Achichepere Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Kuseŵera ndi Chisembwere Kodi Kuli ndi Chivulazo Chotani?

“Tsiku lina bwenzi langa lachinyamata linabwera pamene amayi sanali panyumba, moyerekezera kudzangopenyerera TV basi,” Laura akukumbukira motero.a “Poyamba anangondigwira dzanja. Ndiyeno mwadzidzidzi, anayamba kundigwiragwira. Ndinachita mantha kumuletsa; ndinaganiza kuti akakwiya ndi kundisiya.”

MOTERO Laura ndi bwenzi lake lachinyamata anatenga njira imene inawaloŵetsa kwambiri mumkhalidwe wosayenera. Kupsompsonana kodzutsa nyere kunawachititsabe zosayenera koposa. Komabe, ali oŵerengeka okha amene amanyansidwa ndi khalidwelo m’dziko lamakono. Eya, kufufuza kumasonyeza kuti unyinji wa achichepere ku United States anagonanapo podzafika usinkhu wa zaka 19! Kupsompsonana kodzutsa nyere ndipo ngakhale kugwirana mbali zobisika zimaonedwa monga kungotaya chabe nthaŵi kosavulaza. Achichepere ena amadzitamandira mmene afikira patali m’kufufuza kwawo zakugonana.

Mwachisoni, achichepere ena Achikristu agwera mumkhalidwe wosayenera wotero. Iwo mwachionekere amalingalira kuti malinga ngati “sagonana,” palibe chivulazo chilichonse chimene chimakhalapo.

Chivulazo Chauzimu

Zimenezo sizoona. Baibulo limatsutsa awo amene amakhala omasuka mosayenerera kwa osiyana nawo ziwalo. Zimene ena angaone monga kuseŵera “kosavulaza” zingakhale zimene Baibulo limatcha zodetsa, kukhumba zonyansa, kapena ngakhale dama. Zimenezi zili zolakwa zazikulu zimene zingachititse wina kuchotsedwa mumpingo Wachikristu.—Agalatiya 5:19, 21.

Chotero kuseŵera ndi chisembwere sikuli chinthu choyenera kutengedwa mopepuka. Ndiko “chodetsa . . . cha thupi ndi mzimu”—chinthu chimene chingawononge kwambiri unansi wanu ndi Mulungu. (2 Akorinto 7:1) Kwakukulukulu, kungachititsedi maganizo anu ‘kuipsidwa kusiyana nako kuona mtima ndi kuyera mtima zili kwa Kristu.’ (2 Akorinto 11:3) Wachichepere amene amaloŵetsedwa m’khalidwe lopanda chiyero, kapena amene amaloŵetsamo wina, sangathe konse kusonyeza “chikondi chochokera mumtima woyera ndi chikumbumtima chokoma ndi chikhulupiriro chosanyenga” Chachikristu.—1 Timoteo 1:5, 19.

Yemwe amapyola malire posonyeza chikondi angapsinjike mtima. Zimenezi zili chifukwa chakuti, monga momwe nkhani ya m’magazini a Seventeen ikutikumbutsira, “njira zosiyanasiyana zimene anthu amakhudzirana . . . zingakhale zosangalatsa ndi zodzutsa nyere mofanana ndi kugonana.” Chotero pamene kuli kwakuti kupsompsonana ndi kugwiranagwirana kungakhale kosangalatsa mwakuthupi, atsikana makamaka angapeze kuti chochitikacho chimawasiya ali osakhutira ndi apululu mwamalingaliro. Journal of Marriage and the Family imati: “Akazi amasimba kukhala ndi malingaliro amantha, aliŵongo, oda nkhaŵa, amanyazi, ndipo ngakhale oipidwa.”

Kodi Ndicho Chikondi?

Talingalirani nkhani ya Baibulo pa Miyambo chaputala 7, imene imasimba za kukopedwa kwa mnyamata wina ndi mkazi wachiwerewere. Mkazi wachisembwere ameneyo anauza mnyamatayo kuti: “Tiye tikondwere ndi chikondano mpaka mamaŵa; tidzisangalatse ndi chiyanjo.” Mosakayikira lingaliro la kukhala wokondedwa linamveka kukhala lokopa kwa wachichepereyu. Koma kwenikweni mkazi wachiwerewereyo ‘anamkakamiza ndi kukoka kwa mawu ake, [anampatutsa] ndi kusyasyalika kwa milomo yake.’ Ayi, iye analibe chikondi chenicheni pa mnyamatayo; mnyamatayo anali wongogwiritsiridwa ntchito. Mkaziyo anangomlima pamsana.—Miyambo 7:18-21.

Mofananamo, achichepere ambiri lerolino—makamaka atsikana—amangolimidwa pamsana. Atsikana makamaka amakakamizidwa kuchita zosayenera kaŵirikaŵiri. Malinga ndi buku la The Compleat Courtship lolembedwa ndi Nancy Van Pelt, “kufufuza kwina kunasonyeza kuti njira yofala yogwiritsiridwa ntchito [ndi anyamata] njakuti: ‘Ngati undikonda, udzandilola.’” Wolembayo akunena kuti amuna akhala akugwiritsira ntchito njira imeneyi “kuyambira pachiyambi.”

Koma kodi munthu amene angakukopeni kuloŵa m’khalidwe lodetsa ndi lotsutsidwa ndi Mulungu Wamphamvuyonse angakhaledi akukusonyezani chikondi? Osati malinga ndi Mawu a Mulungu. Bukulo limatikumbutsa kuti “chikondi [chowona] . . . sichichita zosayenera.” (1 Akorinto 13:4, 5) Wolembayo Nancy Van Pelt akufunsa kuti: “Ngati wapeza zimene akufuna, kodi ndiumboni wotani umene mudzakhala nawo pambuyo pake wakuti amakukondani? Mwachionekere wangokugwiritsirani ntchito.”—Yerekezerani ndi 2 Samueli 13:15.

Pamene mnyamata akakamiza mtsikana kusatsatira chiphunzitso chake Chachikristu ndi chikumbumtima, amangosonyeza kuti kudzinenera kwake kulikonse kuti amakondadi mtsikanayo nkwabodza. Ndipo ngati mnyamatayo amadzinenera kukhala Mkristu, amangosonyeza kuti kudzinenera kwake kukhala Mkristu nkwabodza. Mtsikana amene amagonja powopsezedwa motero amalimidwa pamsana, kugwiritsiridwa ntchito, ndi kululuzidwa. Chinthu choipa koposa pamenepo nchakuti, wachita chodetsa, mwinamwake ngakhale dama, limene lili kuswa kotheratu lamulo la Mulungu.—1 Akorinto 6:9, 10.

Zowona, atsikana ena amadziloŵetsa mumkhalidwewo modzifunira. Koma kumvana kuchita chinthu cholakwika sikumachititsa chinthucho kukhala chabwino. “Ilipo njira yooneka kwa mwamuna ngati yowongoka; koma matsiriziro ake ndi njira za imfa,” pamatero pa Miyambo 14:12.

Unansi Umasweka

Ena angaganize kuti kusonyeza chikondi mwa kugwiranagwirana kumalimbitsa unansi. Komabe, kukhala womasuka mosayenerera m’zakugonana sikumalimbitsa unansi. Kumaululuza. Ndipotu, kumawononga kulemekezana ndi kudalirana. “Ndinaipidwa ndi mnyamatayo pambuyo pake,” akuvomereza motero mtsikana wina amene analoŵa m’khalidwe losayenera.

Kusoŵeka kwa kudzilamulira pachitomero kungapitirizebe kukhala ndi chiyambukiro choipa ngakhale pambuyo pakuti aŵiriwo akwatirana. Kudziletsa, kuleza mtima, ndi kupanda dyera ndizo maziko a kugonana kokhutiritsa muukwati. (1 Akorinto 7:3, 4) Koma panthaŵi ya chitomero, ena amakhazikitsa chizoloŵezi cha kugonjera chikhumbo chadyera, akumanyalanyaza kudzilamulira, ndi malingaliro a wina ndi mnzake. Zimenezi zingachititse ukwati kukhala ndi chiyambi choipa kwambiri.

Pamene kupsompsonana ndi kugwiranagwirana kodzutsa nyere kuyamba, kaŵirikaŵiri kulankhulana kwatanthauzo kumaima. Upo wofunikira—ponena za zonulirapo, zokhumba, ndi malingaliro—umaloŵedwa mmalo ndi khalidwe lodzutsa nyere lochitidwa mosalingalira. Lemba la Miyambo 15:22 limachenjeza kuti: “Zolingalira zizimidwa popanda upo.” Pokhala atalephera kuyala maziko olimba a ukwati panthaŵi ya chitomero, ambiri amakhala ogwiritsidwa mwala kwambiri ndi aliŵongo pamene afikira pa kukwatirana.

Fetsani Chilakolako Choipa

Mfundo ina yoilingalira ndiyo lamulo la mkhalidwe la Baibulo la pa Akolose 3:5 lakuti: “Chifukwa chake fetsani ziŵalozo zili padziko; dama, chidetso, chifunitso cha manyazi, chilakolako choipa, ndi chisiriro, chimene chili kupembedza mafano.” Mmalo mochepetsa “chilakolako choipa,” kupsompsonana ndi kugwiranagwirana kumangotumikira kuchikulitsa. Mnyamata wina wotchedwa Jack akuulula zimene anachita ndi mtsikana yemwe anatomera: “Poyamba tinali kumangopsompsonana basi. Komano kupsompsonanako kunadzakhala kodzutsa nyere ndi kugwiranagwirana konkitsa, panthaŵi ina tikumatsala pang’ono kuchita dama. Ndinadziŵa kuti zimene tinali kuchita sizinali zabwino malinga ndi miyezo ya Yehova.”

Wachichepere wina wotchedwa Vera, amene mofananamo anachita khalidwe losayenera lotero, akuvomereza kuti kupsompsonana ndi kugwiranagwirana kunamchititsa kufuna “kugonana.” Nthaŵi zina zimenezo ndizo zimene zimachitika kumene. Baibulo limasonyeza kuti uchimo umaumitsa chikumbumtima cha wina. (Ahebri 3:13) Pamene wina akhala ndi chizoloŵezi cha kukhala womasuka mosayenerera kwa mwamuna kapena mkazi, kuipa kungawonjezeke. Mchitidwe umodzi panjira yakukugonana umatsogolera kumchitidwe unzake. “Musanazindikire,” akuvomereza motero Laura (wotchulidwa poyamba), “mumakhala mukugwiranagwirana monkitsa. Ndipo mphindi zingapo zokha pambuyo pake mumakhala mukuchita dama. Ndizo zimene zinandichitikira.”

Nkomvetsa chisoni kuti zimenezi zachitikira achichepere ena osaŵerengeka. Mwambi wakale umachenjeza kuti: “Kodi mwamuna angatenge moto pachifuwa chake, osatentha zovala zake?” (Miyambo 6:27) Yankho nlodziŵika. Ndipo achichepere Achikristu ayenera kuona mwamphamvu chenjezo la Mulungu lakuti: “Musanyengedwe; Mulungu sanyozeka; pakuti chimene munthu achifesa, chimenenso adzachituta.”—Agalatiya 6:7.

Ndiponso, Mawu a Mulungu amati: “Wadama yense, kapena wachidetso, kapena wosirira, amene apembedza mafano, alibe choloŵa muufumu wa Kristu ndi Mulungu.” (Aefeso 5:5) Chotero, kuseŵera ndi chisembwere kuli ndi zotsatirapo zoipa ndipo kungatayitsedi Mkristu chiyembekezo chake cha moyo wamuyaya m’dziko latsopano la Mulungu.—Chivumbulutso 22:15.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 18]

Kukhala womasuka mosayenerera m’zakugonana kumaluluza unansi

[Chithunzi patsamba 17]

Kuchitira zinthu zoyenera m’gulu kumakuthandizani kupeŵa mikhalidwe imene ingakuchititseni kugonja