Kodi Banja Lingathandize Motani?
“Choyamba munthu amamwa moŵa, ndiyeno moŵawo umafuna moŵa wina, ndipo pomalizira pake moŵawo umamwa munthuyo.”—Mwambi wa Kum’maŵa.
MUKUYENDA m’mphepete mwa dambo. Mwadzidzidzi, nthaka igumukira. Ndiyeno muyamba kumira m’matope. Pamene muyesetsa kupiripita zolimba, mpamenenso mumamkira nimumira.
Uchidakwa umamiza banja lonse m’njira yofananayo. Mkazi woikidwa muukapoloyo amachita izi ndi izi mothedwa nzeru kuyesa kusintha chidakwayo. Posonkhezeredwa ndi chikondi, amamuwopseza, koma mwamunayo amamwabe. Mkaziyo amabisa mowa wamwamunayo, koma iye amagula wina. Amambisira ndalama zake, koma iye amakabwereka kwa mabwenzi ake. Amampempha kukonda banja lake, moyo wake, ngakhale Mulungu—koma mosaphula kanthu. Pamene mkaziyo alimbikira kwambiri, mpamene banja lonselo limamka nilimira m’mavuto a uchidakwa. Kuti amthandize chidakwayo, ziŵalo zabanja ziyenera choyamba kudziŵa bwino mkhalidwe wa uchidakwa. Ziyenera kudziŵa chifukwa chake njira zina sizingagwire ntchito, ndipo ayenera kuphunzira njira zimene zimathandizadi.
Uchidakwa umaloŵetsamo zoposa kuledzera. Ndinthenda yakutengeka maganizo ndi moŵa ndi kulephera kulamulira kamwedwe. Ngakhale kuti akatswiri ambiri amavomereza kuti sungachiritsidwe, uchidakwa ukhoza kulamuliridwa mwakulekeratu kumwa.—Yerekezerani ndi Mateyu 5:29.
Nthaŵi zina mkhalidwewo ungayerekezeredwe ndi wa munthu wodwala matenda a suga. Pamene kuli kwakuti sangasinthe mkhalidwe wake, wodwala sugayo angathandize thupi lake mwakupeŵa kudya suga. Mofananamo, chidakwa sangasinthe chiyambukiro cha moŵa pa thupi lake ataumwa, koma akhoza kulamulira vutolo mwakulekeratu kumwa.
Komabe, zimenezi nzopepuka kunena osati kuchita. Chidakwa amachititsidwa khungu ndi zifukwa zodzilungamitsa. ‘Sindine wopambanitsa.’ ‘Banja langa ndilo limandichititsa kumwa moŵa.’ ‘Ndani amene sangamwe moŵa atakhala ndi bwana wovuta pantchito ngati wanga?’ Kaŵirikaŵiri zifukwa zodzilungamitsa zomwe amaperekazo zimakhala zokhutiritsa kotero kuti banja lonse limagweramo m’malingaliro ofananawo. ‘Atate ako ayenera kusangulukako ataŵeruka kuntchito.’ ‘Atate ayenera kukamwa. Amawavuta kwambiri Amayi.’ Ngakhale zivute zitani, iwo sangatchule vuto lenileni la banja lakuti: Atate ndichidakwa. Dr. Susan Forward akufotokoza kuti: “Ndiyo njira yokha yokhalira pamodzi. Mabodza, zodzikhululukira, ndi kubisa nkhani nzofala m’nyumba zimenezi.”
Ziŵalo za banja sizingathe kuchotsa chidakwayo m’matopewo pokhapo zitatulukamo izo choyamba. Ena angatsutse kuti, ‘Chidakwayo ndiye amafunikira chithandizo, osati ine!’ Koma talingalirani: Kodi malingaliro ndi zochita zanu sizimayambukiridwa kwambiri ndi khalidwe la chidakwayo? Kodi zochita zake sizimakukwiitsani, kukudandaulitsani, kukulefulani, ndi kukudetsani nkhaŵa? Kodi kaŵirikaŵiri simumakakamizika kukhala panyumba mukusamalira chidakwayo mmalo mokachita zinthu zofunika kwambiri? Pamene ziŵalo zabanja zosakhala zidakwa zichitapo kanthu kuwongolera miyoyo yawo yeniyeniyo, chidakwayo angatsatire.
Simuyenera kulandira liŵongo loikidwa pa inu. Chidakwayo anganene kuti: ‘Mukanakhala kuti mumandichitira bwino, sindikanayamba kumwa moŵa.’ “Chidakwayo amafuna kuti mukhulupirire zimenezo kotero kuti akutulireni liŵongo la kumwa kwake,” akutero phungu Toby Rice Drews. Musakhulupirire zimenezo. Chidakwa samadalira pa moŵa wokha, komanso pa anthu amene amavomereza kudzilungamitsa kwake. Chotero ziŵalo zabanja mosadziŵa zingapitirize uchidakwa wa munthuyo.
Mwambi wa Baibulo wonena za munthu waukali ungagwire ntchito kwa chidakwanso: ‘Mlekeni alipire mwini. Pakuti ukampulumutsa, udzateronso.’ (Miyambo 19:19) Inde, mlekeni chidakwayo aimbe yekha foni kwa bwana wake kumuuza chifukwa chimene sanapitire kuntchito, ayende yekha kukagona, ndi kuchotsa yekha masanzi ake. Ngati a m’banja amchitira zinthuzo, amachirikiza kumwa kwake kumene kudzamupha pomalizira pake.
Pemphani chithandizo. Nkovuta ndipo mwinamwake kosatheka kuti chiŵalo chabanja chituluke m’vutolo chokha. Mufunikira chichilikizo. Dalirani kwambiri pa mabwenzi amene sadzachirikiza kudzilungamitsa kwa chidakwayo ndi amene sadzakusiyani popanda chithandizo.
Ngati chidakwayo alandira chithandizo, muyenera kukondwera nazo zimenezo. Koma zangokhala chiyambi cha kuchira. Kudalira kwa thupi pa moŵa kungalamuliridwe m’masiku ochepa mwakuleka kumwa. Koma chiyambukiro cha moŵa pa malingaliro nchovuta kwambiri kuchithetsa.
[Bokosi patsamba 23]
Mikhalidwe Yapadera ya Zidakwa
Kutengeka maganizo ndi moŵa: Chidakwayo amakhala akulakalaka kumwa. Pamene sakumwa amakhala akulingalira za moŵa.
Kulephera Kudzilamulira: Kaŵirikaŵiri kumwa kwake kumaposa pamlingo umene amafuna, mosasamala kanthu ndi mmene angayesere kudziletsa.
Liuma: Zifukwa zodzilungamitsa zakuti (“Sindimwa ndekha,” “sindimwa nthaŵi ya ntchito,” ndi zina zotero) zimangokhala zobisira maganizo enieni a chidakwayo akuti: “Sindimafuna kalikonse kudodometsa kumwa kwanga.”
Kudzilekerera: Kukhoza ‘kumwa mowa wochuluka’ sikanthu kodzitama nako—kaŵirikaŵiri kumakhala chizindikiro choyamba cha uchidakwa.
Zotulukapo Zoipa: Zizoloŵezi zabwino sizimabutsa mavuto pa banja la munthuwe, pantchito, ndi thanzi. Uchidakwa umatero.—Miyambo 23:29-35.
Kudzilungamitsa: Chidakwa samavomereza kulakwa, amachepetsa upandu, ndipo amapereka zifukwa zodzikhululukira pamkhalidwe wake.