhazikika ndi opanda chifukwa, iye sanapereke chizindikiro chirichonse chakukhala ndi mabala obisika a malingaliro ovutitsa, kufikira tsiku lina pamene anayamba kukumbukira. Ann anakumbukira motere: “Ndinali kuntchito, ndipo ndinayamba kuvutika mumtima ndi kukhala ndi malingaliro a manyazi. Ndinalephereratu kuimirira! Ndinavutika kwa masiku ambiri. Kenaka ndinakumbukira za atate ŵanga opeza akundichita choipa—ndithudi, kunali kugwirira chigololo. Ndipo siinali nthaŵi yokhayo.”

PALI ‘mphindi ya kuchira.’ (Mlaliki 3:3) Ndipo kwa minkhole yambiri ya kuchitiridwa nkhanza paubwana—mofanana ndi Ann—kukumbukiranso zinthu zoiŵalika kalekale kuli mbali yofunika kwambiri ya kuchira.

Komabe, kodi ndimotani mmene aliyense angaiŵalire chinthu chovutitsa maganizo monga chiukiro chakugonana? Talingalirani mmene mwana amakhalira wopanda thandizo motsutsana ndi machitachita akufuna kugonana naye a bambo kapena mkulu wamphamvu. Iye sangathaŵe. Ndipo sangakuwe. Ndiponso sanganene—kwa aliyense! Komabe, iye adziwonanabe ndi womchitira nkhanzayo masiku onse ndi kunamizira monga palibe chimene chinachitika. Kunamizira koteroko kukakhala kovuta kwa munthu wamkulu; choncho kuli pafupifupi kosatheka kwa mwana. Motero iye amagwiritsira ntchito kuyerekezera kwakukulu kumene ana ali nako ndipo amachotsako malingaliro! Iye amanamizira monga kuti nkhanzayo siinachitike, kuiphimba kapena kusaisunga m’maganizo.

Kwenikweni, nthaŵi ndi nthaŵi, tonsefe timadziiŵalitsa zinthu zimene sitimafuna kuziwona kapena kuzimva. (Yerekezerani ndi Yeremiya 5:21.) Koma minkhole ya kuchitiridwa nkhanza imagwiritsira ntchito luso limeneli monga chiŵiya chopulumukira. Minkhole ina imasimba kuti: “Ndinayerekezera kuti chinalikuchitikira winawake ndipo ine ndinali wopenyerera.” “Ndinayerekezera kuti ndinali mtulo.” “Ndinachita masamu anga m’mutu.”—Strong at the Broken Places, lolembedwa ndi Linda T. Sanford.

Pamenepa, nkosadabwitsa kuti bukhu la Surviving Child Sexual Abuse limati: “Kumayerekezeredwa kuti pafupifupi 50 peresenti ya olaka kuchitiridwa nkhanza kwa paubwana samazindikira zochitika zimenezi.” Komabe, ena angakumbukire kuchitiridwa nkhanza kwenikweniko koma kunyalanyaza malingaliro amene kumachititsa—kupwetekedwa, ukali, manyazi.

Kulimbana kwa m’Maganizo—Kupondereza Zikumbukiro

Pamenepo, kodi sikuli bwino kuti zinthu zimenezi ziphimbidwe—kuti minkhole ingoziiŵala? Ena angasankhe kuchita tero. Koma ambiri sangathe. Ziri monga mmene Yobu 9:27, 28 amanenera kuti: “Ngati ndimwetulira ndi kuyesa kuiŵala kupweteka kwanga, kuvutika kwanga konse kumabweranso kundisautsa.” (Today’s English Version) Kupondereza zikumbukiro zowopsa kuli kuyesayesa kotopetsa kwa m’maganizo, kulimbana kumene kungakhale ndi zotulukapo zowononga thanzi.

Pamene mnkhole akukula, kaŵirikaŵiri mavuto a moyo amafooketsa kukhoza kwake kwakupondereza zakale. Fungo lamphamvu la mankhwala onunkhira, nkhope yowoneka yozoloŵereka, phokoso lodzidzimutsa, kapena ngakhale kupimidwa ndi dokotala kapena katswiri wa mano kungabutse zikumbukiro zambiri zakale ndi malingaliro.a Kodi iye sangoyenera kuyesayesa mwamphamvu kuziiŵala? Ayi, panthaŵiyi minkhole yambiri imapeza mpumulo mwa kuyesa kukumbukira! Mkazi wina wotchedwa Jill akuti: ‘Pamene zikumbukiro zakale zibwera m’maganizo, zimatha mphamvu. Kuzibisa kumakhala kopweteka ndi kowopsa kuposa kuzitaya.’

Phindu la Kuvomereza

Chifukwa ninji? Chifukwa chimodzi nchakuti, kukumbukira kumalola mnkhole kumva chisoni. Chisoni chiri kachitidwe kachibadwa ka kuvutika maganizo; kumatithandiza kuiŵala zochitika zosautsa. (Mlaliki 3:4; 7:1-3) Komabe, ngati mnkhole wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza sunapatsidwe mpata wakuchita chisoni, nakakamizidwa kubisa chokumana nacho chake chowopsa, amapangitsidwa kupondereza kupweteka kwake. Kupondereza koteroko kungatulukepo chimene adokotala amatcha posttraumatic stress disorder—mkhalidwe wosakhudzidwa m’malingaliro.—Yerekezerani ndi Salmo 143:3, 4.

Pamene zikumbukiro ziyamba kubwerera, mnkholeyo angachire ku nkhanzayo. Minkhole ina kwakanthaŵi imabwerera kumkhalidwe waubwana. “Pamene ndimakumbukira chochitika chakale,” akutero Jill, “kaŵirikaŵiri ndimakhala ndi zizindikiro zakuthupi. Nthaŵi zina zikumbukirozo zimakhala zotsendereza kwambiri, ndimadzimva monga ndikuchita misala.” Mkwiyo wapaubwana woponderezedwa kwanthaŵi yaitali tsopano ungabwere mwadzidzidzi. Sheila akuti: “Kukumbukira kumandigwetsera m’kuchita tondovi ndi mkwiyo.” Koma pansi pa mikhalidwe yapadera imeneyi mkwiyo umakhala woyenerera. Mukuchita chisoni, kusonyeza mkwiyo wolungama! Muli nako kuyenera kwa kuda machitidwe oipa ochitidwa pa inu.—Aroma 12:9.

Mnkhole wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza wina unati: “Pamene ndinali wokhoza kukumbukira bwino lomwe, ndinali ndi lingaliro lalikulu la mpumulo . . . Ndipo ndikudziŵa zimene ndinali kuchita nazo. Pamene kunali kovuta kwa ine kukumbukira, kunandikumbutsa mbali ya moyo wanga imene inakhala yosatsimikizirika chifukwa chakuti inali yosadziŵika ndi yachinsinsi.”—The Right to Innocence.

Kukumbukira kungathandizenso mnkhole kudziŵa muzu wa mavuto ake ena. “Nthaŵi zonse ndinadziŵa kuti ndinali ndi mkwiyo waukulu koma sindinadziŵe chifukwa chake,” unatero mnkhole wina wa kugonedwa ndi wachibale. Kukumbukira kumathandiza ambiri kuzindikira kuti chimene chinachitika sichinali cholakwa chawo, iwo anaukiridwa.

Ndithudi, sionse amene amakumbukira bwino nkhanza imene anachitiridwa monga momwe ena amachitira. Ndipo aphungu ambiri amavomereza kuti sikuli kofunika kuti munthu akumbukire tsatanetsatane aliyense wa nkhanza yowachitikira kotero kuti achire ku ziyambukiro zake. Kungovomereza kuti kuchitiridwa nkhanza kunachitika kungakhale sitepe lalikulu kulinga kukuchira.—Onani bokosi patsamba 9.

Kupeza Chichirikizo

Ngati ndinu mnkhole wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza yakugonedwa paubwana, musalimbane nazo nokha zikumbukiro zomabweranso. Kulankhula kumathandiza malingaliro anu. (Yerekezerani ndi Yobu 10:1; 32:20.) Ena amene ali opsinjika koposa angafune chithandizo cha sing’anga woyeneretsedwa, phungu, kapena katswiri wa maganizo. Mulimonse mmene zingakhalire, mabwenzi odalirika, mnzanu wa muukwati, ziŵalo za banja, kapena oyang’anira Achikristu omwe adzamvetsera ndi chifundo ndi ulemu angakhalenso ochirikiza.b “Chithandizo changa chachikulu ndimachipeza kwa bwenzi langa lapamtima, Julie,” anatero Janet. “Iye amandilola kulankhula mobwerezabwereza chimene ndachikumbukira. Amandilola kusonyeza malingaliro amene amatsatira. Iye amamvetsera ndipo amachitapo kanthu momvetsetsa.”

Kudalira munthu kuli nkhani yangozi, ndipo mungadzimve kukhala wosayenerera kulandira chithandizo cha winawake—kapena mungakhale wamanyazi kwambiri kulankhula ponena za nkhanza yokuchitikirani. Koma bwenzi lowona ‘linabadwira poonena tsoka’ ndipo lingakuthandizeni bwino lomwe ngati mulipatsa mpata. (Miyambo 17:17) Komabe, sankhani bwino amene mudzamuuza zamseri zanu. Phunzirani kuulula nkhaŵa zanu pang’onopang’ono. Ngati bwenzilo litsimikizira kukhala lachifundo ndi lochenjera, pamenepo mukhoza kuyesa kuliululira zowonjezereka.

Kudzisamala mwakuthupi kumathandizanso. Pumulani mokwanira. Chitani maseŵera olimbitsa thupi mwachikatikati. Tsatirani kadyedwe kabwino. Ngati kuli kotheka, peputsani moyo wanu. Khalani womasuka kulira. Vutolo lingawoneke kukhala losatha, koma m’kupita kwanthaŵi lidzatha. Kumbukirani kuti: Munapirira kuchitiridwa nkhanza pamene munali mwana wopanda thandizo—ndipo munapulumuka! Monga wamkulu, muli ndi malingaliro okuthandizani ndi nyonga zimene munalibe kalelo. (Yerekezerani ndi 1 Akorinto 13:11.) Chotero yang’anizanani ndi zikumbukiro zanu zopweteka ndipo musazilole kukuvutitsani. Dalirani pa Mulungu kuti akupatseni nyonga. Wamasalmo anati: “Mosasamala kanthu za kukula kwa nkhaŵa ya mtima wanga, zitonthozo zanu zimandikhazika mtima.”—Salmo 94:19, The New Jerusalem Bible.

Kuchotsa Liŵongo ndi Manyazi

Kuleka kudzipatsa mlandu kuli ntchito ina ya kuchira. “Ngakhale tsopano kuli kovuta kwa ine kuganiza kuti ndinali wopanda liŵongo,” akutero mnkhole wotchedwa Reba. “Ndimazizwa, kodi nchifukwa ninji sindinawakanize?”

Komabe, kumbukirani kuti ochitira nkhanza amagwiritsira ntchito njira zowopsa kwenikweni za kukakamiza: ulamuliro (‘Ndine atate wako!’), ziwopsezo (‘Ndidzakupha ngati uuza aliyense!’), kukanikiza ndi mphamvu ndipo ngakhale liŵongo (‘Ngati unena, Ine tate wako ndidzamangidwa.’). Mosiyana, ena amagwiritsira ntchito kunyengerera kapena mphatso ndi kuchita mokomera. Ena amanamizira machitachita akugonana kukhala maseŵera wamba kapena chikondi cha kholo. “Iwo anati ndichimene anthu amachita ngati akondana,” akukumbukira tero mnkhole wina. Kodi ndimotani mmene mwana wamng’ono angatsutsire machenjera achinyengo oterowo? (Yerekezerani ndi Aefeso 4:14.) Inde, wankhanzayo mouma mtima amagwiritsira ntchito chenicheni chakuti ana ali opanda thandizo, ofeŵa kugonjetsa, ‘makanda m’choipa.’—1 Akorinto 14:20.

Pamenepa, mwinamwake mufunikira kudzikumbutsa mmene munaliri wofeŵa kugonjetsedwa ndipo wopanda thandizo pamene munali mwana. Mukhoza kuyesa kuthera nthaŵi ndi ana aang’ono kapena kuyang’ana zithunzithunzi zojambulidwa pamene munali mwana. Mabwenzi ochirikiza akhozanso kuthandiza mwakukukumbutsani kuti nkhanzayo siinali mlandu wanu.

Chikhalirechobe, mkazi wina akunena kuti: “Ndimaipidwa pamene ndikumbukira malingaliro amene atate anadzutsa mwa ine.” Minkhole ina (58 peresenti m’kupenda kwina) ikukumbukira kuti inadzukidwa pamene inkachitiridwa choipa. Momvekera bwino, ichi chimawachititsa manyazi kwambiri. Komabe, bukhu lakuti Surviving Child Sexual Abuse limatikumbutsa kuti “kudzukidwa kwa thupi kuli kokha [kuvomereza] kwa thupi pamene ligwidwa kapena kukhudzidwa mwanjira yakutiyakuti” ndikuti mwana “alibe ulamuliro uliwonse pa kudzukidwa kumeneku.” Chotero wochita nkhanzayo amakhala ndi liŵongo lonse la chimene chachitika. SUNALI MLANDU WANU!

Ndiponso, khazikani mtima podziŵa kuti Mulungu amakuwonani kukhala ‘wosalakwa ndi wowona’ m’nkhaniyo. (Afilipi 2:15) M’kupita kwanthaŵi chisonkhezero chakuchita mkhalidwe wodziwononga chingazimiririke, ndipo mungaphunzire kusamalira thupi lanu.—Yerekezerani ndi Aefeso 5:29.

Kumvananso ndi Makolo Anu

Iyi ingawoneke kukhala ntchito yovuta koposa ya kuchira. Ena amapitirizabe kukhala ndi mkwiyo, malingaliro akubwezera—kapena liŵongo. Mnkhole wina wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza anati: “Ndine wopsinjika chifukwa chakuti ndimaganiza kuti Yehova amandiyembekezera kukhululukira wondichitira choipayo, ndipo sindimatha kutero.” Kumbali ina, mukhoza kukhala ndi mantha oipa akuwopa wokuchitirani nkhanzayo. Kapena mukhoza kukhala ndi malingaliro achidani kwa amayi ŵanu chifukwa chakuti ananyalanyaza kuchitiridwa nkhanza kwanu kapena anakana kapena kukwiya pamene nkhanzayo inaululidwa. “Amayi ŵanga anandiuza kuti ndinayenera kuwakomera mtima [atate],” akukumbukira tero mkazi wina mowawidwa mtima.

Kuli kwachibadwa kukhala ndi mkwiyo pamene wina avutika ndi nkhanza. Komabe, maunansi amene amamanga mabanja angakhale olimba, ndipo simungafune kuleka mayanjano onse ndi makolo anu. Mukhoza kukhala wofunitsitsa kumvananso. Komabe, zambiri zidzadalira pa mikhalidwe. Minkhole nthaŵi zina imakhululukira makolo awo—koma osati nkhanza yochitidwayo, koma kukana kuvutitsidwa ndi kuipidwa kapena kulamuliridwa ndi mantha. Pofuna kupeŵa kuvutika ndi malingaliro, ena amakhutiritsidwa ndi ‘kunena mumtima mwawo’ ndi kuiŵala za nkhaniyo.—Salmo 4:4.

Komabe, mungalingalire kuti nkhaniyo ikhoza kuthetsedwa kokha mwakuyang’anizana nawo makolo anu ndi nkhaniyo—mwaumwini, pafoni, kapena pakalata. (Yerekezerani ndi Mateyu 18:15.) Ngati nditero, khalani wotsimikiza kuti mwachira mokwanira—kapena muli ndi chichirikizo chokwanira—chakupirira ndi kukanthidwa kwa malingaliro kumene kungabukepo. Popeza kuti kupokoserana sikungathandize kwenikweni, yesani kukhala wolimba koma wodekha. (Miyambo 29:11) Mukhoza kupitiriza mwakufotokoza (1) chimene chinachitika, (2) mmene chinakuyambukirirani, ndi (3) chimene mukuyembekezera kwa iwo tsopano (monga ngati kupepesa, kukulipirirani kwa dokotala, kapena kusintha makhalidwe). Kutulutsa nkhani poyera kungathandizedi kuchotsapo malingaliro aliwonse akuti mulibe mphamvu. Ndipo kungatsegule njira kaamba ka unansi watsopano ndi makolo anu.

Mwachitsanzo, atate ŵanu angavomereze nkhanzayo, kusonyeza kuipidwa kwakukulu. Iwo angakhale anapanga kuyesayesa kowona mtima kwa kusintha, mwinamwake mwakupeza kuchiritsidwa kwa uchidakwa kapena phunziro Labaibulo. Amayi ŵanu nawonso angapemphe chikhululukiro chanu kaamba ka kulephera kwawo kukuchinjirizani. Nthaŵi zina pakhoza kukhala kumvananso kokwanira. Komabe, musadabwe ngati mudakali ndi malingaliro otsutsana mumtima mwanu ponena za makolo anu ndi kusafuna kuloŵa mwamsanga muunansi wathithithi ndi iwo. Komabe, pamlingo wochepa kwenikweni, mukhoza kuyambanso kuchita zinthu zina zoyenerera zapabanja.

Kumbali ina, kuyang’anizanako kungabutse kutsutsidwa ndi kuchitiridwa nkhanza ya kunenedwa ndi wokuchitirani choipayo ndi ziŵalo zina zabanja. Choipirapo, mukhoza kupeza kuti iye adakali chiwopsezo kwa inu. Pamenepo kukhululukira kungakhale kosayenera, unansi woyandikana ungakhale wosatheka.—Yerekezerani ndi Salmo 139:21.

Chirichonse chimene chingachitike, zingatenge nthaŵi yaikulu kuti malingaliro anu opwetekedwa athe. Mungafunikire kumadzikumbutsa kaŵirikaŵiri kuti chilungamo chomalizira chiri ndi Mulungu. (Aroma 12:19) Kulankhula zinthuzo ndi womvetsera wochirikiza kapena ngakhale kulemba malingaliro anu kungakuthandizeni kutulutsira kunja mkwiyo wanu. Ndi chithandizo cha Mulungu mukhoza kumvetsetsa ndi kulaka mkwiyo wanu. M’kupita kwanthawi, malingaliro opwetekedwa sadzalamuliranso maganizo anu.—Yerekezerani ndi Salmo 119:133.

Kuchira Kwauzimu

Tiribe malo okwanira m’magazini ano kuti tifotokoze machitidwe onse a malingaliro, mkhalidwe, ndi nkhani zauzimu zoloŵetsedwamo. Tingangonena kuti mukhoza kuchita zambiri kuti muthandize kuchira kwanu mwa ‘kukonzanso mtima wanu’ ndi mwachithandizo cha Mawu a Mulungu. (Aroma 12:2) ‘Tambalitsirani zamtsogolo; dzazani moyo wanu ndi maganizo ndi ntchito zauzimu.’—Afilipi 3:13; 4:8, 9.

Mwachitsanzo, minkhole yambiri ya kuchitiridwa nkhanza imapeza chitonthozo chachikulu mwakungoŵerenga Masalmo. Komabe, mapindu aakulu amabwera mwakugwiritsira ntchito mwakhama malamulo amakhalidwe abwino a Baibulo. M’kupita kwanthaŵi mavuto amuukwati angachepekere. (Aefeso 5:21-33) Mkhalidwe wodziwononga ukhoza kulekeka. (1 Akorinto 6:9-11) Malingaliro oipa akugonana akhoza kuchira. (Miyambo 5:15-20; 1 Akorinto 7:1-5) Mukhoza kuphunziranso kukhala wachikatikati muunansi wanu waumwini ndi kukulitsa malire amakhalidwe olimba.—Afilipi 2:4; 1 Atesalonika 4:11.

Khalani wotsimikiziridwa: Kuchira kumafuna kutsimikiza mtima ndi kuyesayesa kwakukulu! Komabe, Salmo 126:5 limatitsimikizira kuti: ‘Akubzala ndi misozi adzatuta ndi kufuula mokondwera.’ Kumbukiraninso kuti, Mulungu wowona, Yehova, ali wokondweretsedwa muubwino wanu. Iye ‘ali pafupi ndi iwo a mtima wosweka, apulumutsa iwo a mzimu wolapadi.’ (Salmo 34:18) Mnkhole wina wa kuchitiridwa nkhanza ukuti: “Pamene pomalizira pake ndinazindikira kuti Yehova anali kudziŵa malingaliro aliwonse omwe ndinali nawo ndikuti iye anasamala—kusamaladi—pomalizira pake ndinaumva mtendere mkati mwanga.”

Yehova Mulungu wathu wachikondi, amapereka zoposa mtendere wa maganizo. Iye akulonjeza dziko latsopano lolungama, m’mene adzafafaniza chikumbukiro chirichonse cha zopweteka za paubwana. (Chibvumbulutso 21:3, 4, onaninso Yesaya 65:17.) Chiyembekezo chimenechi chingakuchirikizeni ndi kukulimbitsani pamene mukupita patsogolo m’kuchira.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Bokosi patsamba 9]

Njira Zochirira

◻ Kukumbukira ndi kuvomereza nkhanzayo

◻ Kuchita chisoni ndi nkhanzayo

◻ Kulankhula zakukhosi ndi womvetsera wochirikiza

◻ Kulaka malingaliro a liŵongo ndi manyazi

◻ Kumvananso ndi makolo

◻ Kugwiritsira ntchito malamulo amakhalidwe abwino a Baibulo kuti musinthe mkhalidwe wodziwononga

◻ Kuchiritsa malingaliro oipa akugonana

◻ Kukulitsa malire aumwini abwino ndi amakhalidwe

◻ Kukulitsa unansi wathithithi ndi Mulungu ndi Akristu anzanu

[Bokosi patsamba 10]

Kukumbukiranso Zakale

Kaŵirikaŵiri zinthu zakale zimakumbukikanso pambuyo pa nyengo ya milungu, miyezi, kapena zaka, chikumbukiro chirichonse chobwera chikubweretsa vuto lakanthaŵi. Bukhu lakuti The Right to Innocence limanena kuti nthaŵi zina “mungalingalire kuti mukubwerera m’mbuyo. Ayi simukutero. Mukuwongokera. Kwenikweni, mwapeza nyonga yofunika yakuyang’anizana ndi malingaliro ovutitsa kwenikweni ndi kudziŵa zimene zikuchitika.” Komabe, ndi chifukwa chabwino, kuchira kungakhale nkhaŵa yowopsa yakanthaŵi kwa munthu.—Miyambo 18:14.

Pali zambiri zimene mungachite pakali pano kuti mukumbukirenso zinthu zakale zoiŵalika. Minkhole ina imakupeza kukhala kopindulitsa kuŵerenga kapena kumvetsera mawu a minkhole ina. Kuyang’ana pa zithunzithunzi zojambulidwa za banja ndi zinthu zimene munkachita paubwana, kuchezera malo amene munakhalako paubwana, ndi kulankhula kwa mabwenzi ochirikiza ndi ziŵalo za banja kungadzutsenso zikumbukiro. Kachitidwe ka kuzilemba kamagwira mtima kwenikweni. Minkhole ina imalemba m’magazini zonse zimene amakumbukira za kuvutika kwawo kwa maganizo. Ena amatulutsa zakukhosi kwawo zonse pakalata kwa wowachitira nkhanzayo—koma osaitumiza—imene kaŵirikaŵiri imasonkhezera zikumbukiro zawo zowonjezereka. Pemphero nalonso liri chiŵiya champhamvu chochiritsa. Mofanana ndi wamasalmo mungathe kupemphera kuti: ‘Mundiyese nimudziŵe zolingalira zanga. Ndipo mupenye ngati ndiri nawo mayendedwe oipa, nimunditsogolere pa njira yosatha.’—Salmo 139:23, 24.

[Chithunzi patsamba 8]

Kukumbukira zakale ndi kuzimvetsetsa kungakhale sitepe limodzi la kuchira