Kuwonongeka kwa Makhalidwe Abwino

Mamiliyoni amapitiriza kusungabe makhalidwe abwino. Mamiliyoni ena amawapondaponda.

PA KUYAMBIKA kwa zaka za zanali, makhalidwe anayamba moipa, malinga ndi kunena kwa The New Encyclopædia Britannica: “Kumapeto kwa zaka za zana la 19 ndi kuchiyambiyambi kwa zaka za zana la 20 awo amene anali apamwamba m’chitaganya anaona kusungidwa kwa zofunika zazing’ono kwambiri za makhalidwe abwino kukhala kosafunikira kwenikweni ndiponso, kwa akazi, kunali ntchito yotopetsa. Zizoloŵezi zocholoŵana kwambiri zinalinganizidwa kupereka lingaliro la kupatulika kwawo kwa atsopano m’kukhala apamwamba ndi kuchititsa apansi, osadziŵa zizoloŵezizo, kukhala otalikirana nawo.”

Zimenezo nzosiyana kwambiri ndi zimene ziyenera kukhala makhalidwe abwino. Amy Vanderbilt ali katswiri wolemekezedwa wa nkhani za makhalidwe abwino, ndipo akulemba mu New Complete Book of Etiquette kuti: “Malamulo abwino kwambiri a khalidwe amapezeka m’Chaputala 13 cha Akorinto Woyamba, mafotokozedwe abwino kwambiri a chikondi olembedwa ndi St. Paul. Malamulo ameneŵa alibe chochita ndi mbali zazing’ono za mavalidwe kapena za makhalidwe achiphamaso. Iwo amanena za malingaliro ndi mkhalidwe wa maganizo, kukoma mtima, ndi kulingalira ena.”

Zimene Amy Vanderbilt ananenazo ndizo chigawo cha m’Baibulo pa 1 Akorinto 13:4-8, pamene pamati: “Chikondi chikhala chilezere, chili chokoma mtima; chikondi sichidukidwa; chikondi sichidziŵa kudzitamanda, sichidzikuza, sichichita zosayenera, sichitsata za mwini yekha, sichipsa mtima, sichilingirira zoipa; sichikondwera ndi chinyengo, koma chikondwera ndi choonadi; chikwirira zinthu zonse, chikhulupirira zinthu zonse, chiyembekeza zinthu zonse, chipirira zinthu zonse. Chikondi sichitha nthaŵi zonse.”

Kukanakhala kwapadera chotani nanga kuona chikondi chonga chimenechi chikumasonyezedwa lerolino! Makhalidwe akanakhala abwino kulikonse! Malo oyambira kuphunzitsa ndi kuphunzira makhalidwe otero ndiwo panyumba Yachikristu. Banja lili ngati makina ofuna kuchitiridwa mosamala amene mbali zake zili zogwirizana ndi zinzake. Kuthira mafuta kwaluso ndiko kokha kumene kungawachititse kuyenda mwa myaa ndi mwadongosolo. Kudziŵa mmene ungakhalire wothandiza, waulemu, wokondweretsa, ndi wolingalira ena kudzachita zambiri m’kupangitsa banja kukhala lachimwemwe. Kuphunzira mmene unganenere mawu aulemu abwino atsiku ndi tsiku ndi kulingalira—onga akuti “Zikomo,” “Chonde,” Ndikhululukireni,” “Pepani”—kudzachita zambiri kuchotsa kusamvana kowononga m’mayanjano athu. Ameneŵa ndi mawu aang’ono koma okhala ndi matanthauzo aakulu. Aliyense angathe kuwanena mosavuta. Samafuna ndalama kwa ife, koma amatigulira mabwenzi. Ngati tisonyeza makhalidwe abwino tsiku ndi tsiku m’nyumba zathu, iwo sadzatisiya pamene tituluka m’banja ndi kukasakanikirana ndi anthu ena.

Makhalidwe abwino amaphatikizapo kuganizira za malingaliro a ena, kuwapatsa ulemu, kuwachitira monga momwe tingafunire kuti iwo atichitire. Komabe, ambiri aona kuti makhalidwe enieniwo anyonyotsoka. Wolemba nkhani wina anati: “Tikusoŵa ulemu chifukwa chakuti mkhalidwe wa kudzikonda watenga malo.” Katsiŵiri wa filosofi Arthur Schopenhauer analemba kuti: “Kudzikonda kuli chinthu choipa kwambiri kwakuti tapanga mkhalidwe wonga wa ulemu kuti tikubise.” Lerolino ambiri amakhulupirira kuti “ulemu” umatanthauza “kufooka” ndipo kuika ena patsogolo ndiko mantha. Kodi sizinali zaka khumi za ma 70 za Ine zimene zinatiloŵetsa mumkhalidwe umene ulipowu wa moyo wakuti ine choyamba? Nyuzipepala ina ya mumzinda waukulu inati: “Vutolo lafikira pa mlingo wakuti khalidwe lololeka silingafotokozedwenso kukhala lololeka.”

Daily Mail ya ku London ikusimba kuti ana aang’ono a usinkhu wa zaka zisanu akufikira kukhala andewu mowonjezereka, opanda ulemu pa zinthu za ana ena, osalemekeza achikulire, ndi ogwiritsira ntchito mawu otukwana. Aphunzitsi ambiri amene anafunsidwa akulingalira kuti makolo akuwononga ana awo ndi kuti chimenechi ndicho chochititsa chachikulu cha kuwonjezereka kwa khalidwe losayenera m’chitaganya. Pa aphunzitsi amene anafunsidwa m’kufufuza kwina, 86 peresenti anasonyeza chochititsa kukhala “kupanda miyezo yomvekera bwino ndi zofunikira pa nyumba.” Okwanira 82 peresenti akuloza pa kusoŵeka kwa chitsanzo cha makolo kukhala chochititsa. Mabanja osagwirizana, chisudzulo, kungokhalira pamodzi, kuonerera kwambiri wailesi yakanema, kusoŵeka kwa chilango, kusoŵeka kwa ziletso—zimachititsa kuwonongeka kwa banja.

Mphunzitsi wina wamkulu wa sukulu ya pulaimale anati: “Ndimada nkhaŵa kwambiri ndi kusoŵeka kwa ulemu pakati pa ana lerolino. Amaonekera kukhala osasamala ngati anyazitsa ausinkhu wawo kapena kukhumudwitsa achikulire. . . . Amasonyeza kupanda ulemu kwawo m’njira zambiri—zizindikiro zamanja zachipongwe, kutukwana, kukana kumvera malamulo osavuta . . . , kuumirira kukhala ndi mpira . . . [Kumbali ina,] ana ochokera m’mabanja ena amalemekeza ena. Iwo safunikira kukhala wapamtima wa aphunzitsi . . . , koma amachita mwaulemu kwa ena. Amayembekezera nthaŵi yawo pamene ena amaloŵera pamzera . . . Zimaonekera kaya ngati [mwanayo] anaphunzitsidwa kapena ayi.”

Mphunzitsi wina wamkulu wa sukulu ya pulaimale, wokhala m’ntchitoyo kwanthaŵi yaitali, akuwonjezera kuti: “Tikuona nkhanza yeniyeni. Pabwalo loseŵerera ana sakuonekera kukhala akuseŵera monga momwe anali kuchitira kale; amayendayenda m’timagulu tachiwawa. Amafulumira kudziŵa ofooka, ana amene sali a m’kaguluko, ana amene samavala nsapato za sneaker zokhumbika kapena majini. Amawaputa, kuwavutitsa; pali nkhanza yoipa. Tayesa kuiletsa, koma sitinakhale achipambano kwambiri.”

“Anthu ambiri amayendetsa magalimoto mwachipongwe kwambiri,” akutero Profesa Jonathan Freedman wa Columbia University. “Misewu yaikulu yakhala monga malo ankhondo.” Monthly Letter ya Royal Bank of Canada ikusimba za “kupha kosalekeza pamisewu” ndipo ikumaliza kunena kuti “chochititsa vutolo ndicho khalidwe la kupanda ulemu. Ulemu, kulingalira ena, kupirira ndi ena, kulolerana ndi kulemekeza zoyenera za munthu zimene zimapangitsa kutsungula zikusoŵa mochititsa manyazi.”

The New York Times ikufotokoza misewu ya New York City motere: “Ndi Oyendetsa Galimoto Molimbana ndi a Maambulansi.” Oyendetsa galimoto ambiri m’mzindawo akukana kupatukira galimoto zofuna kuyenda mofulumira, monga ngati maambulansi ndi galimoto zozima moto—akumawonjezeretsa ngozi yakuti munthu amene ali wodwala mwakayakaya kapena wovulala angafe chifukwa chakuti sangafikiridwe kapena kutengeredwa ku chipatala mwamsanga. Kaputeni Ellen Scibelli wa Emergency Medical Services anasimba za mwamuna wina amene anali kuyendetsa galimoto mu Pelham Parkway ku Bronx amene anakana kupatukira ambulansi yothamangira kukathandiza wodwala nthenda ya mtima. “Iye anayesa kukhala mnyamata wamwano ndipo sanapatuke, koma pamene anafika kunyumba kwake, anazindikira za mmene kunalili kopusa. Amake anali atadwala mtima ndipo ambulansiyo inali kuthamangira kwa iwo.”

The New York Times International inasimba za gulu lina la Angelezi lotchedwa Polite Society limene linapangidwa chifukwa chakuti “anthu afikiradi kukhala auchinyama kwa wina ndi mnzake, ndipo kanthu kena kayenera kuchitidwa.” M’danga lina la mu The Evening Standard, mtolankhani wa nyumba ya wailesi anasonkhezereka kudandaula kuti: “Mtundu umene panthaŵi ina unadziŵika kaamba ka ulemu wake ukukhala dziko la anthu amwano.” Kampani ina ya inshuwalensi ya ku Scotland “inanena kuti 47 peresenti ya ngozi zonse za pamsewu zingapezedwe kukhala zochititsidwa ndi kachitidwe ka kupanda ulemu.”

Wailesi yakanema yachirikiza mwamphamvu kuwonongeka kwa makhalidwe, makamaka kwa ana aang’ono ndi a zaka za 13 mpaka 19. Mmene anthu amavalira, mmene anthu amalankhulira, mmene anthu amachitira ndi maunansi aumunthu, mmene anthu mobwerezabwereza amathetsera mavuto ndi chiwawa—wailesi yakanema ndiyo mphunzitsi wake. Ngati ife ndi ana athu tionerera nthaŵi zonse maprogramu oyerekezera ndi opanda nzeru, potsirizira pake makhalidwe athu adzasonyeza mikhalidwe ya maganizo ya chipongwe, ya kupanda ulemu, ndi ya kunyodola ya anthu amene timaonererawo. Kaŵirikaŵiri makolo amasonyezedwa kukhala anthu ogona ndipo ana kukhala ochenjera.

Dziko limapeza bwino kulankhula mofuula ndi mwaukali—kudodometsa ena, kunyada chifukwa cha kulamulira ena, kudzikuza, kukhala wavoko, kusalolera, mtopola, kutokosa ena. Poyamba anthu ambiri ankanyansidwa ndi khalidwe lachipongwe, ndipo wochita chipongweyo ankanyanyalidwa ndi ena. M’chitaganya cha lerolino mchitidwe wachipongwe ungathe kuchitidwa ndipo wouchitayo wosaonedwa kukhala woipa. Ndipo ngati wina aliyense atsutsa, iyeyo angaukiridwe mwa kunenedwa kapena kumenyedwa! Achinyamata oyenda m’timagulu taphokoso amapokosera ndi mawu onyansa, zizindikiro zamanja zotukwana, akumakwiyitsa openyerera ndi khalidwe lawo lachipongwelo, zonsezo zolinganizidwa mwadala kuti anthu aone kupanduka kwawoko kouma khosi ndi kuchititsa anthu achikulire kunyansidwa ndi machitidwe a mwano wawo. Komabe, monga momwe kwanenedwera, “mwano ndiwo kuyerekezera mphamvu kwa munthu wopanda mphamvu.”

Malamulo amene anthu akonza kuti alamulire khalidwe la anthu akhoza kudzaza laibulale, komabe sanadzetse chitsogozo chimene anthu akufunikira. Kodi tidakafunikirabe ena? Kapena ochepekera? Kwanenedwa kuti pamene chitaganya chikhala chabwinopo, mpamene chimafunikiranso malamulo ochepekerapo. Bwanji ponena za lamulo limodzi lokha? Mwachitsanzo, ili lakuti: “Zinthu zilizonse mukafuna kuti anthu achitire inu, inunso muwachitire iwo zotero; pakuti icho ndicho chilamulo ndi aneneri.”—Mateyu 7:12.

Kumvera lamulo limenelo kukachotsa ambiri a mavuto amene alipo, komabe, kuti zosoŵa za chitaganya zikwaniritsidwe, lamulo lina lofunika koposa liyenera kuwonjezeredwapo: “Uzikonda [Yehova, NW] Mulungu wako ndi mtima wako wonse, ndi moyo wako wonse, ndi nzeru zako zonse, ndi mphamvu yako yonse.”—Marko 12:30.

Chitaganya cha lerolino chimanyalanyaza zofunika za Baibulo ziŵiri zonsezi kukhala zosafunika, limodzi ndi zitsogozo zina zopezeka m’Baibulo. Baibulo limanena za otero pa Yeremiya 8:9 kuti: “Anzeru ali ndi manyazi, . . . akana mau a Yehova ali nayo nzeru yotani?” Samaonanso kufunika kwa kuvomerezana kwa chitaganya pa makhalidwe oona amene mwamwambo azindikiridwa kukhala ofunika kaamba ka chitsogozo chathu. Makhalidwe awo atsopano ali njira yotakata imene imaloleza mchitidwe wina uliwonse wa njira za moyo zimene anthuwo angasankhe—njira yotakata imene Yesu anaidziŵikitsa kukhala njira yomka kuchiwonongeko—ndipo ambiri ndiwo akuilondola.—Mateyu 7:13, 14.

Chitsanzo Changwiro

Yesu Kristu, uyo “wakukhala pa chifuwa cha Atate,” ali chitsanzo chapadera choyenera kutsanziridwa. (Yohane 1:18) Pochita ndi anthu, anali wachikondi ndi wachifundo, ndiponso, wochita zinthu mwamphamvu ndi molimbika; komabe sanali wamwano konse kapena wosakoma mtima kwa aliyense. Pothirira ndemanga pa “mphatso yake yapadera ya kukhala wofikirika ndi mitundu yonse ya anthu,” buku lakuti The Man From Nazareth limasimba za Yesu kuti: “Poyera ndi mtseri momwe iye anayanjana ndi amuna ndi akazi popanda tsankhu. Iye anali womasuka kwa ana m’kupanda kwawo liwongo ndipo modabwitsadi anali womasukanso kwa anthu olanda ovutitsidwa chikumbumtima onga Zakeyo. Akazi olemekezeka apanyumba, onga Mariya ndi Marita, ankatha kulankhula naye moona mtima, komanso akazi adama apamwamba anamfunafuna popeza kuti anatsimikizira kuti akawamvetsetsa ndi kupanga naye ubwenzi . . . kusasamala kwake ziletso zimene zinamanga anthu wamba kuli umboni wina wa mtundu wa makhalidwe ake.”

Yehova Mulungu nthaŵi zonse ndi wa makhalidwe abwino pochita ndi awo amene ali pansi pake, kaŵirikaŵiri akumawonjezera pempho laulemu. Pamene anali kupereka dalitso kwa bwenzi lake Abrahamu, iye anati: “Tukulatu maso ako, nuyang’ane kuyambira kumene uliko.” Ndipo kachiŵirinso: “Tayang’anatu kumwamba, uŵerenge nyenyezi” (Genesis 13:14; 15:5) Popereka chizindikiro cha mphamvu Yake kwa Mose, Mulungu anati: “Longa dzanja lako pachifuwa pako [chonde, NW].” (Eksodo 4:6) Zaka zambiri pambuyo pake, Yehova, kupyolera mwa mneneri wake Mika, ananenadi kwa anthu ake opandukawo kuti: “Imvanitu, inu akulu a Yakobo, ndi oweruza a nyumba ya Israyeli, . . . Tamvanitu ichi, akulu . . . inu.” (Mika 3:1, 9) Pankhaniyi, kodi ‘takhala akutsanza a Mulungu’ m’kunena mwaulemu pochita ndi ena?—Aefeso 5:1.

Chotero, kodi ndi zitsogozo zotani kapena malamulo amakhalidwe amene nzeru ya dziko imapereka m’malo mwa zija za m’Baibulo zimene amakana kukhala zosavomerezedwa? Nkhani yotsatira idzafotokoza zimenezi.

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 12]

Khalidwe lololeka silingatchedwenso lololeka

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 13]

Ambulansi inali kuthamangira kwa amake

[Mawu Otsindika patsamba 14]

“Mwano ndiwo kuyerekezera mphamvu kwa munthu wopanda mphamvu”

[Mawu a Chithunzi patsamba 11]

Kulamanzere: Life; Kulamanja: Grandville