Achinyamata Akufunsa Kuti . . .

Bwanji Ngati Iye Sasonyeza Kuti Amandifuna?

“Ndine wodandaula ndipo ndasauka mtima. Mnyamatayo ndimamsirira kwambiri. Koma sindidziŵa mmene iye amaganizira za ine. Kodi nditani? Ndimuuze kuti ndikumfuna? Toto, sindingachite! Anthu aziti nchiyani?”—Huda.a

HUDA, mtsikana wa ku Lebanon, ankasirira mwamuna wina amene sankasonyezapo kuti akumfuna. Vutoli silachilendo ayi. Mtsikana winanso, wotchedwa Zeina, anali ndi vuto lofananalo. Iye akukumbukira kuti: “Ndinkamuona tsiku lililonse chifukwa tinayandikana nyumba. Anali wosiririka ndi wokongola. Ndiye ndinkamfuna.”

Eya, palibe cholakwa kusirira munthu wina—malinga ngati munthuyo ndi woti mungathe kukwatirana naye monga Mkristu. (Miyambo 5:15; 1 Akorinto 7:39) Komanso si kulakwa ngati mtsikana afuna kukwatiwa ndi kukhala ndi banja. Koma bwanji ngati mukusirira munthu wooneka kukhala woyenera koma iye sakudziŵa—kapena sakukondani—monga mmene inu mukuchitira?

Kuipa kwa Kusirira Kwambiri

Monga Huda, mukhoza kuona kuti mwasokonezeka nzeru kwambiri. Mungakhale osangalala kanthaŵi kochepa kenaka nkukhumudwa kwambiri. “Nthaŵi zina ndimadziona monga mtsikana wokondwa kwambiri m’chilengedwe chonse, ndipo nthaŵi zina monga wachisoni kwambiri,” anatero Zeina. Ngati winayo sakusonyeza kukukondani zikhoza kukupangitsani nkhaŵa, kulephera kugona usiku, ndipo mwina ngakhale kupsinjika nazo maganizo.

Pa Miyambo 13:12, Baibulo limati: “Chiyembekezo chozengereza chidwalitsa mtima.” Ndipo ngati zimene mukuyembekezazo sizikuchitika nkomwe, mukhoza kukhumudwa kwambiri! Mudzaona kuti nthaŵi zonse mukulingalira za munthuyo, muli ofunitsitsa kumva kenakake ponena za iye. Mungafunefune njira zopangitsira kuti iye akuoneni kapena kupeza zifukwa zosagwira mtima, chabe kuti mukumane naye. Ndipo mukakumana naye, mungapeze kuti mukulephera kuchita zinthu molongosoka.

Zikhoza kukhala zosokoneza kwambiri ngati munthu amene mumamsirirayo amasonyeza kuti ali nanu chidwi ndipo nthaŵi zina nkumachita ngati alibe nanu ntchito. Ndipo mukaona kuti akuchita chidwi ndi winawake kapena kumkomera mtima kaya kumlemekeza, zingakupangitseni nsanje. Baibulo limati: “Kupweteka mtima nkwa nkhanza, mkwiyo usefuka; koma ndani angalakike ndi nsanje?”—Miyambo 27:4.

Huda anavomereza kuti: “Ndinkachita nsanje kwambiri mwakuti ndikanapanda kulingalira bwino, ndikanachita misala.” Pakhozanso kukhala malingaliro akudzida. Huda anati: “Ndinkadzida ndekha chifukwa chomasirira munthu amene sankandifuna ndiponso chifukwa chodzizunza ndekha.”

Pamene kumaiko a Kumadzulo mtsikana angathe kumfikira mnyamata ndi kumuuza malingaliro ake, si atsikana onse angathe kuchita zimenezo. Ndipo pa miyambo ya m’maiko ena, zingaoneke kukhala zosayenera mwinanso zodabwitsa kuti mtsikana achite zimenezo. Nanga nchiyani chimene mungachite ngati mukusirira munthu wina amene sakukondani?

Aoneni Bwino Malingaliro Anu

Choyamba, yeserani kupenda malingaliro anu mofatsa ndi kuonetsetsa choonadi chake. Baibulo limachenjeza kuti: “Wokhulupirira mtima wakewake ali wopusa.” (Miyambo 28:26) Nchifukwa ninji? Chifukwa kaŵirikaŵiri malingaliro athu amakhala atasokonezeka. (Yeremiya 17:9) Ndipo chomwe timachiona monga chikondi kaŵirikaŵiri chimakhala chili china chake. “Ndinkafuna kusamaliridwa ndi kukondedwa,” anatero Huda. “Ndinkafuna wina azindikonda ndi kundisamalira. Chiyambire ndili mwana sindinasonyezedwepo chikondi. Zimenezi zinkandivutitsa maganizo kwambiri.” Ngati mumachokera m’banja limene mulibe chikondi ndipo muli kuchitirana nkhanza, inu mofananamo mudzalakalaka chikondi ndi kupatsidwa ulemu. Koma kodi kukhala pachibwenzi ndi munthu wina kungathandize?

Mwachisoni, anthu odandaula ndi osungulumwa kaŵirikaŵiri sakhala bwenzi labwino muukwati. Amalowa m’banja akumalingalira kuti adzapeza zimene amasoŵazo. Komabe, chimwemwe chenicheni chimapezeka mwa kupatsa, osati kulandira. (Machitidwe 20:35) Ndipo mkazi angasamale bwino banja ngati iye mwini amadziona monga wokwana ndipo ‘sapenyerera zake za iye yekha, koma amapenyereranso za mnzake.’—Afilipi 2:4.

Ngati muli ndi chilakolako kwambiri chofuna kukwatiwa, nkwapafupi kuchitapo kanthu mopambanitsa ngati wina asonyeza chidwi mwa inu. Nthaŵi zina mtsikana amalakalaka kupalidwa ubwenzi chifukwa cha anzake kapena abale ake. M’maiko ena amalimbikitsa kwambiri kuti mtsikana akwatiwe malinga akangokula kufika poti atha kukwatiwa. Buku lakuti Women in the Middle East linati: “Ngati mkazi ayandikira zaka 30 ndipo sanakwatiwe, banja lawo lonse limayamba kudera nkhaŵa.” Popeza zimenezi zimakhudza ulemu wa banjalo, tate amayesetsa kukwatitsa ana ake onse aakazi adakali ang’onoang’ono.

Komabe, mapulinsipulo a Baibulo ayenera kukhala patsogolo kuposa mwambo. Ndipo Malemba amalimbikitsa achinyamata kudikira asanakwatire kufikira ‘atapitirira pa unamwali.’ (1 Akorinto 7:36) Choncho mungatani ngati muona kuti anzanu kapena makolo anu akulimbikira mosayenera kuti mukwatiwe? Baibulo limatiuza kuti mtsikana wachisulami woopa Mulungu anauza mabwenzi ake kuti ‘asautsa, ngakhale kugalamutsa chikondi [mwa iye], mpaka chikafuna mwini.’ (Nyimbo ya Solomo 2:7) Mwinamwake nanunso mutanena molimba mtima motero zingathandize, makamaka ngati makolo anu ali oopa Mulungu.

Kudziŵa Zoona Zenizeni

Ngakhale zili choncho, komabe pambuyo pake mudzafunikira kudziwa bwino za munthu amene mukuona kuti mukumkondayo. Zimenezi zidzakhala zovuta ndipo mwina zidzakupwetekani maganizo. Koma Malemba amachenjeza kuti: “Gulani choonadi ndipo musachigulitse.” (Miyambo 23:23, NW) Dzifunseni kuti, ‘Kodi ndili ndi zifukwa zokwanira zokondera munthu ameneyu? Kodi munthuyu ndimamdziŵa bwino motani? Kodi ndimadziwapo chiyani ponena za malingaliro ake, zomwe amakonda, makhalidwe ndi zikhulupiriro zake, zomwe angathe kuchita, maluso, ndi mtundu wa moyo umene amakhala?’

Chinthu chinanso choyenera kulingalira nchakuti kaya munthuyo wasonyezapo chidwi mwa inu kapena ayi. Kaŵirikaŵiri, kukoma mtima kapena kukhala kwake waubwenzi mungakutanthauzire molakwa. “Iye ankasonyeza kukoma mtima,” anatero Huda, “koma mawu ake ndi zochita zake ndinkaziona monga ngati ali ndi chidwi mwa ine chifukwa ndizo zomwe ndinkafuna. Pamene ndinazindikira kuti analibe chidwi mwa ine, ndinaona ngati ndinapusitsidwa. Ndinaona kuti sindinkafikapo poti iye nkukhala ndi chidwi ndi ine ndi kuti panali china chake cholakwika ndi ine.”

Mwinamwake mwadzimvapo motero chifukwa cha zinthu zofanana ndi zimenezi. Komabe zindikirani kuti chifukwa chakuti sindinu osangalatsa m’maso mwa munthuyo sizitanthauza kuti mudzakhalanso osasangalatsa m’maso mwa munthu wina. Ndiponso sikuti ndi yekha mnyamata m’dzikomu!

Kuthetsa Chisonicho

Ngakhale zili choncho, zingatenge nthaŵi kuti mtima wanu ukhale pansi. Chingathandize nchiyani? Njira imodzi ndiyo kuuzako “bwenzi [lenileni, NW]”—Mkristu wachikulire amene adzakumvetserani. (Miyambo 17:17) Mwinamwake pali mayi wachikulire mumpingo amene mungathe kulankhula naye. Makolo achikristu nawonso angathe kuthandiza kwambiri. Zeina akukumbukira kuti: “Mayi wina wachikristu mumpingo wathu anaona mmene ndinkavutikira ndipo analidi wachikulire woti nkundithandiza. Ndinadzimva womasuka pamene ndinali naye ndipo ndinamuuza zonse. Anandilimbikitsa kukalankhula kwa makolo anga. Ndiye ndinakalankhula nawo, ndipo anamvetsa ndi kundithandiza.”

Kumbukiraninso kuti pemphero ndi lothandiza. (Salmo 55:22) Huda anati: “Pemphero kwa Yehova linandithandiza kuti ndipepukidwe pa madandaulo anga. Ndinaŵerenganso nkhani zothandiza m’magazini a Nsanja ya Olonda ndi Galamukani!” Kuwonjezera apo, nkwaphindu kuti musamadzipatule. (Miyambo 18:1) Khalani pamodzi ndi ena. Zeina anati: “Chinthu china chimene chinandithandiza nchakuti ndinkakhala wotangwanika ndipo ndinakhala mpainiya [mlaliki wanthaŵi zonse]. Ndinawonjezeranso kuyanjana ndi azimayi ena mumpingo. Izi zinandithandiza kupita patsogolo mwauzimu.”

Baibulo limanena za “mphindi ya kukonda,” ndipo mwina panthaŵi ina mudzapezana ndi wina amene nayenso adzakukondani. (Mlaliki 3:8) Yehova Mulungu analenga anthu ali ndi chilakolako chofuna kusangalala ndi chikondi cha muukwati, ndipo nanunso pambuyo pake mungathe kudzasangalala ndi chinthu chimene Mlengi wathu Wamkulu anaperekachi. Padakali pano, bwanji osapindula ndi zaka zanu zapaumbeta, zimene mumakhala “osadera nkhaŵa,” monga mtumwi Paulo ananenera? (1 Akorinto 7:32-34, NW) Mulimonse mmene zingakhalire, muyenera kukhala odalira kukwaniritsidwa kwa malonjezo a Baibulo: “[Yehova] muolowetsa dzanja lanu, nimukwaniritsira zamoyo zonse chokhumba chawo.”—Salmo 145:16.

[Mawu a M’munsi]

[Chithunzi patsamba 29]

Nthaŵi zina, kukoma mtima chabe mungakutanthauzire molakwa