Chithandizo kwa Ana Achikulire a Zidakwa

“Ngati munakulira m’banja la chidakwa, muyenera kuwongolera ziphunzitso zolakwa zomwe munalandira ndi kupsinjika maganizo kumene kuleredwa mumkhalidwe wotero kunadzetsa. Simungapeŵe zimenezo.”—Dr. George W. Vroom.

MSIRIKALI wovulala kwambiri aligone pabwalo lankhondo mwazi ukuchucha. Chithandizo chiperekedwa mwamsanga, ndipo msirikali wovulalayo aperekedwa kuchipatala mofulumira. Msirikaliyo wapulumuka ndithu, koma mavuto ake adakalipo. Mabala ake ayenera kupoletsedwa, ndipo angakhale wopsinjika maganizo kwa zaka zambiri.

Kwa ana a zidakwa, panyumba pamakhala ngati bwalo lankhondo losoŵa zofunika zazikulu za moyo. Ana ena amagonedwa ndi makolo; ena amamenyedwa; ambiri samalandira chisamaliro chofunika. Mnyamata wina, polingalira za ubwana wake ananena kuti: “Mantha omwe amagwira mwanayo amafanana ndi amene amamgwira pamene amva mabomba akuphulika kapena mfuti zowombedwa pafupi ndi nyumba yawo.” Nkosadabwitsa kuti ana ambiri a zidakwa amasonyeza zizindikiro zakupsinjika maganizo zofanana ndi za amene anamenyapo nkhondo!

Zowonadi, ana ambiri amapyola m’mavuto ameneŵa ndipo pomalizira pake amachoka panyumba. Koma amakula ali osweka mtima. Ngakhale kuti kusweka mtimako sikumawonekera, kumakhalapodi ndipo nkovuta kutha mofanana ndi mavuto a msirikali wovulalayo. “Tsopano ndiri ndi zaka 60 zakubadwa,” akutero Gloria, “ndipo ndimavutikabe maganizo chifukwa cha zovuta za kubadwira m’banja la chidakwa.

Kodi nchiyani chingachitidwe kuthandiza anthu oterowo? ‘Khalani okhudzidwa ndi chisoni chawo,’ limalimbikitsa motero Baibulo. (Aroma 12:15, Phillips) Kuti munthu achite zimenezi, afunikira kuzindikira kusweka mtima kumene kaŵirikaŵiri kumachititsidwa ndi kukhala ndi chidakwa.

“Sindinakhalepo Mwana”

Mwana amafunikira kuleredwa, kusamaliridwa, ndi kutonthozedwa mosalekeza. Kaŵirikaŵiri chisamaliro choterocho chimasoŵeka m’banja la chidakwa. Nthaŵi zina pamakhala kusintha kwa ntchito, ndipo mwana ayenera kusamalira kholo. Mwachitsanzo, Albert ankapezera banja lake zofunika za moyo pamsinkhu wa zaka 14! Mmalo mwa kholo lake lomwe linali chidakwa, msungwana wotchedwa Jan ndiye ankavutika ndi ntchito zochuluka zapanyumba. Ndamenenso ankasamalira ang’ono ake—zonsezi zinayamba pamene anali kokha ndi zaka zisanu ndi chimodzi!

Ana saali achikulire, ndipo sangachite zinthu monga achikulire. Pamene ana atenga mbali za achikulire, adzakula opanda chikhutiro cha chisamaliro chapaubwana. (Yerekezerani ndi Aefeso 6:4.) Phungu wabanja John Bradshaw analemba kuti: “Amakula nakhala ndi matupi a achikulire. Amawoneka ndi kulankhula ngati achikulire, koma amakhalabe anthu opanda uchikulire amene zosoŵa zawo sizinakwaniritsidwe.” Anthu oterowo angamve monga momwe anachitira Mkristu wina yemwe anati: “Ndimavutikabe kwambiri ndi maganizo anga chifukwa chakuti sindinalandire chisamaliro chofunika pamene ndinali mwana.”

“Uyenera Kukhala Mlandu Wanga”

Pamene Robert anali ndi zaka 13 zokha, atate ŵake anamwalira pangozi. “Ndinayesa kukhala wabwino,” akukumbukira motero Robert atagwetsa nkhope. “Ndikudziŵa kuti ndinachita zinthu zomwe sanazikonde, koma sindinali mwana wopulupudza.” Robert anadzimva kukhala ndi liŵongo lalikulu kwa zaka zambiri chifukwa cha uchidakwa wa atate ŵake. Posimba zapamwambazi, Robert anali ndi zaka zakubadwa 74!

Kuli kofala kwa ana kulingalira kuti ndiwo ali ndi thayo la uchidakwa wa makolo awo. Kudzipatsa mlandu kotero kumapangitsa anawo kukhala ndi malingaliro olakwa akuti akanakhoza kusintha mkhalidwewo. Monga momwe Janice akunenera kuti: “Ndinalingalira kuti ngati ndinali mwana wabwino, atate ŵanga sakamwanso moŵa.”

Chenicheni nchakuti palibe mwana—kapena wachikulire—amene angachititse, kulamulira, kapena kuletsa munthu wina kumwa. Ngati kholo lanu ndichidakwa, mosasamala kanthu ndi zimene mungauzidwe kapena zimene munthu wina angatanthauze, inu mulibe mlandu! Ndipo pokhala munthu wachikulire, muyenera kudzipenda kuwona ngati mulidi ndi thayo kaamba ka zochita za ena ndi mkhalidwe wawo.—Yerekezerani ndi Aroma 14:12; Afilipi 2:12.

“Sindingakhulupirire Aliyense”

Kukhulupirira munthu wina kumadalira pa kuwona mtima kwake. Uchidakwa umachirikizidwa ndi kubisa nkhani ndi kudzilungamitsa.

Pamene anali wachichepere, Sara anadziŵa za uchidakwa wa atate ŵake. Komabe, amakumbukira kuti: “Ndinali kudzimva waliŵongo mwakungolingalira za liwu la chidakwa chifukwa chakuti aliyense m’banja sankalitchula.” Mofananamo, Susan akusimba chokumana nacho chake motere: “Palibe aliyense m’banja amene analankhula pazomwe zinkachitika, kupanda kwawo chimwemwe, kapena kuipidwa kwathu ndi [abambo anga opeza omwe anali chidakwa]. Ndiganiza kuti ndinaunyalanyaza dala mkhalidwewo.” Chotero, kaŵirikaŵiri uchidakwa weniweni wa kholo umabisidwa mwakubisa mavuto ake. “Ndinaphunzira kunyalanyaza zinthu mwadala chifukwa ndidawona zochuluka,” akutero Susan.

Kukhulupiririka kwa chidakwayo kumadodometsedwanso ndi mkhalidwe wake wosinthasintha. Anali wachimwemwe dzulo, koma lero wakwiya. “Sindinkadziŵa pamene mkwiyo ukayamba,” akutero Martin, mwana wachikulire wa mkazi yemwe ndichidakwa. Chidakwayo amaswa malonjezo, osati chifukwa chakusasamala, koma chabe chifukwa cha moŵa. Dr. Claudia Black akufotokoza kuti: “Kutengeka maganizo ndi kumwa kumakhala chinthu choyamba m’moyo wachidakwayo. Zotsalazo zimakhala zachiwiri.”

“Ndimabisa Malingaliro Anga”

Ngati palibe kukambitsirana malingaliro kwabwino, ana amaphunzira kuwatsekereza. Amapita kusukulu “akumwetulira pamene ali ndi chisoni,” likutero bukhu la Adult Children—The Secrets of Dysfunctional Families, ndipo samafuna kutchulira ena malingaliro awo kuwopera kuulula chinsinsi chabanja. Kunja, zonse zimakhala bwino; koma mkati mwawo, malingaliro otsekerezedwa amayamba kutukutira.

Kaŵirikaŵiri pamene munthu wakula, kuyesayesa kulikonse kubisa malingaliro mwakupereka chithunzi chakuti ‘zonse ziri bwino’ kumalephereka. Ngati munthu sanena malingaliro ake, iwo amawonekera pamene iye ayamba kusapeza bwino—ndiko kuti, pamene ayamba kudwala zironda za m’mimba, kudwaladwala mutu, ndi zina zotero. “Malingaliro anga anandiwondetsa,” akutero Shirley. “Ndinadwala matenda osiyanasiyana.” Dr. Timmen Cermak akufotokoza motere: “Ana achikulire amachita ngati kuti sakupsinjika poyesa kuchita ndi vuto lawo, koma sangazembe chibadwa popanda kuvulala. . . . Thupi limene lakhala mumkhalidwe wopsinjika kwambiri, wokwinjika kwa zaka zambiri, thanzi lake limayamba kunyonyotsoka.”

Pambuyo pa Kupyola Mavutowo

Ana achikulire a zidakwa ngolimba; kupyola kwawo mavuto akupsinjika kwapaubwana kumatsimikizira zimenezo. Koma kungopyola mavutowo sikokwanira. Iwo ayeneranso kuphunzira njira zatsopano m’maunansi a banja. Ayenera kuchitapo kanthu kuthetsa malingaliro awo a liwongo, mkwiyo, ndi kusoŵa ulemu. Ana achikulire a zidakwa ayenera kugwiritsira ntchito nyonga yawo kuvala “umunthu watsopano” umene Baibulo limatchula.—Aefeso 4:23, 24; Akolose 3:9, 10, NW.

Imeneyi sintchito yopepuka. LeRoy, mwana wachikulire wa chidakwa, anayesayesa zolimba kugwiritsira ntchito malamulo amakhalidwe abwino Abaibulo m’banja mwake kwa zaka 20. “Pamene ndinalandira uphungu wonse wachikondi wochokera ku Sosaite kudzera m’bukhu la Banja ndi zofalitsidwa zina, ndinalephera kumvetsetsa lingaliro lonselo.a Chotulukapo chinali chakuti sindinagwiritsire ntchito bwino chidziŵitsocho. . . . Mosazindikira, ndinkayesayesa kupeza malamulo ndi kuwagwiritsira ntchito mwamwambo, mofanana ndi Afarisi.”—Onani Mateyu 23:23, 24.

Kwa munthu monga LeRoy, “kukhala wachikondi” kapena “kulankhulana” kapena “kulanga ana ake” kungakhale kosakwanira. Chifukwa ninji? Chifukwa chakuti mwana wachikulire angakhale asanawonepo mikhalidwe kapena maluso ameneŵa, chotero kodi angaisonyeze kapena kuitsanzira motani? LeRoy anafunafuna uphungu kuti amvetsetse chiyambukiro cha uchidakwa wa atate ŵake. Zimenezi zinatsegula njira ya kupita patsogolo kwauzimu. “Ngakhale kuti imeneyi yakhala nthaŵi yovuta kwambiri m’moyo wanga, yakhalanso nthaŵi ya kupita patsogolo kwauzimu kokulira,” iye anatero. “Kwanthaŵi yoyamba m’moyo wanga, ndikudzimvadi kuti ndayamba kuchidziŵa bwino chikondi cha Mulungu.”—1 Yohane 5:3.

Mkazi Wachikristu wotchedwa Cheryl anapindula ndi chithandizo choperekedwa ndi wogwira ntchito zothandiza anthu wozoloŵera nkhani za uchidakwa m’banja. Analankhulanso ndi mkulu wachifundo. “Ndikokha pamene ndinaulula zinsinsi zanga zonse zochititsa manyazi mpamene ndinapeza mtendere ndi Yehova,” iye akutero. “Tsopano ndimawona Yehova monga Atate ŵanga (zimene sizinachitikepo kwa ine ndi kale lonse), ndipo sindiganizanso kuti ndine wonyengedwa chifukwa chosalandira chikondi ndi chitsogozo chofunikira kwa atate ŵanga padziko lapansi lino.”

Amy, mwana wamkazi wachikulire wa chidakwa, anapeza kuti kukalimira kukulitsa ‘chipatso cha mzimu’ kunamthandiza kwambiri. (Agalatiya 5:22, 23) Anaphunziranso kuuza mkulu wosamala za maganizo ndi malingaliro ake. “Anandikumbutsa za chivomerezo chomwe ndimafunikira,” akutero Amy, “cha Yehova Mulungu ndi Yesu Kristu. Kufunafuna chikondi ndi chivomerezo chawo sikuli kudziwononga ayi.”

Kuchira Kotheratu

Baibulo liri ndi lonjezo lolembedwa la Yesu Kristu lakuti anthu omwe amadza kwa iye ali ndi nkhaŵa zawo adzapeza mpumulo. (Mateyu 11:28-30) Ndiponso, Yehova amatchedwa ‘Mulungu wa chitonthozo chonse, wotitonthoza ife m’nsautso yathu yonse.’ (2 Akorinto 1:3, 4) Maureena akuti: “Ndamdziŵa Yehova kukhala Amene sanganditaye konse m’mavuto anga akuthupi, m’zipsinjo, kapena m’nkhaŵa zanga.”

Tikukhala m’nyengo imene Baibulo limatcha masiku otsiriza, nthaŵi imene ambiri—ngakhale mkati mwa banja—akakhala ‘amwano, opanda chikondi chachibadwidwe, ndi aukali.’ (2 Timoteo 3:2, 3) Koma Mulungu akulonjeza kuti posachedwapa adzabweretsa dziko latsopano lamtendere m’mene adzapukuta misozi yonse ndi kuchotsa chisoni. (Chivumbulutso 21:4, 5) Mkristu wina amene analeredwa m’banja lachidakwa anati: “Tikhulupirira kuti tonsefe tidzaloŵa m’dziko latsopano, m’mene Yehova yekha adzatichiritsa.”

CHOKUMANA NACHO CHA MWANA WA CHIDAKWA

“Ndine mwana wachikulire wa chidakwa. Atate ŵanga anakhala chidakwa pamene ndinali ndi zaka zakubadwa zisanu ndi zitatu. Atamwa, ankachita chiwawa. Ndimakumbukira bwino lomwe mantha omwe anagwira banja lonse. Panthaŵi imene ndinayenera kukhala mwana wachimwemwe, ndinaphunzira kubisa malingaliro, zofuna, zikhumbo, ndi zolinga zanga. Amayi ndi Atate anali otanganidwa kwambiri kusamalira vuto losatha la atate. Analibe nthaŵi yondisamalira. Ndinadzimva kukhala wopanda pake. Pamsinkhu wazaka zisanu ndi zitatu thayo lomwe ndinalilandira mokakamizika linandilanda ubwana wanga—kundichititsa kukula panthaŵi yomweyo ndi kuchita ntchito zabanja. Ubwana wanga unadodometsedwa.

“Mkhalidwe wa atate unali wochititsa manyazi kwambiri kwakuti unandiyambukira. Kuti ndichotse manyaziwo, ndinayesa kuchita zinthu bwino. Ndinachita zonse zotheka, kuyesayesa kupeza chikondi, kudziwona kukhala wosayenerera chikondi chanthaŵi zonse. Ndinali kumangochita zinthu basi, popanda kupereka malingaliro anga. Zaka zambiri pambuyo pake mwamuna wanga ndi ana anandiuza kuti ndimachita ngati makina, ongochita zomwe alamulidwa. Ndinawagwirira ntchito kwa zaka 30, kudzimana zokhumba zanga mmalo mwa iwo, kuchita zonse zotheka monga momwe ndinachitira kwa makolo anga. Koma kodi kumeneko ndiko kunali kundithokoza eti? Ayi, kunali kundivulaza ndithu!

“Pokhala wokwiya, wosokonezeka, ndi wothedwa nzeru, ndinafunitsitsa kudziŵa vuto langa. Polankhula ndi ena amene analeredwa m’mabanja a zidakwa, ndinaulula malingaliro anga ambiri omwe ndinatsekereza, zinthu zomwe sindinazikumbukire ndi kale lonse, zomwe zinandichititsa kukhala wopsinjika maganizo kaŵirikaŵiri. Kunali ngati kutula chinthu cholema, kuwonjoka kotheratu. Ha, kunali kodzetsa mpumulo chotani nanga kudziŵa kuti sindinali ndekha, kuti panalinso ena amene anali ndi mavuto ofananawo, omwe anamvetsetsa mavuto anga akuleredwa m’banja la chidakwa!

“Ndinapita ku gulu lotchedwa Adult Children of Alcoholics [ana achikulire a zidakwa] ndipo ndinayamba kugwiritsira ntchito wina wa uphungu wawo. Mabuku anandithandiza kusintha malingaliro opotoka. Ndinali kulemba malingaliro atsiku ndi tsiku kuti nditulutse malingaliro owonjezereka, malingaliro omwe anabisika kwa zaka zambiri. Ndinamvetsera ku matepi ophunzitsa za mmene munthu angadzithandizire yekha. Ndinapenyerera programu ya pa TV ya mwamuna yemwe anali mwana wachikulire wa chidakwa. Bukhu lakuti Feeling Good, la pa University of Pennsylvania School of Medicine, linandithandiza kukulitsa ulemu ndi kuwongolera kalingaliridwe kanga kopotoka.

“Kalingaliridwe kena katsopano kanadzakhala njira zothandiza, malangizo onena za mmene munthu angachitire ndi moyo ndi maunansi. Kalingaliridwe kena komwe ndinaphunzira ndi kugwiritsira ntchito ndikakuti: Zimene zinachitika kwa ife ziribe kanthu, koma mmene timawonera kapena kulingalira zimene zinachitikazo. Malingaliro sayenera kutsekerezedwa koma ayenera kupendedwa ndi kuperekedwa momangirira kapena kuiŵalidwa. Njira ina ndimawu akuti ‘tsatirani kalingaliridwe kabwinoko.’ Kubwereza kachitidwe kakutikakuti kumayambitsa kalingaliridwe katsopano.

“Chiŵiya chofunika koposa ndicho Mawu a Mulungu, Baibulo. Mothandizidwa ndi Baibulo, mipingo ya Mboni za Yehova, akulu, ndi Mboni zofikapo, ndachiritsidwa bwino koposa mwauzimu, ndipo ndaphunzira kukhala ndi chikondi chondiyenera. Ndaphunziranso kuti ndine munthu pandekha, wosiyana ndi ena onse. Chofunika koposa, ndimadziŵa kuti Yehova amandikonda, ndikuti Yesu anafera ineyo ndi ena.

“Tsopano, pambuyo pa chaka chimodzi ndi theka, ndinganene kuti ndiri bwinopo ndi 70 peresenti. Kuchira kotheratu kudzadza kokha pamene dziko latsopano lolungama la Yehova lidzatenga malo a dziko loipa liripoli ndi mulungu wake, Satana Mdyerekezi.”

MAPETO

Baibulo limati: “Uphungu wa m’mtima mwa munthu ndiwo madzi akuya; koma munthu wozindikira adzatungapo.” (Miyambo 20:5) Munthu wothandizayo ayenera kukhala waluso kuti apambane m’kutunga madzi akuya a mumtima, zinthu zimene zimavutitsa munthu wopsinjika maganizo. ‘Pochuluka aphungu’ aluso, mapindu amachulukanso. (Miyambo 11:14) Mwambi wotsatirawu umasonyezanso phindu lakupempha uphungu kwa ena: ‘Chitsulo chinola chitsulo; chomwecho munthu anola nkhope ya mnzake.’ (Miyambo 27:17) Ngati opsinjika alankhulana, ‘pangakhale kusinthana chilimbikitso pakati [pawo].’ (Aroma 1:12, NW) Ndipo pofuna kutsatira lamulo la Baibulo la ‘kulankhula motonthoza kwa miyoyo yopsinjika,’ wotonthozayo ayenera kumvetsetsa chochititsa ndi ziyambukiro za kupsinjika kwa yemwe akutonthozedwa.—1 Atesalonika 5:14, NW.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 26]

Ana ambiri a zidakwa amasonyeza zizindikiro zakupsinjika maganizo zofanana ndi za amene anamenyapo nkhondo!

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 28]

Uchidakwa umachirikizidwa ndi kubisa nkhani ndi kudzilungamitsa

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 28]

Amapita kusukulu “akumwetulira pamene ali ndi chisoni”

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 29]

“Tsopano ndimawona Yehova monga Atate wanga (zimene sizinachitikepo kwa ine ndi kale lonse)”

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 30]

Chiŵiya chofunika koposa ndicho Mawu a Mulungu, Baibulo

[Chithunzi patsamba 27]

“Malingaliro anga anandiwondetsa”