Alendo Kodi Angachite Motani?

“TAMVERANI anthuni,” anayankha motero Jaroslav wazaka 17, atatopa ndi kunyodoledwa chifukwa chokhala nzika ya ku Ukraine, “makolo anga anabwera kuno [monga] othaŵa kwawo.” Iye anafotokoza kuti iwo sanalinso nzika za dziko lakwawo ndi kuti ngakhale ngati angafune kupita, sangatero. Chochitika chimenechi, cholembedwa ndi John Brown m’bukhu lake lakuti The Un-melting Pot, chimasonyeza vuto lenileni limene osamuka ambiri ndi alendo amalimbana nalo kuti alandiridwe. Kupyolera m’mavuto amene wachichepereyu anakumana nawo, anadziŵa kuti kuyankha nzika zadziko modzimvera chisoni pamene zinamnyodola pokhala mlendo sikunamthandize. Pomalizira pake anasankha kumachita motsatira lingaliro lakuti ‘nditengeni mmene ndiriri’—ndipo zinamthandiza!

Tsankho, kukaikiridwa, ndi kusalolerana ziri zenizeni zimene alendo ayenera kuyang’anizana nazo. Koma ngati ndinu mlendo, ziripo njira zabwino zimene mungatsatire zokuthandizani kuchita ndi kusintha kumeneko.

Zolinga ndi Kaimidwe ka Maganizo

Pokhala wodziŵa bwino lomwe kuti mudzayang’anizana ndi tsankho mwina ndi kukanidwa ku malo amene mukakhalako tsopano, mukhoza kusinthanso zochitapo zanu. Rosemary, Mngelezi wosamukira ku Japani, akusimba malinga ndi chokumana nacho cha iye mwini. “Simuyenera kukwiya pamene eni dzikolo anyoza dziko lanu,” iye anachenjeza tero, nawonjezera kuti: “Kanizani chisonkhezero champhamvu chakufuna kudzichinjiriza, kuchinjiriza dziko lanu, ndi makulidwe anu. Atapatsidwa nthaŵi, anthu adzadziŵa za umunthu wanu weniweni mwa kaimidwe kanu ka maganizo ndi makhalidwe anu a tsiku ndi tsiku ndipo adzasintha tsankho lawo. Zimenezo zikhoza kutenga zaka.”

Kumbukirani, eni dziko amakhala atcheru ponena za zolinga zanu zofuna kukhalira m’dziko lawo. Wolemba nkhani za Galamukani! mu Jeremani, kumene tsopano kuli ziŵerengero zazikulu za osamuka ochokera Kum’maŵa kwa Yuropu, ananena kuti: “Vuto lakuzoloŵera moyo wa dziko latsopano limadalira pa cholinga chimene munthuyo anasamukira. Kwa amene amatero ndi chifukwa chabwino, chofuna kupanga dziko latsopano kukhala malo awo atsopano, kaŵirikaŵiri amakhala ndi chisonkhezero chofuna kuphunzira chinenerocho ndi kufunitsitsa kuzoloŵera monga momwe angakhozere. Awo amene amawona kusamuka kwawo kungokhala kwakanthaŵi kapena amene amasonkhezeredwa kwenikweni ndi malingaliro akupeza chuma, amagwiritsidwa mwala mwamsanga. Chotero samayesayesa zolimba kuti asinthe, ndipo izi zimalefula iwo eni ndi amene amachita nawo.” Ndithudi, sitikunena kuti osamukawo sayenera kubwerera kwawo ngati akukhumba kutero.

Komabe, kaimidwe ka maganizo ndi zolinga za mlendoyo zikhoza kumtheketsa kapena kumlepheretsa kuzoloŵera. Ngati ndinu mlendo, zindikirani kuti eni dziko ena, monga momwe U.S.News & World Report inanenera, amakhulupirira mwamphamvu kuti “alendo amawononga miyambo imene imagwirizanitsa mtundu pamodzi.” Koma pamene mudziwonetsa kukhala mlendo wabwino ndi wothandiza, eni dzikowo adzakulandirani mosavuta ndipo ngakhale kukhala mabwenzi anu. Monga momwe, Rosemary, wosamuka wotchulidwa poyambapo ananenera: “Amafuna kuti mukhalebe mlendo, koma amafunanso kuti mukonde zimene amakonda.”

Mavuto ena amene mudzayang’anizana nawo monga wosamuka angawonedwe pasadakhale, ndipo ngakhale kupeŵedwa, mwakudziŵa zambiri monga momwe kungathekere ponena za malo amene mufuna kukakhalako. Kuŵerenga, kuphunzira, ndi kulankhula kwa ena ponena za dzikolo, miyambo, ndi makhalidwe kungakuthandizeni kwambiri kukonzekera kukayang’anizana ndi mikhalidwe yachilendo imene mudzakumana nayo mosapeŵeka.

Ndithudi, kusamuka mwachilolezo chalamulo nkofunika kuti mupeze ulemu wa nzika za dzikolo. Anthu ambiri amawona alendo obwera m’dziko popanda chilolezo chalamulo kukhala vuto ndi chiwopsezo. Kwenikwenidi, amawonedwa kukhala ofunika ntchito zotsika, oyenera kutsenderezedwa mwankhalwe. Osamuka amene alaka mikhalidweyo amanena kuti kumathandiza kuyesetsa kutenga chilolezo chokhalira m’dziko. Pamene mufunsidwa ndi antchito oyang’anira alendo, muyenera kukhala waudongo, ndi wowoneka bwino kuti mupereke chithunzi chanu chabwino. Sonyezani mzimu wakugwirizanika. Musakhale wozembazemba.

Koma pali zambiri zimene, inu monga mlendo, mungachite kufeŵetsako vuto lakuzoloŵera m’dziko latsopano.

Kulitsani Mayanjano Anu

Chizoloŵezi chachibadwa cha alendo ambiri ndicho chakudzipatula ndikukhala okha m’midzi yawoyawo. Mwachitsanzo, mu New York City, midzi ina imakhala ndi anthu a mtundu umodzi wokha—pali Italiya wam’ngono, tauni ya Tchaina, chigawo cha Ayuda, ndi ina yambiri. M’midzi yoteroyo mumakhala mautumiki othandizana amene amapangitsa mlendo kukhala womasuka—chimenechi chiri chiyambi chabwino chofufuzira mikhalidwe yachilendo.

Mwatsoka lanji, pamenepa mpamene ena amadzipatulira ndi kudzimana mwaŵi ndi mipata imene ingawathandizedi. “Ngati kukana ndi kupeŵa miyambo ya dziko latsopano nkumene wina amakutsatira kuti achite ndi moyo . . . watsopano,” akutero magazini a Psychology of Women Quarterly, “angalemphere kuzoloŵera.”

Mosiyana, alendo ambiri okhala ndi maganizo omasuka kuyanjana ndi anthu osiyanasiyana a dzikolo amasimba kuti apindula kwambiri m’miyoyo yawo. Gulu la ophunzira Achimereka amene anathera milungu ingapo akuphunzira miyambo yosiyanasiyana ya pa chisumbu cha Guam cha ku Micronesia ananena za kukula kwa chidziŵitso chawo cha miyambo ina kumene zimenezi zinachititsa. “Mmalo mwakukuwona kukhala chiwopsezo ndimawona kusiyana kwa miyambo kukhala kosangalatsa ndi kodzutsa chikhumbo chofuna kudziŵa zambiri,” anavomereza tero wophunzira wina. Winanso anati: “Tsopano ndimawona miyambo ya kwathu ndi lingaliro labwinopo. . . . Ndimalingalira mikhalidwe ndi zinthu zimene ndinazitenga mosasamala. . . . Ndikhoza kuphunzira zambiri kwa anthu a kunoko.”

Komabe, kuti mukhale achipambano, pali zofunikira zina zimene muyenera kuzikwaniritsa.

Njira Zothandiza Kuzoloŵera

“Kuphunzira chinenero cha dziko limene musamukirako kumakupangitsani kuzoloŵera mosavuta ndi mwamsanga . . . chifukwa chakuti kumalola wosamukayo kuyanjana ndi anthu ambiri.” Amavomereza tero magazini a Psychology of Women Quarterly. Koma samalani! Kuphunzira chinenero sikosavuta. “Poyamba zinandivuta kwambiri,” akukukumbukira tero George, wosamukira ku Japani. “Amandiseka pamene ndinalakwa kunena, koma osandithandiza.” Osalefuka, George ananyamula kawailesi koyenda nako konse kumene anapita ndi kumvetsera nkhani za Chijapanizi. Iye anawonjeza kuti: “Ndinawona kuti kuŵerenga zambiri kunandithandiza kudziŵa chinenerocho.”

Chinenero cha dziko ndicho njira yodziŵira miyambo yake. Ngakhale kuti m’kupita kwanthaŵi mumachidziŵa chinenerocho, miyambo yatsopano imakhala yovuta kuizoloŵera. Mpamene pafunikira chikatikati pamenepa. Mlendo amene amafuna kukhoza ayenera kukhala wokonzekera kulimbana ndi miyambo yatsopano, koma sayeneranso kutaya umunthu wake ndi ulemu wake. Wolemba nkhani wa ku Yugoslavia Milovan Djilas ananena kuti, “munthu akhoza kusiya chirichonse—mudzi, dziko, nthaka—koma sangathe kusiya umunthu wake.” Kukhala wachikatikati motero kumakhala kovuta kwambiri.

Umodzi wa Banja

Munthu aliyense amachita mosiyana m’malo achilendo. Mosadabwitsa, anthu achikulire amapeza kuti miyambo yakwawo ndi chinenero zinakhwima kwambiri mwa iwo. Komabe, ana amazoloŵera chinenero ndi miyambo mwamsanga. Posapita nthaŵi, amayamba kukhala omasulira chinenerocho kwa makolo awo, ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri makolo amadziwona kukhala ngati ophunzira a ana awo. Kusintha kwa zinthu kumeneku kumadzetsa kusamvana m’banja. Makolo angalingalire kuti akutaya ulemu wawo, pamene kuli kwakuti ana amaipidwa pamene makolo akufuna kuti atsatire miyambo ‘yachikale.’ Chotero, kodi ndimotani mmene mabanja achilendo angachitire ndi zovuta zomawonjezereka zimenezi?

Choyamba, makolo ayenera kulingalira mmene malo atsopano amayambukirira ana awo. Izi zimatanthauza kuyesayesa kuzoloŵera mikhalidwe yatsopano pamodzi ndi ana awo—osati kufuna kuti akhale m’miyambo ina koma atsatire ina. Kuvomereza zimenezi kumafuna kulingalira kolama kwa makolo osamuka, koma kumathandiza kwambiri kuthetsa mikangano panyumba. Lamulo lamakhalidwe abwino la Baibulo limanena motere: “Nzeru imangitsa nyumba; luntha liikhazikitsa.”—Miyambo 24:3.

Mofananamo, ananso ayenera kuzindikira kuti ngakhale kuti makolo awo akuchokera ku miyambo ina, iwo aphunzira zambiri m’moyo chotero amadziŵa zambiri. Ulemu woyenera woperekedwa kwa iwo umamangirira moyo wa banja wamtendere.

Chotero, mosasamala kanthu ndi zovuta za kuzoloŵera, pali zambiri zimene inuyo, monga mlendo, mungachite kuti zinthu zikuyendereni bwino. Mpwitikizi wachichepere wotchedwa Tony, yemwe anakhala wosamuka wachipambano akunena mwachidule motere: “Ngakhale kuti ndinakumana ndi mavuto ambiri, m’kupita kwanthaŵi, ndapindula zambiri. Kudziŵa zinenero ziŵiri ndi miyambo yosiyana kwandipatsa chidziŵitso chokulirapo cha moyo.”

[Bokosi patsamba 10]

Alendo, Kodi Mungachite Motani?

Muyenera . . .

▶ kuphunzira chinenero

▶ kulandira ndi kudziŵa makhalidwe atsopano

▶ kutsatira miyambo yakumaloko

▶ kudziŵa za malo atsopano ndi kufunsa mafunso

▶ kuyesayesa kuzoloŵera pamodzi monga banja

▶ kugwirizana ndi akuluakulu aboma; yesetsani kupeza chilolezo cha boma

Simuyenera . . .

▶ kudzipatula kwa nzika za dzikolo

▶ kuwona miyambo yanu kukhala yapamwamba

▶ kuwona ndalama ndi chuma kukhala chinthu chofunika koposa m’moyo wanu

▶ kuyembekezera ana anu kumamatira ku miyambo yakwanu

▶ kunyalanyaza makolo anu chifukwa chakuti anakulira kwina

▶ kusamuka mosiyana ndi banja lanu, ngati mungakhoze kusamukira pamodzi

[Chithunzi patsamba 9]

Ngati muphunzira chinenero cha dziko lanu latsopano, mudzakulitsa mayanjano anu