Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kodi “Kupyola Malire” Nkufika Pati?

“Chonde kodi mungachenjeze anthu za maupandu a kupyola malire? . . . ‘Zochitika’ zonse ziyenera kufotokozedwa, chifukwa chakuti nzimene zimatsogolera ku chisembwere. Funso langa nlakuti, kodi malire ake ali pati?”

Zimenezo nzimene mtsikana wina anafunsa magazini onena za achichepere. Koma mwinamwake ndifunso limene nanunso muli nalo.

Ngati ndinu Mkristu, mumalabadira kwambiri mawu a pa 1 Atesalonika 4:3-6 akuti: “Pakuti ichi ndichifuniro cha Mulungu, chiyeretso chanu, kuti mudzipatule kudama; . . . asapitirireko munthu, nanyenge mbale wake mmenemo, chifukwa [Yehova, NW] ndiye wobwezera wa izi zonse.”

Chotero ngakhale kuti mungazindikire kuti kugonana kwa Akristu osakwatirana nkolakwa, mungakayikirebe ponena za mmene Mulungu amaonera kupsompsonana, kukhumbatirana, kapena kupapasana ndi munthu wosiyana naye ziŵalo.

Kodi Kuli Mbali ya Kukula?

Choyamba, ndibwino kukumbukira kuti Baibulo silimaletsa machitidwe oyenera osonyeza chikondi osadzutsa chilakolako cha kugonana. Akristu akale anali ndi machitidwe osonyeza chikondi chawo kwa wina ndi mnzake. Kunali kofala kwa iwo kupatsana moni mwa “kupsompsona kopatulika.” (Aroma 16:16; 1 Akorinto 16:20) Ngakhale amuna Achikristu okhaokha kapena akazi ankapsompsonana ndi kukhumbatirana.—Yerekezerani ndi Machitidwe 20:37.

M’zitaganya zina, kupsompsonana ndi kukhumbatirana kudakali kulingaliridwa kukhala njira zoyenera zosonyezera chikondi kwa munthu wina. Komabe, achichepere ambiri lerolino amasonyezana chikondi mwanjira zopyola malire oyenera. Kufufuza kwina kwa ku United States kunasonyeza kuti achichepere oposa aŵiri mwa atatu ananena kuti anachitapo zogwiranagwirana zophatikizapo kupapasana mbali zamtseri za thupi. Ambiri anayamba kuchita zimenezo pausinkhu waung’ono wa zaka 14. Monga momwe kufufuza kwina kunasonyezera, 49 peresenti anali atapapasana kufikira pamlingo wodzutsa chilakolako.

Ena amalungamitsa molakwa mchitidwe wa zakugonana woterowo kuti uli chabe mbali ya kukula. Malinga ndikunena kwa buku lakuti The Family Handbook of Adolescence, “kuseŵera kwa zakugonana ndi kupapasana nkofala pafupifupi kwa achichepere onse amene ali mumkhalidwe wozoloŵereka.” Anthu ena amavomerezadi kupapasana. Buku lakuti Growing Into Love, lolembedwa ndi Kathryn Burkhart, limanena kuti: “Chifukwa chakuti sikuli kugonana, kaŵirikaŵiri kupapasana kungachitidwe ndi chikumbumtima choyera ndipo kumathandiza kwambiri kutonthoza mphamvu zakugonana.”

Komabe, funso nlakuti, Kodi Mulungu amaona motani mkhalidwe woterowo?

Kodi Kupsompsona Kungatsogolere ku Chiyani?

Pamene muli mu “unamwali,” chilakolako cha kugonana chimakhala champhamvu kwambiri. (1 Akorinto 7:36) Chifukwa chake, nkwachibadwa kufuna kudziŵa mmene kupsompsona kumamvekera kapena kugwirana ndi munthu wina wosiyana naye ziŵalo. Koma buku lakuti The Family Handbook of Adolescence limanena kuti: “Mphamvu ya kugonana imayambirira kufika, mwinamwake kwa zaka zambiri munthuyo asanakhwime m’malingaliro.” Ndithudi, achichepere ambiri samazindikira bwino lomwe kuti kupsompsonana kapena kupapasana kuli ndi mphamvu yokhoza kudzutsa malingaliro amphamvu akukondana kapena chilakolako cha kugonana.

Motero, mwanzeru muyenera kulingalira za zotulukapo za kudziloŵetsa mumchitidwe wodzutsa chilakolako cha kugonana. Bwanji ngati muli wachichepere kwambiri moti simungaloŵe muukwati? Pamenepo nkupsompsonerananji kapena nkuchitiranji chilichonse mwanjira imene ikakudzutsani chilakolako cha kugonana? Zotulukapo zake za zonsezi zidzangokhala zokugwiritsani mwala. Zimenezi zili choncho chifukwa chakuti palibe njira iliyonse kwa inu monga Mkristu wowona imene mungakhutiritsire chilakolako chimenecho moyenerera—kugonana. Baibulo limanena momvekera bwino kwambiri kuti maunansi oterowo ali oyenera kokha muukwati.—1 Akorinto 6:18.

Talingaliraninso za munthu winayo, amene angadzutsidwe chilakolako chifukwa cha machitidwe anu odzutsa chilakolako cha kugonana. Kodi sichili chinyengo, ndipo ngakhale nkhanza, kupsompsona kapena kupapasa munthu amene simungakwatirane naye kapena amene simunamulingalire mwamphamvu kukhala wothekera kukwatirana naye? (Yerekezerani ndi Miyambo 26:18, 19.) Baibulo limachenjeza kuti: “Wankhanza avuta nyama yake.”—Miyambo 11:17.

Siiyenera kukhala nkhani yobisa kwa wophunzira Baibulo yakuti kugwiranagwirana kapena kupsompsonana kungadzutse chilakolako champhamvu cha kugonana. Baibulo limatiuza za kunyengedwa kwa mnyamata ndi hule. Limati: “Ndipo anagwira mnyamatayo, nampsompsona.” (Miyambo 7:13) Kupsompsona kapena kugwiranagwirana koteroko kukhoza kuchititsa winayo kudzutsidwa chilakolako mwamphamvu. Pamene kugwiranagwiranako kupitiriza, mnyamata kapena mtsikana amanyanyulidwa mowonjezereka. Kunena mosabisa, thupi limakhala likukonzekera kugonana.

Ngati aŵiriwo ali okwatirana, akhoza kukhutiritsana zilakolako zawo mwanjira yosangalatsa ndi yolemekezeka. Koma pamene anthu aŵiri osakwatirana adziloŵetsa m’maseŵera odzutsa chilakolako cha kugonana, mosakayikira pamabuka mavuto. M’kufufuza kwina, wolemba nkhani Nancy Van Pelt anapeza kuti achichepere ambiri amene anadziloŵetsapo m’machitachita a kugwiranagwirana anavomereza poyera kuti iwo ananyanyulidwa, malinga nkunena kwa iwo eni kuti, “anatengeka maganizo.” Chitsanzo ncha mtsikana wachichepere amene anatsenderezedwa kuchita zoposa zimene anachita poyamba. Ngakhale kuti sanafike pakugonana kwenikweniko, iye analola mnyamatayo kumgwira m’malo osayenerera. Iye akuti: “Tsopano ndikunyansidwa kwambiri.” Kodi chimene analola mnyamatayo kuchita kwa iye chinali cholakwa kwenikweni?

Kodi “Kupyola Malire” Nkotani?

Achichepere ena amakhulupirira kuti malinga ngati sanagonane, iwo sanapyole malire, kuti zimene amachita sizolakwa kwenikweni. Baibulo limasonyeza zosiyana nzimenezo! Pa Agalatiya 5:19-21, mtumwi Paulo ananena kuti: “Ntchito za thupi zionekera, ndizo dama, chodetsa, kukhumba zonyansa . . . iwo akuchitachita zotere sadzaloŵa Ufumu wa Mulungu.”

Kodi dama nchiyani? Liwu loyambirira Lachigiriki lotembenuzidwa kuti dama ndilo por·neiʹa. Limatanthauza mchitidwe wa kugonana wa kugwiritsira ntchito ziŵalo zogonanira kunja kwa ukwati. Mtsikana wina wogwidwa mawu mu Seventeen analola bwenzi lake lachinyamata kumtsendereza kuchita kugonana kwa kukamwa. “Ndimadziona kukhala wopusa kwenikweni,” iye anatero, “chifukwa chakuti anzanga onse amati amazichita ndi mabwenzi awo achinyamata ndipo mnyamata wanga adzandikana ngati sindichita zimenezo.” Kufufuza kukusonyeza kuti ziŵerengero zazikulu za achichepere adziloŵetsa m’chisembwere choterocho. Komabe, machitidwe oterowo alinso por·neiʹa ndipo amakwiyitsa Mulungu.

Mtumwi Paulo anagwirizanitsanso dama ndi ‘chidetso.’ Liwu loyambirira Lachigiriki, a·ka·thar·siʹa, limaphatikizapo chidetso cha mtundu uliwonse, m’mawu kapena m’machitidwe. Ndithudi kukakhala chidetso kulola manja a munthuwe kuloŵa m’zovala za wina, kuvula zovala za wina, kapena kupapasa mbali zamtseri za thupi la wina, monga maŵere. Eya, m’Baibulo kupapasa maŵere kuli pakati pa zosangulutsa zoyenerera okwatirana okha.—Miyambo 5:18, 19; yerekezerani ndi Hoseya 2:2.

Achichepere ena mouma khosi amanyalanyaza miyezo yaumulungu imeneyi. Iwo amapitirira malire mwadala, kapena mwaumbombo amapeza mabwenzi ambiri ochita nawo machitachita odetsedwa achisembwere. Chotero iwo ali ndi liŵongo la zimene mtumwi Paulo anazitcha “zonyansa.”

Mabuku osiyanasiyana amasonyeza kuti liwu loyambirira Lachigiriki lotembenuzidwa kuti “zonyansa” (a·selʹgei·a) limatanthauza ‘machitidwe onkitsa, opambanitsa, osimbwa, chilakolako chosadziletsa, ndi kunkitsa.’ Achichepere amene amachita zonyansa amafanana ndi anthu akunja amene Paulo ananena. Chifukwa cha “kuumitsa kwa mitima yawo,” iwo “sazindikiranso kanthu konse, anadzipereka okha kuti akhumbe zonyansa, kuti achite chidetso chonse muumbombo.” (Aefeso 4:17-19) Ndithudi inu mungakonde kupeŵa kutsutsidwa koteroko!

Chotero, dziŵani kuti, munthu safunikira kuchita kudziloŵetsa m’kugonana kwenikweniko kuti ‘apyole malire’ malinga ndi lingaliro la Yehova. Ngati muli wamng’ono kwambiri wosayenera kuloŵa muukwati, simuyenera konse kupapasana ndi kupsompsonana. Ndipo awo amene atomerana ayenera kusamala kuti zochita zawo zosonyezana chikondi zisakhale zonyansa. Zowona, kumamatira kumiyezo yaumulungu sikuli kofewa. Koma Mulungu pa Yesaya 48:17 amanena kuti: “Ine ndine Yehova, Mulungu wako, amene ndikuphunzitsa kupindula, amene ndikutsogolera m’njira yoyenera iwe kupitamo.”—Onaninso Agalatiya 5:16.

[Zithunzi patsamba 21]

Ngati muli wosakwatira, kudziloŵetsa m’machitidwe odzutsa chilakolako cha kugonana kungachititse kugwiritsidwa mwala ndi zoipirapo