Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi Ndinakhaliranji Mwana Wamng’ono Koposa?

Mwana wamng’ono koposa kaŵirikaŵiri amalingaliridwa kukhala “kamwana” m’banja.

“Ndimada chenicheni chakuti ndiyenera kulangidwira zolakwa zimene azichemwali anga anapanga.”

“Mchimwene wanga amandimenya pamene ali ndi mavuto.”

‘NDIRI womng’ono koposa mwa ana asanu,’ akulemba motero Lilia. ‘Ndipo nzosakondweretsa. Ndimasiyidwa kaŵirikaŵiri chifukwa chakuti palibe aliyense amene amafuna kuvutitsidwa ndi “kamwana.” Abale ndi alongo anga amangoda kundisamalira. Nthaŵi zonse ndimawona kukhala mtolo. Panthaŵi zina ndimawona monga ngati kuti ndine ndekha mwana chifukwa chakuti ndiyenera kuthera nthaŵi yaitali ndikumasewera ndekha.’

Faye anali wamng’ono koposa mwa ana anayi. Iye akukumbukira kuti: “Makolo anga nthaŵi zonse anakhulupirira mawu a mwana wosinkhukirapo koposa anga. Ndipo osinkhukirapo amenewa anali ndi mabwenzi awoawo. Ndinafikira kukhala wayekha.”

Kodi ndinu mwana wamng’ono koposa m’banja lanu? Pamenepo mungakhale ndi zidandaulo zofananazo. Ena angakupeze kukhala koseketsa kudziŵa kuti ndinu “kamwana” ka m’banjalo. Koma ponena za inu, kukhala wamng’ono koposa kungakhale kosaseketsa.

Zobwevutsa za Kukhala Wamng’ono Koposa

Mwachitsanzo, kodi mumalingalira kuti mchimwene wanu kapena mchemwali wanu akupeza chiyanjo chonse? Mungakhale ndi chifukwa chabwino cholingalilira motere. M’nthaŵi za Baibulo mwana wachisamba anapeza chiyanjo chachikulu; mwana wamng’ono koposa anangotsatira kumbuyo ponena za mwaŵi ndi mathayo ena. (Yerekezerani ndi Genesis 25:31; 43:33.) Lerolino, makolo adakali ndi chikhoterero cha kukhala ndi ziyembekezo zazikulu kaamba ka mwana wawo wachisamba. Sikuli kwakuti iwo amamkonda koposa ana awo ena, koma chifukwa chakuti ali wosinkhukilirapo, iye angapatsidwe thayo la kusamalira ana anzake aang’ono koposerapowo. Ndiye woyamba kukula, ndipo monga chotulukapo, iye kaŵirikaŵiri amapatsidwa mwaŵi ndi maufulu angapo ofunikawo.

Komabe, mwana wamng’ono koposa, kaŵirikaŵiri amalingaliridwa monga “kamwana” ka m’banjalo ndipo kaŵirikaŵiri amasonyezedwa chikondi cha makolo! Mkazi wina wogwidwa mawu m’bukhu lakuti Sibling Rivalry, lolembedwa ndi Seymour V. Reit, akukumbukira kuti: “Ndinali wamng’ono koposa m’banja lathu . . . Ndinachitiridwa monga kamwana ndi kutetezeredwa kwambiri, ngakhale ndi ana anzanga osinkhukirapowo. Ndithudi ndinazikondwerera, koma ndimalingalira kuti zinandidodometsa pang’ono. Zingakhale zitandilepheretsa kukula, kuyang’anizana ndi zitokoso.”

Makolo anu angachitenso mopambanitsa poyesa kukutetezerani. Iwo angalole ana anzanu osinkhukirapowo kupita kwa mabwenzi koma angaumirire kuti inu mutsale panyumba—kapena kuti mubwerere mwamsanga kwambiri kotero kuti simukuwona chifukwa chimene mungayendere ndi iko komwe!

Pokhala muli wamng’ono koposa, mungakhalenso mkhole wa kuyerekezeredwa kwambiri kosayenera. “Pamene ndiridi m’vuto kapena ndachita kanthu kena kopusa panyumba,” anadandaula motero Karl wazaka 16 zakubadwa, “iwo adzati, ‘Alan samachita zimenezo’ kapena kuti, ‘Kodi ulekeranji kuyeretsa chipinda chako ngati Alan?’” Ndipo ngati ana anzako osinkhukawo anali ndi mkhalidwe wopandukira pausinkhu wonga wako, samala! Makolo ako angayese zolimba kutetezera mkhalidwewo kuchitikanso. “Ndimada chenicheni chakuti ndiyenera kulangidwira zolakwa zimene azichemwali anga anapanga,” akudandaula motero msungwana wina. “Kokha chifukwa chakuti mchemwali wanga anabwereka galimoto ndi kupita kumalo kwina kumene sanafunikire kupita, ine sindingathe kubwereka galimoto!”

Kulimbana ndi Ana Ena

Komabe, dandaulo lanu lalikulu koposa, lingakhale la mmene mukuchitidwira ndi ana anzanu. Iwo angasonyeze ulemu wochepa kukukhala kwanu nokha kapena zinthu zanu zaumwini. Iwo angakupangeni kukhala mkhole wosalekeza wa kuseleulidwa kapena wa kupakidwa thayo la zolephera zawo. “Mchimwene wanga amandimenya pamene ali ndi mavuto,” anadandaula motero mnyamata wina wachichepere.

Susannah wachichepereyo akutchula chimene kaŵirikaŵiri chimapangitsa mikangano ya ana yoteroyo. Iye akuti: “Ndiganiza kuti ndewu zambiri ziri kokha kulimbirana mphamvu ndi kuti ndani amene ali ndi kuyenera kwa chinthu.” Kuli kokha kwachibadwa kufuna kupeza chikondi, kuzindikiridwa, ndi chivomerezo cha kholo. Ndipo popeza kuti kuli pafupifupi kosatheka kuti makolo achitire ana awo onse mofanana, mikangano ndi mkwiyo zingayambe. Kholo la m’nthaŵi yakaleyo Yakobo “anamkonda Yosefe koposa ana ake onse.” Kodi kulabadira kwa ana anzake kunali kotani? “Ndipo anamuda iye, ndipo sanathe kulankhula ndi iye mwamtendere.” (Genesis 37:3, 4) Monga mwana wamng’ono koposa, mungapezenso mbali yokulirapo ya chisamaliro ndi chiyanjo cha makolo anu. Ngati ziri choncho, ana anzanu angakhale ankhalwe kwa inu. “Ndinalingalira kuti mng’ono wanga anapeza kanthu kalikonse kamene anafuna,” akutero msungwana wachisamba wazaka 13-19 zakubadwa wotchedwa Roseanna. “Ndinawona kuti ndinkamchitira nsanje.”

Mapindu

Mosasamala kanthu za zimenezo, kukhala mwana wamng’ono koposa kuli ndi mapindu angapo. Makolo anu angakhale ali bwino kwambiri m’zandalama koposa mmene analiri monga makolo atsopano. Inu chotero mungasangalale ndi mapindu a zinthu zakuthupi, onga kukhala ndi chipinda chanuchanu, chimene ana anzanu analibe pamene anali pausinkhu wanu. Ndipo pamene kuli kwakuti achichepere ena samafuna kuvala zovala zosiyidwa ndi ena, zovala zolandiridwa kuchokera kwa ana anzanu osinkhukirapo zingakhale zitakupangitsani kukhala ndi zovala zambiri koposa zimene ena a anzanu ali nazo!

Phindu lina ndilo chidziŵitso chimene makolo anu apeza polera ana. (Yerekezerani ndi Ahebri 5:14.) Kunena zowona, azichimwene anu ndi azichemwali anu ‘anasintha mkhalidwe wawo’ kukhala makolo. Pokhala ataphunzira m’zolakwa zawo zakale, makolo anu angakhale okhazikika kwambiri ndi otetezereka kwambiri m’mathayo awo oyenerera, osafulumira kwambiri kupanga zifunsiro zopambanitsa. Mungakhale ndi mlingo wakutiwakuti wa ufulu umene ana anzanu sanasangalale nawo pamene anali ausinkhu wanu.

Kungokhala ndi azichimwene ndi azichemwali kokhako kulinso phindu. Polingalira za nkhalwe zimene ana amachitirana, zimenezi zingakhale zovuta pang’ono kwa inu kuzikhulupirira. Komabe, ndimwakamodzikamodzi kwambiri pamene ana amadana kwenikweni. Kunena zowona, msungwana wina wazaka 13 anavomereza kuti: “Mchimwene wanga amandivutitsa nthaŵi zonse. Koma pansi pamtima ndimamkonda kwambiri.” Abale ndi alongo anu angakhale magwero a ubwenzi, mayanjano, ndi uphungu. Mwana mnzanu angatumikiredi monga chitsanzo kwa inu, makamaka ngati iye ali wowopa Mulungu. Kodi mukuloŵa m’chaka chanu choyamba cha sukulu yasekondale? Mchimwene wanu angakhoze kukuthandizani kusintha. Kodi potsirizira makolo anu akulolezani kudzola zodzoladzola? Mwinamwake mchemwali wanu angakusonyezeni mmene mungadzolere.

Mokondweretsa, bukhu lakuti Sibling Rivalry limalankhula mowonjezereka kuti: “Ana aang’ono koposa . . . amakhala ndi chikhoterero cha kukhala aubwenzi kwambiri ndi oyanja kucheza ndi anzawo kwambiri koposa ana achisamba kapena amphindikati ndipo ali otchuka ndi ana ena. Pokhala atazoloŵera kugwirira ntchito limodzi ndi kukhalira limodzi ndi ena amausinkhu osiyanasiyana, iwo samavuta kukhalira limodzi ndi anzawo kunja kwabanja.”

Kugwiritsira Ntchito Bwino Kopambana Mkhalidwe Wanu

Kodi mudakalingalirabe kuti mwana wamng’ono koposa ndiye amene amapeza zotsalilira? Eya, kungakukondweretseni kudziŵa kuti ana achisamba ndi amphindikati kaŵirikaŵiri amadandaula kwambiri kuti zabwino zawo ndizo zimene ziri pachiswe kwambiri! Pamenepa, chinthu chachikulu, sindicho pamene muli m’chimangidwe chabanja, koma ndicho zoyesayesa zimene mumapanga kugwiritsira ntchito malamulo amakhalidwe abwino Abaibulo.

Mwachitsanzo, ngati mulingalira kuti makolo anu amakhala otetezera mopambanitsa, kambitsiranani nawo nkhaniyo m’njira ya uchikulire. “Zolingalira zizimidwa popanda upo.” (Miyambo 15:22) Mwa kukhala ‘wamtendere ndi wolingalira,’ mungathe kulankhula ndi kupereka malingaliro a kulolera—mmalo mwa kudandaula pamene zinthu sizikuyenda m’njira yokusangalatsani. (Yakobo 3:17, 18) Ngati mumanidwa mwaŵi umene iwo apatsa ana anzanu osinkhukirapo, musamakalipa. Sonyezani kuti ndinu munthu wathayo ndi wokhoza mwa kuchita zonse zimene mungathe m’magawo alionse amene makolo akukupatsani.—Yerekezerani ndi Luka 16:10.

Malamulo amakhalidwe abwino Abaibulo adzakuthandizaninso kusunga mtendere ndi ana anzanu. Kodi mumafuna nthaŵi yanokha? Pamenepo gwiritsirani ntchito Lamulo Lamakhalidwe Abwino ndi kulemekeza nthaŵi yawo yaokha ndi zinthu zawo. (Mateyu 7:12) Kodi mumada kuseleulidwa? Pamenepo chitirani ana anzanu mwa “ulemu” ndi kupewa kuyamba kuwachitira chipongwe. (Aroma 12:10) Kodi mwakwiya chifukwa chakuti mumawona kuti amakunyanyalani kapena kukusiyani? Musadzibindikiritse. ‘Nenani nawo mlandu wanu,’ mukumakambitsirana zinthu mumkhalidwe wabata, wauchikulire. (Miyambo 25:9) Nthaŵi zambiri chofunika chokha ndicho kuphunzira kukhala wokhululukira. (Aefeso 4:32; Akolose 3:13; 1 Petro 4:8) Koma ngati muwona kuti mwana wina akukumenyani kapena kukutukwanani, uzani makolo anu zimene zikuchitika. Ndipanthaŵiyo pokha pamene angachite ntchito yawo ‘ya kulamulira maganizo’ ana awo.—Aefeso 6:4.

Ayi, kukhala wamng’ono koposa sikumakupangitsani kukhala “kamwana.” Ndipo sikutofunikira kupinimbiritsa kukula kwanu kwamalingaliro ndi kwauzimu. Monga mwana wamng’ono koposa, mungathe kukulitsa mkhalidwe wa chifundo, kupanda dyera, ndi kufunitsitsa kugaŵana ndi ena, luso la kugwirizana ndi ena—maphunziro amene adzakupindulitsani bwino lomwe m’zaka zirinkudza.

[Chithunzi patsamba 18]

“Kodi nchifukwa ninji ndimasiyidwa kuzosangulutsa zonse?”